Mr. Irrelevant, et al.

Again, better late...

I didn’t get to watch the draft due to a minor wedding crisis, but to be honest, my impatience trumps my love for football when it comes to sitting for 2 days and 256 draft picks…after a few rounds, it feels like sitting through baseball season.

So after the first round, maybe the second, I am on to other weekend activities and reading the occasional scrolling ticker at the bottom of the screen.

We always know who the first pick is going to be, long before the draft starts (unless there is an Eli Manning switch-a-roo!) and usually, I make it back to the TV on day 2 of the NFL draft for pick number 256, otherwise known as “Mr. Irrelevant.” So I am only covering the first and last picks of the 2009 NFL Draft.

Who is Mr. Irrelevant?

‘Mr. Irrelevant’ is the tongue in cheek name given to the very last pick of the draft by Paul Salata (He was a wide receiver for the Baltimore Colts, like a million years ago) in 1976. He dubbed these final draftees ‘Mr. Irrelevant’ because they are often said to be the most irrelevant players on the field. After all, 256 players were picked before them.

By the time you get to the 256th pick, there can’t be much strategy left. No one is going to make a big trade and all of the star athletes waiting to be drafted in the Radio City Music Hall, are long gone…yes, even Brady Quinn!

Most NFL fans say that once it gets down to the final few picks in the draft, it's better for a player not to get selected, so they can sign a free-agent contract with a team they choose. (Yeah, because it is that easy.) However, very few college football players are sitting by their phones on Day 2 of the draft saying “I hope my phone doesn’t ring and I don’t get drafted.”

In fact, even while the clock counted down the 3-minuets it took to select this years ‘Mr. Irrelevant,’ hundreds of guys were sitting around their TVs waiting to hear their name get called by Paul Salata, in hopes of receiving the Kansas City colored jersey with 256 on the back…and an NFL contract.

This years, Mr. Irrelevant is South Carolina Gamecock, kicker, Ryan Succop. Everyone in Radio City seemed a little disappointed (and by a little, I mean the place filled with boo’s and hisses), when KC picked the kicker, but those people might be interested to know, in the NFL 56 games were decided by a field goal or less.

And if you still don’t think the Kicker is important, ask Ray Finkle…

Or the REAL RAY FINKLE, Scott ‘Wide Right’ Norwood. (I may have added that ‘wide right’ part!)

Anyway, I can’t name any other Mr. Irrelevant without Google, but since Paul Salata, named the last pick in the draft, the worst seat in the house has become the second to last pick in the draft. Mr. Irrelevant is anything but ‘irrelevant.’ (at least for one week!)

This year Ryan Succop, not only gets the famous #256 jersey, but an entire week devoted to him. Mr. Irrelevant week is an entire week of events in Newport, California dedicated to the player picked last in the NFL Draft. According to irrelevantweek.com, this year he gets…

Arrival Party

Press Conference

Shower of Gifts

All-Star Lowsman Banquet (where he will be presented with the Lowsman Award, as opposed to the Heisman)

Tour of Surf City

Irrelevant Rams Cheerleader Contest

Main Street Welcome and Parade

And Closing Ceremonies.

Seems like a pretty good deal, until you see what the FIRST PLAYER DRAFTED GETS:

First pick in the draft was UGA’s Matt Stafford, who received a measly $72 million dollar contract worth $78 if he meets all his incentives (for Detroit, what could incentives possibly be? Double the number of wins they had last year? They can’t possible expects the super bowl…or even playoffs).

Is Mr. Stafford worth 72 millions? Probably not. He is only one kid and let’s face it…the Lions need miracles.

SIDE NOTE: Although, he isn’t just one kid when teamed up with the Detroit’s 82nd pick in the draft; the “Jesus Shuttlesworth” of football (as he was dubbed by LaVar Arrington), 2005 All-Big Ten Freshman Team, 2007 Outback Bowl champion, 2008 First-Team All-Big Ten Team, wide receiver, punt return specialist and the occasional quarterback, the Nittany Lions’ ‘Mr. Versatility,’ Penn State football player, Derrick ‘the Lion Hearted’ Williams (but I may be slightly biased).

While, Mr. Irrelevant will be famous for a week, Matt Stafford’s 72 million is likely to make him AND HIS GIRLFRIEND famous for a little longer.

I don’ t know, maybe hoisting kegs over your head in what appears to be a trailer park, is a Georgia thing? :P


Noooo, she wasn’t planning to use this picture later…when you got drafted. She just happens to be the only one smiling at the camera while you cuddle with your friend in the grass.

At least she is a cute girl…

Wait! That isn’t her? Is it? (Funny how these pictures surface when you are guaranteed to be $41.7 million richer). Is that Knowshon with you?

I am not surprised. Knowshon wasn’t worried about getting drafted…even during the draft.


Incase you were wondering, Moreno was picked 12th in the draft by the Denver Broncos and signed a six-year, $40.5 million contract. A little over 9.5 million a year. (But did he get a parade???)

If it is any consolation for being picked number 256 and not 1, Ryan Succop is pretty cute. Mr. Stafford on the other hand...well, at least has $41.7 million guaranteed, but he won't be making my fantasy draft any time soon.

NEW G-MEN:
With their first pick, the G-men took, North Carolina (who knew they had a football team, too) wide receiver, Hakeem Nicks to replace Plax, but Eli was hoping for a more seasoned receiver saying “After being here five years and seeing how rookies come in, it is a learning curve. It is a process. So we'll try to get them as much as they can and see what they can do and how they can help us next year."

Perhaps Eli was hoping for a trade including Braylon Edwards or Anquan Boldin, who were available for a second round draft pick. Honestly, I was too Eli…but the G-men decided to continue to stack their D, after picking up almost every available defensive player in the free agent pool, using their second pick to take yet another outside linebacker.

"Fantasy" Football Potential Draftee #4 & 5: Special 2 for 1 Addition

If I can’t watch the Giants win, I wanna see the Eagles lose! And this week, I owe that to the Arizona Cardinals. While enjoying the demise of McNabb and the Filthadelphia Eagles, I noticed 2 draft worthy men on the field. Check ‘em out!

Draftee #4: More Men Should be Like, Adrian Wilson



ADRIAN WILSON
NFL TEAM: Arizona Cardinals
POSITION: Strong Safety (no, there is no such thing as “weak safety”)
AGE: 29
HEIGHT: 6'3"
WEIGHT: 230 lbs

More Men should be like Adrian Wilson. Not only because he is my first-ever, non-quarterback draftee, but because he’s loyal and doesn't just look for what's "easy."

Wilson was a strong safety for NC State and he was drafted in the 3rd round of the NFL draft by the Arizona Cardinals. He is now the longest tenured Arizona Cardinal, ever. When asked about spending 8 years with the Cards, Wilson said, “I would never abandon my team because they were losing…even if it means I never go to the Super Bowl!” Wilson stood by his team, who hasn’t seen the Super Bowl in 61 years, even though it would be easier to jump to a team, which was well on their way. So now, it is that much sweeter for Adrian, to be hoping a plane to Tampa, with the team that believed in him and he believed in, when no one else did.

Those of you wondering if Adrian Wilson had no choice but to be a Cardinal… After returning both a recovered fumble and interception, he is the first defensive player in NFL history with two touchdowns of 99+ yards in the same season; also only NFL player ever with multiple 99-yarders without the benefit of a kickoff return. He led the Cardinals in interceptions, forced fumbles, fumble recoveries, tackles for a loss and was third in tackles and fourth in sacks. His 8.0 sacks in 2005 were the most in NFL history by a defensive back since sacks became an official statistic in 1982 and also led the team. And ADRIAN OPTED NOT TO BECOME AN UNRESTRICTED FREE AGENT and stood by his Arizona Cardinals.

During Adrian’s post-game interview this Sunday, a tear streamed from his eye and he said, “we have been through so much together…”


Wilson gets drafted for his loyalty, faith, perseverance and commitment to his team, where most men would simply take the “easy way.” Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit.

But just like everyone else, there is another side to Adrian Wilson…THE BACK SIDE!


Draftee #5: Kurt “I used to be a NY GIANT” Warner

KURT WARNER
NFL TEAM: Arizona Cardinals
POSITION: Quarterback (“Ladies, Matt Leinert carries my clipboard!”)
AGE: 37
HEIGHT: 6’2”
WEIGHT: 220lbs.

Kurt Warner is a complicated man and as incredibly persistant as his teammate. After his college career at Northern Iowa, he attended the Green Bay Packers training camp, but was released before the regular season. He worked as a stock boy at a local grocery store, while trying to get noticed. With no NFL teams willing to give him a chance, he signed with the Iowa Barnstormers in the Arena Football league. In 1998, Warner was signed by the St. Louis Rams, NFL Europe team, Amsterdam Admirals. (His back up was Jake Delhomme.) Finally, when Ram’s quarterback Trent Green was injured in a preseason game, Warner took over as the starter and completed one of the top seasons by a quarterback in NFL history, whch dubbed the Ram’s offense, "The Greatest Show on Turf" and registered the first in a string of three consecutive 500-point seasons, an NFL record. He was named NFL MVP and Super Bowl MVP when he led the Rams to a Super Bowl XXXIV victory over the Titans. (That was all in his first year!)
Warner made another Super Bowl appearance before becoming a NY FOOTBALL GIANT and is now making his 3rd with the Arizona Cardinals. Their first in 61 years.

It’s rare of me to draft someone over the age of 30 (ehh, maybe 32), but it is also rare for a man of 37 to age as well as Kurt Warner. (And he's rockin the 5 o'clock shadow just like the youngsters!) Plus, I am pretty sure he could pick up girls with the line "You know Matt Leinert? He carries MY clipboard!" You would never guess that he is older than Brett Favre.

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE DRAFTING KURT WARNER:
He's married, to a woman with children. But before you start telling Mr. Warner how he needs a younger woman without children, because women 35 and older become “scientifically” desperate and will lower their standards to marry pretty much anyone. (So if a woman 35 or older likes you…don’t be too impressed, according to studies, she’d like almost anyone! Whew! I got a few years left!) or that women with children are twice as likely to marry someone they don't love...that total tangent won't talk Mr. Warner out of his love story...

Kurt married Brenda Meoni, the woman who believed in him as a grocery bagger. Warner officially adopted Brenda's two children, son Zachary and daughter Jesse, after their marriage. The Warners also have 5 children of their own: sons Elijah and Kade, daughter Jada, and twin girls Sierra Rose and Sienna Rae.

AND HE WAS ON JEOPARDY!!!!

"What are Panthers."


GO CARDS!

"Fantasy" Football Potential Draftee #3: Matt Cassel

MATT CASSEL
NFL TEAM: New England Patriots (Future remains uncertain)
POSITION: Quaterback
AGE: 26
HEIGHT: 6'4"
WEIGHT: 230 lbs

Matt Cassel is a man of many talents. At the University of Southern California, he played QB-2 and saw his only college start, as a tight end, but he did start one season at USC...as a baseball player. Matt was drafted by the Oakland Athletics in the 2004 MLB Draft and in 2005 was drafted in the 7th Round of the NFL Draft by the New England Patriots. After serving as back-up QB to Carson Palmer and Matt Leinhart in college and Tom Brady as a Patriot, Matt is the only known quarterback in NFL history to start an NFL game at quarterback without ever starting at quarterback in college. This 2008 season he was called up to QB-1 to fill the shoes of Tom Brady.


I don't know about you, but I didn't miss Tom very much! Cassel didn't take his team to the playoffs, but had 2 back to back games throwing for more than 400 yards and kicked a 76 yard punt. (Brady kicked a punt once, it only went 36 yards)


(His dimples and ability to rock the 5 o'clock shadow, still fall number 2 to Matt Leinhert, though!)

He is a wanted man: This season the Pats have to place the franchise tag on Mr. Cassel and there has been talk of as high as first round drafts picks for the dimpled, cutie pie. Kansas City, Minnesota and even Miami have been rumored to be making offers. (Sure would be nice if he came to Miami...hmmm....)


Things you need to know before drafting Matt Cassel:

Cassel may have a bit of a "#2 syndrome" after playing back-up to Palmer, Leinhert and Brady most of his life. I am not sure if that contributed to his out-going, attention grabbing nature or if he is just crazy, but just like being #2 didn't stop Matt from kicking ass this season, his inability to sing and dance, doesn't stop him either...



Yes, he called himself flamboyant. His bravery is so adorable, yet....well...gay!

"Fantasy Football" Potential Draftee No. 2

Tony Romo
NFL TEAM: Dallas Cowgirls
POSITION: Quaterback, currently caries clipboard due to broken pinky
AGE: 28
HEIGHT: 6'2"
WEIGHT: 224 lbs

Tony was a hidden gem undrafted from the University of Eastern Illinois (where?). He won the Walter Payton Award and joined Matt Leinert as Cosmopolitan Magazines Fun Fearless Males 2006. Romo is a cute, dimpled Wisconsin farm boy turned NFL quarterback and it is damn hard to find a bad picture he has taken. Look at that innocent little face.


Even when he is angry....


So what’s the “catch?”


THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE DRAFTING TONY ROMO:
Ever wonder why Romo doesn’t have any endorsement deal? He has poor judgment. He dates Jessica Simpson and has been cursed by a 22% passer rating in her presence and terrible publicity, like this:
.
And MANLY pictures like this:


I take back the comment about not having any terrible photos. If Tony were smarter he would realize Jessica Simpson was single and waiting for a reason. Scandel and stupidity do not bode well for sports drinks and sneakers. So, for now the only endorsements you will see Tony in are ones like these:

Which brings me to the next thing you need to know about Tony: He can’t perform under pressure!
In the 2006 playoffs, Romo botched the hold for the kicker by dropping the snap as he attempted to set it down and the Cowboys lost the game on what should have been a chip shot, 19-yard field goal.
In the 2007 NFC Championship game, 4th down with less than half a minute and no timeouts left, Romo threw an interception in the endzone sending the now WORLD CHAMIPION NY GIANTS to the Superbowl! (Thanks Tony!) So, despite leading the Cowgirls in games with 300 yards passing, Romo will always be associated with this picture:


And if my calculations are correct, Romo has slept with Sophia Bush, Carrie Underwood, Jessica Simpson and Derek Jeter??

"Fantasy" Football: Potential Draftee No. 1

Matt Leinart

NFL TEAM: Arizona Cardinals
POSITION: (Second String)Quarter Back; Carries clipboard for Kurt Warner
AGE: 25
HEIGHT: 6 ft 5 in
WEIGHT: 230 lb
Matt won the Heisman Trophy as a Junior at USC and may not have done very much else with his football career, but since then, his athletic physique and dimpled smile have also won him, ESPN Hottest Male Athlete of the Year. He appeared in Cosmopolitan Fun Fearless Males 2006 and People Magazine 100 Most Beautiful People. He has starred on several television commercials, including one where he is a newly recruited member of the Manning family. He may not get very much play time anymore, or ever again, but that just gives you more time to check him out on the sideline, between plays!
Not to mention, he can rock a 5 o'clock shadow, any time of day....



But as with all things in life, Matt isn't all cute dimples and stubble, there is another side to Mr. Leinart.

THINGS YOU MUST KNOW BEFORE DRAFTING MATT LEINART:
He has been linked to Brittney Spears, Paris Hilton and Kristin Cavallari. (There may be a problem if you aren't blonde.)
He shells out $15,000 per month in child support, to care for his illegitimate son, Cole, with a USC basketball player Brynn Cameron(also blonde).
He still enjoys crowded hot tub parties and beer bongs.

ALSO, MATT LEINART IS LEFT HANDED!!!!
*I am also left handed and in no way support on condone anything that nut job is saying, if you follow the link, but when I was searching around, I just couldn't ignore the insanity of that post.

But at the end of the day, I am sure he is a very clean boy! Ok, well...at least he is in this picture...