NFL Recap: Week Seven

Before I start, I would like to take a moment of silence for the tragedy that occurred this weekend…

Yes, I am talking about the Giants-Eagles game. It was terrible. It was sad. It was tragic. And at a time like this, I would usually do what any other Giants fan would do (no, not make excuses, that’s what Eagles do)…I would turn to the Dallas Cowgirls. But I can’t, because they played the Seahawks this week, which undoubtedly means, they won (17-38, Dallas). Which leaves me with….

“Eli!!! Your team is wearing white jerseys! Throw to the white jerseys! What is wrong with you?” “Tuck? Where were you? Have too many Eagles on your fantasy team? I hope you didn’t draft yourself, because you didn’t do a damn thing!!!”



That explains why you dropped that interception!

But what about the rest of the defense? Do they know the season isn ‘t over yet? I haven’t seen them in 3 games! You can’t possibly have everyone on your fantasy team. Did you forget how to play?

I know one play you didn’t forget…running Jacobs up the middle. If it didn’t work the first 500 times, it isn’t going to work the 501st. Call another play! Any other play! Call a freakin’ flea flicker, I don’t care...but that one isn’t working!!!! Fake field goal? Just not Jacobs! 17-40, Eagles. So, how bout them Yankees?

After the G-men, I wasn’t much in the mood for football, but there were several games, I am sure that no one watched.

Good news for St. Louis. The Rams won, in the only way they possibly could…they played the Lions. With one win each, both teams are probably done for the season. Good talk guys, see ya next year!

Cleveland and Denver weren’t in the mood for football either.

After 2 straight losses the Bears needed some practice, and who better to do it against than the Browns. But any offensive effort was a waste of energy…with 5 turnovers for Cleveland, all the Bears really had to do was stand around and watch the Browns lose. In fact, the Browns were so desperate, they put Quinn back in. Yeah, that’s gonna be an improvement! Put ME in coach!!!! (6-30, Chicago).

The unbeated Broncos took a day off against the Baltimore Ravens. When asked what happened, Kyle Orton said “we really didn’t do all that much.” Really? Ya think? (7-30, Baltimore).

Brett Favre and what ever team he plays for this week, returned to Green Bay and of course, the media (who didn’t mention Favre’s loss last week) made the old man look like a hero. I can’t be the only one who hates this guy. If I lived in Green Bay, I’d be waiting by Favre’s hotel, with my foot out! But instead the lovely Packers fans voted on “tasteful” ways to Welcome Fav-ruh home!

The Cheese-heads had several good ideas.

*Play a video of all of Favre’s interceptions over the years. (My favorite)
*Make a huge waffle, in the shape of a 4. (Get it. Waffle- in ability to make a decision).
* Hang him in effigy outside Lambeau Field. ( That might not fit the mayor’s definition of “tasteful.”)

What would I have done? (Besides handed out my “Favre, throughout the Tears” post, where I highlight all the time he has cried. ) I would have let Aaron Rodgers wear the number 4.

I can see the NFL's oldest cry baby now!

They did make nice shirts though.


Tennessee over Jacksonville, 13-30. But the best part of that game was a toss up between Gus Johnson saying Chris Johnson ran “like he was being chased by the cops” on his TD run and the awkward silence that followed it. Good call, buddy!

Eli "Rich" Man(ning)

Eli Manning’s contract extension will be for six years and $97.5 million, with $35 million guaranteed. Making him the highest paid player in the NFL!

So, “Who looks confused now??”



But as usual, being a 28 year old quarterback, in his prime with a Super Bowl ring and excellent breeding, Eli has his haters, who are asking, “Is Eli really worth it?”

Well, let’s see.

In just four years Eli Manning already had more Super Bowl rings than the entire history of the Eagles franchise. (No, that never gets old!)

Sure, Eli started, like any other Giant QB, since 1997, running the ball up the middle (and the season into the ground) with #21, so the little girl running back, wouldn’t cry. Tiki questioned his leadership skills, his own father spoofed a commercial where he traded him for Matt Leinhert (I always wanted a lefty!), others laughed at his blank expression and people wondered if he’d ever be as good as his commercialized brother.

But now, Eli Manning says, “Step aside big brother, because the Citizen Eco-drive is unstoppable as Eli Manning!”

Sure, Peyton has 100 more commercials, but his little brother won a Super Bowl, got his own commercial, trumped big bro’s contract and did it all….with a full head of hair!

If Archie is good, maybe one of his sons well let him see what it feels like to wear a Super Bowl ring and I can imagine “check time” conversation, looks something like this…



As for Tiki Barber, he couldn’t be reached for a comment (for once!).

Did I mention Eli finished last years regular season, 12-4 completing 289 of 479 pass attempts for 3,238 yards and 21 touchdowns...with a run-based offense?

So what does Eli have to say to all the critics barking "Eli may be the highest paid quarterback in th NFL, but he isn't the best!?"

"I am not only the highest paid player in the NFL but in the 90 year history of the league! I am sorry, what was the second part of that sentence, again??"

FREE PLAX!

"With 10 days to go before a critical appearance in Manhattan criminal court, the attorney for Plaxico Burress is feverishly working behind the scenes to find a negotiated settlement that would allow Burress to play football in 2009 -- either by reaching a plea deal with minimal jail time or by postponing a possible trial until after the 2009 NFL season with the hopes of playing this fall, a source with knowledge of the case said Friday."

Seriously? I am tired of hearing about the possibility of Plax doing jail time and it isn’t because he was a New York Football Giant, either.

Aren’t we being a little harsh on the guy? (I even saw one cite compare him to O.J. Simpson!) If stupidity were a crime, he should serve a life sentence. (Then again, the world would be an entirely different...and empty…place) But what did Burress really do?

I know. I know. He was carrying a concealed weapon without a permit and that is a crime. But hasn’t he been punished enough?

Come on! He shot himself in the foot! (Literally and figuratively.) Not only did he get shot, but he did it to himself…by accident!

Not only does he look like a fool and have a throbbing, painful limp but the four-game suspension cost Burress $823,529 in lost wages. He was also fined an additional $205,882 (or ONE WEEKS SALARY!) and being dropped by the G-men cost Burress as much as $27 million and his job!

I think he has paid for his crime. Spank the boy and send him on his way!



And don’t give me that “if he wasn’t an NFL player he wouldn’t be getting special treatment” b-o-l-o-g-n-a! Don’t kid yourself; the District Attorney enters plea agreements for much bigger crimes, every...single...day (you just don’t hear about them on ESPN)!

If Plax serves jail time, it is because he didn’t hire me as his attorney. (Do you think they are going to find a panel of jurors in New York, that aren’t Giant fans?) I already have my entire case prepared.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the prosecutor wants you to believe that Plaxico Burress is a criminal, who thinks he doesn’t have to abide by the law because he plays football. But I would like to remind you, who Plaxico Burress really is to New York…(hit the video)"



"…And the Defense rests."

Watching that, I get nervous all over again; biting my nails as Tyree struggles to pull the ball against his helmet; thinking it is all over when Eli gets pulled down by his jersey and then breaks free. My heart races as the clock runs down and my G-men make their way down field. I hold my breath as Manning releases that final pass, my excitement builds watching it float through the air toward the end zone... one last play, one last pass, one last chance to end a perfect season and be the WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK GIANTS...then I jump up and cheer, in pure euphoria as Plaxico makes the final catch in the most amazing drive in Super Bowl history! The joy of the best 2 minutes and 7 seconds of my life comes flooding back! My heart fills with pride and Plaxico Burress is my hero, once again! There won't be a dry eye in the house!

NOT GUILTY!




PS. This guy might be taking it a little to hard...

Mr. Irrelevant, et al.

Again, better late...

I didn’t get to watch the draft due to a minor wedding crisis, but to be honest, my impatience trumps my love for football when it comes to sitting for 2 days and 256 draft picks…after a few rounds, it feels like sitting through baseball season.

So after the first round, maybe the second, I am on to other weekend activities and reading the occasional scrolling ticker at the bottom of the screen.

We always know who the first pick is going to be, long before the draft starts (unless there is an Eli Manning switch-a-roo!) and usually, I make it back to the TV on day 2 of the NFL draft for pick number 256, otherwise known as “Mr. Irrelevant.” So I am only covering the first and last picks of the 2009 NFL Draft.

Who is Mr. Irrelevant?

‘Mr. Irrelevant’ is the tongue in cheek name given to the very last pick of the draft by Paul Salata (He was a wide receiver for the Baltimore Colts, like a million years ago) in 1976. He dubbed these final draftees ‘Mr. Irrelevant’ because they are often said to be the most irrelevant players on the field. After all, 256 players were picked before them.

By the time you get to the 256th pick, there can’t be much strategy left. No one is going to make a big trade and all of the star athletes waiting to be drafted in the Radio City Music Hall, are long gone…yes, even Brady Quinn!

Most NFL fans say that once it gets down to the final few picks in the draft, it's better for a player not to get selected, so they can sign a free-agent contract with a team they choose. (Yeah, because it is that easy.) However, very few college football players are sitting by their phones on Day 2 of the draft saying “I hope my phone doesn’t ring and I don’t get drafted.”

In fact, even while the clock counted down the 3-minuets it took to select this years ‘Mr. Irrelevant,’ hundreds of guys were sitting around their TVs waiting to hear their name get called by Paul Salata, in hopes of receiving the Kansas City colored jersey with 256 on the back…and an NFL contract.

This years, Mr. Irrelevant is South Carolina Gamecock, kicker, Ryan Succop. Everyone in Radio City seemed a little disappointed (and by a little, I mean the place filled with boo’s and hisses), when KC picked the kicker, but those people might be interested to know, in the NFL 56 games were decided by a field goal or less.

And if you still don’t think the Kicker is important, ask Ray Finkle…

Or the REAL RAY FINKLE, Scott ‘Wide Right’ Norwood. (I may have added that ‘wide right’ part!)

Anyway, I can’t name any other Mr. Irrelevant without Google, but since Paul Salata, named the last pick in the draft, the worst seat in the house has become the second to last pick in the draft. Mr. Irrelevant is anything but ‘irrelevant.’ (at least for one week!)

This year Ryan Succop, not only gets the famous #256 jersey, but an entire week devoted to him. Mr. Irrelevant week is an entire week of events in Newport, California dedicated to the player picked last in the NFL Draft. According to irrelevantweek.com, this year he gets…

Arrival Party

Press Conference

Shower of Gifts

All-Star Lowsman Banquet (where he will be presented with the Lowsman Award, as opposed to the Heisman)

Tour of Surf City

Irrelevant Rams Cheerleader Contest

Main Street Welcome and Parade

And Closing Ceremonies.

Seems like a pretty good deal, until you see what the FIRST PLAYER DRAFTED GETS:

First pick in the draft was UGA’s Matt Stafford, who received a measly $72 million dollar contract worth $78 if he meets all his incentives (for Detroit, what could incentives possibly be? Double the number of wins they had last year? They can’t possible expects the super bowl…or even playoffs).

Is Mr. Stafford worth 72 millions? Probably not. He is only one kid and let’s face it…the Lions need miracles.

SIDE NOTE: Although, he isn’t just one kid when teamed up with the Detroit’s 82nd pick in the draft; the “Jesus Shuttlesworth” of football (as he was dubbed by LaVar Arrington), 2005 All-Big Ten Freshman Team, 2007 Outback Bowl champion, 2008 First-Team All-Big Ten Team, wide receiver, punt return specialist and the occasional quarterback, the Nittany Lions’ ‘Mr. Versatility,’ Penn State football player, Derrick ‘the Lion Hearted’ Williams (but I may be slightly biased).

While, Mr. Irrelevant will be famous for a week, Matt Stafford’s 72 million is likely to make him AND HIS GIRLFRIEND famous for a little longer.

I don’ t know, maybe hoisting kegs over your head in what appears to be a trailer park, is a Georgia thing? :P


Noooo, she wasn’t planning to use this picture later…when you got drafted. She just happens to be the only one smiling at the camera while you cuddle with your friend in the grass.

At least she is a cute girl…

Wait! That isn’t her? Is it? (Funny how these pictures surface when you are guaranteed to be $41.7 million richer). Is that Knowshon with you?

I am not surprised. Knowshon wasn’t worried about getting drafted…even during the draft.


Incase you were wondering, Moreno was picked 12th in the draft by the Denver Broncos and signed a six-year, $40.5 million contract. A little over 9.5 million a year. (But did he get a parade???)

If it is any consolation for being picked number 256 and not 1, Ryan Succop is pretty cute. Mr. Stafford on the other hand...well, at least has $41.7 million guaranteed, but he won't be making my fantasy draft any time soon.

NEW G-MEN:
With their first pick, the G-men took, North Carolina (who knew they had a football team, too) wide receiver, Hakeem Nicks to replace Plax, but Eli was hoping for a more seasoned receiver saying “After being here five years and seeing how rookies come in, it is a learning curve. It is a process. So we'll try to get them as much as they can and see what they can do and how they can help us next year."

Perhaps Eli was hoping for a trade including Braylon Edwards or Anquan Boldin, who were available for a second round draft pick. Honestly, I was too Eli…but the G-men decided to continue to stack their D, after picking up almost every available defensive player in the free agent pool, using their second pick to take yet another outside linebacker.

A Happy Birthday Joke!

What do Eli Manning and the Circus have in common?

THEY BOTH HAVE MORE RINGS THAN THE EAGLES!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE SECOND BIGGEST GIANTS FAN, EVER!

Letters to Santa from NFC East

Week Fourteen in the NFL Recap

It is only fair: Yes, I watched the Giants' game this week. They played like...like the Oakland Raiders, out there. Dropped passes, missed tackles. They didn't cover Brian Westbrook!! How could they not cover Brian Westbrook? The Eagles only have one play! Nothing went right for the G-men. Hixon played in the place of Burress and perhaps, in an exhausted attempt to prove they didn't need Plax, the offense forced the ball to Hixon, who dropped a pass that hit him in the chest and would have otherwise, been a touchdown. The Eagles ran the same play over and over. Donovan McNabb played his usual B.S. football and still the Giants didn't catch on. What happened out there guys? 20-14, Philly.

Despite losing to the Eagles, joke of a football team, the Giants clinched the NFC playoff spot this week at 11-2. And in response to McNabb's taunting and waving at the Giants' fans, Eli has this to say (If you can't read it, click on the letter):


The Chargers played the Raiders. Normally, I would say nothing more about these teams, but this game contained a few significant events for Los Angeles Oakland and San Diego; It marked the second win, in seven games for the Chargers, of course, it was against the Oakland Raiders, but a W is a W! Right? L.T. is back, with 91 yards rushing, compared to last weeks 24 and Rivers threw 3 touchdown passes. Jamarcus Russell was carted of the field in the second quarter, but I am not sure if he was hurt or embarrassed, because he did have 2 interceptions and a fumble right before this alleged injury and he is an abnormally large QB, you'd think he wouldn't be easily injured...unless of course that injury was to his ego. (How much "ego" do you really have left at 3-10?) 34-7, Chargers.

The Jags continue to be the biggest flop in the NFL this year (we never thought the Lions were going anywhere) with their fourth straight loss being to the Chicago Bears. At the beginning of the seasons, everyone thought that Jacksonville was going somewhere, and they still are; They're going home in three weeks. The Bears didn't look so bad out there, too bad their playoff hopes were contingent upon the Detroit Lions beating Minnesota. Seriously, the Lions! You can't imagine they were too hopeful, right? 23-10 Chicago.

I would like to thank Pittsburgh for contributing to the New York Football Giants NFC East Champion-dom, by exposing Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowgirls for the fumbling fools that they are. Tony Romo threw 3 interceptions and one of them, in true Romo, 44% passer rating fashion, was to lose the game. PICTURE THIS: Game is tied up at 13, 2 minutes left on the clock. Dallas has the ball. 2nd and 8. Romo is back to pass...short one, up the middle, PICK SIX! If you missed it, it looked something like this:


The Tennessee Titans remain with just one loss. Despite 3 turnovers, they beat the Brown's this week, who if you remember are playing with "Whatever Happened to" Ken Dorsey. (Yes, that explains the win, despite the 2 turnovers). Highlights? Cleveland finished the game with 178 offensive yards...total! Chris Johnson alone, finished with 136 yards rushing for the Titans. Ken Dorsey had 5 less yards passing than Kerri Collins, but made twice as many attempts. In case you were wondering, that is what happened to Ken Dorsey. 28-9, Titans.

Perhaps the best game to watch this Sunday was Atlanta @ New Orleans. Each team finished with exactly 414 offensive yards. Matt Ryan continued to play like, Rookie of the year with 313 yards passing. The game was close for each of the 4 quarters. But a court ruling put some of the Saints back on the field and the second year, undrafted RB, Pierre Thomas (I guess the "Sissy name rule" doesn't apply to him) had 102 yards rushing and 2 touchdowns, to lead the Saints over the Falcons, 29-25.

Matt Schaub marked his return to the field with 414 yards passing, in Green Bay. It was cold for the Texans and Matt wore a brace on his leg, but the only Houston mistake was a fumbled punt return by Jacoby Jones. (Ah, there is the "sissy name rule" in effect!) Steve Slaton is giving Matt Ryan a run for his money at Rookie of the year, literally. Slaton had 120 yards rushing (10 less than last week). The best play by Houston however, came from Punter, Matt Turk, who improvised, what looked like his own punt-fake call. After receiving the snap, it appeared that Turk was thinking "Hey, you know, I always wanted to run a fake punt and they never let me, I think I will run one now!" However, there was no audible by the Punter. It turns out that Turk had no choice but to run with the ball to avoid a blocked punt and in fear for his life, he ran for an 18 yard gain. "I was running for my life, I tell you! That's when I run fastest: when someone is chasing me." Punters are so cute and fragile.

The Dolphins are not going down without a fight. This week, Miami played Buffalo in Toronto, Canada. I would love to seize the opportunity to insert a Canada joke here, but to be honest, I don't know a single thing about Canada, other than I have no need or desire to go there. There were no stand out offensive players, in the game but, the Miami defense held Buffalo to a single field goal, to sweep the Bills and keep their dim playoff hopes alive. 16-3, Miami.


Are those tears I see there, Fav-ruh? Well, this week you cry with good reason. Brett Favre was 20/31 for 137 yards, ZERO touchdowns and 1 interception...AGAINST THE NINERS! The Jets had 182 offensive yards, AGAINST THE NINERS! The Jets were dominated in every statistical category, AGAINST THE NINERS! Are you getting the picture? 24-14, NINERS!

I feel sorry for Seattle, every time I see them play. Seneca Wallace threw for 3 touchdowns and had no interceptions, but they still couldn't catch a break. Wes Walker broke out 134 yards receiving for the Pats and helped Matt Cassel convert a two point conversion to give New England a 3 point lead over the 'Hawks. Ddespite stepping up at QB this week, a Wallace fumble allowed New England to run out the clock, hanging on to that 3 point lead and beating Seattle, 24-21.

I know I usually refer to the Denver Broncos game only by Jay Cutler's performance, and this week is no different. In the Broncos domination over the. remnants of a football team. we refer to as the Kansas City Chiefs, Jay Cutler completed passes to 8 different receivers and 2 for touchdowns. I hope you didn't want more highlights cause they played the Chiefs. I think you know what happened. 24-17, Denver.

Arizona clinched their division this week with an easy win over the St. Louis Rams. Again, not sure you are expecting any highlights...it was the St. Louis Rams. 34-10, Cards.

Washington doesn't want to give that last place spot in the NFC East to the Eagles without a fight. Campbell did his part in the quest for last place with two interceptions and Portis added a fumble. But let's not discredit the Raven's defense which finally showed why they are ranked so highly...or maybe only one player should be ranked that highly. The Ravens defense consists of one man, Ed Reed. Reed had both interceptions, forced a fumble and had six tackles and a sack, holding Clinton Portis to 32 yards rushing and single handedly beating the Redskins. 24-10, Ed Reed over Washington.

I forgot about the Colts. It was probably because they were just the latest team to give an old-fashion beat down to the Bengals. Three touchdown passes for this Manning brother, this week, and four turnovers by Cincy put Indy on top, 35-3.

Something else I forgot:
INTERESTING YET USELESS NFL FACT:
Almost every game you hear the announcer say something like, "the Giants are undefeated against the Eagles when wearing their throwback jersey." (which they never wear) Who cares? No one. But they still put it on the screen. So this week, I have one. I watched ALL of the 1:00 games this Sunday, at the same time and at 1:47 pm (EST), exactly three things happened, AT THE SAME TIME:


1. Derrick Ward, FUMBLE! (GIANTS v.Eagles)
2. Own Daniels, FUMBLE! (TEXANS v. Packers)
3. Dallas Clark, FUMBLE! (COLTS v. Bengals)
Obviously, those pictures are not the actual fumbles, especially since Ward's elbow is down and he is still in possession. But if you doubt me, go ahead and check the game recaps and play by plays. They all fumbled, at the EXACT SAME TIME!

MNF:
Jonathon Stewart had 115 yards rushing for the Carolina Panthers and he was SECOND to DeAngelo Williams, who had ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT SIX YARDS RUSHING! 2 touchdowns for each of them. (DO YOU HEAR THAT GIANTS??? WORK ON THAT RUSH DEFENSE!!!)Antonio Bryant had 200 yards receiving for the Bucs, but it just wasn't enough. Carolina over Tampa Bay, 38-23.

Week Eleven in the NFL Recap

Let's start the week, as always... The WORLD CHAMPION NY Football Giants rocked the Baltimore Ravens. Eli had an off day, but its okay because where Eli fell short Bradshaw and Jacobs picked up. The Giants put up 210 rushing yards against the Ravens alleged, number one rushing defense. (Who is ranking these teams? The BCS?). Speaking of Defense....Aaron Ross, had TWO, count'em, one...two interceptions! Giants over Ravens, 30-10.

Despite running out of players, the Denver Broncos beat the Atlanta Falcons, 24-20. Spencer Larsen, for the Broncos played both offense and defense, literally. He played 2 different positions in the same game, where most guys can't even play one. Let's get this guy a game ball, please? The game came down to the final minute where it looked like the Falcons were going to steal the game from Denver, but the Broncos took over after an incomplete pass in the end zone on 4th down.

Panthers v. Lions, not as interesting of a match-up in the NFL as it would be on the discovery channel. I'm not sure that it is even fair to make fun of the Detroit Lions anymore. At ohhhh and ten, they just suck. They had four turnovers against the Carolina Panthers, who literally ran all over the Detroit defense with 2 players putting up over 100 yards rushing, each! 22-31, Carolina. Perhaps, Lions is too strong of a name for Detroit....


Ocho Stinko returned to "play" the Philadelphia Eagles. The only reason I watched this game is because it was on next to the Giants at a sports bar. The game ended in a 13-13 tie. I hope you weren't expecting any highlights. There were 5 quarters of football and each team only manages to score 13 pts.

The Saints were 0-4 on the road before taking on the Chiefs of KC this week. Despite their 0-4 road record and their 5-5 overall record, they are the top ranked offense in the NFL. Seriously? What do you have to do to get there, beat the Chiefs? No offense to the Saints, but who decides this stuff? The Chiefs are one and nine with that one win being the time Jay Cutler screwed up my Survivor pool pick. Saints without Reggie Bush over KC, 30-20.

The long await, return of Tony Romo. Romo had a break out game for his return. Instead of his usual one interception, he threw 2. It was like he never left and the streak of consecutive games with an interception continues. Not to be outdone, he rushed for a whopping negative three yards, with his longest rush being negative one. (So there was no positive yardage). Yet the Cowgirls snuck by the 'Skins, 14-10.

The Vikings had 210 total yards against the Bucs. That is less total yards than the Giants rushing yards against the number one rushing defense. Jeff Garcia was second in rushing for the Bucs and lead the team to a 19-13 win over Minnesota, despite 5 penalties for 54 yards. But the most interesting news of that insanely boring game is that Gus Frerotte is the NFL sl*t. He was sacked five times by five different Bucs, in the same game.


Yes, there were two more, but they declined to have their photo taken!

There was a terrible stench in Miami this weekend. Then I figured out what it was... football gone bad The Raiders were in town. Nothing stinks quite like the Raiders. With only 186 total yard of offense the Oakland Raiders took a 4th Quarter loss to the Miami Dolphins, 15-17. Don't get excited Dol-fans, you contributed to the stink of Dolphin Stadium as well, this is the first time since 2006 the Dolphins won 4 games in a row!

Speaking of "stink..." How 'bout them Bears? It was open season on the Bears of Chicago and Aaron Rodgers and Ryan Grant took full advantage. Rodgers was 27/30 with 227 yards and 2 TDs. Grant rushed for 154 yards and 1 TD, and the Bears....well, they kicked a field goal. 37-3, Pack over Bears.

Joseph Addai had 105 rushing yards, 48 receiving but that was nothing compared to Steve Slaton's 156 yards rushing. So how did the Texans lose to the Colts, 27-33? I think the real question is, WHY IS THIS GUY STILL A QUARTERBACK???
Sage Rosenfels fumbled on Houston's final drive to put an end to their hopes of beating a Manning. By the way, it looks like Peyton's got his groove back, with 320 yards and 2 TDs.


Its not often you get to say that the Niners spanked anyone, so lets give them their moment this week. Niners spanked the Rams. San Fran made five trips to the red zone and scared 5 TDs. So we won't have any Singletary rants this week...his best move was pulling O'Sullivan at QB. He threw one incomplete pass and had one run for negative yards. O'Sullivan can we sending him packing with good ol' Sage? You know what! Take Marc Bulger with you...3 interceptions and a loss to the Niners, means you've gotta go! San Fran over St. Louis, 35-16.

Speaking of 2 interceptions, the return of Matt Hasselbeck was as riveting as the return of Tony No'mo, I mean Romo. 196 offensive yards and 4 turnovers for the Seahawks made Romo look pretty. Anqun Boldin had 186 yards receiving for the Cardinals and in a close second Larry Fitzgerald had 151. Big week for the ol' timers, only Kurt Warner didn't cry. Cards over Seahawks, 26-20.

The Titans remain at 10-0 with a win over the Jaguars. The second the Tennessee trailed Jacksonville, the announcers (who never know anything about the game) were all over Collins and his potential loss. Collins threw 3 TD passes in a win over the Jags, 24-14 to keep his perfect season in tact. Can he have a little respect now, please?

Snow fell in Pittsburgh and maybe that's the excuse for the 10-11 score. The snow fall was the most interesting thing to watch in this game, unless you like to watch Phillip Rivers under perform. Tomlinson had one rushing TD and that is where the game peaked, (there was some frolicking in the flurries by Ward, too) but the Steelers came out over the Chargers, 11-10.

MNF:
Apparently Trent Edwards was watching football and taking notes on Sunday because like many QB's this week he had 3 interceptions and that will get you a loss to the Browns (ask Eli!). Brady Quinn may be recovering from having his thunder stolen by Jay Cutler last week because he threw for a measly 186 yards and if it weren't for Edwards rushing for 104 the Browns would have looked as ugly as their jerseys. 29-27, Browns.

Week Nine in the NFL

No one corrected me last week when I said it was week 9. But now for the real week nine recap...


THAT’S MY BOY! It appears as though Eli has shaken off his uncertainty and returned to my emotional, Super Bowl Champion QB! I couldn’t ask for more from my World Champion Boys in Blue! Eli Manning threw three touchdown passes, Brandon Jacobs rushed for 117 yards and one TD and the Giants Defense has, not one, not two, but three interceptions (all which lead to touchdowns)! The pictures from that game, need very little editing. Giants stomp on Dallas, 35-14.


It looked early on like it would be a week of Upset Specials, but in the end only two teams really blew it, and one of them was my survivor pick. (Thanks alot, Jacksonville!)
Jacksonville lost to the Cincinnati Bengals. Just when I had said their season had died, the Jaguars stepped in full of pity and lost the game by a two-point conversion. T.J. Houshmandzadeh said they were just playing to look respectable (makes it sting a little more, doesn’t it Jacksonville?), but Ocho Cinco showed up with two TDs and a kiss for his coach. 19-21, Bengals.

(not my best work, but making two straight men kiss is just as hard on photoshop as in real life.)

Next upset: The NY Jets over the Buffalo Bills. Just when people were talking about the playoffs, for the Bills. They fall victim, first last week to the Dolphins, and this week to Brett Fav-ruh and the Jets. Bills and Jets shared almost equal clock time and total yardage, so where did the Bills lose this game...stupid mistakes and three turnovers. 26-17, Bretts over Bills.

The Detroit Lions remain the leagues only winless team, for the same reason. Turnovers! It looks once again like they were finally going to take down their opponent, the Chicago Bears, who were forced to play Sexy Rexy after Kyle Orton was carted off the field, but Detroit blew it,as usual. After being booo’d by his own fans, the only way Grossman was going to pull off this win was if it was against Detroit.

Ohhhh, Cleveland Browns! You chanted, “OVER-RATED!” when the Giants defeated themselves on your turf. Eli Manning threw three interceptions and you laughed...what's funny is the number of interceptions Eli had that game also happens to be your total number of wins, this season...doesn’t seem like so many, anymore, does it? Despite 2 interceptions, the Ravens dominated the running game and the Browns, 37-27.

The Houston Texans have never won 4 straight games, EVER! They aren’t starting now. The Texans were forced to return to Sage Rosenfels after Schaub's knee swelled up. Three turnovers later, the Vikings pulled out a 28-21 victory. As much as I love making fun of the Texan’s “spice boy” the O-line could’ve helped him out, at least a little. You don’t want sporty spice out there trying to make plays without any protection. (You need TD’s not STDs)


The Titans keep their undefeated season in tact with a field goal in OT against the Pack, 16-19. The Packers and Aaron Rodgers out-played the Titans, but were another team to lose the game to stupid mistakes. Two turnovers by Green Bay and none by the Titans, allowed Tennessee to bring home another W.

When speaking of turnovers this week, Mark Bulger comes to mind. He had two interceptions to make 2 of 3 turnovers by the Rams and passed for 186 yards which was no match for old, Mr. Kurt Warner’s 342. Cards at a surprising, 5-3 dominated the Rams, 34-13.

Just when we thought Kansas City would rack up a second win, the Bucs came back to win by 3 in OT, 30-27. It appears as though KC went home at half time. 24 of their 27 points were scored before the 3rd quarter. It takes a hell of a half time talk, to blow a 14 point lead, and lose a game where you opponent had 4 turnovers, but the Chiefs showed us, they can lose under any condition. (Unless of course they are playing Jay Cutler!)

Speaking of Cutler, I know I said I forgave him, but I saw a golden opportunity to send him a little reminder with the Miami Dolphins this weekend and I think he got the message. Cutler appeared to fear the Miami defense carrying my, “don’t f*ck with me!’ message, as he threw 2 interceptions in his first 4 passes and another in the 4th quarter. The Dolphins scored 13 points off those turnovers and to send the message home, Joey Porter called his receivers soft and accused them of moping and crying. I think I even say Cutler crying, as he threw his towel at a ref for calling a very obvious pass interference on the offense or wasn’t it? Remember that, Cutler! You owe me $120K, next time they’ll break your knees!

Yea, I see you, Jay....but you can't see me!

Atlanta’s running and passing game were on target this week. I almost took them in my survivor pool and I am kicking myself now, because the Falcons reminded the Raiders why they aren’t wanted in LA. 24-0, Atlanta.

Someone ate their chunky soup this week, it was a pure passing game for McNabb and the Eagles who dominated the Seahawks, 26-7. It pains me to say good things about the Eagles, so lets move on.

It was a pretty boring game in Indianapolis, as the Colts made only two visits to the red zone and still beat the Patriots, 15-18. Specials teams wins games, but someone should have told New England you can’t rely solely on specials teams for the to be true. Field goals are only worth 3 points.