Week One: Mcnabb Fails in Red, too!

Week one is a little delayed because San Diego lost my elimination bowl pick (plus I went to buy my wedding gown)! But seriously, who loses their elimination bowl pick in week one?? Better yet, who loses to the Kansas City Chiefs? The Chargers, that’s who! The best performance by Phillips Rivers was the tantrum he threw on the field when the center failed to snap the ball in time delay of game was called. There was stomping and pouting…he even kicked the ball. (It only went a few yards but hey, that’s a step up from his passing game!) 14-21, Chiefs over Chargers.

I do have another pick left, which was safely placed on the Titans. I was a little hesitant because I find Vince Young to be unpredictable, but I can pick up 10 random people on my way to Oakland and beat the Raiders, so I figured it was a safe bet (then again, I also thought I could beat Kansas City…apparently my football skills are superior to those found in San Deigo)! The Raiders were murdered by the Titans, 13-38.

The season opener was played at the new (and waay cooler than Dallas) Giant Stadium (shut-up Jets fans, you know that’s what its called)! I was a little worried when I saw the Eli Manning sad face in the first quarter, but then something changed... until now, few have you believed in my red glove theory, but now it is time you see the light (or the red gloves).

Interceptions were thrown, Eli’s passes were bouncing off players numbers, slipping out of their hands… then Eli looked over and saw something, something familiar, something comforting…


And next thing you know...

Not one!


Not two!


But THREE touchdown passes to Hakeem Nix.


“But that’s Hakeem Nix, not Plaxico Burress!” This is true, but have you seen those gloves somewhere before?


That’s a nice picture of history being made! Wanna see it from a different angle?

Looks like Deon Sanders in the background there may have lost a few bucks on that game. It is all about the red gloves. 18-31, NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS over Panthers (and “the other” Steve Smith).

The Lions (and Tigers) and Bears. OH MY! Okay, now that I got that out of the way, just when you think the Lions can’t lose anymore, they lose Matt Stafford against the Bears to a shoulder injury and just when we thought they’d been beat by everyone…they get beat by the refs. After the officials called this pass incomplete with 25 seconds left, they handed the Lions their 21st consecutive road loss.

Clearly they are not familiar with the “helmet catch.” 14-19 Bears.

The Cowgirls played the Redskins, which is normally an easy call for me. I hate Dallas and Washington is harmless, but not as easy of a decision this season. I hate the Cowgirls, but I also hate Donovan McNabb. I was torn… but as I watched the game, I realized I love watching Donovan McNabb fail in any color!


Déjà vu? 7-13 Cowgirls over McNabb McNabb over Cowgirls in the most boring game ever. (SEE ABOVE SEMI-RETRACTION FOR CLARIFICATION ON MCNABB'S FAILURE).

I take that back the Ravens beat the Jets in a sleep inducing game, 10-9. I like seeing the Jets fail, too...

Oh, but not as much as the Eagles! McNabb, Kolb, Vick…does it really matter? I can tell you that Michael Vick doesn’t care about the first 2 and he doesn’t care much about the Eagles either for that matter. You know who he does care about? Michael Vick!

Eagle’s starting QB Kevin Kolb suffered a concussion and left at halftime leaving Vick to step in, but of course, no one wants to profit from someone else’s injury, right? WRONG! Despite Kolb’s injury and LOSING 27-20 to the Packers, when Michael Vick was questioned about the game Vick's answer was that he was happy about it. I guess that is all that matters right, Vick? After all, those guys out there in the same color shirt as you, they aren’t there to win games…they are just there to make you happy! Now there is a guy who belongs with the Eagles!

Better watch out Kolb, it appears that if Vick had known sooner that all it took was your injury to get some play time, you wouldn’t have survived the pre-season.

The Colts lost to the Texans. I can only hope big brother Manning does as poorly this week against Eli! 24-34, Houston.

The End is Near: Season-Threatening Disease Spreads Through NFL

We already knew that there were a few players in the NFL infected with an incurable disease, harboring unlimited side effects from bird dances to team sabotage and uncensored, fine producing commentary.

Usually the disease was contained to a few concentrated areas like Philadelphia and Dallas, with the occasional outbreak resulting in a player shooting himself the thigh.

Unfortunately, stupidity is no longer affecting just Eagles and Cowboys. They should have taken my advice and quaranteened those teams, long before their special breed of contagious stupidity began to spread to the ineffable (side note: up until a few mintues ago, I thought that word, totally meant something else!) proportions it has today.

Because now, it may be too late.

When the end is near the mountains will crumble as the sun's heat ignites the earth. The skies will darken and football players will begin to rally behind TERRELL OWENS FOR THE RETURN OF MICHAEL VICK! (I never read that part of the Bible because when the end comes, I wanna be surpised, but I am pretty sure that this is a sign!)

FROM USA TODAY:

Terrell Owens has taken his campaign for Michael Vick's immediate reinstatement by the NFL to Twitter.

The Bills receiver, who called commissioner Roger Goodell's treatment of Vick "unfair" on Sunday, said Vick has already received enough punishment for his federal dogfighting conviction and should not be suspended more games by the NFL. (Owens referenced an ESPN report on Thursday saying the league would suspend Vick for four games, which the NFL said was premature.)

And then Owens went to Twitter to seek support from his fellow NFL players and his fans.

***What the heck is up with T.O. and Twitter?***

On Sunday evening, he tweeted: "Who's w/me on the Vick situation? All n favor, lemme get a tweet 2 support Mike Vick! He did the time 4 the crime! Let the guy play!!"

Several NFL players, including Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald, responded with support of Owens' campaign for Vick.

-- Fitzgerald: "im in support of mike vick too man.I wanna c him back in action being the human highlight film he is.Im with ya bro."

-- Vikings TE Visanthe Shiancoe: "Never heard him complain or wine... I respect him. Let the man play."

***"Wine" is a beverage. "Whine" is what you are doing about Michael Vick!***

-- Cardinals DE Darnell Dockett: "he did time and lost his shoe deal, and paid fines. Dear Commissioner please reinstate mike vick. PLEASE."

-- Rams RB Steven Jackson: "Don't agree with 4 games, 23 months is enough." ... "He will not be able 2 vote anymore. He has lost enough, allow the man 2 move on with his life. We dnt have a heaven or a hell 2 put him n."

***Am I the only one who has NO IDEA what the hell this guy is talking about?***

Said Owens when he met reporters on Sunday, "The guy's already suffered so much. And to add a four-game suspension on a two-year prison sentence, that's ridiculous."

And in a comment to ESPN, Owens suggested Goodell was not respecting the 20-month sentence Vick served. "The commissioner needs to go sit in jail for 23 months," he told the network.

What really scares me is that you would think, that with the NFL's rap sheet dragging out longer than Brett Favre's career, a few of these guy would understand how jail works.

There is nothing unfair about Vick going to jail. He committed a crime and he served a sentence (barely!). If he didn't want to go to jail...well, here's a thought, how about getting a hobby that does not involve torturing animals? (Drinking and driving, unregistered weapons, unprescribed narcotics, all illegal...keep trying, I am sure you will stumble upon something!)

But if Twitter Dee and Twitter Dumb are going to be the voices to be followed in the NFL this seasnon, we may all need to find a new hobby!

San Francisco Cowboys? 49ers have offensive, offensive plans

Vick isn't to be released from prison until July, but the 49ers are rumored to be “licking their chops” at the thought of adding a felon to their roster. Come on, guys! Even Detroit isn’t that desperate.

After his involvement with, 'Bad Newz Kennels,' a dog fighting ring, including accusations of electrocuting dogs and throwing runt puppies against concrete, Vick became a criminal, even the Dallas Cowgirls wouldn’t touch!



And apparently, the 49ers have learned nothing from the Cowgirls and the PacMan Jones fiasco. Pac Man was released by Dallas, after they discovered his further involvement in an Atlanta strip club shooting. Pac Man served a one year suspension for his involvement, prior to signing as with Dallas and served yet another suspension, almost immediately upon his return to the NFL. Once a criminal, always a criminal and even the Dallas Cowgirls have standards. (Pretty low ones, but standards, none the less).

However, the 49er's quarterback situation has become so desperate they are considering signing Michael Vick as QB-1 upon his release from Federal custody...
HE IS STILL IN JAIL!!! And you wonder why these guys don’t learn.

You would think that, the 49ers would have some sympathy for the poor dogs, who were victims of Michael Vick. After all, who would know better the San Fran, what it is like to be surrounded by chanting crowds, while consistently being forced to compete against bigger and better opponents every week, where their only hope is that their opponent will tire themselves out before they got beat up too badly.



Well, maybe it is only fair that Vick get beat up on every week and learn what it feels like to be “defenseless.”

What do football fans have to say about the possible return of the puppy killing predator to the NFL?

49ers fans are unhappy, to say the least: “I am a die-hard 49er fan and if they sign this piece of garbage, scumbag I will never root for them, again. I always thought my worse nightmare would be the Cleveland Indians signing Barry Bonds. I was wrong this is way worse. Die hard 49er fan since 1982 and it all ends in 2009 if they sign this thug.”

Raider fans, however: “If we didn’t have Jamarcus Russell, I wouldn’t mind Michael Vick being a Raider. People are tripping over Michael Vick fighting dogs. DOGS PEOPLE! Yes it is wrong but it’s not like he was selling drugs are anything. He just made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes.”

*There are several things wrong with that. First, the Raiders have fans? Are these fans in Oakland or Los Angeles? Second, I am sorry, but did you imply the Jamarcus Russell is a quality quarterback? (I am actually starting to feel sorry for this idiot, if he has pinned his hopes on Jamarcus Russell). Third, yes, people do make mistakes, perhaps like when you said, “it’s not like he was selling drugs are anything” you really meant to say, “OR anything.” That is a mistake. Killing dogs for sport and entertainment is not a mistake. It’s a freakin’ crime and in case you were wondering, it is a greater offense than selling drugs (of course, that also depends on the quantity and quality of said drugs). Wow! Raiders fans everywhere (or in the limited areas in which they may exist) are shaking their heads with shame at you…and this is after the Raiders finished the season 5-11 (you can thank Jay Cutler for one of those!). The only things worse than going with the '9ers would be ending up a Raider. No one wants that!


And perhaps the most appalling of Mr. Raider-fan's comments was, the he implied that fighting dogs was not a big deal because they were 'DOGS PEOPLE!' Exactly, they were dogs. Animals that would be family pets if not for Michael Vick throwing their runt puppies against a concrete floor until they stopped seizing or electrocuting dogs who had lost fights, after he had already forced them to fight for their lives by clawing and biting to death one of their own kind. He wasn't killing animals for food or survival but for fun and in a sick inhumane manner. Where do people like this guy come from? (He thinks that selling drugs is worse!) Have you ever seen a dog after as Michael Vick's "pet?"



Poor pup! And don't give me the "Pit bull's are vicious" shenanigans. They don't maul each other to death, unless you force them to, for their own survival. They are vicious because a****** like Vick force them to be. Look at this guy. He looks real scary, doesn't he?



Yeah, looks like he is going to eat that baby any second, right? Regardless, I would trust a Pit bull with my baby before I trusted Michael Vick....with my football team!

Seriously, who are you gonna trust?

These cute little guys....


Or this guy?


*One of those pictures may have been altered to skew your opinion.

But one thing you do know is, never trust a Raider fan!