Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Wildcard: Fly Eagles Fl...BANG!

There have been reports of birds mysteriously falling out of the skies and no one knows why. I’ll tell you why, the over-inflated sense of self-worth that was keeping the Eagle’s up there was just shot down by the Green Bay Packers, sending the arm-flailing, birds in green back to another year of Super Bowl-less reality.

The Eagles weren’t worried about the Pack. Cocky as always, the Eagles and their “I can see by the scoreboard that we are losing, but I think that I should make hand gestures implying that I am great, anyway” DeSean Jackson, taunted the Green Bay Packers, despite the fact that they NEVER lead the game against the NFC wildcard team. The Eagles converted just 5 of 13 first-down opportunities and David Akers missed two field goals. That pretty much was the ballgame. Oh wait! Did I mention Michael Vick's interception in the end zone on the final drive of the game?

Don’t worry Vick, I still hear the MVP chants, only they are coming from Packer fans, now!

There has been some discussion as to whether off-field stressors have gotten to Akers causing him to miss TWO field goals. Hmmm…how about the stressor of being an Eagle for 10 years and not having a Super Bowl ring? I think those two missed field goals were an intentional cry for mercy…


Maybe Mr. Akers is tired of being the bridesmaid of the NFC. The Eagle’s make it to the playoffs, but never the Super Bowl. They win some games, but never the big one. And they stand on the side, while someone else always gets the ring.
Always the bridesmaids, never the bride.

(That was hard to do. I couldn’t find a full body picture of Andy Reid. I guess the wide lens, just isn’t wide enough!)

But perhaps the best news is that Michael Vick may be writing a book! A book? Seriously? About what? ALMOST winning a playoff game? Or is this a book about his personal life? No, wait! Let me guess…a dog training manual? Come on!

Michael Vick writing a book is a punch line in itself. Isn’t he getting a little ahead of himself? Maybe he should try reading a book before he writes one because I am pretty sure the last thing Vick read was his Miranda rights.

Maybe it’ll be a picture book.


Speaking of Vick’s plans, several Eagles' fans were asking me all week “What is Eli doing on Super Bowl Sunday?” (As if the Eagle’s were going to be there…not, unless they are buying tickets, buddy!) Well, I guess he will be watching the game, just like Vick…only with a ring on his finger and three trophies in his stadium. (Except, he can go to the game without asking his probation officer for permission to leave the state).

In case Eagles fans don't know what that is...it is a SUPER BOWL RING!

So the Eagles are out and we can enjoy yet another year of reminding them that they never won a Super Bowl! But don’t worry Eagle’s fans, you can still wear your “Go Birds!” shirts because the Falcons and the Seahawks are still in it.

Yes. I said the Seahawks. I remember when the playoff’s were only for teams with winning records. Not anymore! The Seahawks at 7-9, not only made the playoffs but they actually won their division (Way to go Cards, Rams and 49ers!). With the worst record ever seen in the playoffs, they hosted the defending Super Bowls champion, Saints…and won!

The Jets played the Colts but not before Rex Ryan could remind the world what a jack ass he is. Ryan announced that no team would ever beat him twice and said that it was “personal” because he wanted to beat Peyton Manning. He has even admitted to centering his entire draft around players that could beat Peyton Manning…obsessed much?
So after calling out Peyton Manning, the Colts took the opportunity to call out Rex

Unfortunately, the Jets beat the Colts when Nick Folk made a 32-yard field goal as time expired Saturday night. (Do you think Rex Ryan gave him a nice foot rub as a reward?)

Creepy!

The win prompted Ryan to take time out of his busy foot-rubbing schedule to remind us once again, that the fact that he has never won anything as defensive coordinator or head coach, doesn’t stop him from running his big mouth.

Rex claims, his next game, against the Patriots is really a matter of “Rex Ryan vs. Bill Belichick” because their teams are equal at every position. Hmmm...is anyone drafting Mark Sanchez over Tom Brady on their fantasy team? Because Ryan’s statement is nothing short of just that…a fantasy.

Apparently, Ryan's selective memory doesn’t recall that the last time they met, Sanchez threw three interceptions and the Pats beat the Jets, 45-3. However, he does remember that Tom Brady was taunting him. “He's going to try to look at me and do what he always does and sprints off the field and all that. ... He always points after he scores to everybody. “ Ryan said.

When asked if Brady points at Ryan, personally. Ryan said, “I don’t think so. I am not as big of a target as I used to be.”

Not as big of a target? Riiiight. Neither is the Goodyear Blimp.

Ps. There is no certainty that Vick will be an Eagle again next year. I wonder how many Eagle fans who compromised their morals for a sociopathic quarterback will suddenly join the movement against animal cruelty and consider Vick a killer, if he signs with another team.