Week Nine: Ilegal Use of a Stretcher

Let’s start with the illegal use of a stretcher. I never want to see anyone get seriously hurt. Ok…occasionally, I may have wished McNabb would trip and break an ankle during a bird dance but, nothing serious or fatal. But come on, no one can seriously tell me they still want to turn on their television and see Brett Favre.

I don’t want the guy to die or get seriously injured. That isn’t necessary, the guy like 200 years old in football years. I was thinking something simple, quick and with only a moderate amount of pain (come on, the guy has retired and unretired so many times he deserves a little twinge of something). Soooo, I may of gotten tired of seeing Favre fake an injury every week just to get out of practice. (Notice how his ankle wasn’t in good enough shape for practice all week, but was miraculously cured for the game???)…and I may have wished a real injury upon him. However, I should have been more specific when I said I wanted to see Favre carted off in a stretcher, but who would have thought…

They pull out the stretcher….I see blood…he’s gonna cry…I know it! Here it comes… He was carted off, in what looked like some serious agony. While he was gone, we sat contemplating, “Is it a broken jaw? He can’t play with a broken jaw. With his jaw wired shut, he won’t be able to change the coach’s call at the line. They won’t know when to hike the ball…I bet he broke his jaw…he won’t even be able to give a press conference! We won’t have to hear him all season!”


A CHIN LACERATION? Seriously? Since when does a chin laceration require a stretcher? A band-aid, of course! Some stitches, probably. But a stretcher? The guy cut his chin! HE CAN WALK! Meanwhile, after the game he was already running his mouth about how he expects to play next week. All of the excitement and we were only Favre free for an hour?

I guess it is better to be safe than sorry when it comes to the elderly, but seriously? A stretcher? If I had a yellow flag, I’d be all over those over reacting, Favre toters for creating a false sense of Favre silence.

Needless to say, the Vikings lost to the Patriots, 18-28 and Randy Moss knows why. Apparently, Moss told his coach what kind of game the Patriots were going to play and Childress opted not to listen. Childress’s answer was “I listened to him, but that was just his opinion about what was going to happen.”

Hmm…. I don’t even know what to think of that. Did Childress think that he knew more about the Pats than Moss? Whatever his alternate plan was…it didn’t work. Then again, I am sure the Patriots plan has changed since trading Moss. What did Moss tell the Vikings?

“I know what they are going to do coach! New England likes to throw deep in the corner…to me!”

Moss’s displeasure didn’t stop at Childress, in his post game interview he shared his feelings with the media. After being fined $25K for refusing to talk to the press after a game, he said he wouldn’t be talking to the media for the rest of the season. Which won’t really be a problem now, since he was placed on the waiver list immediately after his commentary and now has no game to play in. However, the most comical part of his announcement was this.

“From now on if I’m gonna to give an interview its gonna be done by me. I’m gonna acks me da questions and Imma give ya’ll the answers.”
I can see it now.



I’m sure the press will be fighting to get a hold of those interviews.
I don’t think Randy will be homeless for long though. There has been talk of the Dolphins, Rams and even the Jets.

The Jets. Haha. The Jets who got shut out in a 9-0 loss to the Packers this week. I guess they are still waiting on the “Sanchise” to kick in. I wouldn’t hold me breath guys! Actually, on second thought…go ahead. Hold you breath! It isn’t like they have their own stadium to worry about if their team should disappear.

Giants and Eagles were on a BYE this week, but it was still a great week for Giants (and Eagles) football.

The Dallas Cowgirls suffered a 35-17 loss to the Jags. Kitna threw four interceptions. Bad news for Dallas, Romo will be out for at least 6 more losses…I mean weeks. Although, the Cowgirls franchise doesn’t feel that will be too late claiming, “He will be back in time for the Super Bowl.” When?? What Super Bowl is that? 2025?????

I guess, however delusional that statement may have been, at least they stand behind their team...haha..okay, no. That statement was just crazy!!! But Jerry Jones may be a little less crazy (you won’t hear that often). He struggled through a stuttered speech about his disappointment in the team's 1-6 record. He said he never would have predicted this record at the beginning of the season. Of course, you didn’t Jerry. You used to be one of those crazies who thought they were going to the Super Bowl.

Speaking of teams not going to the Super Bowl. It looks like McNabb, despite his new team, will continue to say “there is always next season.” The Redskins lost on Sunday, 25-37. Give them a break, though…they were playing the DETROIT LIONS!

The Redskins benched McNabb for the final two possessions. Mike Shanahan said McNabb didn’t have the "cardiovascular endurance" for a 2-minute offense. Yup, that’s right, McNabb…he just called you FAT! (Too much Chunky Soup?)

Considering McNabb is old, balding and looking a little flabby, this may not have been such an outrageous decision, IF he weren’t replaced with REX GROSSMAN! How out of shape do you have to be to get benched for Sexy Rexy? I would think he’d have to be, at least, 100lbs overweight, winded, limping and maybe even suffering from a life threatening chin laceration to make Grossman seem like a good option. When was the last time Rex threw a ball? Did anyone know he was still in the league?

Than again, remember the last time McNabb played under pressure??


Well, the decision paid off…FOR THE LIONS! Rex stepped in an did what we all (except Shanahan) knew he would do. He dropped the ball…literally. Good call.

Week Nine in the NFL

No one corrected me last week when I said it was week 9. But now for the real week nine recap...


THAT’S MY BOY! It appears as though Eli has shaken off his uncertainty and returned to my emotional, Super Bowl Champion QB! I couldn’t ask for more from my World Champion Boys in Blue! Eli Manning threw three touchdown passes, Brandon Jacobs rushed for 117 yards and one TD and the Giants Defense has, not one, not two, but three interceptions (all which lead to touchdowns)! The pictures from that game, need very little editing. Giants stomp on Dallas, 35-14.


It looked early on like it would be a week of Upset Specials, but in the end only two teams really blew it, and one of them was my survivor pick. (Thanks alot, Jacksonville!)
Jacksonville lost to the Cincinnati Bengals. Just when I had said their season had died, the Jaguars stepped in full of pity and lost the game by a two-point conversion. T.J. Houshmandzadeh said they were just playing to look respectable (makes it sting a little more, doesn’t it Jacksonville?), but Ocho Cinco showed up with two TDs and a kiss for his coach. 19-21, Bengals.

(not my best work, but making two straight men kiss is just as hard on photoshop as in real life.)

Next upset: The NY Jets over the Buffalo Bills. Just when people were talking about the playoffs, for the Bills. They fall victim, first last week to the Dolphins, and this week to Brett Fav-ruh and the Jets. Bills and Jets shared almost equal clock time and total yardage, so where did the Bills lose this game...stupid mistakes and three turnovers. 26-17, Bretts over Bills.

The Detroit Lions remain the leagues only winless team, for the same reason. Turnovers! It looks once again like they were finally going to take down their opponent, the Chicago Bears, who were forced to play Sexy Rexy after Kyle Orton was carted off the field, but Detroit blew it,as usual. After being booo’d by his own fans, the only way Grossman was going to pull off this win was if it was against Detroit.

Ohhhh, Cleveland Browns! You chanted, “OVER-RATED!” when the Giants defeated themselves on your turf. Eli Manning threw three interceptions and you laughed...what's funny is the number of interceptions Eli had that game also happens to be your total number of wins, this season...doesn’t seem like so many, anymore, does it? Despite 2 interceptions, the Ravens dominated the running game and the Browns, 37-27.

The Houston Texans have never won 4 straight games, EVER! They aren’t starting now. The Texans were forced to return to Sage Rosenfels after Schaub's knee swelled up. Three turnovers later, the Vikings pulled out a 28-21 victory. As much as I love making fun of the Texan’s “spice boy” the O-line could’ve helped him out, at least a little. You don’t want sporty spice out there trying to make plays without any protection. (You need TD’s not STDs)


The Titans keep their undefeated season in tact with a field goal in OT against the Pack, 16-19. The Packers and Aaron Rodgers out-played the Titans, but were another team to lose the game to stupid mistakes. Two turnovers by Green Bay and none by the Titans, allowed Tennessee to bring home another W.

When speaking of turnovers this week, Mark Bulger comes to mind. He had two interceptions to make 2 of 3 turnovers by the Rams and passed for 186 yards which was no match for old, Mr. Kurt Warner’s 342. Cards at a surprising, 5-3 dominated the Rams, 34-13.

Just when we thought Kansas City would rack up a second win, the Bucs came back to win by 3 in OT, 30-27. It appears as though KC went home at half time. 24 of their 27 points were scored before the 3rd quarter. It takes a hell of a half time talk, to blow a 14 point lead, and lose a game where you opponent had 4 turnovers, but the Chiefs showed us, they can lose under any condition. (Unless of course they are playing Jay Cutler!)

Speaking of Cutler, I know I said I forgave him, but I saw a golden opportunity to send him a little reminder with the Miami Dolphins this weekend and I think he got the message. Cutler appeared to fear the Miami defense carrying my, “don’t f*ck with me!’ message, as he threw 2 interceptions in his first 4 passes and another in the 4th quarter. The Dolphins scored 13 points off those turnovers and to send the message home, Joey Porter called his receivers soft and accused them of moping and crying. I think I even say Cutler crying, as he threw his towel at a ref for calling a very obvious pass interference on the offense or wasn’t it? Remember that, Cutler! You owe me $120K, next time they’ll break your knees!

Yea, I see you, Jay....but you can't see me!

Atlanta’s running and passing game were on target this week. I almost took them in my survivor pool and I am kicking myself now, because the Falcons reminded the Raiders why they aren’t wanted in LA. 24-0, Atlanta.

Someone ate their chunky soup this week, it was a pure passing game for McNabb and the Eagles who dominated the Seahawks, 26-7. It pains me to say good things about the Eagles, so lets move on.

It was a pretty boring game in Indianapolis, as the Colts made only two visits to the red zone and still beat the Patriots, 15-18. Specials teams wins games, but someone should have told New England you can’t rely solely on specials teams for the to be true. Field goals are only worth 3 points.

Week Nine Eight in the NFL Recap

I know its almost Week 10 Week 9. My latest post ever! (Its been a bad week).

Where should we start? How about them NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS!? (Did I mention they are Defending World Champs?)

New York Giants defense defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 21 to14. Oversized, I mean, Big Ben was under constant pressure. Kiwanuka alone had three sacks and a forced fumble and Kenny Phillips picked off Roethlisberger's final pass to end the game. Eli went untouched with the protection of his O-line and they all played like one big happy family. (Unfortunately, Eli’s big happy family, didn’t include Peyton this time...see MNF).

The Raven’s gave us a lesson in, How To Run a Trick Play:
The best place to test your trick play is probably against the Oakland Raiders, (unless you have Detroit or Cincy on your schedule. In that case, use one of those games to put on a magic show of trick plays...no one will even notice). Anyway, Joe Flacco took a snap, handed the ball off to backup QB Troy Smith, who then passed it back to Flacco, who ran down the left sideline for a 43-yard gain. The only way that could be cooler, is if it ended in 6 instead of 3. Ravens settled for a field goal on that play, but still defeated the Raiders, 29-10.

Perhaps the Raven’s inspired, the Cardinals to try a trick play, only less successful. No Huddle, Shotgun to J.Arrington resulted on an incomplete pass to Boldin. Their entire game was also less successful than the Raven’s, Steve Smith had 5 carries for 117 yards, Jake Delhomme was 20/28 with 2 TD’s and the Panthers beat the Cards despite Warner’s 381 yards passing and Fitzgerald’s 115 yards rushing. Final score, 27-23.

Statistically, the Bucs out played the Cowgirls. They had 267 yards to Dallas’s 172. Garcia threw for 227 over Johnson’s (the old guy who plays where Tony Romo goes) 172. But if you are going to do all that work, you have got to deliver! Neither team delivered anything in this game, but the Bucs delivered even less than the Cowgirls. The biggest and only entertaining play of the game came from a Punter. The Dallas punter wasn’t even the last line of defense against the Bucs return man who was running back the punt. But as Clifton Smith ran through the line, instead of sliding under his feet to trip the runner, in usual punter fashion, Dallas Punter, Paulescu, nailed Smith at midfield and walked off as if he does it everyday. Dallas over Tampa Bay, 9-13. http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d80bf57d1

My Survivor Pick was almost lost, when I once again, foolishly bet on the Washington Redskins. Luckily, the ‘Skins defeated the Lions, but only because it was the Lions. Detroit lead Washington nearly half of the game, but in true Detroit Lion’s fashion and with the grace of Santana Moss, the lead was gone and the ‘Skins beat the Lions, 25-17.

Speaking of losing...the NFL was forced to say goodbye after a great loss this past week. After hearing that Carson Palmer would not return for the 2008 Season after surgery, the Bengals said goodbye to their already winless season. The season was never really alive (0-8) but there always remained some glitter of hope that like the Dolphins of 2007, they might just pull through long enough for one single, little win. That hope is gone now. It will be remembered only by the stone placed in the end zone by those left behind by Palmer and the touching words of the Cincinnati Enquirer’s Obituary.




Unfortunately for Cincy, they do not play the Detroit Lions (see obit) but perhaps they can get a pick-up game going, after the regular season. By the way, Houston over Cincy, 35-6.


Just when I thought the Buffalo had clinched their division, since there were no other contenders, the Miami Dolphins traded in the “wildcat offense” for something with wings. Chad Pennington and the Miami Dolphins aired out their offense with a passing game to beat the Bills, 16-25.

The St. Louis Rams are back to losing. I didn’t watch the game to be honest. However, New England beat St. Louis, 16-23. Maybe Cassel is getting more comfortable with his position, now that rumors that Brady and the Pats have trouble in Paradise. Feels more like home now, doesn’t it, Matt?

Looks like someone peed in Phillip Rivers’ English Tea. Maybe Drew Brees and the Saints ruined Rivers’ tea party when they beat the Chargers 32-37, in England. I am sure the Chargers, who chose to go with Rivers over Brees were eating crumpets of regret, as Drew Brees for 339 yards and three touchdowns. Saints enjoyed a win, Brees enjoyed revenge over his former team and a cranky Rivers had tea with a lucky fan.




Guess who threw three interceptions?? Brett Fav-ruh did! (But lucky for him he was playing KC.) That makes 11 total going into week 9. Hmmmm….Kharma, Mr. Fav-ruh? It was a close game, 24-28 with the Jets coming out over Chiefs.

Philadelphia over Atlanta, 27-14. Matt Ryan showed his green side when he got picked off in the end zone and a blown call by the referees went unchallenged by the timeout-less Falcons, leading the Eagles to a lucky win. If they played it again, I would still pick the Falcons.

Seneca Wallace was all “2’s” with 222 yards and 2 touch downs. Unfortunately, the last 2 is the number of wins the Seahawks have. This win wasn’t a big won because it was over the ‘9ers and it was overshadowed by Mike Singletary’s anger at Davis’ who after smacking an opponent in the helmet and receiving an unsportsmanlike-conduct penalty, shrugged it off. Singletary didn’t and if you didn’t see the video of his irate ramblings, google it. 34-14, final.

MNF:
The Titans remain undefeated and Peyton is still the lesser brother. What has happened to Peyton Manning? Well, a friend of mine put is best when he said, “it doesn’t matter how good he is, he can’t throw passes from lat on his back.” Where is the offensive line, Indy? Colts D forced a passing game on the Titans who have been “running” all over their opponents all season, but the Tennessee still managed 3 rushing TDs. Constantly under pressure; Manning threw 2 interceptions and still scored every TD for Indy. Throwing for 2 and rushing one in himself. He’s going to need a little help out there, Colts.