Have you ever seen, 40 Year Old Virgin? They play a game called “You Know How I Know You’re Gay?” (The clip is a little long)
via videosift.com
Anyway, I am going to play a little game called, “You know how I know you Suck?”
• You play one of your best offensive performances of the year statistically and still lose to the Houston Texans.
• Sage Rosenfels throws for 200 yards and only on interception against your defense.
• Your Kicker made only 50% of his field goal attempts, but still played better than last week.
• Your Quarterback gets stepped on more than once by your Center, trips on one of his linemen, gets tangled up with another player and falls to the ground, all in the same game.
• The game you played would never have been broadcasted on Monday Night Football is the NFL sponsors had any way of knowing how terrible you and your opponent would be...and you LOST.
• You got beat so badly you actually made the Texans look good enough for some poor diluted fan to use the words “Texans” and “Playoffs” in the same sentence. (He was referring to next season; Still crazy, but not committable).
• You're playing on MNF has been compared to Detroit playing the Chiefs. (Who would watch that?)
•
• Discussion of team uniform choice, out-aired discussion of your team’s highlights by 90%.
• On the NFL Fan page, the discussion of last nights game peaks at Tony Kornheiser’s hair cut. http://www.tonycutyourhair.com/
Yeah, I am talking about the Horrible Jacksonville Jaguars. If you are wondering who those guys in the red tights were last night, running all over them...It was none other than Sage and the Houston Texans. 30-17, Texans.
Showing posts with label monday night football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label monday night football. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Week Eleven in the NFL Recap
Let's start the week, as always... The WORLD CHAMPION NY Football Giants rocked the Baltimore Ravens. Eli had an off day, but its okay because where Eli fell short Bradshaw and Jacobs picked up. The Giants put up 210 rushing yards against the Ravens alleged, number one rushing defense. (Who is ranking these teams? The BCS?). Speaking of Defense....Aaron Ross, had TWO, count'em, one...two interceptions! Giants over Ravens, 30-10.
Despite running out of players, the Denver Broncos beat the Atlanta Falcons, 24-20. Spencer Larsen, for the Broncos played both offense and defense, literally. He played 2 different positions in the same game, where most guys can't even play one. Let's get this guy a game ball, please? The game came down to the final minute where it looked like the Falcons were going to steal the game from Denver, but the Broncos took over after an incomplete pass in the end zone on 4th down.
Panthers v. Lions, not as interesting of a match-up in the NFL as it would be on the discovery channel. I'm not sure that it is even fair to make fun of the Detroit Lions anymore. At ohhhh and ten, they just suck. They had four turnovers against the Carolina Panthers, who literally ran all over the Detroit defense with 2 players putting up over 100 yards rushing, each! 22-31, Carolina. Perhaps, Lions is too strong of a name for Detroit....
Ocho Stinko returned to "play" the Philadelphia Eagles. The only reason I watched this game is because it was on next to the Giants at a sports bar. The game ended in a 13-13 tie. I hope you weren't expecting any highlights. There were 5 quarters of football and each team only manages to score 13 pts.
The Saints were 0-4 on the road before taking on the Chiefs of KC this week. Despite their 0-4 road record and their 5-5 overall record, they are the top ranked offense in the NFL. Seriously? What do you have to do to get there, beat the Chiefs? No offense to the Saints, but who decides this stuff? The Chiefs are one and nine with that one win being the time Jay Cutler screwed up my Survivor pool pick. Saints without Reggie Bush over KC, 30-20.
The long await, return of Tony Romo. Romo had a break out game for his return. Instead of his usual one interception, he threw 2. It was like he never left and the streak of consecutive games with an interception continues. Not to be outdone, he rushed for a whopping negative three yards, with his longest rush being negative one. (So there was no positive yardage). Yet the Cowgirls snuck by the 'Skins, 14-10.
The Vikings had 210 total yards against the Bucs. That is less total yards than the Giants rushing yards against the number one rushing defense. Jeff Garcia was second in rushing for the Bucs and lead the team to a 19-13 win over Minnesota, despite 5 penalties for 54 yards. But the most interesting news of that insanely boring game is that Gus Frerotte is the NFL sl*t. He was sacked five times by five different Bucs, in the same game.
Yes, there were two more, but they declined to have their photo taken!
There was a terrible stench in Miami this weekend. Then I figured out what it was... football gone bad The Raiders were in town. Nothing stinks quite like the Raiders. With only 186 total yard of offense the Oakland Raiders took a 4th Quarter loss to the Miami Dolphins, 15-17. Don't get excited Dol-fans, you contributed to the stink of Dolphin Stadium as well, this is the first time since 2006 the Dolphins won 4 games in a row!
Speaking of "stink..." How 'bout them Bears? It was open season on the Bears of Chicago and Aaron Rodgers and Ryan Grant took full advantage. Rodgers was 27/30 with 227 yards and 2 TDs. Grant rushed for 154 yards and 1 TD, and the Bears....well, they kicked a field goal. 37-3, Pack over Bears.
Joseph Addai had 105 rushing yards, 48 receiving but that was nothing compared to Steve Slaton's 156 yards rushing. So how did the Texans lose to the Colts, 27-33? I think the real question is, WHY IS THIS GUY STILL A QUARTERBACK???
Sage Rosenfels fumbled on Houston's final drive to put an end to their hopes of beating a Manning. By the way, it looks like Peyton's got his groove back, with 320 yards and 2 TDs.
Its not often you get to say that the Niners spanked anyone, so lets give them their moment this week. Niners spanked the Rams. San Fran made five trips to the red zone and scared 5 TDs. So we won't have any Singletary rants this week...his best move was pulling O'Sullivan at QB. He threw one incomplete pass and had one run for negative yards. O'Sullivan can we sending him packing with good ol' Sage? You know what! Take Marc Bulger with you...3 interceptions and a loss to the Niners, means you've gotta go! San Fran over St. Louis, 35-16.
Speaking of 2 interceptions, the return of Matt Hasselbeck was as riveting as the return of Tony No'mo, I mean Romo. 196 offensive yards and 4 turnovers for the Seahawks made Romo look pretty. Anqun Boldin had 186 yards receiving for the Cardinals and in a close second Larry Fitzgerald had 151. Big week for the ol' timers, only Kurt Warner didn't cry. Cards over Seahawks, 26-20.
The Titans remain at 10-0 with a win over the Jaguars. The second the Tennessee trailed Jacksonville, the announcers (who never know anything about the game) were all over Collins and his potential loss. Collins threw 3 TD passes in a win over the Jags, 24-14 to keep his perfect season in tact. Can he have a little respect now, please?
Snow fell in Pittsburgh and maybe that's the excuse for the 10-11 score. The snow fall was the most interesting thing to watch in this game, unless you like to watch Phillip Rivers under perform. Tomlinson had one rushing TD and that is where the game peaked, (there was some frolicking in the flurries by Ward, too) but the Steelers came out over the Chargers, 11-10.
MNF:
Apparently Trent Edwards was watching football and taking notes on Sunday because like many QB's this week he had 3 interceptions and that will get you a loss to the Browns (ask Eli!). Brady Quinn may be recovering from having his thunder stolen by Jay Cutler last week because he threw for a measly 186 yards and if it weren't for Edwards rushing for 104 the Browns would have looked as ugly as their jerseys. 29-27, Browns.
Despite running out of players, the Denver Broncos beat the Atlanta Falcons, 24-20. Spencer Larsen, for the Broncos played both offense and defense, literally. He played 2 different positions in the same game, where most guys can't even play one. Let's get this guy a game ball, please? The game came down to the final minute where it looked like the Falcons were going to steal the game from Denver, but the Broncos took over after an incomplete pass in the end zone on 4th down.
Panthers v. Lions, not as interesting of a match-up in the NFL as it would be on the discovery channel. I'm not sure that it is even fair to make fun of the Detroit Lions anymore. At ohhhh and ten, they just suck. They had four turnovers against the Carolina Panthers, who literally ran all over the Detroit defense with 2 players putting up over 100 yards rushing, each! 22-31, Carolina. Perhaps, Lions is too strong of a name for Detroit....
Ocho Stinko returned to "play" the Philadelphia Eagles. The only reason I watched this game is because it was on next to the Giants at a sports bar. The game ended in a 13-13 tie. I hope you weren't expecting any highlights. There were 5 quarters of football and each team only manages to score 13 pts.
The Saints were 0-4 on the road before taking on the Chiefs of KC this week. Despite their 0-4 road record and their 5-5 overall record, they are the top ranked offense in the NFL. Seriously? What do you have to do to get there, beat the Chiefs? No offense to the Saints, but who decides this stuff? The Chiefs are one and nine with that one win being the time Jay Cutler screwed up my Survivor pool pick. Saints without Reggie Bush over KC, 30-20.
The long await, return of Tony Romo. Romo had a break out game for his return. Instead of his usual one interception, he threw 2. It was like he never left and the streak of consecutive games with an interception continues. Not to be outdone, he rushed for a whopping negative three yards, with his longest rush being negative one. (So there was no positive yardage). Yet the Cowgirls snuck by the 'Skins, 14-10.
The Vikings had 210 total yards against the Bucs. That is less total yards than the Giants rushing yards against the number one rushing defense. Jeff Garcia was second in rushing for the Bucs and lead the team to a 19-13 win over Minnesota, despite 5 penalties for 54 yards. But the most interesting news of that insanely boring game is that Gus Frerotte is the NFL sl*t. He was sacked five times by five different Bucs, in the same game.
Yes, there were two more, but they declined to have their photo taken!
There was a terrible stench in Miami this weekend. Then I figured out what it was... football gone bad The Raiders were in town. Nothing stinks quite like the Raiders. With only 186 total yard of offense the Oakland Raiders took a 4th Quarter loss to the Miami Dolphins, 15-17. Don't get excited Dol-fans, you contributed to the stink of Dolphin Stadium as well, this is the first time since 2006 the Dolphins won 4 games in a row!
Speaking of "stink..." How 'bout them Bears? It was open season on the Bears of Chicago and Aaron Rodgers and Ryan Grant took full advantage. Rodgers was 27/30 with 227 yards and 2 TDs. Grant rushed for 154 yards and 1 TD, and the Bears....well, they kicked a field goal. 37-3, Pack over Bears.
Joseph Addai had 105 rushing yards, 48 receiving but that was nothing compared to Steve Slaton's 156 yards rushing. So how did the Texans lose to the Colts, 27-33? I think the real question is, WHY IS THIS GUY STILL A QUARTERBACK???
Sage Rosenfels fumbled on Houston's final drive to put an end to their hopes of beating a Manning. By the way, it looks like Peyton's got his groove back, with 320 yards and 2 TDs.
Its not often you get to say that the Niners spanked anyone, so lets give them their moment this week. Niners spanked the Rams. San Fran made five trips to the red zone and scared 5 TDs. So we won't have any Singletary rants this week...his best move was pulling O'Sullivan at QB. He threw one incomplete pass and had one run for negative yards. O'Sullivan can we sending him packing with good ol' Sage? You know what! Take Marc Bulger with you...3 interceptions and a loss to the Niners, means you've gotta go! San Fran over St. Louis, 35-16.
Speaking of 2 interceptions, the return of Matt Hasselbeck was as riveting as the return of Tony No'mo, I mean Romo. 196 offensive yards and 4 turnovers for the Seahawks made Romo look pretty. Anqun Boldin had 186 yards receiving for the Cardinals and in a close second Larry Fitzgerald had 151. Big week for the ol' timers, only Kurt Warner didn't cry. Cards over Seahawks, 26-20.
The Titans remain at 10-0 with a win over the Jaguars. The second the Tennessee trailed Jacksonville, the announcers (who never know anything about the game) were all over Collins and his potential loss. Collins threw 3 TD passes in a win over the Jags, 24-14 to keep his perfect season in tact. Can he have a little respect now, please?
Snow fell in Pittsburgh and maybe that's the excuse for the 10-11 score. The snow fall was the most interesting thing to watch in this game, unless you like to watch Phillip Rivers under perform. Tomlinson had one rushing TD and that is where the game peaked, (there was some frolicking in the flurries by Ward, too) but the Steelers came out over the Chargers, 11-10.
MNF:
Apparently Trent Edwards was watching football and taking notes on Sunday because like many QB's this week he had 3 interceptions and that will get you a loss to the Browns (ask Eli!). Brady Quinn may be recovering from having his thunder stolen by Jay Cutler last week because he threw for a measly 186 yards and if it weren't for Edwards rushing for 104 the Browns would have looked as ugly as their jerseys. 29-27, Browns.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
MNF: Election Day, Special Edition
Last night the Dread-skins played Big Ben and the Steelers. I am not sure “playing” is what I would call what Washington did, the only thing they “played” was dead. Steeler’s D had 23 solo tackles and five sacks. What did Campbell do to p*ss off his offensive line? Maybe nothing. Maybe, there was a little incentive....
I guess, Obama heard the rumors that if the Redskins win the last game before the election, the Republicans win the presidency (yes, that is an actual statistic). Too bad, for Campbell...
Sorry, McCain... the Redskins suck! 23-6, Steelers!
I guess, Obama heard the rumors that if the Redskins win the last game before the election, the Republicans win the presidency (yes, that is an actual statistic). Too bad, for Campbell...
Sorry, McCain... the Redskins suck! 23-6, Steelers!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Week Nine Eight in the NFL Recap
I know its almost Week 10 Week 9. My latest post ever! (Its been a bad week).
Where should we start? How about them NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS!? (Did I mention they are Defending World Champs?)
New York Giants defense defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 21 to14. Oversized, I mean, Big Ben was under constant pressure. Kiwanuka alone had three sacks and a forced fumble and Kenny Phillips picked off Roethlisberger's final pass to end the game. Eli went untouched with the protection of his O-line and they all played like one big happy family. (Unfortunately, Eli’s big happy family, didn’t include Peyton this time...see MNF).
The Raven’s gave us a lesson in, How To Run a Trick Play:
The best place to test your trick play is probably against the Oakland Raiders, (unless you have Detroit or Cincy on your schedule. In that case, use one of those games to put on a magic show of trick plays...no one will even notice). Anyway, Joe Flacco took a snap, handed the ball off to backup QB Troy Smith, who then passed it back to Flacco, who ran down the left sideline for a 43-yard gain. The only way that could be cooler, is if it ended in 6 instead of 3. Ravens settled for a field goal on that play, but still defeated the Raiders, 29-10.
Perhaps the Raven’s inspired, the Cardinals to try a trick play, only less successful. No Huddle, Shotgun to J.Arrington resulted on an incomplete pass to Boldin. Their entire game was also less successful than the Raven’s, Steve Smith had 5 carries for 117 yards, Jake Delhomme was 20/28 with 2 TD’s and the Panthers beat the Cards despite Warner’s 381 yards passing and Fitzgerald’s 115 yards rushing. Final score, 27-23.
Statistically, the Bucs out played the Cowgirls. They had 267 yards to Dallas’s 172. Garcia threw for 227 over Johnson’s (the old guy who plays where Tony Romo goes) 172. But if you are going to do all that work, you have got to deliver! Neither team delivered anything in this game, but the Bucs delivered even less than the Cowgirls. The biggest and only entertaining play of the game came from a Punter. The Dallas punter wasn’t even the last line of defense against the Bucs return man who was running back the punt. But as Clifton Smith ran through the line, instead of sliding under his feet to trip the runner, in usual punter fashion, Dallas Punter, Paulescu, nailed Smith at midfield and walked off as if he does it everyday. Dallas over Tampa Bay, 9-13. http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d80bf57d1
My Survivor Pick was almost lost, when I once again, foolishly bet on the Washington Redskins. Luckily, the ‘Skins defeated the Lions, but only because it was the Lions. Detroit lead Washington nearly half of the game, but in true Detroit Lion’s fashion and with the grace of Santana Moss, the lead was gone and the ‘Skins beat the Lions, 25-17.
Speaking of losing...the NFL was forced to say goodbye after a great loss this past week. After hearing that Carson Palmer would not return for the 2008 Season after surgery, the Bengals said goodbye to their already winless season. The season was never really alive (0-8) but there always remained some glitter of hope that like the Dolphins of 2007, they might just pull through long enough for one single, little win. That hope is gone now. It will be remembered only by the stone placed in the end zone by those left behind by Palmer and the touching words of the Cincinnati Enquirer’s Obituary.
Unfortunately for Cincy, they do not play the Detroit Lions (see obit) but perhaps they can get a pick-up game going, after the regular season. By the way, Houston over Cincy, 35-6.
Just when I thought the Buffalo had clinched their division, since there were no other contenders, the Miami Dolphins traded in the “wildcat offense” for something with wings. Chad Pennington and the Miami Dolphins aired out their offense with a passing game to beat the Bills, 16-25.
The St. Louis Rams are back to losing. I didn’t watch the game to be honest. However, New England beat St. Louis, 16-23. Maybe Cassel is getting more comfortable with his position, now that rumors that Brady and the Pats have trouble in Paradise. Feels more like home now, doesn’t it, Matt?
Looks like someone peed in Phillip Rivers’ English Tea. Maybe Drew Brees and the Saints ruined Rivers’ tea party when they beat the Chargers 32-37, in England. I am sure the Chargers, who chose to go with Rivers over Brees were eating crumpets of regret, as Drew Brees for 339 yards and three touchdowns. Saints enjoyed a win, Brees enjoyed revenge over his former team and a cranky Rivers had tea with a lucky fan.
Guess who threw three interceptions?? Brett Fav-ruh did! (But lucky for him he was playing KC.) That makes 11 total going into week 9. Hmmmm….Kharma, Mr. Fav-ruh? It was a close game, 24-28 with the Jets coming out over Chiefs.
Philadelphia over Atlanta, 27-14. Matt Ryan showed his green side when he got picked off in the end zone and a blown call by the referees went unchallenged by the timeout-less Falcons, leading the Eagles to a lucky win. If they played it again, I would still pick the Falcons.
Seneca Wallace was all “2’s” with 222 yards and 2 touch downs. Unfortunately, the last 2 is the number of wins the Seahawks have. This win wasn’t a big won because it was over the ‘9ers and it was overshadowed by Mike Singletary’s anger at Davis’ who after smacking an opponent in the helmet and receiving an unsportsmanlike-conduct penalty, shrugged it off. Singletary didn’t and if you didn’t see the video of his irate ramblings, google it. 34-14, final.
MNF:
The Titans remain undefeated and Peyton is still the lesser brother. What has happened to Peyton Manning? Well, a friend of mine put is best when he said, “it doesn’t matter how good he is, he can’t throw passes from lat on his back.” Where is the offensive line, Indy? Colts D forced a passing game on the Titans who have been “running” all over their opponents all season, but the Tennessee still managed 3 rushing TDs. Constantly under pressure; Manning threw 2 interceptions and still scored every TD for Indy. Throwing for 2 and rushing one in himself. He’s going to need a little help out there, Colts.
Where should we start? How about them NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS!? (Did I mention they are Defending World Champs?)
New York Giants defense defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 21 to14. Oversized, I mean, Big Ben was under constant pressure. Kiwanuka alone had three sacks and a forced fumble and Kenny Phillips picked off Roethlisberger's final pass to end the game. Eli went untouched with the protection of his O-line and they all played like one big happy family. (Unfortunately, Eli’s big happy family, didn’t include Peyton this time...see MNF).
The Raven’s gave us a lesson in, How To Run a Trick Play:
The best place to test your trick play is probably against the Oakland Raiders, (unless you have Detroit or Cincy on your schedule. In that case, use one of those games to put on a magic show of trick plays...no one will even notice). Anyway, Joe Flacco took a snap, handed the ball off to backup QB Troy Smith, who then passed it back to Flacco, who ran down the left sideline for a 43-yard gain. The only way that could be cooler, is if it ended in 6 instead of 3. Ravens settled for a field goal on that play, but still defeated the Raiders, 29-10.
Perhaps the Raven’s inspired, the Cardinals to try a trick play, only less successful. No Huddle, Shotgun to J.Arrington resulted on an incomplete pass to Boldin. Their entire game was also less successful than the Raven’s, Steve Smith had 5 carries for 117 yards, Jake Delhomme was 20/28 with 2 TD’s and the Panthers beat the Cards despite Warner’s 381 yards passing and Fitzgerald’s 115 yards rushing. Final score, 27-23.
Statistically, the Bucs out played the Cowgirls. They had 267 yards to Dallas’s 172. Garcia threw for 227 over Johnson’s (the old guy who plays where Tony Romo goes) 172. But if you are going to do all that work, you have got to deliver! Neither team delivered anything in this game, but the Bucs delivered even less than the Cowgirls. The biggest and only entertaining play of the game came from a Punter. The Dallas punter wasn’t even the last line of defense against the Bucs return man who was running back the punt. But as Clifton Smith ran through the line, instead of sliding under his feet to trip the runner, in usual punter fashion, Dallas Punter, Paulescu, nailed Smith at midfield and walked off as if he does it everyday. Dallas over Tampa Bay, 9-13. http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d80bf57d1
My Survivor Pick was almost lost, when I once again, foolishly bet on the Washington Redskins. Luckily, the ‘Skins defeated the Lions, but only because it was the Lions. Detroit lead Washington nearly half of the game, but in true Detroit Lion’s fashion and with the grace of Santana Moss, the lead was gone and the ‘Skins beat the Lions, 25-17.
Speaking of losing...the NFL was forced to say goodbye after a great loss this past week. After hearing that Carson Palmer would not return for the 2008 Season after surgery, the Bengals said goodbye to their already winless season. The season was never really alive (0-8) but there always remained some glitter of hope that like the Dolphins of 2007, they might just pull through long enough for one single, little win. That hope is gone now. It will be remembered only by the stone placed in the end zone by those left behind by Palmer and the touching words of the Cincinnati Enquirer’s Obituary.
Unfortunately for Cincy, they do not play the Detroit Lions (see obit) but perhaps they can get a pick-up game going, after the regular season. By the way, Houston over Cincy, 35-6.
Just when I thought the Buffalo had clinched their division, since there were no other contenders, the Miami Dolphins traded in the “wildcat offense” for something with wings. Chad Pennington and the Miami Dolphins aired out their offense with a passing game to beat the Bills, 16-25.
The St. Louis Rams are back to losing. I didn’t watch the game to be honest. However, New England beat St. Louis, 16-23. Maybe Cassel is getting more comfortable with his position, now that rumors that Brady and the Pats have trouble in Paradise. Feels more like home now, doesn’t it, Matt?
Looks like someone peed in Phillip Rivers’ English Tea. Maybe Drew Brees and the Saints ruined Rivers’ tea party when they beat the Chargers 32-37, in England. I am sure the Chargers, who chose to go with Rivers over Brees were eating crumpets of regret, as Drew Brees for 339 yards and three touchdowns. Saints enjoyed a win, Brees enjoyed revenge over his former team and a cranky Rivers had tea with a lucky fan.
Guess who threw three interceptions?? Brett Fav-ruh did! (But lucky for him he was playing KC.) That makes 11 total going into week 9. Hmmmm….Kharma, Mr. Fav-ruh? It was a close game, 24-28 with the Jets coming out over Chiefs.
Philadelphia over Atlanta, 27-14. Matt Ryan showed his green side when he got picked off in the end zone and a blown call by the referees went unchallenged by the timeout-less Falcons, leading the Eagles to a lucky win. If they played it again, I would still pick the Falcons.
Seneca Wallace was all “2’s” with 222 yards and 2 touch downs. Unfortunately, the last 2 is the number of wins the Seahawks have. This win wasn’t a big won because it was over the ‘9ers and it was overshadowed by Mike Singletary’s anger at Davis’ who after smacking an opponent in the helmet and receiving an unsportsmanlike-conduct penalty, shrugged it off. Singletary didn’t and if you didn’t see the video of his irate ramblings, google it. 34-14, final.
MNF:
The Titans remain undefeated and Peyton is still the lesser brother. What has happened to Peyton Manning? Well, a friend of mine put is best when he said, “it doesn’t matter how good he is, he can’t throw passes from lat on his back.” Where is the offensive line, Indy? Colts D forced a passing game on the Titans who have been “running” all over their opponents all season, but the Tennessee still managed 3 rushing TDs. Constantly under pressure; Manning threw 2 interceptions and still scored every TD for Indy. Throwing for 2 and rushing one in himself. He’s going to need a little help out there, Colts.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Week six in the NFL Recap (Say it isn't so!)
I know, you are all dying to see what I say about last night’s ridiculous performance, but you will just have to wait. Will I rip Eli apart, like I do other quarterbacks on their bad days or will I let him slide because he is the man at the helm of my World Champion NY GIANT heart? It is killing you, isn’t it? I will get to that. But first, Sunday...
The Atlanta Falcons celebrated a win over the Chicago Bears like they had just won the Super Bowl. Maybe it’s because they won the game on a 48 yard field goal, 22-20 or maybe it is because winning doesn’t come easy to the now 4-2 Falcons, but there were players hugging and lifting each other in a giant pile in the center of the field. I like to see players getting along, but I draw the line where I saw one player raise his arms in the air and point one finger on each hand in the air (no, not that one); the one you would use to say you are number one.I could see how they might think this is the end of the season, since this 4th win, tied their total wins for the entire last season. (no, not just in their division, but total). Baby Steps!! You have to learn to win in the regular season before you can play with the big boys.
I also want to congratulate the Houston Texans on their very first win! Before they know it, they will be catching up to the Falcons! Ok, ok, baby steps for them, too. Its obvious getting one win was busting their a**. I will let them bask in the glory of their single victory, after all, they tied the number of wins the team they beat had last year...total! Yup, that’s right, they beat the Dolphins. How did they do it? With Matt Schaub...he was sick in the hospital with IVs and the whole nine yards, but they would have checked him out themselves and made him play with a portable IV if they had to, after Sage’s performance last week. Matt felt no pressure I am sure, as there is no possibile performance worse than Mr. Rosenfels’s. Now that the Texans have won a game, I no longer feel I need to hold back on the Sage jokes.
Does no one else see anything wrong with a man named Sage? Perhaps his inability to perform is due to the fact that he is performing on the wrong stage. He is named after a spice! If Sage were Cinnamon....
I have to give you credit, big bro. The Colts played like the Giants have been playing and didn’t play last night. Colts over Ravens, 31-3 and it is due to Mannings flawless passing into double coverage for touchdowns. The defense had their help with Flacco throwing an interception, losing a fumble and handing off to no one, but Colts D deserves their credit for 4 sacks and holding the Ravens to ZERO first downs into the second quarter. What happened Mr. Manning, did ya feel your little brother clipping at your heels?
The Vikings just barely, and I stress barely, squeaked by the Detroit Lions and again, I saw a celebration of epic proportions, where a Viking put up the universal “we are number one sign.” What is going on? Guys! Hello? You beat a no win team, who is a contender for nothing, other than the worst team in the league. Now you think you are number one? Shall I point out that, had a referee not blown a pass interference call, you would have been out of field goal range and lost?
Come on! The Vikings should have taken their “win” and walked quietly off the field in hopes that no one would remember they almost lost to the Detroit Lions’ BACKUP! (Yeah guys! The guy that backs up Kitna!)
*These guys no that there are 16 weeks in the regular season, right?
Well I have good news and better news. I got a second chance at a survivor pool and this time I bought 2 picks. The better news, the Saints had something to prove after last week and sent the Raiders back to L.A. or Oakland or wherever they go where no one watches them play! An embarressing 34-3 win for the New Orleans Saints and loss for the Oakland Raiders.
HOWEVER, Welcome back Jay Cutler because Jason Campbell is the new Jay Cutler! STUPID JASON CAMPBELL! The Washington Redskins lost to the...St. Louis Rams. My shoe-in for the worst team in the league! Some guy named, Oshiomogho Atogwe, scored the Rams only touchdown to beat the ‘Skins, 19-17. I think Strahan put it best when he said “some teams just can’t handle being front runners!” That’s right Campbell, you cost me a Survivor pick, and you and your stupid Redskins can go and take a seat where you belong, quietly in the back shadows of the NFC EAST. The Eagles, Cowboys and Giants may not be undefeated but they did NOT lose to the Rams!
Whose turn was it to beat up on Cincy? The New York Jets. The Jets wore those ugly throwbacks again and they beat Cincy in a “no big deal game” 26-14. I am starting to wonder if the Jets dry cleaners are on strike because I have seen teams wear their throwbacks, once a season, in an effort to sell more jerseys, but the Jets have chosen this hideous attire more than once this, 6 week, season.
Tampa Bay and Carolina tie up their records at 4-2. The Panthers had three interceptions and a punt that was blocked and returned for a touchdown. Need I say more? Tampa Bay over Carolina, 27-3. I would make fun of Jake Delhomme’s three interceptions, but I can’t for obvious reasons. (If not obvious enough, See Giant game). I, suddenly, feel a deep sympathy for Carolina fans who had to sit and watch their QB throw away a chance to score, over and over and over. “It’s going to be okay, it’s just one game. Everyone is entitled to a bad game and they will be back on track next week.” (Or so I am told over and over as I pretend the Giants didn’t play last night.)
I thought about it, and I am willing to accept Jay Culter’s apology. His loss to Jacksonville was an obvious, “Please don’t hate me anymore, I can’t stand it. Look! I don’t only lose when you are betting on me. Take me back!” plea. So, Jay...it’s okay. I understand. Apparently, all QB’s have bad days (See Giants last night). Apparently, I am supposed to accept that not every game can be won and forgive, Eli. I mean you. After all, you only threw one interception last night...egh...Sunday.
Tony Romo continues his record streak for games with a fumble as the Cowboys purposely tried to lose to the Cardinals. There is no other explanation. Arizona kept a tight lead and on the last drive of regulation the Cowgirls were out of field goal range and down by 3. Read to go home, Arizona jumps offsides to place the Cowboys, barely within range of a 52-yard field goal which rolled over the cross bar to tie the game. (It took 2 tries. The first one was offset by a time out called before the snap by Arizona to ice the kicker.). The Cowgirls clearly upset that they didn’t lose, had their punt blocked in O.T. and returned for a Arizona TD. 24-30, final.
I almost forgot the most important part of that game. Tony Romo broke is finger and hopes to be back to play the Redskins. Yup, weeks from now!
GOOD NEWS: He will be back with plenty of time to choke in the playoffs.
BAD NEWS: He has to explain to Jessica Simpson why he can't just get a new finger.
Donovan McNabb threw 2 interceptions (one less than Eli) in the Eagles game against the 49ers. I can’t say I know why I still have to write about the 49ers. Even if one of them were to do something I love, like pick off McNabb, I wouldn’t even know his name. So in any even, two unnamed men wearing gold and red intercepted McNabb, but couldn’t do anything else to stop their 26-40 loss to the Eagles. Wait! I actually have something to say about the 49ers. Apparently, McNabb and Reid just passed the Montanna and Walsh combo for most wins. Joe Montana was a 49er!
Okay, Green Bay beat Seattle who was playing with a back up quarter back whose name will not be remembered and San Deigo beat New England. I didn’t watch. Sorry. But I can’t take this anymore....
THE FREAKIN GIANTS! What happened? Where was the “hand of God” last night? Eli, oh, Eli! It was like I was living a bad nightmare of your first three seasons in the NFL. The same stupid plays, the same bone head throws, the same blank expressions of “did I do that?”
The Cleveland Browns didn’t beat the Giants! The Giants beat the Giants. Eli was airing out passes to no one like he was Rex Grossman. Naturally, they were intercepted. Where was my Super Bowl Champion? Where was the guy who got angry at interceptions and shook off lineman to avoid sacks? Who was this head shaking, indifferent, rookie, I saw last night?
Are you mad at me for suggesting that I would ice Tony Romo’s hand for him? I was joking Eli. You know that you are my one and only true QB-1. I would never betray you, provided you never get traded to another team. When everyone was saying you hated football and that your daddy made you play or that your brother was the better Manning...I believed in you. When Giant Stadium was filled with T-shirts demanding Phillip Rivers back, I wore #10!So where were you when I needed you Eli? Where were you against the Browns?
They said that you didn’t have it in you, that you couldn’t win a Super Bowl. They said that you would never be as good as Peyton. I defended you. I told them to wait and see, that Eli Manning was a football god! I suffered with you threw seasons of Tiki saying you weren’t a leader and the press saying you didn’t care about winning. Until finally, there you were! A man! All grown up! Leading my team to the Super Bowl. You were yelling at receivers for missing catches. You were exerting authority. You were everything I wanted you to be.
But then last night, it all came back. You threw an interception and then looked down at your feet. You shook you head and walked off the field and returned only to do it again.
They called you OVERRATED! The stupid Browns with their Brady Quinn pity, called you OVERRATED! (Of course the Brown’s are completely ridiculous and rarely get to chant anything, so we give them what we can, as pathetic as they are. )
But you can’t let this happen. You had the Steve Smith connection all night but just couldn’t deliver. No, Eli! We have been through this! You won the Superbowl! You are a big boy now! You even grew "big boy" hair, remember?
But I was told that you are entitled to a bad game and after screaming at the tv, I decided...fine! We can get past this. We aren’t going to let the ghost of Eli’s past, haunt us into forcing passes. I have bad days...so can you. But from now on, have them in the off season.
The Atlanta Falcons celebrated a win over the Chicago Bears like they had just won the Super Bowl. Maybe it’s because they won the game on a 48 yard field goal, 22-20 or maybe it is because winning doesn’t come easy to the now 4-2 Falcons, but there were players hugging and lifting each other in a giant pile in the center of the field. I like to see players getting along, but I draw the line where I saw one player raise his arms in the air and point one finger on each hand in the air (no, not that one); the one you would use to say you are number one.I could see how they might think this is the end of the season, since this 4th win, tied their total wins for the entire last season. (no, not just in their division, but total). Baby Steps!! You have to learn to win in the regular season before you can play with the big boys.
I also want to congratulate the Houston Texans on their very first win! Before they know it, they will be catching up to the Falcons! Ok, ok, baby steps for them, too. Its obvious getting one win was busting their a**. I will let them bask in the glory of their single victory, after all, they tied the number of wins the team they beat had last year...total! Yup, that’s right, they beat the Dolphins. How did they do it? With Matt Schaub...he was sick in the hospital with IVs and the whole nine yards, but they would have checked him out themselves and made him play with a portable IV if they had to, after Sage’s performance last week. Matt felt no pressure I am sure, as there is no possibile performance worse than Mr. Rosenfels’s. Now that the Texans have won a game, I no longer feel I need to hold back on the Sage jokes.
Does no one else see anything wrong with a man named Sage? Perhaps his inability to perform is due to the fact that he is performing on the wrong stage. He is named after a spice! If Sage were Cinnamon....
I have to give you credit, big bro. The Colts played like the Giants have been playing and didn’t play last night. Colts over Ravens, 31-3 and it is due to Mannings flawless passing into double coverage for touchdowns. The defense had their help with Flacco throwing an interception, losing a fumble and handing off to no one, but Colts D deserves their credit for 4 sacks and holding the Ravens to ZERO first downs into the second quarter. What happened Mr. Manning, did ya feel your little brother clipping at your heels?
The Vikings just barely, and I stress barely, squeaked by the Detroit Lions and again, I saw a celebration of epic proportions, where a Viking put up the universal “we are number one sign.” What is going on? Guys! Hello? You beat a no win team, who is a contender for nothing, other than the worst team in the league. Now you think you are number one? Shall I point out that, had a referee not blown a pass interference call, you would have been out of field goal range and lost?
Come on! The Vikings should have taken their “win” and walked quietly off the field in hopes that no one would remember they almost lost to the Detroit Lions’ BACKUP! (Yeah guys! The guy that backs up Kitna!)
*These guys no that there are 16 weeks in the regular season, right?
Well I have good news and better news. I got a second chance at a survivor pool and this time I bought 2 picks. The better news, the Saints had something to prove after last week and sent the Raiders back to L.A. or Oakland or wherever they go where no one watches them play! An embarressing 34-3 win for the New Orleans Saints and loss for the Oakland Raiders.
HOWEVER, Welcome back Jay Cutler because Jason Campbell is the new Jay Cutler! STUPID JASON CAMPBELL! The Washington Redskins lost to the...St. Louis Rams. My shoe-in for the worst team in the league! Some guy named, Oshiomogho Atogwe, scored the Rams only touchdown to beat the ‘Skins, 19-17. I think Strahan put it best when he said “some teams just can’t handle being front runners!” That’s right Campbell, you cost me a Survivor pick, and you and your stupid Redskins can go and take a seat where you belong, quietly in the back shadows of the NFC EAST. The Eagles, Cowboys and Giants may not be undefeated but they did NOT lose to the Rams!
Whose turn was it to beat up on Cincy? The New York Jets. The Jets wore those ugly throwbacks again and they beat Cincy in a “no big deal game” 26-14. I am starting to wonder if the Jets dry cleaners are on strike because I have seen teams wear their throwbacks, once a season, in an effort to sell more jerseys, but the Jets have chosen this hideous attire more than once this, 6 week, season.
Tampa Bay and Carolina tie up their records at 4-2. The Panthers had three interceptions and a punt that was blocked and returned for a touchdown. Need I say more? Tampa Bay over Carolina, 27-3. I would make fun of Jake Delhomme’s three interceptions, but I can’t for obvious reasons. (If not obvious enough, See Giant game). I, suddenly, feel a deep sympathy for Carolina fans who had to sit and watch their QB throw away a chance to score, over and over and over. “It’s going to be okay, it’s just one game. Everyone is entitled to a bad game and they will be back on track next week.” (Or so I am told over and over as I pretend the Giants didn’t play last night.)
I thought about it, and I am willing to accept Jay Culter’s apology. His loss to Jacksonville was an obvious, “Please don’t hate me anymore, I can’t stand it. Look! I don’t only lose when you are betting on me. Take me back!” plea. So, Jay...it’s okay. I understand. Apparently, all QB’s have bad days (See Giants last night). Apparently, I am supposed to accept that not every game can be won and forgive, Eli. I mean you. After all, you only threw one interception last night...egh...Sunday.
Tony Romo continues his record streak for games with a fumble as the Cowboys purposely tried to lose to the Cardinals. There is no other explanation. Arizona kept a tight lead and on the last drive of regulation the Cowgirls were out of field goal range and down by 3. Read to go home, Arizona jumps offsides to place the Cowboys, barely within range of a 52-yard field goal which rolled over the cross bar to tie the game. (It took 2 tries. The first one was offset by a time out called before the snap by Arizona to ice the kicker.). The Cowgirls clearly upset that they didn’t lose, had their punt blocked in O.T. and returned for a Arizona TD. 24-30, final.
I almost forgot the most important part of that game. Tony Romo broke is finger and hopes to be back to play the Redskins. Yup, weeks from now!
GOOD NEWS: He will be back with plenty of time to choke in the playoffs.
BAD NEWS: He has to explain to Jessica Simpson why he can't just get a new finger.
Donovan McNabb threw 2 interceptions (one less than Eli) in the Eagles game against the 49ers. I can’t say I know why I still have to write about the 49ers. Even if one of them were to do something I love, like pick off McNabb, I wouldn’t even know his name. So in any even, two unnamed men wearing gold and red intercepted McNabb, but couldn’t do anything else to stop their 26-40 loss to the Eagles. Wait! I actually have something to say about the 49ers. Apparently, McNabb and Reid just passed the Montanna and Walsh combo for most wins. Joe Montana was a 49er!
Okay, Green Bay beat Seattle who was playing with a back up quarter back whose name will not be remembered and San Deigo beat New England. I didn’t watch. Sorry. But I can’t take this anymore....
THE FREAKIN GIANTS! What happened? Where was the “hand of God” last night? Eli, oh, Eli! It was like I was living a bad nightmare of your first three seasons in the NFL. The same stupid plays, the same bone head throws, the same blank expressions of “did I do that?”
The Cleveland Browns didn’t beat the Giants! The Giants beat the Giants. Eli was airing out passes to no one like he was Rex Grossman. Naturally, they were intercepted. Where was my Super Bowl Champion? Where was the guy who got angry at interceptions and shook off lineman to avoid sacks? Who was this head shaking, indifferent, rookie, I saw last night?
Are you mad at me for suggesting that I would ice Tony Romo’s hand for him? I was joking Eli. You know that you are my one and only true QB-1. I would never betray you, provided you never get traded to another team. When everyone was saying you hated football and that your daddy made you play or that your brother was the better Manning...I believed in you. When Giant Stadium was filled with T-shirts demanding Phillip Rivers back, I wore #10!So where were you when I needed you Eli? Where were you against the Browns?
They said that you didn’t have it in you, that you couldn’t win a Super Bowl. They said that you would never be as good as Peyton. I defended you. I told them to wait and see, that Eli Manning was a football god! I suffered with you threw seasons of Tiki saying you weren’t a leader and the press saying you didn’t care about winning. Until finally, there you were! A man! All grown up! Leading my team to the Super Bowl. You were yelling at receivers for missing catches. You were exerting authority. You were everything I wanted you to be.
But then last night, it all came back. You threw an interception and then looked down at your feet. You shook you head and walked off the field and returned only to do it again.
They called you OVERRATED! The stupid Browns with their Brady Quinn pity, called you OVERRATED! (Of course the Brown’s are completely ridiculous and rarely get to chant anything, so we give them what we can, as pathetic as they are. )
But you can’t let this happen. You had the Steve Smith connection all night but just couldn’t deliver. No, Eli! We have been through this! You won the Superbowl! You are a big boy now! You even grew "big boy" hair, remember?
But I was told that you are entitled to a bad game and after screaming at the tv, I decided...fine! We can get past this. We aren’t going to let the ghost of Eli’s past, haunt us into forcing passes. I have bad days...so can you. But from now on, have them in the off season.
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