The End is Near: Season-Threatening Disease Spreads Through NFL

We already knew that there were a few players in the NFL infected with an incurable disease, harboring unlimited side effects from bird dances to team sabotage and uncensored, fine producing commentary.

Usually the disease was contained to a few concentrated areas like Philadelphia and Dallas, with the occasional outbreak resulting in a player shooting himself the thigh.

Unfortunately, stupidity is no longer affecting just Eagles and Cowboys. They should have taken my advice and quaranteened those teams, long before their special breed of contagious stupidity began to spread to the ineffable (side note: up until a few mintues ago, I thought that word, totally meant something else!) proportions it has today.

Because now, it may be too late.

When the end is near the mountains will crumble as the sun's heat ignites the earth. The skies will darken and football players will begin to rally behind TERRELL OWENS FOR THE RETURN OF MICHAEL VICK! (I never read that part of the Bible because when the end comes, I wanna be surpised, but I am pretty sure that this is a sign!)

FROM USA TODAY:

Terrell Owens has taken his campaign for Michael Vick's immediate reinstatement by the NFL to Twitter.

The Bills receiver, who called commissioner Roger Goodell's treatment of Vick "unfair" on Sunday, said Vick has already received enough punishment for his federal dogfighting conviction and should not be suspended more games by the NFL. (Owens referenced an ESPN report on Thursday saying the league would suspend Vick for four games, which the NFL said was premature.)

And then Owens went to Twitter to seek support from his fellow NFL players and his fans.

***What the heck is up with T.O. and Twitter?***

On Sunday evening, he tweeted: "Who's w/me on the Vick situation? All n favor, lemme get a tweet 2 support Mike Vick! He did the time 4 the crime! Let the guy play!!"

Several NFL players, including Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald, responded with support of Owens' campaign for Vick.

-- Fitzgerald: "im in support of mike vick too man.I wanna c him back in action being the human highlight film he is.Im with ya bro."

-- Vikings TE Visanthe Shiancoe: "Never heard him complain or wine... I respect him. Let the man play."

***"Wine" is a beverage. "Whine" is what you are doing about Michael Vick!***

-- Cardinals DE Darnell Dockett: "he did time and lost his shoe deal, and paid fines. Dear Commissioner please reinstate mike vick. PLEASE."

-- Rams RB Steven Jackson: "Don't agree with 4 games, 23 months is enough." ... "He will not be able 2 vote anymore. He has lost enough, allow the man 2 move on with his life. We dnt have a heaven or a hell 2 put him n."

***Am I the only one who has NO IDEA what the hell this guy is talking about?***

Said Owens when he met reporters on Sunday, "The guy's already suffered so much. And to add a four-game suspension on a two-year prison sentence, that's ridiculous."

And in a comment to ESPN, Owens suggested Goodell was not respecting the 20-month sentence Vick served. "The commissioner needs to go sit in jail for 23 months," he told the network.

What really scares me is that you would think, that with the NFL's rap sheet dragging out longer than Brett Favre's career, a few of these guy would understand how jail works.

There is nothing unfair about Vick going to jail. He committed a crime and he served a sentence (barely!). If he didn't want to go to jail...well, here's a thought, how about getting a hobby that does not involve torturing animals? (Drinking and driving, unregistered weapons, unprescribed narcotics, all illegal...keep trying, I am sure you will stumble upon something!)

But if Twitter Dee and Twitter Dumb are going to be the voices to be followed in the NFL this seasnon, we may all need to find a new hobby!