We all know since the Super Bowl, Plax has been nothing short of a pain in the *ss for many people around the NFL. So who shot Plaxico Burress?
Suspect #1: Tom Coughlin (and the NY Giants) Tom Coughlin and the NY Giants rewarded Plax for his 2007 championship season with a five-year, $35 million deal at the start of this season. It was particularly beneficial to Burress who was able to use all that extra cash to pay all the fines he's drawn from the league for criticizing its officials, and from the team for showing up its head coach, skipping practice, skipping meetings...He has an authority problem, specifically a head coach problem.
Suspect #2: Tom Brady Before the "Giant Loss" or the "Super Bowl Watched Round the World," whatever you want to call it, Plaxico Burress predicted the Giants would beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl, 23-17. Brady’s answer was to laugh at Burress, saying “"We're only going to score 17 points? OK. Is Plax playing defense?" Well, we all know that Plaxico served Brady a nice, warm glass of, “what the hell are you gonna do with all them 19-0 shirts?” when he caught the winning Giants' touch-down. (P.S. Brady, you were 3 points short of 17).
Suspect #3: Jerry Jones (That man is already creepy enough without me photo shopping.) We all know how that Cowgirl’s love their trouble makers. (See here). Jerry Jones’s eyes were bound to light up when he saw a Buper-bowl champion, fighting with his coach, yelling at refs and skipping practice. The thought was bound to cross his mind, as it did mine, “Wow. This guy is one weapons offense short of playing for the Dallas Cowboys.” Jones knows that other teams cut players who spend part of the season in jail, and perhaps he saw an opportunity to pick up a receiver...if he could only get Plax caught with a weapon of some sort…hmmm….
Suspect #4: Plaxico Burress Is it possible that Plaxico Burress, who has a history of shooting himself in the foot, figuratively, has finally done so, literally? Carrying an illegal weapon, in a night club, that accidentally went off and shot himself in the leg? Since he is now facing charges of weapons possession, I guess this time he did shoot himself in the foot BOTH figuratively and literally. SEE YA IN DALLAS, PLAX! Suspects that were ruled out early in the investigation: Brett Fav-ruh: We all know he doesn't have the..."guts"... to shoot anyone.
That Cute little Squirrel From The Broncos-Browns game.See here.
*NOTE: In order to find guns to photoshop into these pictures, I had to search "guns" and various gun terms on Google. It is likely that I am now on the FBI's Must Watch list.
I guess the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade looked like a better option than ever this year, considering all 3 NFL games were blow outs. Here is what you missed while you were flipping channels and eating Turkey:
The traditional Thanksgiving day game belongs to the Lions. This year you would have thought they would play a little harder considering it may be their only nationally televised game of the season. But the Detroit Lions, have developed their own, new tradition, LOSING… And losing badly! Kerri Collins lost his first fumble of the season, but mistakes like those mean nothing when you are playing the Lions of Detroit. As a matter of fact, Kerri Collins probably could have stayed home and ate turkey. Better yet, put in the turkey! 47-10, Titans. But don't worry, Detroit. Some of us thought of you on Thanksgiving...
While you were feasting on Turkey, the Cowgirls were feasting on the Seahawks. What is there to say about a 34-9 win over Seattle? Romo has 3 TDs in his first 3 drives and of course, an interception. Owens had 98 yards receiving and a TD. Seahawks, just laid back and took it.
The closest game of Turkey Day was the other birds, the Eagles’ 48-20 win over the Cardinals. Kurt Warner had three touchdowns passes, however he also had 3 intercepted passes to balance it out. It appeared McNabb, has learned a lot in his last 3 games. First that an NFL game can end in a tie, then that he can and will be benched and most recently throwing the ball to your own team makes it easier to win the game. But where does McNabb get all of his information??? When asked at a press conference Tuesday how he had learned he was still the starting quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles. "I was told by the janitor," said a smiling McNabb, who will open against the Arizona Cardinals here Thursday night. "You know, me and him have a pretty good relationship around here. It's a pretty good conversation we had."
After the Monday night game the NFL recorded the first 800-point week in its history. A total of 837 points were scored in the league's 16 Week 12 games, an average of 52.3 points per game. So, lets do something a little different this week! Let's look at the under achievers who didn't contribute to that total, shall we?
The St. Louis Rams contributed a whopping 3 points against the Chicago Bears, who only put up 3 points last week. Whats that say about you, St. Louis? Then again, I had St. Louis as my worst team in the NFL at the begining of the season. Marc Bulger lasted 5 plays before getting a concussion and it was all down hill for the Rams. Trent Green threw 4 interceptions (yeah, in the same game) before getting replaced by some other kid...Brock Berlin. 27-3, Bears.
Philadelpia Eagles, gave a generous 7 points toward the total. Last week, McNabb learned that an NFL game can end in a tie and it was evident that he never read the rule book (or watched a game). This week, it was evident that he has never read a playbook (or watched a game).McNabb was benched at halftime after three turnovers in the second quarter. His replacement Kold, was not any better, completing 10 of 23 passes for 73 yards and two interceptions...essentially the Ravens had no need for the alleged "number one rush defense" or any other defense for that matter. 36-7, Ravens.
Cleveland contributed 6 points and is listed here after the Eagles because, at least the Browns scored twice! Sage and Brady (don't they sound like snobby little girls?) each had to interceptions, but Brady Quinn was sent back where he belongs...the bench. I wonder if this week broke the benched QB record too? hmmm... 16-6, Houston.
Cincy pulled in a big 10 points against Pittsburgh. Speaking of the Steelers, I feel like I haven't written about them in forever, must not be doing anything big. This week the beat the Bengals, 27-10....nope, still nothing big.
Oh, Jay Cutler, you little over-achiever you! 10 point against the Oakland Raiders. The Broncos played so poorly that a guy names "Ashley" scored a touchdown on them and the Raiders were successful on a half-back pass. Seriously Jay? A man named Ashley and a trick play by Oakland? You disappoint me today, almost as much as the day you lost me $120K! 31-10, Raiders. (oh yeah! they lets them score 31 points! Good D, guys!)
But perhaps the most surprising under achievers of the week, were the Titans. The formerly undefeated Titans, contributed only 13 points to the NFLs record breaking total. Who were they playing? The Bretts. Yes, Brett Fav-ruh and the Jets put an end to the Titans 11 game winning streak (if you count last season its a 13 game winning streak). Collins threw for more yards then the old man, but Favre delivered 2 touch downs that Collins, didn't, but the question on everyone's mind, but surely be, Did Brett cry??? THIS IS JUST TOO GOOD!!!!
So who scored all those points this record breaking week? (well, those loser teams listed above had opponents who ran all over them). But of course...
THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS did! After hearing how they have played no one this seasons, despite being in the toughest conference in the NFL the Giants spanked the Cards with 37 points to Arizona's 29. This was one of those games where there was bad call after bad call, inclusing the Cardinals calling a free kick to end the half. (if you don't know what a free kick is, you haven't been reading my blog, so get scrolling!) Despite the referees inability to call anything in favor of the G-men, they didn't need any help and continue to lead the NFC.
Sticking with the NFC East, the Dallas Cowgirls put up 35 points over the 'Niners 22. Congratulations to Tony Romo on ending his "consecutive games with an interception streak." Don't worry, I am sure he is still creeping up on Fav-ruh's record of carrer interceptions. Huge game for T.O. with 213 yards receiving. I can't rain on his parade...ah, what the heck! Sure, I can. YOU WERE PLAYING THE 49ers! I COULD PUT UP 213 YARDS! But heym they still are the SECOND BEST team in the NFC East, so good game, Dallas. (yes, that hurt me to say!)
The Lions never cease to disappoint me. Just think if I had picked against them every week, I'd still be on the running for that $120K, Jay Cutler lost me! The Tampa Bay Bucs put up, 38 points over the Loser Lions and kept Detroit at just plain defeated. There were no surprises here. 38-20, Bucs.
Movin on the the Real Big numbers, Buffalo had 54 points over Kansas City. Of course, KC also had 5 turnovers(more than points scored by St. Louis this week). Not only did the Bills contribute 54 points to the NFL record-breaking total, but they broke their 4 games losing streak and the record for most points scored on the Chiefs, EVER! Game balls for everyone! 54-31, Bills.
With Cassel throwing 30/43 for 415 yards and 3 touchdowns, the "We Don't Need Brady" Pats put up 48 points over Miami. Randy Moss caught all 3 TD passes and it looks like Cassel has replaced Brady in his heart. Hey, he's younger, cuter and had his second consecutive 400-yard day, doubling Tom Brady's career total. What more can a reciever ask for? (Pennington threw for 341 yards and also had 3 TDs, but he didn't win the game, so who really cares?) "Matt is getting in the comfort zone," Moss said. "He's playing some 'hellified' ball."(hellified- adj. a large amount of something "tight." Can also mean, "I love you" is saif by Randy Moss.)
Atlanta Falcons 45 over Carlina Panthers 28. (If there seemed to be some magic in the air for the Falcons, it was me.) Something was going on because thwe Panthers had fewer interception, more possession time, more total yardage, 2 players with over 100 yards, but far less points. Michael Turner for the Falcons had 4 ruching TDs and thats where it all happened for the Atlanta. No one else performed Sunday at the Georgia Dome, so everyone run out and buy your Michael Turner jerseys. (He's number 33.)
Speaking of Domes, you can credit another player with 4 touchdowns at the Super Dome. Drew Brees threw 20/26 for 323 yards and 4 touchdowns. Maybe something about that overhead enclosure made Aaron Rodgers caustraphobic because he had 3 interceptions and Green Bay just couldn't take off. (you like that? couldn't take off, cause there was a roof? I guess jokes that need explaining aren't very funny, but I laughed!) Putting the NFL over the record breaking edge Saints 51, Green Bay 29.
There were some rather boring games that didn't fit in either category. Indy 23, San Deigo 20.(And, after I said you got your groove back, Brother Manning. Step it up!) *Interesting Note: there is actually, a "Step Up 2!" Has anyone seen the first one? Payton doesn't discriminate for his commercials, why start now?
Washinton 20, Seattle 17. Minnesota 30, Jacksonville 12. (I could have put this game in the first category since the Jags scored less than the Titans, but to be honest, I just forgot about this game.)
I am sure while everyone was watching the best game of the week, (Giants v. Cards) they were distracted from appreciating the beauty that is WORLD CHAMPION NY FOOTBALL GIANTS FOOTBALL, by the question "What the @#$% is a free kick?"
In their desperate attempt to keep pace with an, obviously better, football team, the Cardinals attempted a free kick and no one knew what was going on. It is obvious that the Cards had been watching their ESPN Classics because the play was only ever used once, in 1968.
Not sure when this will ever be relevant, again; Maybe in another 20 years when someone forgets how stupid it is and tries it again, but its more likely to be a question on Jeopardy. So here it is:
Following the legal fair catch of any kick, the receiving team may choose to run a regular scrimmage play OR they may free kick the ball from the the yardline where the catch was made. Simply stated, a free kick following a fair catch is a kickoff with a chance for 3 pts. For the most part all the rules are the same as for a kickoff (i.e., teams 10yds apart etc.). The ball must be held and cannot be placed on a tee. So essentially, the Cards tried a 68 yards field goal.
We all knew he wasn't making a 68 yard field goal, so what did the Arizona Cardinals prove??? Simple. That they know more about football than Donovan McNabb! (yes, an NFL game may end in a tie!)
Just when you thought he couldn't get anymore stupid! He didn't know that you could tie in the NFL? Has he never watched a football game ever? You only work (and barely) once a week, McSimspon...I mean McNabb. Take one of the other 6 days and read the rule book. The Cards did!
Let's start the week, as always... The WORLD CHAMPION NY Football Giants rocked the Baltimore Ravens. Eli had an off day, but its okay because where Eli fell short Bradshaw and Jacobs picked up. The Giants put up 210 rushing yards against the Ravens alleged, number one rushing defense. (Who is ranking these teams? The BCS?). Speaking of Defense....Aaron Ross, had TWO, count'em, one...two interceptions! Giants over Ravens, 30-10.
Despite running out of players, the Denver Broncos beat the Atlanta Falcons, 24-20. Spencer Larsen, for the Broncos played both offense and defense, literally. He played 2 different positions in the same game, where most guys can't even play one. Let's get this guy a game ball, please? The game came down to the final minute where it looked like the Falcons were going to steal the game from Denver, but the Broncos took over after an incomplete pass in the end zone on 4th down.
Panthers v. Lions, not as interesting of a match-up in the NFL as it would be on the discovery channel. I'm not sure that it is even fair to make fun of the Detroit Lions anymore. At ohhhh and ten, they just suck. They had four turnovers against the Carolina Panthers, who literally ran all over the Detroit defense with 2 players putting up over 100 yards rushing, each! 22-31, Carolina. Perhaps, Lions is too strong of a name for Detroit....
Ocho Stinko returned to "play" the Philadelphia Eagles. The only reason I watched this game is because it was on next to the Giants at a sports bar. The game ended in a 13-13 tie. I hope you weren't expecting any highlights. There were 5 quarters of football and each team only manages to score 13 pts.
The Saints were 0-4 on the road before taking on the Chiefs of KC this week. Despite their 0-4 road record and their 5-5 overall record, they are the top ranked offense in the NFL. Seriously? What do you have to do to get there, beat the Chiefs? No offense to the Saints, but who decides this stuff? The Chiefs are one and nine with that one win being the time Jay Cutler screwed up my Survivor pool pick. Saints without Reggie Bush over KC, 30-20.
The long await, return of Tony Romo. Romo had a break out game for his return. Instead of his usual one interception, he threw 2. It was like he never left and the streak of consecutive games with an interception continues. Not to be outdone, he rushed for a whopping negative three yards, with his longest rush being negative one. (So there was no positive yardage). Yet the Cowgirls snuck by the 'Skins, 14-10.
The Vikings had 210 total yards against the Bucs. That is less total yards than the Giants rushing yards against the number one rushing defense. Jeff Garcia was second in rushing for the Bucs and lead the team to a 19-13 win over Minnesota, despite 5 penalties for 54 yards. But the most interesting news of that insanely boring game is that Gus Frerotte is the NFL sl*t. He was sacked five times by five different Bucs, in the same game. Yes, there were two more, but they declined to have their photo taken!
There was a terrible stench in Miami this weekend. Then I figured out what it was... football gone bad The Raiders were in town. Nothing stinks quite like the Raiders. With only 186 total yard of offense the Oakland Raiders took a 4th Quarter loss to the Miami Dolphins, 15-17. Don't get excited Dol-fans, you contributed to the stink of Dolphin Stadium as well, this is the first time since 2006 the Dolphins won 4 games in a row!
Speaking of "stink..." How 'bout them Bears? It was open season on the Bears of Chicago and Aaron Rodgers and Ryan Grant took full advantage. Rodgers was 27/30 with 227 yards and 2 TDs. Grant rushed for 154 yards and 1 TD, and the Bears....well, they kicked a field goal. 37-3, Pack over Bears.
Joseph Addai had 105 rushing yards, 48 receiving but that was nothing compared to Steve Slaton's 156 yards rushing. So how did the Texans lose to the Colts, 27-33? I think the real question is, WHY IS THIS GUY STILL A QUARTERBACK??? Sage Rosenfels fumbled on Houston's final drive to put an end to their hopes of beating a Manning. By the way, it looks like Peyton's got his groove back, with 320 yards and 2 TDs.
Its not often you get to say that the Niners spanked anyone, so lets give them their moment this week. Niners spanked the Rams. San Fran made five trips to the red zone and scared 5 TDs. So we won't have any Singletary rants this week...his best move was pulling O'Sullivan at QB. He threw one incomplete pass and had one run for negative yards. O'Sullivan can we sending him packing with good ol' Sage? You know what! Take Marc Bulger with you...3 interceptions and a loss to the Niners, means you've gotta go! San Fran over St. Louis, 35-16.
Speaking of 2 interceptions, the return of Matt Hasselbeck was as riveting as the return of Tony No'mo, I mean Romo. 196 offensive yards and 4 turnovers for the Seahawks made Romo look pretty. Anqun Boldin had 186 yards receiving for the Cardinals and in a close second Larry Fitzgerald had 151. Big week for the ol' timers, only Kurt Warner didn't cry. Cards over Seahawks, 26-20.
The Titans remain at 10-0 with a win over the Jaguars. The second the Tennessee trailed Jacksonville, the announcers (who never know anything about the game) were all over Collins and his potential loss. Collins threw 3 TD passes in a win over the Jags, 24-14 to keep his perfect season in tact. Can he have a little respect now, please?
Snow fell in Pittsburgh and maybe that's the excuse for the 10-11 score. The snow fall was the most interesting thing to watch in this game, unless you like to watch Phillip Rivers under perform. Tomlinson had one rushing TD and that is where the game peaked, (there was some frolicking in the flurries by Ward, too) but the Steelers came out over the Chargers, 11-10.
MNF: Apparently Trent Edwards was watching football and taking notes on Sunday because like many QB's this week he had 3 interceptions and that will get you a loss to the Browns (ask Eli!). Brady Quinn may be recovering from having his thunder stolen by Jay Cutler last week because he threw for a measly 186 yards and if it weren't for Edwards rushing for 104 the Browns would have looked as ugly as their jerseys. 29-27, Browns.
Brett Favre has cried on several momentous occasions through out his life. It never mattered to him whether he was on national tv, or when Laura Ingraham said "I didn't know there was a woman quarterback in the NFL." Favre has been true to his emotions, since birth. But before we judge him, many of us cried or would have cried on these occasions as well.
He cried at birth, like most of us. (this is an obvious re-enactment of the birth of Brett Favre, as there was no digital photography back then)
He cried on his first day of school...…you can see how that might be a problem (spelling had to give the poor kid some trouble, Farve, Favre...whatever!).
He cried when they shot Bambi's mom (but didn't we all?)
When he met his true love John Madden for the first time. They do have an unnatural connection.
He cried when he...he bit his tongue? (Oh come on! You know that hurts!)
He cried when the NFL told him he had to go to rehab for his pain killer addiction or pay $900,000. (Thats a pretty tough decision for anyone, isn't it?)
He cried when he broke the most career interceptions record (300)...I wonder if he will cry when Tony Romo takes this over?
I don't know why he is crying here, but my guess would be he either realized that an NFL Quarterback, worth millions, who only works once a week for about 6 months out of the year, has nothing to cry about.
He cried when he saw this image on the Jumbo Tron. (not a good look for old man Fav-ruh)
He cried when he lost to the Giants in the final game of his career (which would only turn out to be his final game as a Green Bay Packer and not as big of a deal as he originally thought).
He cried when he retired from the NFL
And he cried when he unretired from the NFL
All of these events can be devastating or at the very least troublesome. Maybe if we stretch our imaginations and try to conceptualize what it might be like to get paid millions to play a game, hear our name chanted by our fans, have people recognize us wherever we go, win a Superbowl, and have our face on the cover of a video game, we could sympathize with Brett. Its a tough life, but some one's gotta live it. Just because he gets hit by 300 pound linemen doesn't mean it doesn't hurt him when he stubs his toe or someone calls him a blubbering girl. So up until this Thursday, I felt that Brett Favre's tears were genuine and everyone was too harsh on the man for showing his true feelings...
HOWEVER! This Thursday, Brett Favre cried, after beating the New England Patriots.
He cried because he beat a team playing with a Rookie quarterback in his first starting season, who is under the pressure of playing after Tom Brady's almost undefeated season. I don't get it Favre. Was it because you just squeaked by and one with a field goal in OT? Was it because Matt Cassel out played you, throwing for 400 yards and 2 TDs and you finally realize you are too old for the NFL?? I can' figure this on out!
Did Matt Cassel hurt your feelings?
Through tears and sobs, Brett Favre was the second best quarterback to play on Thursday night, throwing for 258 and 2 TDS, but the Bretts beats the Pats in OT, 34-31.
That is the beauty of being the NY Giants. Well, aside from the obvious of playing the best game of football that can be found in the NFL and the reigning World Champions, the name "Giants" lends itself to so many headline possibilities (like the one above). Watch, this week alone: GIANT Embarrassment For Philadelphia. GIANT lead in the NFC
GIANT Takeover at Lincoln Financial Field
or
Donovan McNabb Takes GIANT ****** (the number of asterisks is irrelevant; figured you could insert your own wording there!)
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