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"With 10 days to go before a critical appearance in Manhattan criminal court, the attorney for Plaxico Burress is feverishly working behind the scenes to find a negotiated settlement that would allow Burress to play football in 2009 -- either by reaching a plea deal with minimal jail time or by postponing a possible trial until after the 2009 NFL season with the hopes of playing this fall, a source with knowledge of the case said Friday."

Seriously? I am tired of hearing about the possibility of Plax doing jail time and it isn’t because he was a New York Football Giant, either.

Aren’t we being a little harsh on the guy? (I even saw one cite compare him to O.J. Simpson!) If stupidity were a crime, he should serve a life sentence. (Then again, the world would be an entirely different...and empty…place) But what did Burress really do?

I know. I know. He was carrying a concealed weapon without a permit and that is a crime. But hasn’t he been punished enough?

Come on! He shot himself in the foot! (Literally and figuratively.) Not only did he get shot, but he did it to himself…by accident!

Not only does he look like a fool and have a throbbing, painful limp but the four-game suspension cost Burress $823,529 in lost wages. He was also fined an additional $205,882 (or ONE WEEKS SALARY!) and being dropped by the G-men cost Burress as much as $27 million and his job!

I think he has paid for his crime. Spank the boy and send him on his way!



And don’t give me that “if he wasn’t an NFL player he wouldn’t be getting special treatment” b-o-l-o-g-n-a! Don’t kid yourself; the District Attorney enters plea agreements for much bigger crimes, every...single...day (you just don’t hear about them on ESPN)!

If Plax serves jail time, it is because he didn’t hire me as his attorney. (Do you think they are going to find a panel of jurors in New York, that aren’t Giant fans?) I already have my entire case prepared.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the prosecutor wants you to believe that Plaxico Burress is a criminal, who thinks he doesn’t have to abide by the law because he plays football. But I would like to remind you, who Plaxico Burress really is to New York…(hit the video)"



"…And the Defense rests."

Watching that, I get nervous all over again; biting my nails as Tyree struggles to pull the ball against his helmet; thinking it is all over when Eli gets pulled down by his jersey and then breaks free. My heart races as the clock runs down and my G-men make their way down field. I hold my breath as Manning releases that final pass, my excitement builds watching it float through the air toward the end zone... one last play, one last pass, one last chance to end a perfect season and be the WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK GIANTS...then I jump up and cheer, in pure euphoria as Plaxico makes the final catch in the most amazing drive in Super Bowl history! The joy of the best 2 minutes and 7 seconds of my life comes flooding back! My heart fills with pride and Plaxico Burress is my hero, once again! There won't be a dry eye in the house!

NOT GUILTY!




PS. This guy might be taking it a little to hard...

One man's Rush is Another Man's Trudge

It isn't everyday that a guy wearing a number as high as 92 scores a touchdown.

When they do, I often joke that as the gigantic defender runs down field, he is thinking "Please tackle me! I can't run anymore!"

There are few things more entertaining to watch, than the epic journey of a linebacker, 10 yards down field.

As they near the endzone, their run becomes less of a stride motion and more of a stagger; ending in a collpase of thankfulness, that they have by the grace of God, on their very last breath, FINALLY reached the endzone!

They are then immediately met with water and oxygen masks, as if they have just completed a 3 day trek through the Sahara, when in reality they could probably reach out and touch the very same spot they started running from.

So imagine my amusement when all 250lbs of linebacker, James Harrison returned an interception for the longest play in Super Bowl history. 100 yards. Before his record breaking play, the farthest Harrison ever had to run was from the line of scrimmage to the quarterback pocket and he doesn't do so very quickly.

Watch here as #92 completes his 100 yard pilgrimage from one end zone to the other. His stride remains steady, although he has quite a but of help before he us pushed into the end zone and collpases on the turf like he was shot in the leg by Plaxico Burress.



So what was Harrison thinking? Perhaps something along the lines of:

"What a time to be on a defensive team! Will one of you let me get tackled already?!"

or...

"100 yards didn't seem so far when it was 300 foot long sandwiches."

or...

Maybe we should just ask him...

Week After Super Sunday

A few random thoughts which occurred to me during the Super Bowl:

1. The ‘safety’ has to be the funnest signal in football. The quaterback gets backed up anywhere near the end zone and suddenly everyone in the stadium, including 300 something lbs linebackers are standing with their hands over their heads like genies. Some people signal first downs, other people see holding and grab their wrists, but everyone signals for a safety! It is so much fun!


2. I wonder if when a football player makes a huge play and points up to Jesus, he points back at them?


3. Are Omar Epps and Mike Tomlin twins? Do they know each other? Do their mom’s look alike? Have they ever run into each other and thought “Holy Sh*t! You look just like me!?”



4. Just when I thought that saying Palamalu was the coolest name in the Super Bowl, I discovered Coach Wizenhut

5. When Ben Patrick scored a touchdown for the Cards, he was the first 7th round choice to score a touchdown in a Super Bowl since 2005. Is that a significant statistic? Who comes up with those and how are they so readily available? Before the game do they hand the announcers a paper that says “In the event that Ben Patrick scores, say this…”

6. I am discriminating against certain touchdown celebrations. I don’t mind seeing a traditional chest bump or high five. Some guys do a celebration that looks like lunges and I don’t mind that either. Heck, if you just ran 50 yards and you aren’t tired, please, go ahead, do some lunges. I find it disturbing however, when a grown man who regularly smashes his body into 300lb men suddenly gets twinkle toes and ballerinas his flapping arms around the end zone. Then again, if I were to score an NFL touchdown, they wouldn’t have enough flags for the excessive celebrations I would draw. I would be dancing for hours, provided I could still breathe. They would have to carry me off the field.

7. If I had control over the telestrator, I would not be able to resist drawing mustaches on people and writing inappropriate speech bubbles.

8. Can you seriously not review the last play of the Superbowl to see if its a forward pass or fumble?

Either way, congrats Pittsburgh! I look forward to all the Steelers won the Super Bowl songs!!!