NFL Recap: Week Three

Sunday’s word of the Day was BENGAL. The Word of The Day was brought to you by Hines and Heinz.


Bengal [ben-gawl, gahl]
-noun
1. a former province in NE India, now divided between India and Bangladesh.
2. word made up in Ohio, referring to a mediocre athlete wearing orange and black and based out of Cincinnati. (possibly an attempt to relate to the Bengal Tiger)
-pronoun
1. used interrogatively as a request for specific information: e.g. Bengals? (meaning: What the hell happened to the Steelers?)

Before Sunday, the last time the Bengal’s beat the Steelers, “Ocho Cinco” was still just Chad Johnson. This Sunday’s game looked a lot like last week for the Steelers. They dominated the ball, but didn’t deliver and a missed Steelers field goal (again) allowed them to be beat by three points (again). Even though, it may have seemed like déjà vu to the Steelers, this is the first time Big Ben has lost in Ohio, ever. I am not ready to believe in the Bengals, quite yet, but I do love a last second touchdown (unless my team is playing then I will take them winning in a blow out over the panic of a close game, any day). 20-23, Cincy.


Matt Stafford had a party an no one came, except Jim Zorn and the Skins. The Lions finally won a game, but there were only 40,000 fans in attendance. (It’s okay Matt. I’d come to your party! However, I wouldn’t come to see the Detroit Lions play football). We knew it couldn’t go on forever, but I really thought it was going to be the St Louis Rams who put an end to the Lions 20-game losing streak, but the Redskins beat them to the punch and boy, boy was Washington looking ready and willing to take the embarrassing title of the first team to lose Detroit. Jason Campbell continued to “drop the ball.” Seriously, I have never seen unassisted fumbles quite like those of Campbell. I am pretty sure that every starter on the Washington defense got injured. But the likely guest of honor at Matt Stafford’s “The Lions Finally Won” party, Jim Zorn. When Zorn made the call to “go for it” on 4th and 2, this is what fear looks like…


Fear, not only that they wouldn’t get the two yards (they didn’t), but for his job and most likely that of his terrible quarterback. 14-19, Detroit. (But the real loser here is anyone who bought season ticket to the Redskins!)

Like every other team, the Packers breezed through their game against the St. Louis Rams, who are now on a 13 game losing streak. Aaron Rodgers threw for 269 yards and two touchdowns and was only sacked twice (which actually is a good thing considering he was sacked 10 times in the first 2 games). I am glad Rodgers and his O-line made up this week, because if the Packers don’t win next week when they take on the Vikings and old Favre, there is no justice in this world. I wanna see the Pack win by at least this margin Monday Night. 36-17, Green Bay.

Speaking of Fav-ruh. The Vikings won the Super Bowl? Oh no wait, it was just Favre throwing a touchdown pass. I don’t get it. I know everything Brett does has to be dramatic, but quarterbacks throw touchdown passes every week. I don’t know if you know this, but it is actually what they get paid to do. So please, explain to me why there was more hugging and celebrating when the Vikings squeaked passed the SAN FRANCISCO 49ers, then at the Lions first victory in 20 games? Was this a big game? Even when he breaks records, I am not impressed. If you do something for a 100 years you’re bound to break a few records. I guess I should be impressed that a 40-year-old arm can throw a touchdown pass, but I am really tired of Brett Favre on my TV. 24-27, Favres.

As for Quarterbacks that are not quite what they used to be, I find Tom Brady to be inconsistent, at best. Sure, he threw his 200th touchdown pass on Sunday and he still better than most quarterbacks in the league, but he doesn’t look like a guy who can pull of a season of 18 wins (and most importantly, ONE LOSS). Unlike the 500 passes Brady usually averages per game, this week’s win over Atlanta was a running game. Randy Moss is getting up there and the Patriots aren’t scoring like they used to, but it was enough to give the Falcons their first loss of the season. 10-26, New England.

Better than Matt Cassel, though. Who was 14/18 for 90 yards on Sunday against the Eagles. The only Quarterback to produce less yards was Michael Vick, with a whopping 0 yards passing and 7 yards rushing. That’s right, after all the controversy stirred up by PETA’s new best friend and the Eagle’s ‘46th man’ roster problems, Vick was nothing more than a decoy, sent out to “distract the dogs” so other players could safely pass. Announcers referred to a “wildcat offense” but I am pretty sure the Eagles were just making it up as they went along. (I’d give them tame-kitten, at best). But if you are going to experiment with your offense, do it against the Chiefs. 14-34, Eagles.

Zero first downs for three quarters and 86 total offensive yards…who can pull something like that off? Who else? The Giant Defense! Tampa Bay had no passing yards until late in the 3rd and 20 yards rushing…then the G-men put in their second string. The Giants ground attack returned and Bradshaw and Jacobs each had a touchdown. No turnovers, 3 for 5 in the red…. Too bad the Bucs didn’t make it to the game. They could have learned a few things. 24-0, Giants.

When the Titans and the Jets took the field it was a clash of ugly jerseys and fumbles. The Titans in their Oilers throwbacks and the Jets in their old, yellow Titan uniforms, each had 2 fumbles. However, both of Tennessee’s fumbles were Ryan Mouton special teams fumbles, which the Jets converted into 14 points. The Titans are 0-3 for the first time since 1990 and this week the Titans beat themselves. 17-24, Jets.

Kurt Warner threw with an amazing 92% passing accuracy. There were no parades or fireworks, like there was for Favre’s one touchdown pass (and Warner is pretty old), but it could be because the Cardinals got spanked by the Colts. 31-10.

I heard a lot of questions about the reflectors running around on the field in Seattle, but I liked the Seahawks bright jerseys. It takes real guts to pull of fluorescent green. Nice job, guys! But while the Seahawks were strong in the fashion risk department, they didn’t bring that, “je ne sais quoi” to the field. Since when does Jay Cutler do things like, 21-of-27 passes for 247 yards with three touchdowns? I guess, Sunday. 25-19, Chicago.

The Saints trampled the Bills and T.O. didn’t have a single reception and I told you the time bomb was ticking. It had been too long since we heard from T.O. and I was beginning to think he was going to let Kanye West take his title as King of Stupid. After the game, sports commentator Rodney Harrison accused Owens of having a “me-first” mentality and putting his needs over his teams. Naturally, T.O. used his favorite medium to reply, Twitter. (Didn’t they ban this from the NFL?)



T.O. targeted Harrison's suspension for using “hormones” when he played in the NFL, calling him a "loser" and "cheater" and asking "Hey rodney! Send me sum steroids 2 the Bills facility next week!" 27-7, Saints.

Miami lost Chad Pennington for the entire season on Sunday against the Chargers; Henne and White, both rookies, on the bench, it is anybody’s team. With an 0-3 start, there is no place to go but up. 13-23, San Diego.

Last night, the Cowgirls played the Panthers and with both Romo and Delhomme’s future being questioned, the Dallas stadium looked like a huge, over-hyped pressure cooker. I was hoping to watch “Jerry’s World” fall apart, as two quarterbacks battled to prove themselves. Instead, I was bored out of my mind, which gave it plenty of time to wander…
Observation I made during the Cowgirls-Panther game:
1. When moms tell their kids, “don’t take candy from strangers” they especially mean, Jerry Jones. He is creepy! (and I am pretty sure that taking things from Jerry Jones is a lot like selling your soul).

2. Tony Romo didn’t get any better; the team he played is worse.

3. Jake Delhomme’s O-line, hates him!

4. Soon the Panthers Steve Smith will be known as “the other Steve Smith” and the NY Giant Steve Smith, will just be Steve Smith.

5. I am pretty sure that Tony Romo and Jason Whitten are “more than friends.”

6. The saying “everything is bigger in Texas” should be followed by the cliché “bigger isn’t always better.”

7. How does Tony Romo change so fast after the game? Was he wearing that ugly flannel under his jersey?

8. People continue to talk about Dallas like they are a great football team, yet they haven’t won a Super Bowl or a single play-off game this decade.

9. The Cowboy’s pants don’t match their shirts. (hey, it was a boring first half)

10. The Panthers know one play: deep to Steve Smith, even if he is covered.

7-21, Dallas.

PS.
Baltimore over Cleveland, 3-34.
Jacksonville over Houston, 31-24.

Week Fifteen in the NFL Recap

*I know as so many of you reminded me, week 16 starts tomorrow, but it is hard to write a football blog when your team fails to score a single TD. Gimme a break and enjoy.

As I am sure you know by now, I am a Giants fan. That is the World Champion New York Football Giants, I am referring to, by the way.
As you also know the Giants (up until recently) have had a stellar 2008 season as the reigning Super Bowl Champions and I have loved every minute of every opportunity I have had to rub their eleven wins in the face of World Champion doubters.
However, it appears, they have now reverted to mediocre football and a questionable effort, at best. So it is only fair, that I address their shortcomings, as I would for others.
In the last two games, I have watched the G-men flop around on the football field like last years Dolphins(maybe not that bad…). It is true that the World Champions have been faced with many obstacles in the past weeks, from the Plaxico Burress foolishness to the injury of Brandon Jacobs, but even though I love my Giants, does that really excuse the lack of offensive touchdowns and Eli Manning being sacked 8 times? How many touchdown passes do you expect from a QB lying flat on his back? Where was the O-line that only allowed 15 sacks all season?
Well, I hate to provide another excuse for the G-men under performing, but it appears that Tony Romo and the Cowgirls may have taken advantage of the Giants off-field distractions and provided a little distraction of their own.
Sun-sentinal reported that security at the Stadium had to remove a female fan who was wearing a rather 'racy' Santa outfit and carrying inappropriate signs. Security said that there were children present at the game and her fishnet stockings, bathing suit bottom and high-heeled boots were not suitable for their viewing. The girls response, "you couldn't even see my underwear!" (Yes, that is what she actually said.) Who was this distraction?

(http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/sfl-ginstfan08,0,5429105.story)
*Note, this actually took place at the Eagles-Giants game in New York, where it was, probably about 20 degrees.
Giants disgraced themselves against the Cowgirls this week, 20-8.

Well, at least we are not the Washington Redskins, right? This Thursday, the 'Skins fumbled their way to a loss against the Cincinnati Bengals. Eleven other teams managed to beat the Bengals, by doing the only thing you have to do, in order to beat them...showing up! Washington just couldn't hang on to the ball, fumbling like a team of 'Tony Romo's in the post season.' The Bengals racked up Big win number 2 and the Skin's fall to 7 and irrelevant. (See ya next season, guys!)

Speaking of irrelevant.
Seattle 23- St. Louis 20.
San Diego 22- Kansas City 21
Philadelphia 30, Cleveland 10.


Actually, I had a request for San Diego, Kansas City. So lets talk about how the Chiefs managed to blow a 21-3 lead, which they were still holding in the 3rd.
After a field goal, the struggling Chargers placed their post season prayers on an onside kick and the football gods were listening. After the ball bounced of the chest of a KC Chief, the Chargers recovered and marched right into the end zone, scoring a touchdown, they couldn’t manage to score the entire game. However, it appeared there was a football god who had the Chiefs in this weeks football pool, because KC got the ball back with plenty of time and a delay of game penalty put them within field goal range. However, only one teams prayers could be answered and it looks like the Bolts prayed harder because the ball was shanked to the left, and after a 21-3 lead, Chiefs lost to Chargers, 22-21.

But that wasn’t the biggest “oops” of the week...
Buffalo Bills lead the New York Bretts with 1:54 on the clock. Buffalo with the ball had to complete one simple task to win the game and knock Blubbering Brett Favre out of the AFC South play-off spot...run out the clock. Hold on tight to the ball and run it. But instead Buffalo decided to opt for the pass, and a ticket home. Instead of running out the clock, Losman fumbled the ball (See Tony Romo in NFC Championship game), which was recovered by a Jet, who fumbled the ball toward the end zone, picked up by another Jet, who was pushed into the end zone by a tackle from a Bill. It was what I am sure Brett Favre would describe as a tear-jerking play for both teams. Bretts over Bills, 31-27.


Indy v. Detroit was half relevant. Peyton Manning showed his obvious favorites and through for 142 yards to Clark and 104 yards to Wayne. Leading the Colts to their seventh straight win and making them a serious post season, Super Bowl contender. As for their opponents...well, we will all be hearing about Detroit in the post-season...everyone will be calling them with trades to secure their uncontested number one draft pick. 21-31, Indy.


Bear beat the Saints in the Dome. It was a rough day for the Saints, who despite allowing 2 kick returns for touchdowns, hung on for over time where, PENN STATER, Robbie Gould kicked one through the uprights to win by three. Bears over Saints, 27-24.
Same deal in the other Dome, where this time the home team took the 3 point over time lead to win. Atlanta and Tampa Bay battled out the lead for both the game and the NFC wild card spot, both teams now 9-5, but the Falcons took home the W. (Well, they were already home, but you know what I mean. ) 10-13, Falcons.

Oops. Did I miss Green Bay and Jacksonville on my list of irrelevants? Add Jacksonville 20, Green Bay 13, to the “who cares?” column.

Wow. There are still a lot of games left to talk about. Long week.

Minnesota Vikings beat the Arizona Cardinals, 35-14. Perhaps I should say Adriene Peterson beat the Arizona Cards. Sure Minnesota’s QB, whatever his name is, threw for 4 TD’s but it was Peterson’s 165 yards rushing that got them there. I wonder, (Giants included), do teams really watch game tape? If you opponent has one player and one play...shouldn’t your game plan be, “shut him down?” Another reason, I should be the NFL’s first female coach...well, I guess, I would be the second, after this one:


Baltimore played Pittsburgh and you would think that with the amount of drama involved...that the Cowgirls were playing. What exactly are the rules of football? The winning TD was scared when Holmes caught the ball with 2 feet in the end zone but the ball outside the end zone. Being ruled a TD, the Ravens challenge was unsuccessful, because there was no conclusive evidence to overturn the call, but had it been called “No TD” that also would have stood. Huh? What the really mean is the referees stood in a circle saying “Did the ball break the plane? Did it not break the plane? Wait! Does it even have to break the plan? I don’t know. Do you? Anyone have a rule book.?” And when the 90 seconds allowed for review was up, they had no answer and the play stood as called. Drama didn’t end there, after the game the Steelers celebrated like they won the Super Bowl, telling the Ravens they were the #1 defense. (Who cares, by the way?) Ray Lewis said “they only had one drive, they didn’t make plays all game.” to which Holmes said “we made plays when it counted!” Again, WHO CARES? Regardless of who made what play when and if it was even in compliance with the NFL rules, Pittsburgh won 13-9.

New England beat Oakland 49-26, but me and nine friends can beat Oakland (yeah, I know that only equals ten, I am trying to help the Raiders out.) So the real point of this game is, who the heck in the AFC East is going to the playoffs? There is a 3-way tie and the only thing that is for sure is that Brett Favre will cry. (You thought I was going to say Buffalo isn’t going, huh? Well, that is also true.)

The other AFC East playoff spot contender is the surprising Miami Dolphins. They continue to play ugly but extremely efficient football. Never scoring a single point more than they have to the Dolphins defense beat the Niners 14-9. The only stand out performance was the one Joey Porter gave in support of Plaxico Burress’s gun toting philosophy.

Porter carries a gun himself and thinks that all NFL players need to protect themselves by carrying a weapon. Maybe you are right, Mr. Porter. Maybe we are being too hard on Plax, but before you lead your crusade to change the NFL to National Firearms League, allow me to remind you, Plaxico is allowed to carry a weapon, he just has to also carry a permit and registration...and if he would like to use it to shoot himself in the leg, far be it of us to stop him, but me must do so in a location where he does not place those who want to keep their limbs, in danger. To put it simply...