Between the Seasons

The time between football season and football season is filled with 200 MLB baseball games, about 15 seconds of interesting NBA basketball and March Madness. Aside from kicking butt in the March Madness pool, ever year, there is rarely anything blog-worthy going on in sports. Which means I have been busy dealing with the parts of life that have no 2-minute warning…you know, so I can slack of during football season!
So what have you missed…

Well, most importantly, MY BIRTHDAY! Your very favorite Monday Morning Cheerleader turned 25 for the third time in her life this past March! Happy Birthday to me! (Don’t worry, you can make it up to me…I am still accepting presents!)

Penn State won the NIT, which means, of all the teams that weren’t good enough to make the real tournament, Penn State sucked the least! Whoo-hoo! Go #66! Love my lions! (Nittany not Detroit)

And in the NFL…

The New York Giants said ‘bye-bye’ to Plaxico Burress! First he was skipping practice to take his 22 month old ‘to school.” (Apparently his son is far smarter than he is and is a student at less than 2 years old! Perhaps he should have asked genius, Mini-Plax, to help him come up with a better excuse!) Driving with no insurance, shooting himself in the leg, with a concealed weapon he had no permit for…sounds like a Dallas Cowgirl, to me! We (and by ‘we’ I mean, me and the NY FOOTBALL GIANTS) are happy to be rid of him and are moving on! Good-bye Plax!

Perhaps the biggest news. Big City, Jay Cutler!


The last thing Bears fans had to be excited about was Rex Grossman, and since he has since, peaked and faded into the invisible distance, (kinda like one of passes to no one), Jay Cutler is the big man on campus…or in Chicago.

Jay has been taking full advantage of his new-found stardom in the windy city, enjoying more than deep dish pizza, Mr. Cutler went almost a week as a QB in Chicago before entangling himself in the tabloid gossip (or in this case a rather promiscuous brunette) of Page Six.

http://www.nypost.com/seven/04142009/gossip/pagesix/bear_qb_aims_for_end_zone_164274.htm

(You are in big trouble, Jay Cutler!)

The Bears are excited that Jay Cutler landed in their seat during this game of musical quarterbacks. It could be because they haven’t has a franchise quarterback, that I can remember in my lifetime, and they are hoping that Jay Cutler performs better at lower altitudes. He can’t be worse than Kyle Orton, who the Bears gave up to Denver, along with 2 first round picks and a third round pick, for Jay Cutler and a Broncos 5th rounder.

Could Jay Cutler really be a franchise QB? Could he really be worth 2 first round picks? I don’t know. The real question is….WHO THE HECK IS HE GOING TO THROW TO?

$20 to the first person who can name a Chicago Bears receiver without “googling” it! (You can collect from Jay Cutler when he give me my $120K).

Keep an eye out:
Next weekend the Mannings will be in my hometown. Payton Manning will be coaching my high school football team and Eli will be coaching their rival, as the two schools replay the worlds oldest high school football rivalry's 1993 game, which ended in a tie! http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/sports/index.ssf?/base/sports-0/1235451945327370.xml&coll=3

I love you Eli, but for some reason (or facial expressions) Peyton strikes me as the coach I want for my team!

“He’s Just Not That Into You…”

“Harsh words from the best-selling dating coaching book may set single women quarterback-less coaches free.”

Why won’t he call me? Why won’t he play for me?
Why doesn’t he want to go out with me? Why won’t he be my quarterback?
Why doesn’t he like me? (Well, that one is still applicable!)

(Yes, Jay Cutler has his very own 'Bat Phone!' That line goes directly to Jay Cutler.)

Why won’t Jay Cutler call you or play for you, McDaniels? Why doesn’t he want to stay in Denver with you as the head coach?

Well, maybe it is because you openly offered him up for trade, in hopes of obtaining Matt Cassel. (Jay Cutler doesn’t want the sloppy seconds of a desperate man!)

Maybe it is because he was promised that the coaching staff would remain the same even though the Broncos made the ridiculous choice to fire Shanahan and now he doesn’t even know anyone’s name! (You are a liar and a cheat, McDaniels!)

Maybe Jay Cutler is just tired of the Denver weather! (Jay Cutler has feelings too…cold!)

OR…


Maybe, He’s just not that into you!

Yeah, that's the book/movie that tells women (or in this case, coach) that if a man (QB) isn’t calling, you should stop making excuses because, in it’s title’s harsh words, chances are “He’s Just Not that Into You.”

What that book neglects to do is tell men (QBs), that before they get so cocky and think that women/coaches are waiting for their phone calls, they should probably consider that there are other men/players on the market and they just may not be the best one. Perhaps I should write a reply book called “Maybe You are Just too Into Yourself (Jay Cutler)!”: There are a million, nope, billion men out there and you are probably a heck of a lot luckier than you think! So take a look around before you start thinking someone is waiting for your call.

Yup, I mean you, Jay Cutler. You know I love you, but perhaps you should consider a few things.

Maybe, you really aren’t “all that!”: Since you have been on the team (for the third straight season) the Broncos have not made the playoffs! (Okay, maybe we can blame Plummer for some of that)

Maybe, there are better men out there: Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford had an excellent performance at his pro day and the Detroit Lions need picks! Which means, you might end up in Detroit! (Still cold, still sucks…only worse!)

Maybe, you are not that great of a catch (or pass): Your passer rating was an average of 85.

Maybe, you should appreciate how lucky you really are: I am not sure if that is worse then ending up in a trade for a some problem player and Brady “Nobody Picked Me” Quinn with the Browns. Cleveland…seriously?

Maybe, you are unreliable: Worse, you lost me 210K in my elimination pool when you lost to the KC CHIEFS and the OAKLAND RAIDERS!



Yeah, I still like you, (notice at the beginning of the post, I loved you), but I am a very loyal and understanding girl! What are you really worth, Jay Cutler?

But don't worry, I have no idea how they get your QB back rating, either...no one does! I am pretty sure it means...absolutely nothing!

Seriously though, stop crying because it is NOT cute! You don't wanna end up this season's Brett Favre!

PS. You can’t just leave Denver, what the **** (I’m not moving to Detroit!)

< Brady Quinn's "Coming Out" It's Jay Cutler Day!

Oh, Jay Cutler! Jay Cutler! I am happy to see that you have gotten my message! I am completely out of Survivor picks now, so you still owe me $120K but your Thursday night performance showed a quarterback who could easily make me forget his flawed past and join my "fantasy team."
Jay Cutler threw for 447 yards and 3 touchdowns! And somewhere in the shadows of the Bronco's comeback from a 13 point deficit and Cutler's 93 yard touchdown pass to Eddie Royal, Brady Quinn was having his coming out party. Much like his appearance at the NFL Draft is was overshadowed by players who didn't come from an overrated, underperforming, Notre Dame and spend less time grooming their high-maintenance hair. Both the Denver Broncos' and Cleveland Browns' homepages present Thursday Nights game as the "Jay Cutler Story." Poor Brady Quinn…
Looks like even his fans have turned on the pretty boy…

Careful Brady, those tears will smear your make-up...Is that a “Jay Cutler” autograph I see on your arm?

Who is that leaving the stadium with Jay Cutler? Is that Brady Quinn’s sister???


I have a lot of questions for Brady Quinn:
1. How did it feel to sit in the green room with the Top Five picks and not get drafted until 22nd?
2. Did it feel worse than having Jay Cutler outshine you on your first day as starting QB?
3. Why did you spend the off season holding out on your Cleveland Brown’s contract when no one else wanted you? Did you think that no one watched the draft? That you could convince them that you were in high demand?
4. Do you really think after losing 10 straight bowl games, Notre Dame still deserves an automatic bowl bid if they make the top 12?
BUT, the one thing, I really must know Brady Quinn, is WHAT IS UP WITH THE BELLY SHIRT???




At least this cute little squirrel came to your party! (I just thought this was cute...)

Week Nine in the NFL

No one corrected me last week when I said it was week 9. But now for the real week nine recap...


THAT’S MY BOY! It appears as though Eli has shaken off his uncertainty and returned to my emotional, Super Bowl Champion QB! I couldn’t ask for more from my World Champion Boys in Blue! Eli Manning threw three touchdown passes, Brandon Jacobs rushed for 117 yards and one TD and the Giants Defense has, not one, not two, but three interceptions (all which lead to touchdowns)! The pictures from that game, need very little editing. Giants stomp on Dallas, 35-14.


It looked early on like it would be a week of Upset Specials, but in the end only two teams really blew it, and one of them was my survivor pick. (Thanks alot, Jacksonville!)
Jacksonville lost to the Cincinnati Bengals. Just when I had said their season had died, the Jaguars stepped in full of pity and lost the game by a two-point conversion. T.J. Houshmandzadeh said they were just playing to look respectable (makes it sting a little more, doesn’t it Jacksonville?), but Ocho Cinco showed up with two TDs and a kiss for his coach. 19-21, Bengals.

(not my best work, but making two straight men kiss is just as hard on photoshop as in real life.)

Next upset: The NY Jets over the Buffalo Bills. Just when people were talking about the playoffs, for the Bills. They fall victim, first last week to the Dolphins, and this week to Brett Fav-ruh and the Jets. Bills and Jets shared almost equal clock time and total yardage, so where did the Bills lose this game...stupid mistakes and three turnovers. 26-17, Bretts over Bills.

The Detroit Lions remain the leagues only winless team, for the same reason. Turnovers! It looks once again like they were finally going to take down their opponent, the Chicago Bears, who were forced to play Sexy Rexy after Kyle Orton was carted off the field, but Detroit blew it,as usual. After being booo’d by his own fans, the only way Grossman was going to pull off this win was if it was against Detroit.

Ohhhh, Cleveland Browns! You chanted, “OVER-RATED!” when the Giants defeated themselves on your turf. Eli Manning threw three interceptions and you laughed...what's funny is the number of interceptions Eli had that game also happens to be your total number of wins, this season...doesn’t seem like so many, anymore, does it? Despite 2 interceptions, the Ravens dominated the running game and the Browns, 37-27.

The Houston Texans have never won 4 straight games, EVER! They aren’t starting now. The Texans were forced to return to Sage Rosenfels after Schaub's knee swelled up. Three turnovers later, the Vikings pulled out a 28-21 victory. As much as I love making fun of the Texan’s “spice boy” the O-line could’ve helped him out, at least a little. You don’t want sporty spice out there trying to make plays without any protection. (You need TD’s not STDs)


The Titans keep their undefeated season in tact with a field goal in OT against the Pack, 16-19. The Packers and Aaron Rodgers out-played the Titans, but were another team to lose the game to stupid mistakes. Two turnovers by Green Bay and none by the Titans, allowed Tennessee to bring home another W.

When speaking of turnovers this week, Mark Bulger comes to mind. He had two interceptions to make 2 of 3 turnovers by the Rams and passed for 186 yards which was no match for old, Mr. Kurt Warner’s 342. Cards at a surprising, 5-3 dominated the Rams, 34-13.

Just when we thought Kansas City would rack up a second win, the Bucs came back to win by 3 in OT, 30-27. It appears as though KC went home at half time. 24 of their 27 points were scored before the 3rd quarter. It takes a hell of a half time talk, to blow a 14 point lead, and lose a game where you opponent had 4 turnovers, but the Chiefs showed us, they can lose under any condition. (Unless of course they are playing Jay Cutler!)

Speaking of Cutler, I know I said I forgave him, but I saw a golden opportunity to send him a little reminder with the Miami Dolphins this weekend and I think he got the message. Cutler appeared to fear the Miami defense carrying my, “don’t f*ck with me!’ message, as he threw 2 interceptions in his first 4 passes and another in the 4th quarter. The Dolphins scored 13 points off those turnovers and to send the message home, Joey Porter called his receivers soft and accused them of moping and crying. I think I even say Cutler crying, as he threw his towel at a ref for calling a very obvious pass interference on the offense or wasn’t it? Remember that, Cutler! You owe me $120K, next time they’ll break your knees!

Yea, I see you, Jay....but you can't see me!

Atlanta’s running and passing game were on target this week. I almost took them in my survivor pool and I am kicking myself now, because the Falcons reminded the Raiders why they aren’t wanted in LA. 24-0, Atlanta.

Someone ate their chunky soup this week, it was a pure passing game for McNabb and the Eagles who dominated the Seahawks, 26-7. It pains me to say good things about the Eagles, so lets move on.

It was a pretty boring game in Indianapolis, as the Colts made only two visits to the red zone and still beat the Patriots, 15-18. Specials teams wins games, but someone should have told New England you can’t rely solely on specials teams for the to be true. Field goals are only worth 3 points.