Suspect #1: Tom Coughlin (and the NY Giants)
Tom Coughlin and the NY Giants rewarded Plax for his 2007 championship season with a five-year, $35 million deal at the start of this season. It was particularly beneficial to Burress who was able to use all that extra cash to pay all the fines he's drawn from the league for criticizing its officials, and from the team for showing up its head coach, skipping practice, skipping meetings...He has an authority problem, specifically a head coach problem.
Suspect #2: Tom Brady
Before the "Giant Loss" or the "Super Bowl Watched Round the World," whatever you want to call it, Plaxico Burress predicted the Giants would beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl, 23-17. Brady’s answer was to laugh at Burress, saying “"We're only going to score 17 points? OK. Is Plax playing defense?"
Well, we all know that Plaxico served Brady a nice, warm glass of, “what the hell are you gonna do with all them 19-0 shirts?” when he caught the winning Giants' touch-down. (P.S. Brady, you were 3 points short of 17).
Suspect #3: Jerry Jones
(That man is already creepy enough without me photo shopping.)
We all know how that Cowgirl’s love their trouble makers. (See here). Jerry Jones’s eyes were bound to light up when he saw a Buper-bowl champion, fighting with his coach, yelling at refs and skipping practice. The thought was bound to cross his mind, as it did mine, “Wow. This guy is one weapons offense short of playing for the Dallas Cowboys.” Jones knows that other teams cut players who spend part of the season in jail, and perhaps he saw an opportunity to pick up a receiver...if he could only get Plax caught with a weapon of some sort…hmmm….
Suspect #4: Plaxico Burress
Is it possible that Plaxico Burress, who has a history of shooting himself in the foot, figuratively, has finally done so, literally? Carrying an illegal weapon, in a night club, that accidentally went off and shot himself in the leg? Since he is now facing charges of weapons possession, I guess this time he did shoot himself in the foot BOTH figuratively and literally. SEE YA IN DALLAS, PLAX!
Suspects that were ruled out early in the investigation:
Brett Fav-ruh:
We all know he doesn't have the..."guts"... to shoot anyone.
That Cute little Squirrel From The Broncos-Browns game. See here.
*NOTE: In order to find guns to photoshop into these pictures, I had to search "guns" and various gun terms on Google. It is likely that I am now on the FBI's Must Watch list.
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