NFL Recap: Week Two

In Dallas, fans arrived more than 3 hours before kick off to see what 1.2 billion dollars could buy. The Cowgirls now play in one of the most expensive sports venues ever built. In case you haven’t heard (over and over and over) the retractable roof was specially designed by a structural engineer and is opened to reveal a glowing Dallas star, but can be covered by the retractable roof panel to protect against the elements. Inside a pair of nearly 300 ft tall arches span the length of the stadium dome and are anchored to the ground at each end. The new stadium also includes "more than 3,000 Sony LCD displays throughout the luxury suites, concourses, concession areas and more, offering fans viewing options that extend beyond the action on the field," and a center-hung video display board that is the largest high definition television screen in the world. Glass doors, allow each end zone to be opened…

…The one thing that Jerry Jones can’t buy…and the one thing the stadium can’t do is….win!

The stadium outshone the team, as the biggest cheers in Dallas came for the commercialization and exploitation of their football team in a stadium that held 105,000 disappointed fans. Each and every one of them got to see Romo’s THREE turnovers, on the BIG TV! (and that fumble, too!!!) The Giants, again, disappointed in the red zone, but their defense was, as usual, unmatched.

The lead changed hands several times (and we only got a shot of Jerry Jones in his comfy booth, when Dallas was winning….hmmm…wonder why?).



But the politicians and celebrities invited to this media fest all got a front seat to the “Giant Defense Show!”

They also got to see, Eli Manning go 25/38 for 330 yards and two touchdowns, Mario Manningham catch 10 passes for 150 yards and a touchdown and Steve Smith with 10 passes for 134 yards and a score.

While the Cowgirls focused on impressing the world with LCD displays, the G-men decided to play some high-definition football!

Pole dancing cheerleaders, ex-con (I mean ex-cowboy) players, flashing lights and fireworks, the Dallas Cowgirls were a side event in their own freak show. That stadium was their circus…and Tony Romo was their clown!



In case you can’t see him juggling the football…here it is on the BIG TV!



By the way, Flozell Adams, Justin Tuck is coming for you!!!
(What kinda name is Flozell? Do you know Plaxico?)

You know what usually happens when you can’t deliver in the red zone (and don’t have the Giants amazing defense)? You lose to the Baltimore Ravens. San Diego had to settle for 3, four times while inside the Baltimore 10. With 436 passing yards for Rivers, the Chargers still fell short to Flacco and the Ravens. 31-26 Baltimore.

You have to play Defense. Defense wins games. Perhaps they should have taken a look at the Denver Broncos who defenses came out of nowhere, literally, with 4 sacks on Brady Quinn. (Oh Brady Quinn, it just keeps getting better for you, doesn’t it?) Kyle Orton outplayed Quinn, but that isn’t hard…the Browns have scored ONE offensive touchdown in 2 games. However, they owe their win to the run game (or the Brown’s poor run defense); Buckhalter rushed for 76 yards and Knowshon Moreno added 75 yards as the Broncos ran the ball 37 times for 449 yards. 6-27, Broncos.


Jay Cutler must die! (The actual movie is John Tucker Must Die, but I doubt anyone actually saw it). When everyone else makes fun of you Jay Cutler, I defend you. (except for last week...but you had 4 interceptions, what do you want from me?) Yet, every year, you screw up my elimination bowl pick!! I suppose I could blame the Steeler’s 3 missed field goals (just one would have tied things up) or the fact that there were huge seams in the field’s turf because Chicago had a U-2 concert the weekend before the game, but I am not an Eagles fan. I am not making excuses…I’ll just blame JAY CUTLER! Chicago beat the Steelers with a last second field goal, kicked by Robbie Gould (WE ARE…PENN STATE!). 14-17, Bears.

If the 49ers keep winning games, I am going to be forced to learn the names of some of their players. I guess I will start with Frank Gore, who had 207 yards rushing and two touchdown runs over 75 yards. (It is clear that the Seahawks had some trouble catching on to that play). Matt Hasselbeck had to leave the game with a rib injury and I don’t have much else to say because I know nothing about San Fran, except that they don’t usually win. 10-23, 49ers.

T.O. played for the Buffalo Bills this week (He was on the field last week, also, but didn’t do much “playing”). He only had 3 receptions, but one was for a touchdown, which means unlike last week, T.O. was willing to talk to the press after the game. He didn’t cry, but give him time. He did nothing last week and only 3 receptions this week…can you smell the fuse burning? Tampa Bays offense put up 450 yards rushing last week against the Cowgirls, and the offense wasn’t a problem this week, either, however their D allowed 438 yards for Buffalo and I’ve said it before (in this blog and in this post) Defense wins games! 20-33, Buffalo.

Tony Gonzalez, Tony Gonzalez, Tony Gonzalez…that is all I keep hearing. So I kept an eye on him this week. What is the big deal with Tony Gonzalez…well, he is very obviously, Matt Ice’s favorite receiver, but it isn’t so much how often he catches the ball, but how he catches the ball. He picks the ball out of the air with his fingertips and pulls it in when you think it is just out of reach, in a way that made me want him on my team. I couldn’t quite figure out why I liked him so much, until I realized….Plaxico Burress. He uses his tippy toes and fingertips, like Plaxico did when he had 2 feet. What I would do for a Plaxico Burress, hold the drama! Anyway, back to the game. The Panthers went back to Delhomme after some confusion and 5 turnovers last week. His game improved drastically (perhaps out of fear for his job) 25/41 for 308 yards passing, BUT there was that pick late in the game on the Falcons 17 yard line. (Maybe next week, Jake). 20-28, Atlanta.

Detroit scored a touchdown!!! (Small victories, for these guys). In fact, when the Lions scored, the Favre-prone announcers cheered “Touchdown Minnesota!” Oops! I am not sure if it is the fact that they have yet to get off of Brett Favre’s….bandwagon or they just aren’t used to saying “Touchdown Lions!” Perhaps a mixture of both, but there was no time to make up for the mistake, because that was the Lions only touchdown. The NFL’s favorite geriatric, unretired quarterback was Favre was 23 of 27 for 155 yards…seems like a lot of passes for only 155 yards, doesn’t it? That’s because Fav-ruh has yet to throw deep downfield once. (I don’t think you have it in you Favre!!) Let’s see what happens when he plays a real team. See ya week 16 old man! 27-13 Minnesota.

The Bengals beat the Packers by once second, literally. A false start penalty kept Cincinnati from losing their lead to the Packers. Aaron Rodgers faked a spike and looked to the end zone to put Green Bay in the lead, but a false start blew the play dead and the Bengals managed a win. Interesting but useless fact? This is the first time the Bengals win at Lambeau Field. 31-24, Bengals.

Who thought Houston was going to beat Tennessee? I didn’t. That is why I lost my second pick, when they did. (By a field goal, again.) The freakin Texans? Stupid, Titans. 34-31, Texans.

Oakland beat Kansas City and if this is the game they were showing in your area…I am so sorry. I can’t even pretend I watched it. 13-10, Oakland.

Brett Favre captures the media with all his whining and retiring, while Kurt Warner actually plays a quality game of football at the age of 38 (which is like 100 in football years!) Warner was 24/26 for 243 yards and 2 touchdowns against the Jaguars. His first 15 passes and broke the NFL's single-game record for completion percentage and 12 of 14 were for first downs. (He’s not afraid to throw down field, Fav-ruh! Take that!!!) He sat the bench with a sore shoulder in the 4th and Matt Leinart showed his pretty face for a few plays, but did nothing more than smile and flex, however, not before the Cardinal put the Jaguars away. 31-17, Arizona.

The Redskins surprised no one by continuing to be the worst team in the NFC Beast. Even though Washington beat the Rams, they headed to the locker room to a familiar sound, “booooooooo!” Fans were likely upset because Washington failed to score a single touchdown, but the fact that they failed to do so against the St. Louis Rams, who if it weren’t for the Detroit Lions would likely be the worst team in the NFL for the second season in a row, probably didn’t help. Don’t expect much from the Skins or the Rams. 7-9, Redskins.

Some of those recaps may seem rushed, but it is only because I couldn’t wait to get to this last one. The only thing that could make a better day of the Giants beating the Cowgirls, at home, in their first game, in their pretty new shiny, stadium, is if the Eagles got their a** handed to them, too… and they did!

“We don’t have McNabb.” “Next week we will have Vick.” “Kolb has never served any serious jail time.” “The sun was in my eyes.” “Mommy, the Saints won’t let us score.”
In what was obviously another week tainted with whining poor excuses as to why Philadelphia had been defeated on all aspects of the game, I am left to wonder, is McNabb really hurt or were the Eagles just thinking ahead?

There were no wings flapping in the end zone this week, as the New Orleans Saints marched all over Lincoln Financial Stadium and the Eagles just couldn’t keep up…or score, or defend or really do anything about it, at all.

Kolb threw three interceptions and Philadelphia still didn’t feel desperate enough to go with Garcia, who they signed to a 2-week contract, with the loss of McNabb. In the event something happened to Kolb, with Vick in eligible, (you know, for being a criminal), Garcia was there for emergencies.

I call three interceptions and complete domination on the field and emergency, but not one I would call Garcia up for…that kind of emergency would have to be more like “Oh no! Kolb has lost both legs…and both arms…and he’s gone blind…right before entering a coma.” (Okay, put in Garcia).

I don’t think it would have mattered. Nothing could save the Eagles from the total domination and embarrassment they underwent on their own turf on Sunday…and I loved it. ☺

Come on. Dance for me, McNabb.

FREE PLAX!

"With 10 days to go before a critical appearance in Manhattan criminal court, the attorney for Plaxico Burress is feverishly working behind the scenes to find a negotiated settlement that would allow Burress to play football in 2009 -- either by reaching a plea deal with minimal jail time or by postponing a possible trial until after the 2009 NFL season with the hopes of playing this fall, a source with knowledge of the case said Friday."

Seriously? I am tired of hearing about the possibility of Plax doing jail time and it isn’t because he was a New York Football Giant, either.

Aren’t we being a little harsh on the guy? (I even saw one cite compare him to O.J. Simpson!) If stupidity were a crime, he should serve a life sentence. (Then again, the world would be an entirely different...and empty…place) But what did Burress really do?

I know. I know. He was carrying a concealed weapon without a permit and that is a crime. But hasn’t he been punished enough?

Come on! He shot himself in the foot! (Literally and figuratively.) Not only did he get shot, but he did it to himself…by accident!

Not only does he look like a fool and have a throbbing, painful limp but the four-game suspension cost Burress $823,529 in lost wages. He was also fined an additional $205,882 (or ONE WEEKS SALARY!) and being dropped by the G-men cost Burress as much as $27 million and his job!

I think he has paid for his crime. Spank the boy and send him on his way!



And don’t give me that “if he wasn’t an NFL player he wouldn’t be getting special treatment” b-o-l-o-g-n-a! Don’t kid yourself; the District Attorney enters plea agreements for much bigger crimes, every...single...day (you just don’t hear about them on ESPN)!

If Plax serves jail time, it is because he didn’t hire me as his attorney. (Do you think they are going to find a panel of jurors in New York, that aren’t Giant fans?) I already have my entire case prepared.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the prosecutor wants you to believe that Plaxico Burress is a criminal, who thinks he doesn’t have to abide by the law because he plays football. But I would like to remind you, who Plaxico Burress really is to New York…(hit the video)"



"…And the Defense rests."

Watching that, I get nervous all over again; biting my nails as Tyree struggles to pull the ball against his helmet; thinking it is all over when Eli gets pulled down by his jersey and then breaks free. My heart races as the clock runs down and my G-men make their way down field. I hold my breath as Manning releases that final pass, my excitement builds watching it float through the air toward the end zone... one last play, one last pass, one last chance to end a perfect season and be the WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK GIANTS...then I jump up and cheer, in pure euphoria as Plaxico makes the final catch in the most amazing drive in Super Bowl history! The joy of the best 2 minutes and 7 seconds of my life comes flooding back! My heart fills with pride and Plaxico Burress is my hero, once again! There won't be a dry eye in the house!

NOT GUILTY!




PS. This guy might be taking it a little to hard...

Between the Seasons

The time between football season and football season is filled with 200 MLB baseball games, about 15 seconds of interesting NBA basketball and March Madness. Aside from kicking butt in the March Madness pool, ever year, there is rarely anything blog-worthy going on in sports. Which means I have been busy dealing with the parts of life that have no 2-minute warning…you know, so I can slack of during football season!
So what have you missed…

Well, most importantly, MY BIRTHDAY! Your very favorite Monday Morning Cheerleader turned 25 for the third time in her life this past March! Happy Birthday to me! (Don’t worry, you can make it up to me…I am still accepting presents!)

Penn State won the NIT, which means, of all the teams that weren’t good enough to make the real tournament, Penn State sucked the least! Whoo-hoo! Go #66! Love my lions! (Nittany not Detroit)

And in the NFL…

The New York Giants said ‘bye-bye’ to Plaxico Burress! First he was skipping practice to take his 22 month old ‘to school.” (Apparently his son is far smarter than he is and is a student at less than 2 years old! Perhaps he should have asked genius, Mini-Plax, to help him come up with a better excuse!) Driving with no insurance, shooting himself in the leg, with a concealed weapon he had no permit for…sounds like a Dallas Cowgirl, to me! We (and by ‘we’ I mean, me and the NY FOOTBALL GIANTS) are happy to be rid of him and are moving on! Good-bye Plax!

Perhaps the biggest news. Big City, Jay Cutler!


The last thing Bears fans had to be excited about was Rex Grossman, and since he has since, peaked and faded into the invisible distance, (kinda like one of passes to no one), Jay Cutler is the big man on campus…or in Chicago.

Jay has been taking full advantage of his new-found stardom in the windy city, enjoying more than deep dish pizza, Mr. Cutler went almost a week as a QB in Chicago before entangling himself in the tabloid gossip (or in this case a rather promiscuous brunette) of Page Six.

http://www.nypost.com/seven/04142009/gossip/pagesix/bear_qb_aims_for_end_zone_164274.htm

(You are in big trouble, Jay Cutler!)

The Bears are excited that Jay Cutler landed in their seat during this game of musical quarterbacks. It could be because they haven’t has a franchise quarterback, that I can remember in my lifetime, and they are hoping that Jay Cutler performs better at lower altitudes. He can’t be worse than Kyle Orton, who the Bears gave up to Denver, along with 2 first round picks and a third round pick, for Jay Cutler and a Broncos 5th rounder.

Could Jay Cutler really be a franchise QB? Could he really be worth 2 first round picks? I don’t know. The real question is….WHO THE HECK IS HE GOING TO THROW TO?

$20 to the first person who can name a Chicago Bears receiver without “googling” it! (You can collect from Jay Cutler when he give me my $120K).

Keep an eye out:
Next weekend the Mannings will be in my hometown. Payton Manning will be coaching my high school football team and Eli will be coaching their rival, as the two schools replay the worlds oldest high school football rivalry's 1993 game, which ended in a tie! http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/sports/index.ssf?/base/sports-0/1235451945327370.xml&coll=3

I love you Eli, but for some reason (or facial expressions) Peyton strikes me as the coach I want for my team!

Fastest Way to a Republican's Heart: COLLEGE FB PLAYOFFS!

*Thanks for all the emails about the College Football post. Unfortunately, I can't possibly keep up with watching and writing about every NFL and NCAA football game, all season. Sadly, entertaining ya'll doesn't pay very much. But I will try and sneak in some more College Football, whenever I can. Promise.



I know they say not to mix politics...well, with anything but is there really anything College Football doesn't go with? (Except maybe, Notre Dame!)Even politics...

...and yes, Republican's have hearts, you just haven't figured out how to get to them, yet...

On that note, the following conversation has been recreated for your reading pleasure.


DEMOCRAT FRIEND("FRIEND"): Thursday we say goodbye to George Bush, he is giving his farewell speech.
MONDAY MORNING CHEERLEADER ("ME"): Yeah well...2009 has been a bit of a "poop" year so far so why not throw in a new Pres.
FRIEND: So you actually liked George Bush?
ME: Well, he made me laugh and to be honest, I haven't really liked a single Presidential candidate since I have been able to vote.
FRIEND: Not even Clinton? Come on, everyone liked Clinton.
ME: I'm a Republican. And he doesn't count anyway, I couldn't vote back then.
FRIEND: Wait a minute. How many election could you vote in?
ME: Haha. Just these last two.
FRIEND: Maybe I can recruit you, then. Have you heard Obama talk? The other night he talked about everything from Income Redistribution to how he wants BCS playoffs.
ME: I don't think so. I am not buying into this steal from the rich and give to the poor stuff. I mean, I don't want people to suffer, but you can't just take money from people who earned it and give it to people who...I am sorry, did you say, BCS Playoffs?
FRIEND: Yes, but you were talking about the redistribution of wealth...
ME: How do I feel about Obama’s redistribution of wealth? Well...I think that there should be an eight or twelve team playoff at the end of the regular college football season. Enough with the “strength of schedule, divided by the number of games played at home, over home games against non-conference teams with less than 10 point differential. GIVE ME PLAYOFFS!
FRIEND: Okay, but how's that related to taxing the higher income brackets?
ME: Who the heck cares about income brackets, when you have NCAA Football Playoff Brackets? What have rich people done for me lately? I don’t lay awake at night wondering if Bill Gates is gonna lose a few million of his billions, but I do wonder, “Is Florida really better than USC?” “What will happen if Penn State goes undefeated and there are 2 other undefeated teams in the BCS?” “Why did Bowling Green play on the Wednesday after New Years Day?” "When will the Big Ten get to play some respectable teams, so we can get our credibility back?" Now, those questions are TAXING!

So, here is the real question: WHY DIDN’T OBAMA RUN WITH COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS AS HIS PLATFORM?
The man is "Pro Playoffs" and "Anti Co-champs!" Why didn't he just say so? If he would have run with those as his platform, I would have had no further questions. Whatever he does to the economy, we can fix that later, but the damage done by the BCS Shenanigans can never be undone.
I am a Nittany Lion, first...Republican, later.

"I think it is about time we had playoffs in college football, I'm fed up with these computer rankings and this and that and the other. Get eight teams -- the top eight teams right at the end. You got a playoff. Decide on a national champion."
“I don’t know any serious fan of college football who has disagreed with me on this, I’m going to throw my weight around a little bit. I think it’s the right thing to do.”
-Barack Obama

Now you see, that’s “change I can believe in!”

What did the men behind the curtain, at the good ol' BCS, have to say about Obama’s Playoff System suggestion?

"We deeply respect the president-elect and we are glad that he is a fan of college football, we have the most compelling regular season in all of sports, and I'm sure that contributes to Senator Obama's enjoyment of our great game."
"My colleagues and I on the BCS Presidential Oversight Committee have discussed the future of postseason football on many occasions and we do not believe a playoff would be in the best interest of the sport, the student-athletes or our many other constituencies."
-BCS President, David Frohnmayer

Wait. What was the answer? Why can’t we have a playoff system in college football?

This BCS geezer was asked about having a BCS playoff system and he neutralized the hostility by welcoming the questioner, then drew our attention to the positive aspects of the current system, the regular season. When got to the question, he assured us that those, who are far more qualified to handle the situation, have discussed the issue and decided it is not our best interest. (By "many other constituencies" he means, his pockets!)And I still don’t know WHY WE CAN’T HAVE PLAYOFFS?

Hmmmm....who is the politician now?

...Well, if the ALL-KNOWING Commies (I meant that to be short for Committees) of the BCS say it is in our best interest, who are we to question what they have already decided is best for us?

So what if the coaches suggest a playoff system, every season, when the BCS's "b*tch team of the season" is left out of a bowl game? Or if Matt Leinert (student-athlete) wore a "BCS Sucks" shirt (You can get a BCSucks shirt, HERE). How would he know what is in his own best interest?

We should all be more like this guy, right?


So what is my plan for college football?
Simple, throw out the formulas and divide the BCS into 8 or 12 Conferences. The team that wins each conference goes to the playoffs. You don’t win your conference, you don’t go to the playoffs. If you are not in a conference...JOIN ONE, NOTRE DAME! Highest seeded team plays the lowest until there are 2 teams left. Those 2 teams play in the Championship game.

The Fiesta Bowl and the Orange Bowl, etc. become "playoff bowls." BCS still makes their big bucks, no undefeated team gets left behind and everyone is happy.

Sure there are a few things that need to be worked out...but the current BCS system resulted in 2 one-loss teams playing for the Championship, while an undefeated Utah wasn't even considered. Utah entered the Bowl Series ranked Number 6, with Texas at Number 3 (who did not win their conference) and then the Utes spanked Alabama in their Bowl game. Do I think Utah should be number one? No. Am I sure? No.
(Do you know what will eliminate any doubt of who is number one? PLAYOFFS!)

So it makes me wonder, when people say that "Playoffs" is not the answer, what exactly is the question...

Do you know how they currently decide teams play for the Championship? (of course not, no one does!)
The BCS formula is comprised by 5 components. The average ranking in the AP and ESPN coach's poll, an average ranking of the best four of six computer polls, the number of losses, a strength of schedule factor, and a quality wins factor. Huh?

(How do we eliminate the confusion? PLAYOFFS!)

Do you know how the AP Polls are decided?
Some random guys, who admit to only watching select games throughout the season, actually vote on their favorite team for number one. On ESPN Radio, 2 AP voters admitted they had never seen Utah play all season and one voter, couldn't remember if he had seen them. I remember every game I watched all season. Get some game tape, buddy!

(How do we eliminate the need for that guys opinion? PLAYOFFS!)

Do you know how any one of the six computer polls are calculated? (Because they never agree with the voter polls)
This one I can't answer. I tried to read the basic formula for just one, but they lost me somewhere around "integral calculus" and "linear algebra." (Which was on page one of twenty three!) If they are really playing "rock, paper, scissors" and threw those therms in there to scare me into accepting these computer guys as geniuses...they were successful. (There's no math in law school!)Plus...

(How do we eliminate the need for the terms "integral calculus" and "linear algebra" in our lives? PLAYOFFS!)

We haven't gotten to the AP, ESPN or other computer systems, yet... do you still wanna know how they decide which teams play in the Championship?

Yup, and you wonder why UF plays every year...it pays to have a young able-bodied coach in those tie-breakers!

Looks like "playoffs" is quite often the answer, to me.

Does all this mean, I am a democrat, now? Absolutely not. (But I am a college football fan!) So, if you wondering how to get Republicans to support our new President in his quest for "Change." The answer is once again...
COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS!

As far as the redistribution of wealth... I support it 100%, if it means redistributing Anquan Boldin to the New York Giants.

The Cardinals already have Larry Fitzgerald.



Note: In the above post, the meaning of the term "college football" is limited to refer only to Division I and is, at no time, intended to include the lower divisions of college football, which already have a playoff system in place.