Final Week in Regular Season Recap: "Jenny Says"

The final week in the NFL always has a bunch of games that mean nothing and no one cares about, so to talk about all of them would be a waste of time. So I have decided that for this weeks recap, we are going to play a little game you may be familiar with called "Jenny says..." (yeah, just like the song) This is how it works, it is kinda like Simon Says only totally different. I think you will get it. There were 2 major "stars" this week in the NFL, see if you can figure who they were.

Jenny says, "Raise your hand if you completed less than 50% of your passes this week!"



Jenny says, "Raise your hand if you turned the ball over more than three times this week!"



Jenny says, "Raise your hand if your team if not going to the play-offs and it is all your fault!"



Jenny says, "Just stand in front of the mic and look like the Perdue Chicken Guy if you won as many NFL games this season as she did and that your future role as a coach in the NFL is the same as hers!"


Jenny says, "Shed a tear if you are an overage cry baby whose team wishes they had never traded away their quarterback for because now that guy is going to the playoffs and they aren’t."


Jenny says, "Keep crying if you were to retire now the last thing you did as an NFL player was throw an interception to keep your team from going to the playoffs!"


Jenny says, "Cry if a coach got fired just for hiring you as the teams quarterback!"

Jenny says, "Look like a sore loser if you ran off the field and refused to shake Chad Penningtons hand after he beat you for a spot in the playoffs and made a fool of you on National TV!"


The Eagles needed a miracle to go to the play offs and they got it.
Buc lost to the Raiders, 24-31.
Giants lost to the Vikings, 19-20.
Bear lost to the Texans 34-21.
Everyone of those games were upsets and everyone of them were needed for the Eagles to go to the playoffs. McNabb only had to complete 12 passes to get there because the Cowgirls had 5 turnovers, to lose 44-6.

Chad Pennington and the Miami Dolphins had the biggest come back season, winning ten games more than the Dolphins did last year to take a spot in the playoffs, over Brett Favre.

Week Thirteen in the NFL Recap

One down two more to go. Looks like after Plaxico’s latest display of stupidity the Giants said “Screw this Pilgrims and Indians Thanksgiving stuff!” and showed no mercy to the Redskins of Washington. Thanksgiving was over and so was the time to play nice. The WORLD CHAMPION NY FOOTBALL GIANTS played as if Burress was already on the Dallas Cowgirl’s Roster of Criminals. The Redskins put “eight and nine men in the box,” but they were no match for Eli who threw his career high 239 yards in the first half and Derrick Ward who had a career high 75 yards receiving. 23-7, Giants.

Awwww, Come on! It's cute! He has 8 Redskins in the box! :)

What can I say about a game where the winning team has only 195 TOTAL yards? Marshawn Lynch had 134 yards rushing for Buffalo; that is only 60 yards less than the Niners had, total and only 35 yards less than Hill (Niner’s QB- its okay, I didn’t know who he was either) had passing. So how in the world did the Bills lose this game? Well, 4 of their trips to the Red Zone yielded a combined total of ZERO points. It didn’t help that Rian Lindell, missed TWO kicks and one from 20-yards out. See moms, that’s what happens when you try to give your kids girly names like Sage or cutesy spellings like R-I-A-N...they SUCK at football! Ryan is spelled with a “y.” Niners over Bills, 10-3.

The Niner’s lack of offensive yardage was nothing compared to the 155 yards racked up by Cincy, however the Bengals were the losing team. Unlike the Bills, the Baltimore Ravens took advantage of their opponent's complete lack of football skills and racked up 450 yards of offense, throwing in a touchdown pass by wide receiver, Mark Clayton for show. Willis McGahee was active but didn’t play. I am sure they were thinking one of two things, “Ahhh, we are playing the Bengals, just put anybody in...” or “Hey guys, wanna screw with some fantasy teams?” Either way, they didn’t need him. 34-3, Ravens. (Note: since getting spanked by the Giants, the Ravens now have the NUMBER TWO defense in the NFL as opposed to number one).


Marcus Colston had 106 yards receiving for the Saints....
Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Drew Brees had 3 interceptions and the running game wasn’t available for this game. Reggie Bush returned for 3 rushing attempts but broke even at 0 total yards. Garcia sucks, I don’t care if the Bucs are 9-3. Defense won this game for Tampa Bay, holding the Saints to 2.4 yard per carry. 23-20, Bucs.

Field goals and defense. What else is new in a game played by the Miami Dolphins? A win is a win but, my God are they boring! The most interesting part of the Miami-St. Louis game was betting how many more interceptions Marc Bulger could throw; I was disappointed to see him stop at 3, I thought he had a few more in him. There were 7 successful field goals in the game and the final score was 16-12, Miami, so if you didn’t watch it, you missed nothing.


Since we are already on the subject of boring. I am stripping Peyton Manning of all of his movie covers. He can keep doing commercials though, I wouldn’t deny myself those! He is hilarious! What isn’t funny, are his stats for Sunday’s game against the Browns. Peyton “the lesser” Manning was 15/21 for 125 yards, 0 touchdowns and 2 interceptions. Lucky for the NFL’s funny man, that’s all you need to beat the Brown’s these days. (Shut up! I know they beat the Giants.) By the way, Did anyone ever wonder what happened to Ken Dorsey? You know the University of Miami quarterback that was a Heisman candidate the same year as Larry Johnson, Willis McGahee, and Carson Palmer? Well, he plays..or sits, 4th string,for the Browns now. SUCKERS! He came in long enough to throw 3 incomplete passes and an interception. 10-6, Colts.

I am not sure where Green Bay didn’t catch on, but it is obvious that the Carolina Panthers have 2 plays. Option 1: Throw to Steve Smith, who had 60% of the total yards receiving. Option 2: Run DeAngelo Williams, who had 4 rushing touchdowns. It never occurred to the Green Bay defense to shut those two down and, hey, if it works, keep doing it. For that reason, despite dominating the clock and total yardage, the Packers lost to the Panthers 31-35.

Atlanta played a sloppy game with 3 turnovers, but it was enough for cute little Matt Ryan and the Falcons to beat the worst passing defense in the NFL, San Diego Chargers. Phillip Rivers had no touchdowns at home for the first time this season. It looked like Turner who used to sit the bench behind Tomlinson was taking some notes, and had 120 yards rushing against LT’s 24. Congrats to the Falcons, this week marks them winning twice as many games as they did last season.

Jay Cutler is a complicated man. Last week he got embarrassed by, none other then, the Oakland Raiders and this week, he’s 27/43 for 357 yards and 2 touchdowns. (He also had 1 interception but since he made Brett Favre cry, we will let it slide!) Yes, Brett Fav-ruh did complete one interception but no touch down passes...and the Broncos did trample the Bretts 34-17...but what would be the fun in beating the Jets without a few tears from our favorite NFL cry baby?

In Brett's defense, maybe his skirt was riding up or his legs were cold!

In case you were wondering, those were Aaron Rodgers's legs I used!

FIVE turnovers for New England lead the Steeler’s to an upset win, over the Patriots. The Steelers sacked Cassel five times and forced two fumbles. In Cassel’s defense, Moss dropped 2 possible touchdowns passes that hit him right in the numbers. Maybe it was the pressure of replacing Brady after 2 consecutive 400 plus yard games, or maybe the receivers couldn’t handle the weather, either way the Pats were 1 for 13 on 3rd down and the Steeler’s were ready for them. 33-10, Pittsburgh.

Kansas City played Oakland. 20-13, Chiefs.


Kyle Orton played terribly with 3 interceptions but not bad enough to see the return of Sexy Rexy. He did have 2 touchdown passes, but that was the beginning and the end of anything for the Bears. Adrian Peterson had 131 yards rushing, Bernard Berrian had 122 yards receiving and 4 different Vikings scored touchdowns, leading Minnesota over Chicago, 34-14.

Brett Farve Favre, Through out the Tears

Brett Favre has cried on several momentous occasions through out his life. It never mattered to him whether he was on national tv, or when Laura Ingraham said "I didn't know there was a woman quarterback in the NFL." Favre has been true to his emotions, since birth. But before we judge him, many of us cried or would have cried on these occasions as well.

He cried at birth, like most of us. (this is an obvious re-enactment of the birth of Brett Favre, as there was no digital photography back then)



He cried on his first day of school...…you can see how that might be a problem (spelling had to give the poor kid some trouble, Farve, Favre...whatever!).




He cried when they shot Bambi's mom (but didn't we all?)



When he met his true love John Madden for the first time. They do have an unnatural connection.



He cried when he...he bit his tongue? (Oh come on! You know that hurts!)


He cried when the NFL told him he had to go to rehab for his pain killer addiction or pay $900,000. (Thats a pretty tough decision for anyone, isn't it?)


He cried when he broke the most career interceptions record (300)...I wonder if he will cry when Tony Romo takes this over?



I don't know why he is crying here, but my guess would be he either realized that an NFL Quarterback, worth millions, who only works once a week for about 6 months out of the year, has nothing to cry about.


He cried when he saw this image on the Jumbo Tron. (not a good look for old man Fav-ruh)


He cried when he lost to the Giants in the final game of his career (which would only turn out to be his final game as a Green Bay Packer and not as big of a deal as he originally thought).


He cried when he retired from the NFL


And he cried when he unretired from the NFL




All of these events can be devastating or at the very least troublesome. Maybe if we stretch our imaginations and try to conceptualize what it might be like to get paid millions to play a game, hear our name chanted by our fans, have people recognize us wherever we go, win a Superbowl, and have our face on the cover of a video game, we could sympathize with Brett. Its a tough life, but some one's gotta live it. Just because he gets hit by 300 pound linemen doesn't mean it doesn't hurt him when he stubs his toe or someone calls him a blubbering girl. So up until this Thursday, I felt that Brett Favre's tears were genuine and everyone was too harsh on the man for showing his true feelings...

HOWEVER! This Thursday, Brett Favre cried, after beating the New England Patriots.


He cried because he beat a team playing with a Rookie quarterback in his first starting season, who is under the pressure of playing after Tom Brady's almost undefeated season. I don't get it Favre. Was it because you just squeaked by and one with a field goal in OT? Was it because Matt Cassel out played you, throwing for 400 yards and 2 TDs and you finally realize you are too old for the NFL?? I can' figure this on out!

Did Matt Cassel hurt your feelings?


Through tears and sobs, Brett Favre was the second best quarterback to play on Thursday night, throwing for 258 and 2 TDS, but the Bretts beats the Pats in OT, 34-31.