Week Fourteen in the NFL Recap

It is only fair: Yes, I watched the Giants' game this week. They played like...like the Oakland Raiders, out there. Dropped passes, missed tackles. They didn't cover Brian Westbrook!! How could they not cover Brian Westbrook? The Eagles only have one play! Nothing went right for the G-men. Hixon played in the place of Burress and perhaps, in an exhausted attempt to prove they didn't need Plax, the offense forced the ball to Hixon, who dropped a pass that hit him in the chest and would have otherwise, been a touchdown. The Eagles ran the same play over and over. Donovan McNabb played his usual B.S. football and still the Giants didn't catch on. What happened out there guys? 20-14, Philly.

Despite losing to the Eagles, joke of a football team, the Giants clinched the NFC playoff spot this week at 11-2. And in response to McNabb's taunting and waving at the Giants' fans, Eli has this to say (If you can't read it, click on the letter):


The Chargers played the Raiders. Normally, I would say nothing more about these teams, but this game contained a few significant events for Los Angeles Oakland and San Diego; It marked the second win, in seven games for the Chargers, of course, it was against the Oakland Raiders, but a W is a W! Right? L.T. is back, with 91 yards rushing, compared to last weeks 24 and Rivers threw 3 touchdown passes. Jamarcus Russell was carted of the field in the second quarter, but I am not sure if he was hurt or embarrassed, because he did have 2 interceptions and a fumble right before this alleged injury and he is an abnormally large QB, you'd think he wouldn't be easily injured...unless of course that injury was to his ego. (How much "ego" do you really have left at 3-10?) 34-7, Chargers.

The Jags continue to be the biggest flop in the NFL this year (we never thought the Lions were going anywhere) with their fourth straight loss being to the Chicago Bears. At the beginning of the seasons, everyone thought that Jacksonville was going somewhere, and they still are; They're going home in three weeks. The Bears didn't look so bad out there, too bad their playoff hopes were contingent upon the Detroit Lions beating Minnesota. Seriously, the Lions! You can't imagine they were too hopeful, right? 23-10 Chicago.

I would like to thank Pittsburgh for contributing to the New York Football Giants NFC East Champion-dom, by exposing Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowgirls for the fumbling fools that they are. Tony Romo threw 3 interceptions and one of them, in true Romo, 44% passer rating fashion, was to lose the game. PICTURE THIS: Game is tied up at 13, 2 minutes left on the clock. Dallas has the ball. 2nd and 8. Romo is back to pass...short one, up the middle, PICK SIX! If you missed it, it looked something like this:


The Tennessee Titans remain with just one loss. Despite 3 turnovers, they beat the Brown's this week, who if you remember are playing with "Whatever Happened to" Ken Dorsey. (Yes, that explains the win, despite the 2 turnovers). Highlights? Cleveland finished the game with 178 offensive yards...total! Chris Johnson alone, finished with 136 yards rushing for the Titans. Ken Dorsey had 5 less yards passing than Kerri Collins, but made twice as many attempts. In case you were wondering, that is what happened to Ken Dorsey. 28-9, Titans.

Perhaps the best game to watch this Sunday was Atlanta @ New Orleans. Each team finished with exactly 414 offensive yards. Matt Ryan continued to play like, Rookie of the year with 313 yards passing. The game was close for each of the 4 quarters. But a court ruling put some of the Saints back on the field and the second year, undrafted RB, Pierre Thomas (I guess the "Sissy name rule" doesn't apply to him) had 102 yards rushing and 2 touchdowns, to lead the Saints over the Falcons, 29-25.

Matt Schaub marked his return to the field with 414 yards passing, in Green Bay. It was cold for the Texans and Matt wore a brace on his leg, but the only Houston mistake was a fumbled punt return by Jacoby Jones. (Ah, there is the "sissy name rule" in effect!) Steve Slaton is giving Matt Ryan a run for his money at Rookie of the year, literally. Slaton had 120 yards rushing (10 less than last week). The best play by Houston however, came from Punter, Matt Turk, who improvised, what looked like his own punt-fake call. After receiving the snap, it appeared that Turk was thinking "Hey, you know, I always wanted to run a fake punt and they never let me, I think I will run one now!" However, there was no audible by the Punter. It turns out that Turk had no choice but to run with the ball to avoid a blocked punt and in fear for his life, he ran for an 18 yard gain. "I was running for my life, I tell you! That's when I run fastest: when someone is chasing me." Punters are so cute and fragile.

The Dolphins are not going down without a fight. This week, Miami played Buffalo in Toronto, Canada. I would love to seize the opportunity to insert a Canada joke here, but to be honest, I don't know a single thing about Canada, other than I have no need or desire to go there. There were no stand out offensive players, in the game but, the Miami defense held Buffalo to a single field goal, to sweep the Bills and keep their dim playoff hopes alive. 16-3, Miami.


Are those tears I see there, Fav-ruh? Well, this week you cry with good reason. Brett Favre was 20/31 for 137 yards, ZERO touchdowns and 1 interception...AGAINST THE NINERS! The Jets had 182 offensive yards, AGAINST THE NINERS! The Jets were dominated in every statistical category, AGAINST THE NINERS! Are you getting the picture? 24-14, NINERS!

I feel sorry for Seattle, every time I see them play. Seneca Wallace threw for 3 touchdowns and had no interceptions, but they still couldn't catch a break. Wes Walker broke out 134 yards receiving for the Pats and helped Matt Cassel convert a two point conversion to give New England a 3 point lead over the 'Hawks. Ddespite stepping up at QB this week, a Wallace fumble allowed New England to run out the clock, hanging on to that 3 point lead and beating Seattle, 24-21.

I know I usually refer to the Denver Broncos game only by Jay Cutler's performance, and this week is no different. In the Broncos domination over the. remnants of a football team. we refer to as the Kansas City Chiefs, Jay Cutler completed passes to 8 different receivers and 2 for touchdowns. I hope you didn't want more highlights cause they played the Chiefs. I think you know what happened. 24-17, Denver.

Arizona clinched their division this week with an easy win over the St. Louis Rams. Again, not sure you are expecting any highlights...it was the St. Louis Rams. 34-10, Cards.

Washington doesn't want to give that last place spot in the NFC East to the Eagles without a fight. Campbell did his part in the quest for last place with two interceptions and Portis added a fumble. But let's not discredit the Raven's defense which finally showed why they are ranked so highly...or maybe only one player should be ranked that highly. The Ravens defense consists of one man, Ed Reed. Reed had both interceptions, forced a fumble and had six tackles and a sack, holding Clinton Portis to 32 yards rushing and single handedly beating the Redskins. 24-10, Ed Reed over Washington.

I forgot about the Colts. It was probably because they were just the latest team to give an old-fashion beat down to the Bengals. Three touchdown passes for this Manning brother, this week, and four turnovers by Cincy put Indy on top, 35-3.

Something else I forgot:
INTERESTING YET USELESS NFL FACT:
Almost every game you hear the announcer say something like, "the Giants are undefeated against the Eagles when wearing their throwback jersey." (which they never wear) Who cares? No one. But they still put it on the screen. So this week, I have one. I watched ALL of the 1:00 games this Sunday, at the same time and at 1:47 pm (EST), exactly three things happened, AT THE SAME TIME:


1. Derrick Ward, FUMBLE! (GIANTS v.Eagles)
2. Own Daniels, FUMBLE! (TEXANS v. Packers)
3. Dallas Clark, FUMBLE! (COLTS v. Bengals)
Obviously, those pictures are not the actual fumbles, especially since Ward's elbow is down and he is still in possession. But if you doubt me, go ahead and check the game recaps and play by plays. They all fumbled, at the EXACT SAME TIME!

MNF:
Jonathon Stewart had 115 yards rushing for the Carolina Panthers and he was SECOND to DeAngelo Williams, who had ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT SIX YARDS RUSHING! 2 touchdowns for each of them. (DO YOU HEAR THAT GIANTS??? WORK ON THAT RUSH DEFENSE!!!)Antonio Bryant had 200 yards receiving for the Bucs, but it just wasn't enough. Carolina over Tampa Bay, 38-23.

Week Thirteen in the NFL Recap

One down two more to go. Looks like after Plaxico’s latest display of stupidity the Giants said “Screw this Pilgrims and Indians Thanksgiving stuff!” and showed no mercy to the Redskins of Washington. Thanksgiving was over and so was the time to play nice. The WORLD CHAMPION NY FOOTBALL GIANTS played as if Burress was already on the Dallas Cowgirl’s Roster of Criminals. The Redskins put “eight and nine men in the box,” but they were no match for Eli who threw his career high 239 yards in the first half and Derrick Ward who had a career high 75 yards receiving. 23-7, Giants.

Awwww, Come on! It's cute! He has 8 Redskins in the box! :)

What can I say about a game where the winning team has only 195 TOTAL yards? Marshawn Lynch had 134 yards rushing for Buffalo; that is only 60 yards less than the Niners had, total and only 35 yards less than Hill (Niner’s QB- its okay, I didn’t know who he was either) had passing. So how in the world did the Bills lose this game? Well, 4 of their trips to the Red Zone yielded a combined total of ZERO points. It didn’t help that Rian Lindell, missed TWO kicks and one from 20-yards out. See moms, that’s what happens when you try to give your kids girly names like Sage or cutesy spellings like R-I-A-N...they SUCK at football! Ryan is spelled with a “y.” Niners over Bills, 10-3.

The Niner’s lack of offensive yardage was nothing compared to the 155 yards racked up by Cincy, however the Bengals were the losing team. Unlike the Bills, the Baltimore Ravens took advantage of their opponent's complete lack of football skills and racked up 450 yards of offense, throwing in a touchdown pass by wide receiver, Mark Clayton for show. Willis McGahee was active but didn’t play. I am sure they were thinking one of two things, “Ahhh, we are playing the Bengals, just put anybody in...” or “Hey guys, wanna screw with some fantasy teams?” Either way, they didn’t need him. 34-3, Ravens. (Note: since getting spanked by the Giants, the Ravens now have the NUMBER TWO defense in the NFL as opposed to number one).


Marcus Colston had 106 yards receiving for the Saints....
Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Drew Brees had 3 interceptions and the running game wasn’t available for this game. Reggie Bush returned for 3 rushing attempts but broke even at 0 total yards. Garcia sucks, I don’t care if the Bucs are 9-3. Defense won this game for Tampa Bay, holding the Saints to 2.4 yard per carry. 23-20, Bucs.

Field goals and defense. What else is new in a game played by the Miami Dolphins? A win is a win but, my God are they boring! The most interesting part of the Miami-St. Louis game was betting how many more interceptions Marc Bulger could throw; I was disappointed to see him stop at 3, I thought he had a few more in him. There were 7 successful field goals in the game and the final score was 16-12, Miami, so if you didn’t watch it, you missed nothing.


Since we are already on the subject of boring. I am stripping Peyton Manning of all of his movie covers. He can keep doing commercials though, I wouldn’t deny myself those! He is hilarious! What isn’t funny, are his stats for Sunday’s game against the Browns. Peyton “the lesser” Manning was 15/21 for 125 yards, 0 touchdowns and 2 interceptions. Lucky for the NFL’s funny man, that’s all you need to beat the Brown’s these days. (Shut up! I know they beat the Giants.) By the way, Did anyone ever wonder what happened to Ken Dorsey? You know the University of Miami quarterback that was a Heisman candidate the same year as Larry Johnson, Willis McGahee, and Carson Palmer? Well, he plays..or sits, 4th string,for the Browns now. SUCKERS! He came in long enough to throw 3 incomplete passes and an interception. 10-6, Colts.

I am not sure where Green Bay didn’t catch on, but it is obvious that the Carolina Panthers have 2 plays. Option 1: Throw to Steve Smith, who had 60% of the total yards receiving. Option 2: Run DeAngelo Williams, who had 4 rushing touchdowns. It never occurred to the Green Bay defense to shut those two down and, hey, if it works, keep doing it. For that reason, despite dominating the clock and total yardage, the Packers lost to the Panthers 31-35.

Atlanta played a sloppy game with 3 turnovers, but it was enough for cute little Matt Ryan and the Falcons to beat the worst passing defense in the NFL, San Diego Chargers. Phillip Rivers had no touchdowns at home for the first time this season. It looked like Turner who used to sit the bench behind Tomlinson was taking some notes, and had 120 yards rushing against LT’s 24. Congrats to the Falcons, this week marks them winning twice as many games as they did last season.

Jay Cutler is a complicated man. Last week he got embarrassed by, none other then, the Oakland Raiders and this week, he’s 27/43 for 357 yards and 2 touchdowns. (He also had 1 interception but since he made Brett Favre cry, we will let it slide!) Yes, Brett Fav-ruh did complete one interception but no touch down passes...and the Broncos did trample the Bretts 34-17...but what would be the fun in beating the Jets without a few tears from our favorite NFL cry baby?

In Brett's defense, maybe his skirt was riding up or his legs were cold!

In case you were wondering, those were Aaron Rodgers's legs I used!

FIVE turnovers for New England lead the Steeler’s to an upset win, over the Patriots. The Steelers sacked Cassel five times and forced two fumbles. In Cassel’s defense, Moss dropped 2 possible touchdowns passes that hit him right in the numbers. Maybe it was the pressure of replacing Brady after 2 consecutive 400 plus yard games, or maybe the receivers couldn’t handle the weather, either way the Pats were 1 for 13 on 3rd down and the Steeler’s were ready for them. 33-10, Pittsburgh.

Kansas City played Oakland. 20-13, Chiefs.


Kyle Orton played terribly with 3 interceptions but not bad enough to see the return of Sexy Rexy. He did have 2 touchdown passes, but that was the beginning and the end of anything for the Bears. Adrian Peterson had 131 yards rushing, Bernard Berrian had 122 yards receiving and 4 different Vikings scored touchdowns, leading Minnesota over Chicago, 34-14.

Giant Leap over the Eagles

That is the beauty of being the NY Giants. Well, aside from the obvious of playing the best game of football that can be found in the NFL and the reigning World Champions, the name "Giants" lends itself to so many headline possibilities (like the one above). Watch, this week alone:

GIANT Embarrassment For Philadelphia.

GIANT lead in the NFC

GIANT Takeover at Lincoln Financial Field

or

Donovan McNabb Takes GIANT ****** (the number of asterisks is irrelevant; figured you could insert your own wording there!)

Week Nine Eight in the NFL Recap

I know its almost Week 10 Week 9. My latest post ever! (Its been a bad week).

Where should we start? How about them NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS!? (Did I mention they are Defending World Champs?)

New York Giants defense defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 21 to14. Oversized, I mean, Big Ben was under constant pressure. Kiwanuka alone had three sacks and a forced fumble and Kenny Phillips picked off Roethlisberger's final pass to end the game. Eli went untouched with the protection of his O-line and they all played like one big happy family. (Unfortunately, Eli’s big happy family, didn’t include Peyton this time...see MNF).

The Raven’s gave us a lesson in, How To Run a Trick Play:
The best place to test your trick play is probably against the Oakland Raiders, (unless you have Detroit or Cincy on your schedule. In that case, use one of those games to put on a magic show of trick plays...no one will even notice). Anyway, Joe Flacco took a snap, handed the ball off to backup QB Troy Smith, who then passed it back to Flacco, who ran down the left sideline for a 43-yard gain. The only way that could be cooler, is if it ended in 6 instead of 3. Ravens settled for a field goal on that play, but still defeated the Raiders, 29-10.

Perhaps the Raven’s inspired, the Cardinals to try a trick play, only less successful. No Huddle, Shotgun to J.Arrington resulted on an incomplete pass to Boldin. Their entire game was also less successful than the Raven’s, Steve Smith had 5 carries for 117 yards, Jake Delhomme was 20/28 with 2 TD’s and the Panthers beat the Cards despite Warner’s 381 yards passing and Fitzgerald’s 115 yards rushing. Final score, 27-23.

Statistically, the Bucs out played the Cowgirls. They had 267 yards to Dallas’s 172. Garcia threw for 227 over Johnson’s (the old guy who plays where Tony Romo goes) 172. But if you are going to do all that work, you have got to deliver! Neither team delivered anything in this game, but the Bucs delivered even less than the Cowgirls. The biggest and only entertaining play of the game came from a Punter. The Dallas punter wasn’t even the last line of defense against the Bucs return man who was running back the punt. But as Clifton Smith ran through the line, instead of sliding under his feet to trip the runner, in usual punter fashion, Dallas Punter, Paulescu, nailed Smith at midfield and walked off as if he does it everyday. Dallas over Tampa Bay, 9-13. http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d80bf57d1

My Survivor Pick was almost lost, when I once again, foolishly bet on the Washington Redskins. Luckily, the ‘Skins defeated the Lions, but only because it was the Lions. Detroit lead Washington nearly half of the game, but in true Detroit Lion’s fashion and with the grace of Santana Moss, the lead was gone and the ‘Skins beat the Lions, 25-17.

Speaking of losing...the NFL was forced to say goodbye after a great loss this past week. After hearing that Carson Palmer would not return for the 2008 Season after surgery, the Bengals said goodbye to their already winless season. The season was never really alive (0-8) but there always remained some glitter of hope that like the Dolphins of 2007, they might just pull through long enough for one single, little win. That hope is gone now. It will be remembered only by the stone placed in the end zone by those left behind by Palmer and the touching words of the Cincinnati Enquirer’s Obituary.




Unfortunately for Cincy, they do not play the Detroit Lions (see obit) but perhaps they can get a pick-up game going, after the regular season. By the way, Houston over Cincy, 35-6.


Just when I thought the Buffalo had clinched their division, since there were no other contenders, the Miami Dolphins traded in the “wildcat offense” for something with wings. Chad Pennington and the Miami Dolphins aired out their offense with a passing game to beat the Bills, 16-25.

The St. Louis Rams are back to losing. I didn’t watch the game to be honest. However, New England beat St. Louis, 16-23. Maybe Cassel is getting more comfortable with his position, now that rumors that Brady and the Pats have trouble in Paradise. Feels more like home now, doesn’t it, Matt?

Looks like someone peed in Phillip Rivers’ English Tea. Maybe Drew Brees and the Saints ruined Rivers’ tea party when they beat the Chargers 32-37, in England. I am sure the Chargers, who chose to go with Rivers over Brees were eating crumpets of regret, as Drew Brees for 339 yards and three touchdowns. Saints enjoyed a win, Brees enjoyed revenge over his former team and a cranky Rivers had tea with a lucky fan.




Guess who threw three interceptions?? Brett Fav-ruh did! (But lucky for him he was playing KC.) That makes 11 total going into week 9. Hmmmm….Kharma, Mr. Fav-ruh? It was a close game, 24-28 with the Jets coming out over Chiefs.

Philadelphia over Atlanta, 27-14. Matt Ryan showed his green side when he got picked off in the end zone and a blown call by the referees went unchallenged by the timeout-less Falcons, leading the Eagles to a lucky win. If they played it again, I would still pick the Falcons.

Seneca Wallace was all “2’s” with 222 yards and 2 touch downs. Unfortunately, the last 2 is the number of wins the Seahawks have. This win wasn’t a big won because it was over the ‘9ers and it was overshadowed by Mike Singletary’s anger at Davis’ who after smacking an opponent in the helmet and receiving an unsportsmanlike-conduct penalty, shrugged it off. Singletary didn’t and if you didn’t see the video of his irate ramblings, google it. 34-14, final.

MNF:
The Titans remain undefeated and Peyton is still the lesser brother. What has happened to Peyton Manning? Well, a friend of mine put is best when he said, “it doesn’t matter how good he is, he can’t throw passes from lat on his back.” Where is the offensive line, Indy? Colts D forced a passing game on the Titans who have been “running” all over their opponents all season, but the Tennessee still managed 3 rushing TDs. Constantly under pressure; Manning threw 2 interceptions and still scored every TD for Indy. Throwing for 2 and rushing one in himself. He’s going to need a little help out there, Colts.

Week Seven in the NFL

Due to a long road trip, I am still not on schedule. This week, I will be on top of things!

I know, last week I talked about the WORLD CHAMPION NY GIANTS last, when they lost, but I swear it was because it was MNF. I always talk about MNF last. Anyway…

My boy is back! I took the Giants in my single remaining elimination bowl pick and my “faith” in them paid off. I know they were only playing the 49ers; the team that last week, I said I couldn’t name a single player. But this week, I can name one….O’Sullivan. He is the ‘9ers quarterback and also happens to be the man that Michael Johnson (undrafted, second year safety for the W.C. NY GIANTS) picked off twice.
I was glad to see the Giants win, but I don’t want to give Eli too much credit. This was a win by the defense; a safety, six sacks, 3 turnovers. Good game, D! Giants over those guys in red and gold, 29-17.
(Eli, I expect more from you next week against the Steelers. )

Speaking of Steelers. The Giants get no preview of what is to come next week, because the Steelers didn’t have to play this week. Nope, they weren’t on a bye…almost the same thing though, they were playing the Bengals. Dare I say, I may have mis-spoken, when I called the St. Louis Rams the worst ream in the league. Who would have thought with all that self-serving banter from Ocho Cinco, that his team would be winless going into week 8?

I know what you are thinking? Who is that guy and why is he wearing the old Dallas uniform? Well, that guy is Brad Johnson and here is what you need to know about him:
1. He is the only NFL player to ever throw a touchdown pass to himself.
2. He was drafted in 1992 and carried the clip board for Warren Moon.
3. He has played for 4 teams in the NFL (and Minnesota twice).
4. He is 4 years older than the Steeler’s head coach.
5. If the question is “who is older then Brett Fav-ruh?” This guy is raising his hand!
The last thing you need to know, is that this same guy played QB for the Dallas Cowgirls Sunday. (Yeah, I mean this past Sunday). Well, “playing” is an overstatement. He was 17 for 34 and threw interceptions. The Dallas Cowgirls lost to the St. Louis Rams; an embarrassing 31-14. (guess Dallas’s D didn’t show up either.) But, why didn’t Romo play? Well, he hurt his finger during last week’s game… “How did he hurt his finger?” Well, I am glad you asked. It actually happened during a commercial break, after Romo called a time out to help his, fundamentally challenged, simpleton girlfriend...




Of course to cover for the already dismantling Cowgirls, they blamed the poor Cards. But look at the bright side Tony, how you have 4 weeks to teach Jess to tie her shoes and you will have so much time to listen to her wonderful, nasal, forced southern twang as she pretends to be “just another Southern girl...” Come on, is there any wonder why Tony spent the week throwing passes past Coach Phillips and begging to play with a broken pinky?


The other geriatric Quarterback, reminded us that “time to retire” comes before 40 years old. The Raiders ended a 4 game losing streak, when Brett Fav-ruh’s 2 interceptions leads to an incredibly boring 13-16 victory for the Raiders over the Jets. I am pretty sure even the coaches took a nap, while the only thing that happened was a longest field goal contest. Jay Feely's 52-yard field goal with three seconds left in regulation tied the game. He actually missed his first attempt, but Raiders coach called timeout before the play started, probably because he had just realized the game was still going on, and the play was blown dead, which gave the Jets another chance. Dragging the game into overtime, where Janikowski (Raiders kicker. I know, no one knows the Raiders by name), said “Hey Feely! Take your 52 yarder and....” kicking a 57-yard field goal to finally put a, long awaited, end to a game that couldn’t have sucked anymore, if Cincy played in it!

Reggie Bush hurt his knee and the Carolina Panthers stomped all over the New Orleans Saints, like they were Tony Romo’s pinky! Final score, a shameful 30-7. I do not know when Bush will return, but he will not be drinking tea with the English next week, when the Saints to go London. Don’t worry, the English won’t notice. During last years “match” abroad between the Giants and the Dolphins, I saw someone wearing a Troy Aikman jersey (at least it wasn’t Michael Vick, right?).

Buffalo still maintains a surprising grip on the AFC East, at 5-1 with their latest victory over San Diego, 23-14. Then again, who else would contend for the division? The Brady-less Pats, The Miami Dolphins or the NY Bretts? Sounds like the Bills have this one clinched. Even more impressive though, the Bills and the Chargers played this game without electricity. Nope, it wasn’t a tribute to Brett Fav-ruh’s first NFL game (you know, since there was no electricity back then). The power went out when balloons hit an outside power line, and they played with no game clock...this small problem didn’t stop the referees from consistently calling delay of game. Perhaps it was the alternative form of timing used and the return of the self-absorbed Rivers, whose need to reassure himself of his importance, after being used as a bargaining chip to fulfill Eli Manning’s wishes, had him yelling at fans for booing him:




Minnesota v. Chicago was the complete opposite of the Jets/Raiders game, meaning that there was actually scoring going on. Despite four interception (one more than Eli last week) thrown by Minnesota, they managed to rack up 41 point against the Bears. Unfortunately for them, the Bears has 48. 48-41, Bears over Vikings.

Had I asked last week, “who is worse, Houston or Detroit?” Most people would have stared blankly at me as if I asked “Who is worse, Detroit or Cincy?” Well, lucky for us, the first of those two questions was answered this week. Houston proved that they are just the tiniest bit better than the Lions, when they won by a touchdown. 21-28, Texans. Leaving the Battle for Worst Team in NFL to be a tight race between the 0 and 6 Lions of Detroit and the ohhhhh and seven, Bengals of Cincinnati. Since the only way these two teams would meet this year would be at the Super Bowl, and we all know the only chance of that is in the stands, we will just have to watch intently as these teams continue to embarrass themselves against the rest of their respective conferences. My pick: Detroit is worse then Cincy.

Big Bro can’t blame the knee surgery after last week’s performance, so what happened Peyton? Interceptions at the one yard line? Looks like the ghost of Eli’s past took a trip to visit Big Brother Manning in Green Bay against the Packers. With a record setting 12 penalties for 110 yards, Colts lost to the Pack, 14-34.

Looks like Kansas City’s single win will remain over the Bronco’s choking performance to lose my Elimination Bowl pick. Despite KC’s attempt to remain consistently inconsistent and use three quarterbacks in a single game, the only thing their noncommittal QB situation lead to was another loss. Looks like the only thing the Chiefs are consistent at, is losing. As much as I enjoyed watching the confusion that ensues from the Chiefs decision to use the “Make a Wish Foundation” as a method of choosing a QB (“Hey kid! You ever wanna play QB for the Chiefs? Today is your lucky day, get in there!” ), I am a big fan of the passing game and Mr. Ex-Giant, Kerri Collins, only threw 18 passes to lead the undefeated Titans over the Chiefs, 34-10.
Perhaps the Chiefs thought, if they looked pathetic enough, Tennessee would give them one of their quarterbacks. After all, Vince Young is just sitting there.

Redskins continued to prove Strahan right in his comment that they weren’t meant to be front runners, when they barely passed the Browns, 11-14, after a wide right Brown’s field goal attempt. (Yeah, I know the Giants lost to the Browns, so what?)

I have to say, I never thought I would see Seattle in the running for second to the worst team in the NFL (actually 3rd, see Cincy and Detroit). Looks like the Seahawks may be desperate enough to take either Hasselbeck at this point. Senecca Wallace threw for a whopping 73 totals yards for Seattle this week. Despite wearing the prettiest jerseys in the NFL and their perfect use of bright green as an accent color, Seattle lost, yet again. This time to Tampa Bay and Jeff Garcia, who threw for 310 yards...apparently, side ways because they only scored 20 points. 20-10, Bucs.

MNF:
Looks like my favorite blue-eyes, Tom Brady back-up QB, heard what Jay Cutler did to me against KC and took it personally. Apparently he was tired of Boston’s incessant whining about “Tahm Brahdy) (said in that annoying Boston broad “A” accent) and he took it out on the Broncos. In fact, it appears the entire team was fed up, injuring an entire football family and taking out both brothers, Champ and Boss Bailey of the Broncos. Despite it being primarily a running game, Cassel can now say to his “Bahstahn” fans, “Shut up! you could have Jay Cutler!”

"Fantasy" Football: Potential Draftee No. 1

Matt Leinart

NFL TEAM: Arizona Cardinals
POSITION: (Second String)Quarter Back; Carries clipboard for Kurt Warner
AGE: 25
HEIGHT: 6 ft 5 in
WEIGHT: 230 lb
Matt won the Heisman Trophy as a Junior at USC and may not have done very much else with his football career, but since then, his athletic physique and dimpled smile have also won him, ESPN Hottest Male Athlete of the Year. He appeared in Cosmopolitan Fun Fearless Males 2006 and People Magazine 100 Most Beautiful People. He has starred on several television commercials, including one where he is a newly recruited member of the Manning family. He may not get very much play time anymore, or ever again, but that just gives you more time to check him out on the sideline, between plays!
Not to mention, he can rock a 5 o'clock shadow, any time of day....



But as with all things in life, Matt isn't all cute dimples and stubble, there is another side to Mr. Leinart.

THINGS YOU MUST KNOW BEFORE DRAFTING MATT LEINART:
He has been linked to Brittney Spears, Paris Hilton and Kristin Cavallari. (There may be a problem if you aren't blonde.)
He shells out $15,000 per month in child support, to care for his illegitimate son, Cole, with a USC basketball player Brynn Cameron(also blonde).
He still enjoys crowded hot tub parties and beer bongs.

ALSO, MATT LEINART IS LEFT HANDED!!!!
*I am also left handed and in no way support on condone anything that nut job is saying, if you follow the link, but when I was searching around, I just couldn't ignore the insanity of that post.

But at the end of the day, I am sure he is a very clean boy! Ok, well...at least he is in this picture...

Girls, on Girls Watching Football...

Girls, on Girls Watching Football (and Guys, on Girls Watching Football)

With the right heading, you can get anyone to read a post. (I bet you didn't even notice the placement of the comma, which turns what might be a girl on a girl who is watching football into a blog about how girl feel about girls watching football)I am sure I have more guys attention than girls; so guys tap the nearest girl on the shoulder and tell her to read this and I promise I will show you “Girls on Girls, watching football.”

I have done some in depth, complicated and completely accurate research about how guys and girls feel about girls watching football. Please note that by “in depth, complicated and completely accurate research” I mean, I have listened to guys complain over the years, asked some friends and totally random people who walked in my office about it, and most importantly I “googled it!”

Girls on Girls, Watching Football

Some girls I asked about watching football, watched it because they understand the game and enjoy it. Most went a college where football was life. If there was a game on Saturday, the world was to stop anything which may interfere with that game. (I am a proud Penn State grad!). Others watched it because a friend or a boyfriend made them watch it and slowly but surely they learned to appreciate the game like 95% of the United States. (I make my own statistics, but I read somewhere that football has replaced baseball as “America’s Past Time.) What I found interesting is, regardless of how they got into the game, when asked “Who is the hottest player in the NFL?” every girl had an immediate answer. Which proves to my next group of girls, that girls who watch football are still very much, girls!

Other girls, don’t watch football. When asked about it some of them said, they never got into and don’t understand it. Others thought football was a guys sport and they wouldn’t like it. The last group of girls, told me that guys didn’t like girls who watched football. First, do you really not do things because a guy might not like it? If so, you need more help than a blog. Second, have you ever spoken to a guy about girls who watch football? Keep Reading.

Guys on Girls, watching Football

So my question was, basically, how do guys feel about girls watching football. My answer, turned out to sound a whole lot like the pros and cons of Jessica Simpson.
On one hand they think its “hot.” I realize this could have been the answer to quite possible any question I asked, so I did get clarification and most answers were more in depth and actually less shallow than “its hot.” (but then that wouldn’t fit into my Jessica Simpson explanation would it?)
Most guys like football, at least. Some love it, some live for it...some actually think they play football, in their minds. (Stay way from them!). Anyway, they want to be able to talk about it and watch it with you. Plus I am convinced that there are some things that they just think are “hot.” They can’t explain it to me, so I can’t explain it to you. Figuring out how the male mind works , requires far more research and a totally separate blog. But I am not trying to make miracles here, just reach a “happy medium” for everyone. So back on topic, yes, Jessica Simpson is hot, just like girls watching football. That is the pro. What is the con?
Let’s face it, she is not an intelligent girl. So what are guys problems with this? She “doesn’t get it!” They want girls to watch football, but they don’t want them to ask 500 questions during football. Like “don’t they see that yellow line?” or “do they have to tuck in their shirts?”

So, realizing that football has something for everyone, but that everyone has different football needs, I have divided football watchers into different categories (and named them below) so that everyone’s needs can be addressed


Group #1: Jessica Simpsons

You don’t get it. You don’t really like or get football. You like football players, but you are never really going to grasp the concept of first downs or face masks. That is okay, there is something in football for you too.
What you should read: Female Fantasy Football, it points out something we can all appreciate in football, even if we don’t get it. If you want to date Tony Romo (or football watching guy of choice), you may need something to do while staring blankly at the screen and something to wear doing it. This section is where you will find it.

Group #2: Football Groupies (or Jessica Simpson Lights)


You don’t get it, yet. But you can and you will. You have questions, but you actually want to know the answers and are capable of getting out of this group. Perhaps you are a “football groupie” You watch football because other people do. Maybe your boyfriend does, or your friends do. Maybe you work, who knows. You probably either, know how to pronounce Farve but don’t know who Ocho Cinco is yet.
What you should read: Football Fundamentals, this section answers all of the questions you want to ask, but won’t because you read “Guys on Girls, Watching Football.” For one reason or another, you want to “get” the game and this section will get you there.
Female Fantasy Football: Just cause you get the game doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the finer things on the field and look cute watching it.

Group #3: Suzy Homemakers


These are the girls who think “football is for boys!” If you are not baking a pie in the 1950s, barefoot and pregnant, or even if you are...I bet I can show, even you, that there is plenty in football for girls, and you may even find yourself evolving into a different group, or at least 2008.
Watch you should read: Female Fantasy Football: Maybe you don’t think you will ever be into men running each other over, but football isn’t just for boys. Start with this Section and you may find yourself in another group.


Group #4: Monday Morning Cheerleaders


If you get the "Monday Morning QB reference, then you are in this group. You already understand the fundamentals of football and can cheer on your team with the best of them. You already know you can watch football and not lose status as a female. You don’t need anything from me, but want to read my awesome blog anyway because it may point out good looking players and football fashion, but it still discusses what’s going on in the NFL.
What you should read: All of it!
Female Fantasy Football: you can understand first downs and still appreciate who looks good doing it.
Girls Guide to Gridiron: Just football stuff, with a different perspective.
There are also recaps of Sundays games from my point of view and whatever else I come up with along the way.


Find your group? I realize the Group names are broad generalizations and possibly inappropriate. Please don’t be offended by your group name, it is all in good fun. Plus you are not confined to one group for the rest of your life, or the life of my blog. Enjoy!

As for my promise of "Girls on Girls, Watching Football" to those who I tricked into reading this with the title. Guys, this is the best I can do...and since I don't know the rules about borrowing pictures from other sites, Follow the link...

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/Rizzo_MF/HotGirlsAndFootball.png

Week Three in the NFL

Here is what you missed this week.
The Giants nearly gave me a heart attack. I took them over Cincy this week and they went into over time. The Giants sacked Carson Palmer 6 times in the first half alone, and only managed to enter halftime with a tied score at 13. I have no idea where the offense was....They didn’t end up showing their faces until the 4th quarter and went 68 yards in nine plays to retake the lead by 3. Only to have the Bengals kick a quick field goal and send it into overtime. Giants won the toss and did nothing impressive but managed to put up 3 points to win the game. Moral of the story, never bet on your own team cause if they lose its like being mad TIMES TWO!

Just about everyone else on the Dallas Cowboys' offense had a big night in a 27-16 victory at over the Green Bay Packers, at Green Bay. Some guy named Miles Austin for Dallas has 2 huge catches, despite the fact that no one even knew who he was. I am pretty sure even Tony Romo thought, “who the heck is that guy out there with the Dallas jersey? Oh well, he is open, here it goes!” I was rooting for Green Bay, but oh well!

A 51-yarder with 4 seconds left put the Jaguars ahead of the Colts 23-21. This seals Peyton’s fate as the lesser Manning and now Eli can safely call him and say “You wanna come over this weekend Bro and I will teach you some football fundamentals? I can let you borrow my game tape, so you can see how I do it! Or maybe we can start small by throwing a football through a tire in the back yeard???” Haha...I love it!

[Peyton: I hate you, Eli!! Daaaad! It's not fair! Eli is playing better than me!!!]


[Archie: Boys! Cut it out! Eli, I want you to take your brother out in the backyard and show him how you connect with Plaxico Burress every week.
Eli:Fine! Next thing you know, I will be teaching him to do commercials, too!]

The Eagles beat Pittsburgh 15-6 in what could quite possibly be the most boring game EVER! Donovan McNabb-hurt and a big P-word! Westbrook- hurt and out of the game! Ben Rothlisburger- hurt and played with a bandaged hand! So the game was purely defense and purely boring!

Unfortunately for the Browns, Anderson is their quarterback and he starts over Brady Quinn, so now you know, why no one wanted to draft the QB from Notre Dame! He sucks, because the guy who starts over him had 2 interceptions returned for touch downs against the Ravens. And Baltimore beat the Browns 28-10.

In the battle over “WHO SUCKS MORE” it turns out that, while the 49ers still suck, the Detroit Lions suck more. San Fran beat Detroit in a game no one watched because we tend to forget either one of them are teams in the NFL. Score: 13-31.

Seattle beat St. Louis 37-13, for Seattle's first win, which actually says nothing about Seattle because St. Louis might be the only team worse than Detroit.

Denver Broncos escaped with a 34-32 win over the New Orleans Saints, when they kicked a field goal with under 2 minutes left. This weeks theme seems to be “special teams wins (or in some cases loses) games!”

Kurt Warner had about the same game as Campbell passing wise, but his team kept turning the ball over, so in another game that I care nothing about, except that the Redskins are in the NFC East, the Redskins pulled out a W over the Cardinals 17-24.

The Titans despite having Kerry Collins (ex-giants, ex-alcoholic) as a QB, destroyed the Houston Texans 31-12. I heard some rumors that people thought, Houston’s week one loss was just a bad game and they could turn out to be a decent team when they got back from their bye week....hmmm...guess those rumors were put to rest. I am pretty sure we can file the Texans with the 49ers, Detroit and St, Louis....under G for garbage, or good bye, or great team to bet against!

But before you close that “G” file, let me put the Raiders in there too. They lost to Buffalo 24-23. However, Bills overcame three quarters of their own inability to play football to score 17 points in the final 8 minutes. So they may be joining their Raider buddies in the garbage pile if they keep playing like they did most of the game!

It is a toss up, who is the crappier QB: Thigpen or Matt Ryan? Considering Thigpen was 14 for 36, I think he can safely change his name to Tyler “I threw 3 interceptions in a game against the Falcons” Thigpen. At least Atlanta had some defense and a rushing game, to run in 3 TDs and not allow a first down for KC until the 2nd Quarter. They won, 38-14. (Hey! You said ran in 3 touch downs...where did they get the other? Thigpen's interceptions!)

G. Frerotte...do you know who that is? I doubt it...he is the QB for Minnesota. He also went 16-28 and 204 years passing against Carolina. However, they only had one offensive touchdown. Which turned out to be enough, because the Panthers fumbled for Vikings Defensive touchdown and a few boring field goals later, the Vikings beat the Panthers 20-10.


OMG! I almost forgot. I am sure you are thinking, what about the Dolphins? I am sure they lost to the Pats, but she didn't mention them! Well, I was saving them for last. Because, none other than the Miami "Yeah we wear aqua and orange" Dolphins, put an end to the Patriots undefeated regular season! Of course, they are without Tom Brady, but those are just excuses when they got rocked 38-13. Where was their defense? Last I checked, Brady didn't play defense.
Face it! Pats are no longer a team to be feared!

Monday’s Report:
48-29 San Diego over NY’s lesser team, the Jets. San Diego was robbed the last 2 weeks, so they were over due and maybe now the Jets’ fans will quiet their Super Bowl chatter.

Week Two in the NFL

Let’s start with the most important game...The World Champion NY Football Giants destroyed the St. Louis Rams in St. Louis, 41-13. And that is despite the fact that the Giants insisted on running the ball, when everyone of their receivers were standing around open. Imagine what they would have done, if there were actually some decent, offensive play calling. Also, Eli over threw some of those wide open receivers but his confidence was definitely up from last year. He had some “ballsy” plays that you would never have seen from Eli last year. A blind pitch to a running back and a trick play. I am happy to see him able to through a pitch behind him without worrying whether the receiver will be there to catch it. It shows confidence in his team he didn’t have before. Last week, Plaxico was “you can’t cover me Burress” and he played well this week too. He actually through a few blocks and everything, but he shared his receiving with Toomer this week. All together they played well and I think their sideline jackets should say “Tiki Barber is gay!!” on them. If you do not agree, please download the episode of Project Runway, which features Tiki Barber.

Moving on...
Denver surprised Sand Diego and won 39-38. San Diego should have one, but a referee called an obvious fumble by Cutler, an incomplete forward pass, and gave the ball to the Broncos to score in the final minute. You have got to give them credit though, they went for 2 instead of playing it safe and won instead of tying. The referee admitted blowing the call and apologized to the Chargers, but that doesn’t help them, does it? If they would have played harder the rest of the game it wouldn’t have come down to one call...actually Rivers threw for 377 yards, so I guess he couldn’t do too much else. Stupid Ref!

Pittsburgh beat Cleveland 10-6 in the Sunday night game, but it was so boring I feel asleep. Parker rushed for 105 yards but everyone else was unimpressive.

New England beat the Jets, maybe now they can take down the Favre for President signs. Jets fans are crazy. Favre is an old, overrated, million dollar cry baby and they have changed their cheer to J-E-T-S, Favre, Favre, Farve!!! I have no tolerance for fans that spell the name of their teams as a cheer! Perhaps that is because my family had season tickets to the Giants and the guy who sat behind us regularly yelled things like “step on his neck!” and spit in his eye!”

Arizona ran over Miami 31-10, but did you expect anything else? They put up the statistic that Favre and Werner are to 2 oldest QBs to ever beat the same team back to back. How random is that! The Dolphins played so poorly that the Cardinals game Leinhert some PT!!!

We all knew Tampa Bay would beat ATL, and they did, 24-9. Who cares?

San Fran beat Seattle 33-30. I wouldn’t have picked that. O’Sullivan had 330 yrds passing...I know what you are thinking...who is O’Sullivan. I didn’t know either. He is the QB for San Fran now. Who knew? What the heck is going on with Seattle? Matt, you better step up before you end up like you brother; living off his wife, the dumb blonde girl on the View.

Carolina beat Chicago and surprisingly Buffalo beat Jacksonville. However, the biggest surprise may be Washington over New Orleans. With the way the Redskins didn’t play last week, I almost picked New Orleans in my Elimination Bowl, thank God, I went with the Giants!!! I guess it helped the Campbell completed 24 of 36 passes for 321 yards, but they were actually behind until the 4th quarter where they came back with 3 minutes left and the Saints didn’t respond.

Titans beat the Bengals, even with “Ocho Cinco” Rushing for 110 yards. I guess that the only thing happening with the Bengals...you do know that Chad Johnson legally changed his name to Chad Ocho-Cinco, so that he can have it written on the back of his jersey, right? What a joke. Just like the way the Bengals played yesterday!

Indianapolis squeaked passed Minnesota in what everyone though was going to be a blow out. Indy lost last week and played just as bad this week...maybe Peyton is now the lesser Manning...step aside big bro! Eli wants to show you some things!!!!!

Green Bay beat Detroit, but they were out played the first half. Out of nowhere Green Bay took off and won and I am happy for them because my hate for Favre only increases my desire to see Rodgers succeed.

But everyone this week is pointing and laughing at the Kansas City Chiefs...they lost to the Raiders. Most people don’t even know if the Raiders play in Oakland or LA anymore, but 146 people got knocked out of my pool when the Raiders knocked out KC 23-8!!!! They put in crappy QB after crappy QB and they even played a wide receiver at quarterback. (a guy whose picture isn't even up on their roster). Larry Johnson is not happy, but I am!
Below you can find the candidates for KC's QB-1 position:





Tonight, the Eagles take on Dallas. I hate them both, but I am pulling for the Eagles for the first time in my life because if they win, 90 something people get knocked out of my survivor pool. But my God...McNabb is a bigger joke than Favre.
How many years can you rely on a QB to be mediocre? What is this guy 100?

Monday Night:
Dallas beat the Eagles in a score fest; 41-37. I saw Tony Romo fumble in his own end zone twice... on the same play...when he was all alone. (Insert Jessica Simpson joke of your choice, here). The Eagles should have and would have won, if it weren't for McNabb's crappy hand-off to Westbrook for a fumble and then on their march toward their last chance at victory in the final seconds, McNabb got sacked for a huge loss and then forgot he was supposed to run out of bounds to stop the clock. Dallas over Philly- Blame Donovan!

What is this all about?

Several people have told me that I should become a sideline reporter or get a job on ESPN reviewing the NFL games of the week. More specifically, I was told to apply for a job on ESPN saying what everyone really wants to sat about the weeks games, in a bikini. However, that is kinda taking 2 steps forward and three steps backward. Although, for the right salary...

Anyway, one of my friends moved out of the country and since no one appreciates American Football quite like Americans, I promised to provide him with a weekly recap of what happened in the NFL. However, there are some things you need to know:

1. I hate boring recaps of games I have already seen by guys on tv who can't say what they really want to say like "I fell asleep watching this game!" So my recaps are from my honest, point of view.
2. I am biased. I have been a die-hard Defending World Champion NY Giant fan, since forever, which means, why I may tear them apart for a sub-par performance, I will always hate the Cowgirls and the Eagles. Deal with it! :)
3. Just because I know the actual rules to the game, and can provide enough info for a sports blog, does not mean, I will not mention how hot a particular player happens to be.
4. I will occasional refer to Brett Favre as Brett Fav-ruh because that is how I imagine you would say his name if it were pronounced as it is spelled. (I may be wrong, but the last things it does spell is "far-v")

So, here it goes. (I have been emailing the weekly reports so far, so weeks one through three will all be posted on the same day!)