NO EXPLANATION NEEDED.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
'Clutch' Retirement Take Two: QB Who Cried Wolf
In case you don't know the story of the little boy who cried wolf, you can read it HERE. But the it's about a boy who lies about a wolf and because he is lying no one believes him and he gets eaten by a wolf. So basically, I don't believe you, FAVRE!
Brett Fav-ruh, once again says he is retiring. (THANK GOD!) The problem is, he said that last year and we all know how that turned out.
My Sports Center was filled with hours of a non-stop Fav-ruh drama fest, tears included! He cried cause he retired and he cried because he wanted to come back and he cried because the Packer's didn't want him and he cried because he signed with the Jets; Then he cried because he's too old and he cried because he sucks at football and then he cried because he ultimately got his "Return from 3 days of Retirement" shoved in his face by the very Quarterback he replaced....and then he cried because he didn't even make the post season!
So will Brett Favre finally disappear into a Mississippi life of crop growin' and tractor fixin? Who know? We should be so lucky; I am tired of seeing him already, but I am holding out on my Favre-free excitement until at least pre-season.
Wonder how the rest of the NFL is reacting?
If Brett would have retired the first time, he might have been missed, but now, before you know it we'll be back to putting our E's before our R's and forgetting #4. GET OFF MY TV FAVRE!
Check out Brett's highlight posts.
Brett Fav-ruh, Throughout the Tears
Everybody Hates Fav-ruh
Jenny Says Favre Sucks!
Favre Wins a Game!
Favre's Ultimate Loss (before the Pennington one)
Pull up your skirt, Favre!
AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE! The NEVER SAYO GOOD BYE VIDEO!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
One man's Rush is Another Man's Trudge
It isn't everyday that a guy wearing a number as high as 92 scores a touchdown.
When they do, I often joke that as the gigantic defender runs down field, he is thinking "Please tackle me! I can't run anymore!"
There are few things more entertaining to watch, than the epic journey of a linebacker, 10 yards down field.
As they near the endzone, their run becomes less of a stride motion and more of a stagger; ending in a collpase of thankfulness, that they have by the grace of God, on their very last breath, FINALLY reached the endzone!
They are then immediately met with water and oxygen masks, as if they have just completed a 3 day trek through the Sahara, when in reality they could probably reach out and touch the very same spot they started running from.
So imagine my amusement when all 250lbs of linebacker, James Harrison returned an interception for the longest play in Super Bowl history. 100 yards. Before his record breaking play, the farthest Harrison ever had to run was from the line of scrimmage to the quarterback pocket and he doesn't do so very quickly.
Watch here as #92 completes his 100 yard pilgrimage from one end zone to the other. His stride remains steady, although he has quite a but of help before he us pushed into the end zone and collpases on the turf like he was shot in the leg by Plaxico Burress.
So what was Harrison thinking? Perhaps something along the lines of:
"What a time to be on a defensive team! Will one of you let me get tackled already?!"
or...
"100 yards didn't seem so far when it was 300 foot long sandwiches."
or...
Maybe we should just ask him...
When they do, I often joke that as the gigantic defender runs down field, he is thinking "Please tackle me! I can't run anymore!"
There are few things more entertaining to watch, than the epic journey of a linebacker, 10 yards down field.
As they near the endzone, their run becomes less of a stride motion and more of a stagger; ending in a collpase of thankfulness, that they have by the grace of God, on their very last breath, FINALLY reached the endzone!
They are then immediately met with water and oxygen masks, as if they have just completed a 3 day trek through the Sahara, when in reality they could probably reach out and touch the very same spot they started running from.
So imagine my amusement when all 250lbs of linebacker, James Harrison returned an interception for the longest play in Super Bowl history. 100 yards. Before his record breaking play, the farthest Harrison ever had to run was from the line of scrimmage to the quarterback pocket and he doesn't do so very quickly.
Watch here as #92 completes his 100 yard pilgrimage from one end zone to the other. His stride remains steady, although he has quite a but of help before he us pushed into the end zone and collpases on the turf like he was shot in the leg by Plaxico Burress.
So what was Harrison thinking? Perhaps something along the lines of:
"What a time to be on a defensive team! Will one of you let me get tackled already?!"
or...
"100 yards didn't seem so far when it was 300 foot long sandwiches."
or...
Maybe we should just ask him...
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Week After Super Sunday
A few random thoughts which occurred to me during the Super Bowl:
1. The ‘safety’ has to be the funnest signal in football. The quaterback gets backed up anywhere near the end zone and suddenly everyone in the stadium, including 300 something lbs linebackers are standing with their hands over their heads like genies. Some people signal first downs, other people see holding and grab their wrists, but everyone signals for a safety! It is so much fun!
2. I wonder if when a football player makes a huge play and points up to Jesus, he points back at them?
3. Are Omar Epps and Mike Tomlin twins? Do they know each other? Do their mom’s look alike? Have they ever run into each other and thought “Holy Sh*t! You look just like me!?”
4. Just when I thought that saying Palamalu was the coolest name in the Super Bowl, I discovered Coach Wizenhut
5. When Ben Patrick scored a touchdown for the Cards, he was the first 7th round choice to score a touchdown in a Super Bowl since 2005. Is that a significant statistic? Who comes up with those and how are they so readily available? Before the game do they hand the announcers a paper that says “In the event that Ben Patrick scores, say this…”
6. I am discriminating against certain touchdown celebrations. I don’t mind seeing a traditional chest bump or high five. Some guys do a celebration that looks like lunges and I don’t mind that either. Heck, if you just ran 50 yards and you aren’t tired, please, go ahead, do some lunges. I find it disturbing however, when a grown man who regularly smashes his body into 300lb men suddenly gets twinkle toes and ballerinas his flapping arms around the end zone. Then again, if I were to score an NFL touchdown, they wouldn’t have enough flags for the excessive celebrations I would draw. I would be dancing for hours, provided I could still breathe. They would have to carry me off the field.
7. If I had control over the telestrator, I would not be able to resist drawing mustaches on people and writing inappropriate speech bubbles.
8. Can you seriously not review the last play of the Superbowl to see if its a forward pass or fumble?
Either way, congrats Pittsburgh! I look forward to all the Steelers won the Super Bowl songs!!!
1. The ‘safety’ has to be the funnest signal in football. The quaterback gets backed up anywhere near the end zone and suddenly everyone in the stadium, including 300 something lbs linebackers are standing with their hands over their heads like genies. Some people signal first downs, other people see holding and grab their wrists, but everyone signals for a safety! It is so much fun!
2. I wonder if when a football player makes a huge play and points up to Jesus, he points back at them?
3. Are Omar Epps and Mike Tomlin twins? Do they know each other? Do their mom’s look alike? Have they ever run into each other and thought “Holy Sh*t! You look just like me!?”
4. Just when I thought that saying Palamalu was the coolest name in the Super Bowl, I discovered Coach Wizenhut
5. When Ben Patrick scored a touchdown for the Cards, he was the first 7th round choice to score a touchdown in a Super Bowl since 2005. Is that a significant statistic? Who comes up with those and how are they so readily available? Before the game do they hand the announcers a paper that says “In the event that Ben Patrick scores, say this…”
6. I am discriminating against certain touchdown celebrations. I don’t mind seeing a traditional chest bump or high five. Some guys do a celebration that looks like lunges and I don’t mind that either. Heck, if you just ran 50 yards and you aren’t tired, please, go ahead, do some lunges. I find it disturbing however, when a grown man who regularly smashes his body into 300lb men suddenly gets twinkle toes and ballerinas his flapping arms around the end zone. Then again, if I were to score an NFL touchdown, they wouldn’t have enough flags for the excessive celebrations I would draw. I would be dancing for hours, provided I could still breathe. They would have to carry me off the field.
7. If I had control over the telestrator, I would not be able to resist drawing mustaches on people and writing inappropriate speech bubbles.
8. Can you seriously not review the last play of the Superbowl to see if its a forward pass or fumble?
Either way, congrats Pittsburgh! I look forward to all the Steelers won the Super Bowl songs!!!
Friday, January 30, 2009
A Happy Birthday Joke!
What do Eli Manning and the Circus have in common?
THEY BOTH HAVE MORE RINGS THAN THE EAGLES!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE SECOND BIGGEST GIANTS FAN, EVER!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Slightly Off Topic: Tony Romo's Got Bigger Problems
*There was just no nice way to write this post. I wrote it and I edited it, but it just isn't possible. Sorry.
We have seen Romo choke on several occasion, but perhaps his biggest choke-fest was when girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, attended his football game in Dallas. Romo ended the game with an awesomely low 22% passer rating. He had been averaging over 100%. (Passer ratings are not on a 0-100 scale. It is possible to get over 100 and less than 0, but don't ask me how.)
When Romo went on vacation to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on the Dallas Cowboy bye-week, before the playoffs (they went on to get their butts handed to them), some of the Cowboys referred to Jessica as a "small distraction." Well, they won't be calling her that anymore.
No, Tony and Jessica didn't break up. She just is still a distraction...it is the "small" part that no longer applies.
This weekend Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson were 5 blocks from my house, where Jessica performed at the Kiss Country Chili Cook off. Headlines say she, "showed off her new curves." By curves, they mean fat.
What does Jess have to say about her new LBS?
"Do you think the guys in here are all really looking at all those skinny girls and thinking, Wow, I want to get with her? Or are they looking at the girls with the curves and thinking, Yeah, I want to get with her!"
Gee Jess, I don't know. Let's see what you looked like when Tony said "I want to get with her!"
Yeah, you know what, Jess. You are right. People love you for your witty banter and unparallelled talent. You've got nothing to worry about. I am sure everyone remember what music video this was for...
And just think, now Tony can practice plays in the yard and it will be just like getting hit in a real game.
Plus, it is good news for the rest of us. There is no chance we have to suffer through Jessica's acting in a Dukes of Hazzard II, because she's not putting this in Daisy Dukes.
But perhaps the best news, my chances with Tony Romo have increased by at least a 15lb edge! (He doesn't need to know that I hate the Cowboys!)
Tony, next time you are in town....
*Okay, before you start sending the emails about how I am objectifying women and how I should be ashamed of myself. (yes, I got a few of those regarding the category post- I ignored them). I didn't objectify her, she did! Her fame and identity is based completely on the way she looks, so now it is completely hilarious that she would say she, "doesn't understand the needing to be skinny thing" because she's fat! So lighten up and laugh. Thanks!
And I know that she is not THAT fat. But again, her identity is based on being skinny!!!
We have seen Romo choke on several occasion, but perhaps his biggest choke-fest was when girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, attended his football game in Dallas. Romo ended the game with an awesomely low 22% passer rating. He had been averaging over 100%. (Passer ratings are not on a 0-100 scale. It is possible to get over 100 and less than 0, but don't ask me how.)
When Romo went on vacation to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on the Dallas Cowboy bye-week, before the playoffs (they went on to get their butts handed to them), some of the Cowboys referred to Jessica as a "small distraction." Well, they won't be calling her that anymore.
No, Tony and Jessica didn't break up. She just is still a distraction...it is the "small" part that no longer applies.
This weekend Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson were 5 blocks from my house, where Jessica performed at the Kiss Country Chili Cook off. Headlines say she, "showed off her new curves." By curves, they mean fat.
What does Jess have to say about her new LBS?
"Do you think the guys in here are all really looking at all those skinny girls and thinking, Wow, I want to get with her? Or are they looking at the girls with the curves and thinking, Yeah, I want to get with her!"
Gee Jess, I don't know. Let's see what you looked like when Tony said "I want to get with her!"
Yeah, you know what, Jess. You are right. People love you for your witty banter and unparallelled talent. You've got nothing to worry about. I am sure everyone remember what music video this was for...
And just think, now Tony can practice plays in the yard and it will be just like getting hit in a real game.
Plus, it is good news for the rest of us. There is no chance we have to suffer through Jessica's acting in a Dukes of Hazzard II, because she's not putting this in Daisy Dukes.
But perhaps the best news, my chances with Tony Romo have increased by at least a 15lb edge! (He doesn't need to know that I hate the Cowboys!)
Tony, next time you are in town....
*Okay, before you start sending the emails about how I am objectifying women and how I should be ashamed of myself. (yes, I got a few of those regarding the category post- I ignored them). I didn't objectify her, she did! Her fame and identity is based completely on the way she looks, so now it is completely hilarious that she would say she, "doesn't understand the needing to be skinny thing" because she's fat! So lighten up and laugh. Thanks!
And I know that she is not THAT fat. But again, her identity is based on being skinny!!!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Steeler Mania P.S.
P.S. (See, And I thought No one Cared About this years Super Bowl)
I guess this didn't need to be a completely separate post, but a few of you are missing, the insanity of the 'Steeler church video.' I find it important, as the director of your attention to sports absurdities (not my official title), to illustrate this for you.
It is obvious that they are in a church, singing about the Steelers. A church is, a building for public, especially Christian, worship of religion. I understand that they are just singing and at least they didn't break out chicken wings and beer while watching a projection of the game on the altar.
Clearly, they are holding back. And I guess, I can see how some might say that to them, football is a religion. Those people, however, probably don't go to church (other than to pray for the Steelers), so they wouldn't know that the song they are singing is actually, "Jesus, We Adore You." Yes, they have actually replaced Jesus with Steelers...and they did it in a church!
"This week instead of Jesus Christ, we will be worshipping the Steelers. If you would all open your Sports Illustrated, we will now have a reading from the Book of Palamalu."
I am not offended by the Steelers, I am sure God has a sense of humor, look at the Eagles' trophy case!
(Nope, making fun of the Eagles never gets old!)
I am simply pointing out the absurdity of it all! Can you see it now?
In case you don't understand the 'reading,' watch Larry Johnson tackle Troy Palomalu by his hair and then pull him back up by it. (Make sure you watch the replay!)
I guess this didn't need to be a completely separate post, but a few of you are missing, the insanity of the 'Steeler church video.' I find it important, as the director of your attention to sports absurdities (not my official title), to illustrate this for you.
It is obvious that they are in a church, singing about the Steelers. A church is, a building for public, especially Christian, worship of religion. I understand that they are just singing and at least they didn't break out chicken wings and beer while watching a projection of the game on the altar.
Clearly, they are holding back. And I guess, I can see how some might say that to them, football is a religion. Those people, however, probably don't go to church (other than to pray for the Steelers), so they wouldn't know that the song they are singing is actually, "Jesus, We Adore You." Yes, they have actually replaced Jesus with Steelers...and they did it in a church!
"This week instead of Jesus Christ, we will be worshipping the Steelers. If you would all open your Sports Illustrated, we will now have a reading from the Book of Palamalu."
I am not offended by the Steelers, I am sure God has a sense of humor, look at the Eagles' trophy case!
(Nope, making fun of the Eagles never gets old!)
I am simply pointing out the absurdity of it all! Can you see it now?
In case you don't understand the 'reading,' watch Larry Johnson tackle Troy Palomalu by his hair and then pull him back up by it. (Make sure you watch the replay!)
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