A Happy Birthday Joke!

What do Eli Manning and the Circus have in common?

THEY BOTH HAVE MORE RINGS THAN THE EAGLES!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE SECOND BIGGEST GIANTS FAN, EVER!

Slightly Off Topic: Tony Romo's Got Bigger Problems

*There was just no nice way to write this post. I wrote it and I edited it, but it just isn't possible. Sorry.

We have seen Romo choke on several occasion, but perhaps his biggest choke-fest was when girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, attended his football game in Dallas. Romo ended the game with an awesomely low 22% passer rating. He had been averaging over 100%. (Passer ratings are not on a 0-100 scale. It is possible to get over 100 and less than 0, but don't ask me how.)

When Romo went on vacation to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on the Dallas Cowboy bye-week, before the playoffs (they went on to get their butts handed to them), some of the Cowboys referred to Jessica as a "small distraction." Well, they won't be calling her that anymore.

No, Tony and Jessica didn't break up. She just is still a distraction...it is the "small" part that no longer applies.

This weekend Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson were 5 blocks from my house, where Jessica performed at the Kiss Country Chili Cook off. Headlines say she, "showed off her new curves." By curves, they mean fat.




What does Jess have to say about her new LBS?
"Do you think the guys in here are all really looking at all those skinny girls and thinking, Wow, I want to get with her? Or are they looking at the girls with the curves and thinking, Yeah, I want to get with her!"

Gee Jess, I don't know. Let's see what you looked like when Tony said "I want to get with her!"


Yeah, you know what, Jess. You are right. People love you for your witty banter and unparallelled talent. You've got nothing to worry about. I am sure everyone remember what music video this was for...



And just think, now Tony can practice plays in the yard and it will be just like getting hit in a real game.


Plus, it is good news for the rest of us. There is no chance we have to suffer through Jessica's acting in a Dukes of Hazzard II, because she's not putting this in Daisy Dukes.


But perhaps the best news, my chances with Tony Romo have increased by at least a 15lb edge! (He doesn't need to know that I hate the Cowboys!)

Tony, next time you are in town....



*Okay, before you start sending the emails about how I am objectifying women and how I should be ashamed of myself. (yes, I got a few of those regarding the category post- I ignored them). I didn't objectify her, she did! Her fame and identity is based completely on the way she looks, so now it is completely hilarious that she would say she, "doesn't understand the needing to be skinny thing" because she's fat! So lighten up and laugh. Thanks!


And I know that she is not THAT fat. But again, her identity is based on being skinny!!!

Steeler Mania P.S.

P.S. (See, And I thought No one Cared About this years Super Bowl)
I guess this didn't need to be a completely separate post, but a few of you are missing, the insanity of the 'Steeler church video.' I find it important, as the director of your attention to sports absurdities (not my official title), to illustrate this for you.

It is obvious that they are in a church, singing about the Steelers. A church is, a building for public, especially Christian, worship of religion. I understand that they are just singing and at least they didn't break out chicken wings and beer while watching a projection of the game on the altar.

Clearly, they are holding back. And I guess, I can see how some might say that to them, football is a religion. Those people, however, probably don't go to church (other than to pray for the Steelers), so they wouldn't know that the song they are singing is actually, "Jesus, We Adore You." Yes, they have actually replaced Jesus with Steelers...and they did it in a church!

"This week instead of Jesus Christ, we will be worshipping the Steelers. If you would all open your Sports Illustrated, we will now have a reading from the Book of Palamalu."


I am not offended by the Steelers, I am sure God has a sense of humor, look at the Eagles' trophy case!

(Nope, making fun of the Eagles never gets old!)

I am simply pointing out the absurdity of it all! Can you see it now?


In case you don't understand the 'reading,' watch Larry Johnson tackle Troy Palomalu by his hair and then pull him back up by it. (Make sure you watch the replay!)

And I thought No one cared about this years Super Bowl

*This was posted twice and the other copy removed because it was 'defective.'

What better way to honor your team going to the Super Bowl, than to create a song or parody or six? Steeler fans are a very special breed, but lucky for them they were born on the west side of PA or they might have been Eagle fans. (What would they sing about then?)"We've got no ring, our quarter back's old, we're never goin to the Suuuper Bowl!" (sung to the beat of the Steelers Super Bowl song....I should clarify...the FIRST Steeler song, found below)

Okay, this first one is good! Very catchy...even though I am pulling for the Cards, I find myself singing "Pittsburgh's going to the Superbowl," randomly. Actually, I may put this on my ipod. This is an awesome song and they changed it slightly from their last visit to the Superbowl so that it would be accurate. After all, what kind of fan would recycle the same song? Gees! (See end of post for their 5th Super Bowl addition).



That was good, admit it. However, here is where Steeler's fans reach genius status.



And I thought this is where Steeler's fans offended Jesus...


(Lord drop kick the Steelers through the goal posts tonight? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?)

But then, I saw this....IN A CHURCH!


In a church? Seriously?

This one is just stupid. They can't all be winners. I like how this one has credits though, so that other Steeler fans know who wrote this crappy song and shamed the Steeler song genre...



Steeler fans make my life easy. No photoshop, no jokes to come up with...amazing.
I guess you have got to come up with something, when you are following the MOST WATCHED CHAMPIONSHIP GAME IN SPORTS HISTORY! Go, G-men!....oops! I mean, CARDS!


Last Super Bowl visit, this was the Steeler's song, which they remixed this season to be the first one on this page.

San Francisco Cowboys? 49ers have offensive, offensive plans

Vick isn't to be released from prison until July, but the 49ers are rumored to be “licking their chops” at the thought of adding a felon to their roster. Come on, guys! Even Detroit isn’t that desperate.

After his involvement with, 'Bad Newz Kennels,' a dog fighting ring, including accusations of electrocuting dogs and throwing runt puppies against concrete, Vick became a criminal, even the Dallas Cowgirls wouldn’t touch!



And apparently, the 49ers have learned nothing from the Cowgirls and the PacMan Jones fiasco. Pac Man was released by Dallas, after they discovered his further involvement in an Atlanta strip club shooting. Pac Man served a one year suspension for his involvement, prior to signing as with Dallas and served yet another suspension, almost immediately upon his return to the NFL. Once a criminal, always a criminal and even the Dallas Cowgirls have standards. (Pretty low ones, but standards, none the less).

However, the 49er's quarterback situation has become so desperate they are considering signing Michael Vick as QB-1 upon his release from Federal custody...
HE IS STILL IN JAIL!!! And you wonder why these guys don’t learn.

You would think that, the 49ers would have some sympathy for the poor dogs, who were victims of Michael Vick. After all, who would know better the San Fran, what it is like to be surrounded by chanting crowds, while consistently being forced to compete against bigger and better opponents every week, where their only hope is that their opponent will tire themselves out before they got beat up too badly.



Well, maybe it is only fair that Vick get beat up on every week and learn what it feels like to be “defenseless.”

What do football fans have to say about the possible return of the puppy killing predator to the NFL?

49ers fans are unhappy, to say the least: “I am a die-hard 49er fan and if they sign this piece of garbage, scumbag I will never root for them, again. I always thought my worse nightmare would be the Cleveland Indians signing Barry Bonds. I was wrong this is way worse. Die hard 49er fan since 1982 and it all ends in 2009 if they sign this thug.”

Raider fans, however: “If we didn’t have Jamarcus Russell, I wouldn’t mind Michael Vick being a Raider. People are tripping over Michael Vick fighting dogs. DOGS PEOPLE! Yes it is wrong but it’s not like he was selling drugs are anything. He just made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes.”

*There are several things wrong with that. First, the Raiders have fans? Are these fans in Oakland or Los Angeles? Second, I am sorry, but did you imply the Jamarcus Russell is a quality quarterback? (I am actually starting to feel sorry for this idiot, if he has pinned his hopes on Jamarcus Russell). Third, yes, people do make mistakes, perhaps like when you said, “it’s not like he was selling drugs are anything” you really meant to say, “OR anything.” That is a mistake. Killing dogs for sport and entertainment is not a mistake. It’s a freakin’ crime and in case you were wondering, it is a greater offense than selling drugs (of course, that also depends on the quantity and quality of said drugs). Wow! Raiders fans everywhere (or in the limited areas in which they may exist) are shaking their heads with shame at you…and this is after the Raiders finished the season 5-11 (you can thank Jay Cutler for one of those!). The only things worse than going with the '9ers would be ending up a Raider. No one wants that!


And perhaps the most appalling of Mr. Raider-fan's comments was, the he implied that fighting dogs was not a big deal because they were 'DOGS PEOPLE!' Exactly, they were dogs. Animals that would be family pets if not for Michael Vick throwing their runt puppies against a concrete floor until they stopped seizing or electrocuting dogs who had lost fights, after he had already forced them to fight for their lives by clawing and biting to death one of their own kind. He wasn't killing animals for food or survival but for fun and in a sick inhumane manner. Where do people like this guy come from? (He thinks that selling drugs is worse!) Have you ever seen a dog after as Michael Vick's "pet?"



Poor pup! And don't give me the "Pit bull's are vicious" shenanigans. They don't maul each other to death, unless you force them to, for their own survival. They are vicious because a****** like Vick force them to be. Look at this guy. He looks real scary, doesn't he?



Yeah, looks like he is going to eat that baby any second, right? Regardless, I would trust a Pit bull with my baby before I trusted Michael Vick....with my football team!

Seriously, who are you gonna trust?

These cute little guys....


Or this guy?


*One of those pictures may have been altered to skew your opinion.

But one thing you do know is, never trust a Raider fan!

"Fantasy" Football Potential Draftee #4 & 5: Special 2 for 1 Addition

If I can’t watch the Giants win, I wanna see the Eagles lose! And this week, I owe that to the Arizona Cardinals. While enjoying the demise of McNabb and the Filthadelphia Eagles, I noticed 2 draft worthy men on the field. Check ‘em out!

Draftee #4: More Men Should be Like, Adrian Wilson



ADRIAN WILSON
NFL TEAM: Arizona Cardinals
POSITION: Strong Safety (no, there is no such thing as “weak safety”)
AGE: 29
HEIGHT: 6'3"
WEIGHT: 230 lbs

More Men should be like Adrian Wilson. Not only because he is my first-ever, non-quarterback draftee, but because he’s loyal and doesn't just look for what's "easy."

Wilson was a strong safety for NC State and he was drafted in the 3rd round of the NFL draft by the Arizona Cardinals. He is now the longest tenured Arizona Cardinal, ever. When asked about spending 8 years with the Cards, Wilson said, “I would never abandon my team because they were losing…even if it means I never go to the Super Bowl!” Wilson stood by his team, who hasn’t seen the Super Bowl in 61 years, even though it would be easier to jump to a team, which was well on their way. So now, it is that much sweeter for Adrian, to be hoping a plane to Tampa, with the team that believed in him and he believed in, when no one else did.

Those of you wondering if Adrian Wilson had no choice but to be a Cardinal… After returning both a recovered fumble and interception, he is the first defensive player in NFL history with two touchdowns of 99+ yards in the same season; also only NFL player ever with multiple 99-yarders without the benefit of a kickoff return. He led the Cardinals in interceptions, forced fumbles, fumble recoveries, tackles for a loss and was third in tackles and fourth in sacks. His 8.0 sacks in 2005 were the most in NFL history by a defensive back since sacks became an official statistic in 1982 and also led the team. And ADRIAN OPTED NOT TO BECOME AN UNRESTRICTED FREE AGENT and stood by his Arizona Cardinals.

During Adrian’s post-game interview this Sunday, a tear streamed from his eye and he said, “we have been through so much together…”


Wilson gets drafted for his loyalty, faith, perseverance and commitment to his team, where most men would simply take the “easy way.” Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit.

But just like everyone else, there is another side to Adrian Wilson…THE BACK SIDE!


Draftee #5: Kurt “I used to be a NY GIANT” Warner

KURT WARNER
NFL TEAM: Arizona Cardinals
POSITION: Quarterback (“Ladies, Matt Leinert carries my clipboard!”)
AGE: 37
HEIGHT: 6’2”
WEIGHT: 220lbs.

Kurt Warner is a complicated man and as incredibly persistant as his teammate. After his college career at Northern Iowa, he attended the Green Bay Packers training camp, but was released before the regular season. He worked as a stock boy at a local grocery store, while trying to get noticed. With no NFL teams willing to give him a chance, he signed with the Iowa Barnstormers in the Arena Football league. In 1998, Warner was signed by the St. Louis Rams, NFL Europe team, Amsterdam Admirals. (His back up was Jake Delhomme.) Finally, when Ram’s quarterback Trent Green was injured in a preseason game, Warner took over as the starter and completed one of the top seasons by a quarterback in NFL history, whch dubbed the Ram’s offense, "The Greatest Show on Turf" and registered the first in a string of three consecutive 500-point seasons, an NFL record. He was named NFL MVP and Super Bowl MVP when he led the Rams to a Super Bowl XXXIV victory over the Titans. (That was all in his first year!)
Warner made another Super Bowl appearance before becoming a NY FOOTBALL GIANT and is now making his 3rd with the Arizona Cardinals. Their first in 61 years.

It’s rare of me to draft someone over the age of 30 (ehh, maybe 32), but it is also rare for a man of 37 to age as well as Kurt Warner. (And he's rockin the 5 o'clock shadow just like the youngsters!) Plus, I am pretty sure he could pick up girls with the line "You know Matt Leinert? He carries MY clipboard!" You would never guess that he is older than Brett Favre.

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE DRAFTING KURT WARNER:
He's married, to a woman with children. But before you start telling Mr. Warner how he needs a younger woman without children, because women 35 and older become “scientifically” desperate and will lower their standards to marry pretty much anyone. (So if a woman 35 or older likes you…don’t be too impressed, according to studies, she’d like almost anyone! Whew! I got a few years left!) or that women with children are twice as likely to marry someone they don't love...that total tangent won't talk Mr. Warner out of his love story...

Kurt married Brenda Meoni, the woman who believed in him as a grocery bagger. Warner officially adopted Brenda's two children, son Zachary and daughter Jesse, after their marriage. The Warners also have 5 children of their own: sons Elijah and Kade, daughter Jada, and twin girls Sierra Rose and Sienna Rae.

AND HE WAS ON JEOPARDY!!!!

"What are Panthers."


GO CARDS!

What's in a Ring?

What’s in a Ring?


Well, for the New York Giants, it’s Tiffany & Co. white gold, 3 Super Bowl trophies accented with marquise diamonds signifying the team’s Super Bowl XXI, XXV and XLII victories, along with the team’s “NY” logo in bead set round diamonds. “World Champions” is emblazoned in raised letters on the top and bottom bezel, with channel set diamonds on left and right bezel. The ring’s shanks celebrate the Giants’ storybook season leading up to Super Bowl Sunday. “Eleven Straight on the Road,” an NFL record; the NFL shield; player name, along with player number in raised letters appear on one shank; and the final score (NYG 17 NE 14), “Super Bowl XLII,” date (02.03.08) and ‘AZ’ appear on the other shank.


For the Indianapolis Colts, it’s a much simpler, yet meaningful design, containing 50 diamonds and synthetic blue sapphire. There's the word "Faith" on one shank, and on the opposite shank is the phrase "Our time.” A dot of red enamel found on each of the players' rings, forming one rivet in a small horseshoe. The red symbolizes a drop of blood, emblematic of players "leaving it all on the field.”


For the Pittsburgh Steelers, was probably the “simplest” of rings, but with just as much meaning, given it was “the one for the thumb.” It contains five Vince Lombardi trophies in dazzling diamonds around the Steelers' logo on the front and featured yellow gold. It contained each player's name and number on the side, the 21-10 score of the game and the numeral XL. Not as flashy as some of the others, but just as meaningful, I am sure.


The New England Patriotss most recent ring, has a total of 124 diamonds and an approximate weight of 4.94 carats. Flanking the center structure of the ring are the words "WORLD" on the left and "CHAMPIONS" on the right in high cut-out relief with a black-antiqued background. Each word contains twenty-six 0.005 carat round brilliant-cut pave-set diamonds equaling .26 carats total weight. The center of the ring is a football-shaped motif with three Lombardi trophies and the Patriots team emblem embellished with a red and blue translucent simulated stone background. The border of the Patriot emblem contains twenty-one .01 carat round brilliant-cut pave-set diamonds representing twenty-one straight wins. There is one .005 carat round diamond set in the simulated sapphire helmet reflecting the vision and focus of the organization. And that is just the top of the ring…

But for the Philadelphia Eagles, well, they got this… an empty phone call to the SUPERBOWL CHAMPION NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANT'S booth.
(Hope it was worth it, McNabb, it’s the only ring your getting this season!)


McNabb, picked up the phone on his last drive against the REIGNING WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS (how many more times am I going to get to say that?) and made a phone call. Hmmm…wonder what was said?

“Hello? Is this the NFL? I am just calling to find out…’can the NFC Championship game end in a tie?’”

“Hey mom! Guess what? I finally beat Eli Manning! No mom, I didn’t get a Super bowl ring. Yes mom, I know he has one. Yes, I have been in the league 10 years…I know Eli won one in his 4th season… I gotta go, mom!”

“Hi! Whoever this is, I am just calling to remind everyone that even after 10 seasons, I am still an immature ******* and the Eagles are still a classless establishment without any Super bowl rings, so I have to celebrate where I can.”

“Hello, Giant’s booth? I was hoping if you could tell me how to win a super bowl!?”

Sure, McNabb apologized. Actually, he said he was just having fun. "That was the most important thing we had to get back to, just having fun."

Did you have fun this week McNabb? I didn’t see you making any phone calls from the Arizona sideline. I didn’t see any bird dances. No flapping arms… but, maybe it was all that red and white confetti in the way and I couldn’t see.

Cardinals over Eagles, 32-25! Thanks Cards!

Yes, there was another game on. Both the Ravens and the Steelers have Super Bowl rings, however, the Pittsburgh Steelers will be looking for number 6 (which has no cool name like 'one for the thumb') against the Arizona Cardinals. I have a feeling the Steelers are going to be favored, but I am going with the Cards, all the way!

Fastest Way to a Republican's Heart: COLLEGE FB PLAYOFFS!

*Thanks for all the emails about the College Football post. Unfortunately, I can't possibly keep up with watching and writing about every NFL and NCAA football game, all season. Sadly, entertaining ya'll doesn't pay very much. But I will try and sneak in some more College Football, whenever I can. Promise.



I know they say not to mix politics...well, with anything but is there really anything College Football doesn't go with? (Except maybe, Notre Dame!)Even politics...

...and yes, Republican's have hearts, you just haven't figured out how to get to them, yet...

On that note, the following conversation has been recreated for your reading pleasure.


DEMOCRAT FRIEND("FRIEND"): Thursday we say goodbye to George Bush, he is giving his farewell speech.
MONDAY MORNING CHEERLEADER ("ME"): Yeah well...2009 has been a bit of a "poop" year so far so why not throw in a new Pres.
FRIEND: So you actually liked George Bush?
ME: Well, he made me laugh and to be honest, I haven't really liked a single Presidential candidate since I have been able to vote.
FRIEND: Not even Clinton? Come on, everyone liked Clinton.
ME: I'm a Republican. And he doesn't count anyway, I couldn't vote back then.
FRIEND: Wait a minute. How many election could you vote in?
ME: Haha. Just these last two.
FRIEND: Maybe I can recruit you, then. Have you heard Obama talk? The other night he talked about everything from Income Redistribution to how he wants BCS playoffs.
ME: I don't think so. I am not buying into this steal from the rich and give to the poor stuff. I mean, I don't want people to suffer, but you can't just take money from people who earned it and give it to people who...I am sorry, did you say, BCS Playoffs?
FRIEND: Yes, but you were talking about the redistribution of wealth...
ME: How do I feel about Obama’s redistribution of wealth? Well...I think that there should be an eight or twelve team playoff at the end of the regular college football season. Enough with the “strength of schedule, divided by the number of games played at home, over home games against non-conference teams with less than 10 point differential. GIVE ME PLAYOFFS!
FRIEND: Okay, but how's that related to taxing the higher income brackets?
ME: Who the heck cares about income brackets, when you have NCAA Football Playoff Brackets? What have rich people done for me lately? I don’t lay awake at night wondering if Bill Gates is gonna lose a few million of his billions, but I do wonder, “Is Florida really better than USC?” “What will happen if Penn State goes undefeated and there are 2 other undefeated teams in the BCS?” “Why did Bowling Green play on the Wednesday after New Years Day?” "When will the Big Ten get to play some respectable teams, so we can get our credibility back?" Now, those questions are TAXING!

So, here is the real question: WHY DIDN’T OBAMA RUN WITH COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS AS HIS PLATFORM?
The man is "Pro Playoffs" and "Anti Co-champs!" Why didn't he just say so? If he would have run with those as his platform, I would have had no further questions. Whatever he does to the economy, we can fix that later, but the damage done by the BCS Shenanigans can never be undone.
I am a Nittany Lion, first...Republican, later.

"I think it is about time we had playoffs in college football, I'm fed up with these computer rankings and this and that and the other. Get eight teams -- the top eight teams right at the end. You got a playoff. Decide on a national champion."
“I don’t know any serious fan of college football who has disagreed with me on this, I’m going to throw my weight around a little bit. I think it’s the right thing to do.”
-Barack Obama

Now you see, that’s “change I can believe in!”

What did the men behind the curtain, at the good ol' BCS, have to say about Obama’s Playoff System suggestion?

"We deeply respect the president-elect and we are glad that he is a fan of college football, we have the most compelling regular season in all of sports, and I'm sure that contributes to Senator Obama's enjoyment of our great game."
"My colleagues and I on the BCS Presidential Oversight Committee have discussed the future of postseason football on many occasions and we do not believe a playoff would be in the best interest of the sport, the student-athletes or our many other constituencies."
-BCS President, David Frohnmayer

Wait. What was the answer? Why can’t we have a playoff system in college football?

This BCS geezer was asked about having a BCS playoff system and he neutralized the hostility by welcoming the questioner, then drew our attention to the positive aspects of the current system, the regular season. When got to the question, he assured us that those, who are far more qualified to handle the situation, have discussed the issue and decided it is not our best interest. (By "many other constituencies" he means, his pockets!)And I still don’t know WHY WE CAN’T HAVE PLAYOFFS?

Hmmmm....who is the politician now?

...Well, if the ALL-KNOWING Commies (I meant that to be short for Committees) of the BCS say it is in our best interest, who are we to question what they have already decided is best for us?

So what if the coaches suggest a playoff system, every season, when the BCS's "b*tch team of the season" is left out of a bowl game? Or if Matt Leinert (student-athlete) wore a "BCS Sucks" shirt (You can get a BCSucks shirt, HERE). How would he know what is in his own best interest?

We should all be more like this guy, right?


So what is my plan for college football?
Simple, throw out the formulas and divide the BCS into 8 or 12 Conferences. The team that wins each conference goes to the playoffs. You don’t win your conference, you don’t go to the playoffs. If you are not in a conference...JOIN ONE, NOTRE DAME! Highest seeded team plays the lowest until there are 2 teams left. Those 2 teams play in the Championship game.

The Fiesta Bowl and the Orange Bowl, etc. become "playoff bowls." BCS still makes their big bucks, no undefeated team gets left behind and everyone is happy.

Sure there are a few things that need to be worked out...but the current BCS system resulted in 2 one-loss teams playing for the Championship, while an undefeated Utah wasn't even considered. Utah entered the Bowl Series ranked Number 6, with Texas at Number 3 (who did not win their conference) and then the Utes spanked Alabama in their Bowl game. Do I think Utah should be number one? No. Am I sure? No.
(Do you know what will eliminate any doubt of who is number one? PLAYOFFS!)

So it makes me wonder, when people say that "Playoffs" is not the answer, what exactly is the question...

Do you know how they currently decide teams play for the Championship? (of course not, no one does!)
The BCS formula is comprised by 5 components. The average ranking in the AP and ESPN coach's poll, an average ranking of the best four of six computer polls, the number of losses, a strength of schedule factor, and a quality wins factor. Huh?

(How do we eliminate the confusion? PLAYOFFS!)

Do you know how the AP Polls are decided?
Some random guys, who admit to only watching select games throughout the season, actually vote on their favorite team for number one. On ESPN Radio, 2 AP voters admitted they had never seen Utah play all season and one voter, couldn't remember if he had seen them. I remember every game I watched all season. Get some game tape, buddy!

(How do we eliminate the need for that guys opinion? PLAYOFFS!)

Do you know how any one of the six computer polls are calculated? (Because they never agree with the voter polls)
This one I can't answer. I tried to read the basic formula for just one, but they lost me somewhere around "integral calculus" and "linear algebra." (Which was on page one of twenty three!) If they are really playing "rock, paper, scissors" and threw those therms in there to scare me into accepting these computer guys as geniuses...they were successful. (There's no math in law school!)Plus...

(How do we eliminate the need for the terms "integral calculus" and "linear algebra" in our lives? PLAYOFFS!)

We haven't gotten to the AP, ESPN or other computer systems, yet... do you still wanna know how they decide which teams play in the Championship?

Yup, and you wonder why UF plays every year...it pays to have a young able-bodied coach in those tie-breakers!

Looks like "playoffs" is quite often the answer, to me.

Does all this mean, I am a democrat, now? Absolutely not. (But I am a college football fan!) So, if you wondering how to get Republicans to support our new President in his quest for "Change." The answer is once again...
COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS!

As far as the redistribution of wealth... I support it 100%, if it means redistributing Anquan Boldin to the New York Giants.

The Cardinals already have Larry Fitzgerald.



Note: In the above post, the meaning of the term "college football" is limited to refer only to Division I and is, at no time, intended to include the lower divisions of college football, which already have a playoff system in place.

My Heart Hurts....

...and I don't wanna talk about it!



I love you G-men, I always do
My blood runs red, but it also runs blue.
Even though our season is now said and done
And you blew it twice on short 4th and one.
Through cold games and bad calls, and even the good
I know that Eli is just misunderstood.
I was there when we lost Plax and when we lost to the Browns
I was there for converted and non-converted 3rd downs.
I was there for the touchdowns, the field goals, blocked kicks
I was there when we beat the Sea hawks, 44 to 6!
I was there to be crowned number one in the east.
I was there when they called us the NFC Beast!
We smiled we cried, we smiled some more
And now I feel your pain of a season 12 and 4
But we all make mistakes, your only just men
And next year I’ll suit up, all over again.
We’ll conquer the bad times, the good times the hard
But until then consider me a temporary Card!


Go Cardinals!

"Fantasy" Football Potential Draftee #3: Matt Cassel

MATT CASSEL
NFL TEAM: New England Patriots (Future remains uncertain)
POSITION: Quaterback
AGE: 26
HEIGHT: 6'4"
WEIGHT: 230 lbs

Matt Cassel is a man of many talents. At the University of Southern California, he played QB-2 and saw his only college start, as a tight end, but he did start one season at USC...as a baseball player. Matt was drafted by the Oakland Athletics in the 2004 MLB Draft and in 2005 was drafted in the 7th Round of the NFL Draft by the New England Patriots. After serving as back-up QB to Carson Palmer and Matt Leinhart in college and Tom Brady as a Patriot, Matt is the only known quarterback in NFL history to start an NFL game at quarterback without ever starting at quarterback in college. This 2008 season he was called up to QB-1 to fill the shoes of Tom Brady.


I don't know about you, but I didn't miss Tom very much! Cassel didn't take his team to the playoffs, but had 2 back to back games throwing for more than 400 yards and kicked a 76 yard punt. (Brady kicked a punt once, it only went 36 yards)


(His dimples and ability to rock the 5 o'clock shadow, still fall number 2 to Matt Leinhert, though!)

He is a wanted man: This season the Pats have to place the franchise tag on Mr. Cassel and there has been talk of as high as first round drafts picks for the dimpled, cutie pie. Kansas City, Minnesota and even Miami have been rumored to be making offers. (Sure would be nice if he came to Miami...hmmm....)


Things you need to know before drafting Matt Cassel:

Cassel may have a bit of a "#2 syndrome" after playing back-up to Palmer, Leinhert and Brady most of his life. I am not sure if that contributed to his out-going, attention grabbing nature or if he is just crazy, but just like being #2 didn't stop Matt from kicking ass this season, his inability to sing and dance, doesn't stop him either...



Yes, he called himself flamboyant. His bravery is so adorable, yet....well...gay!

Totally Random Thought: Why College Football Rocks!

Just sharing some of my totally random thoughts....

Maybe you have to be from a "Football University," or live in a college football town to understand, but there is a certain deeply-rooted tradition, pride, respect and... general understanding in college football that you can't find anywhere else.

Today, is BCS Championship Game Eve, in Florida. (Speaking of BCS, did I mention that there is also a shared frustration in college football?) Tomorrow, #1 Oklahoma Sooners will take on the #2 Florida Gators in the BCS Title game, which happens to take place in Miami, Florida(Advantage Gators). Which means the city's, already present, Blue and Orange, is being met with quite a bit of Oklahoma's Crimson and Cream. (I wonder if they realize how stupid those colors sound together?)

Anyway, it has always amazed me that you can go anywhere in Florida and say, "Go Gators!" and get a response. I guess it is similar to yelling, "We are..." in Pennsylvania, or chanting "O-H" in Ohio. But now, the hotels are filled with entire Sooner families, you can't turn on the radio without hearing about Tim Tebow or how Florida theaters are broadcasting the game in 3-D. It is BCS Title insanity.

Even college football fans, that aren't Gators or Sooners, have an opinion, on the game. On my drive this morning, I listened to a 20 minute argument between a Miami Hurricane and a Florida State Seminole about whether or not they had to root for the home team.

Don't get me wrong, professional football fans can be just as crazy and loyal, and I love my WORLD CHAMPION NY FOOTBALL GIANTS, but this is different.
In college football, players play for their school, their pride and for the right to say "I am number one." In college football, every single game matters and every game counts; One loss really is the end of the world. True college football fans, don't miss a game because that could be the one game that makes or breaks their entire season and it could occur, at any time. As a matter of fact, real college football fans don't even attend weddings, funerals or the births of children on Saturdays between August and January. ("My game is on!")

In College football....


A Seven Year old girl's only birthday wish is to meet a 21 year old QB...


An entire stadium can be turned white....and its okay for 110,000 people to wear the same shirt...


It is okay for a dog to lick your baby...


Race isn't black and white, but red and black...and...

Orange and white...


"I's" are dotted with people, not pens...


Burning couches isn't arson, but tradition (well, it is still arson, too)...


Dangerous animals run rampant....

Because tradition and mascot accuracy is more important than public safety. (Except FSU, that was not an Indian!)


I have always known and had this blue and white pride and a general excitement for college football that makes my heart beat 10,000 beats/minute, as we count down to kick off. And I have always loved college football, but I have been out of Nittany Lion Country for a while now. However, this morning something about the collegiate pride in the air and breakfast, reminded me, why College Football Rocks! (yeah, I am just now getting around to that).

This morning I went to breakfast with some Florida Gators (the fans, not the reptile) and we arrived, shortly after some Oklahoma Sooner fans. When we sat down, our waitress had already given them menus and taken their drink orders and was about to take their food orders. She then brought us menus, but it didn't matter, I always get the same thing. Anywany, she returned to our table and took our orders, about 15 minutes later she brought out our food and we ate next to the Sooner fans, in their Crimson and Cream attire, who were still waiting for their food. We finished eating and asked for the check...it was then that the Sooner fan's, finally got their food.
The fact that the waitress shunned them for the giant Oklahoma O on their chests, is not what makes college football rock, although it is a contributing factor. What rocks is that, of course they noticed, how could they not? But they didn't complain or ask for a manager, they just understood. They were in enemy territory, they were in Gator Country and their "college football blood" told them that, had we been eating in Oklahoma, it would be the Gator's that would be waiting for the food they ordered first. They just sucked it up and added it to the reasons they want to beat the Gators tomorrow.

And tomorrow they will tell their Sooner friends about it and it will only further fuel their desire to win. And the entire city of Miami will be sold out of beer and hot dogs, the roads will be parking-lots of fans from all over the country, getting to the stadium, in time to tailgate...at 11 a.m...whether or not they have tickets. Most of them spent several 1,000 dollars to see their team play one "football hour" (which is more like 3 regular hours), under the bright lights of Dolphins stadium, for the chance to be No. 1. The rest of us, college football fans, will watch on television (or in the 3-D theater), but all of us will have an opinion (even the Nittany Lions!) and on that note....

GO GATORS!


That is why College Football Rocks!

PLAYOFFS?!?! Recap

Well, I am one for four so I hope you didn't place any bets based on my picks...I told you they were purely emotional. So, what happened? Well, Round one, the pictures speak for themselves.

"Matty Ice" was "Matty Ice Cold." Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes (by the Falcons) lead the Cardinals to victory in their first home-field playoff game...in 60 YEARS!!! I just hope my comments about my diminishing football crush didn't effect his playing ability. Cards advance.

Poor Pennington. Four interceptions means it is mice and pumpkins for Chad Pennington because Cinderella isn't going to the ball, this time and Ray Lewis is one step closer to his "happily ever-after." Browns Ravens advance.

I think we are all asking the same question as Peyton. Where's the D? Manning tells jokes, he wears disguises, he's got a laser rocket arm...you want him to tackle, too? The Colts defense failed to show up and the Chargers took the O.T. victory. Phillip Rivers' huge mouth advances.

Do you know who he is? No? Don't worry about it, I'll tell you who he is, he is...TERRIBLE! I wouldn't let this guy play second string quarterback for my summer league team. And no, I don't have a summer league team, but if I did, he wouldn't be allowed to play!! Several times, I wondered, "is this guy just throwing the ball up and hoping for the best?" The answer is , "yes! that is exactly what he did!"
HIS EYES ARE CLOSED! I realize there is a guy tackling him, but he is also releasing the ball...he has no idea who he is throwing to or where the ball is going. So the stupid Eagles advance.

*Deep Breath* Okay, I am better now...

My Round 2 picks.

Titans over Ravens.
I just don't like what I saw from the Ravens this week.

Steelers over Chargers.
Phillip Rivers is just really annoying. No other reason.

Giants over Eagles.
Do you need to ask? Fine. Because we are the WORLD CHAMPION NY FOOTBALL GIANTS!

Arizona over Carolina.
I just feel bad for betraying Matty Ice, but this was pretty much a flip of the coin.


*GO G-MEN!*

PLAYOFFS!?!?!? Round ONE!

My purely emotional, please do not be offended, Round One, play-off picks.

Cardinals over Falcons
I am still not sure about the Cardinals over the Falcons. I am not ready to give up my football crush on Matty Ice but Kurt Warner is a former Giant and how many more chances is he gonna get? I still love you, Matt. Promise!

Vikings over Eagles
If I ever root for the Eagles, it'll be from a padded cell. Go Vikings!


Dolphins over Ravens
Miami is my Cinderella team. I am also not ready to stop believing in "happily ever-after!" Plus, I can't root against the home team!

Colts over Chargers
This was the easiest game for me to pick. Colts are a clrealy superior team. I wanna see a Manning Bowl and if that isn't reason enough, this is....




I've gotta save some for ROUND 2! When the Colts play the Titans. :P

Everbody Hates Favre!

Thomas Jones threw Brett Favre under the Madden Horse Trailer this week when he told the world...
"The other day, the three interceptions really hurt us. I mean, that's just reality... If I were to sit here and say, 'Oh, man, it's OK,' that's not reality. ... I don't like it, I know everybody else on the team doesn't like it!"
He wanted Brett Favre out of the game when he was playing poorly and felt like the NFL's cry baby was getting special treatment.
"If somebody is not playing well, they need to come out of the game. You're jeopardizing the whole team because you're having a bad day. To me, that's not fair to everybody else. You're not the only one on the team. So when you get to the wire and somebody is just giving the game up, I mean, it's just not [fair]."


But Thomas Jones wasn't the only one....
Safety Kerry Rhodes gave Fav-ruh an ultimatum, "If he's dedicated and he wants to come back and do this, and do it the right way ... and be here when we're here in training camp and the minicamps and working out with us ... then I'm fine with it. But don't come back if it's going to be half-hearted or he doesn't want to put the time in with us."

But is all this hostility really over Favre's chokingly delicious performance against the Dolphins? Or is it his 'Tiki Barber-like' attitude?


Other Jets were quoted as calling Favre a "distant" teammate. He refused to eat with his teammates, didn't engage in team activities and spent his downtime away from teammates in an office specially designated for him refusing to socialize with other players.
My favorite was a player quoted as saying "The guy throws the ball all over the place and no one calls him out on it!"

Looks like Favre's inability to play well with others extends past the field of play and into the locker room. Go easy on him guys, you wouldn't want to force him into retirement, before he is ready...