Week 14: Build me a Dome

I saw a Mark Sanchez commercial, where he said, “What powers me? Determination. A defensive line trying to put me on my back.” Good news, Sanchez. If having a d-line smash you into the turf, gives you power, you should be all powered up after this passed Sunday! The Dolphins sacked Sanchez six times. And even though the Dolphins lost 3 fumbles, had only ONE positive yard in the third quarter and only 131 yards total, we didn’t have to watch one single Jet flying around the field with his arms out like a fairy, or a plane or whatever he is supposed to be. Why is that? Because they didn’t score a single touchdown. Then, just when you thought the Patriots were the only AFC East cheaters, in the third quarter Jets Sal Alosi, New York's strength and conditioning coach, tripped Miami's Nolan Carroll while the rookie was covering a punt. Yup, the coach actually stuck his knee out as the player ran by and tripped him…during the actual punt coverage. Watch it here:



Come on, Jets! Can’t you hear the Eagles fans using this as their next excuse for Michael Vick? “We know that Vick tortured a bunch of defenseless animals, but Stallworth killed someone. We know that Vick is a psychopath, but Plaxico shot himself in the foot, he could have hurt someone… Yeah, we know Vick ran an illegal dog fighting ring, used live puppies as bait for trained killing dogs to develop a hunger for blood, but the Jets coach tripped someone. A human could have been hurt.” (My favorite is “Vick said he was sorry.” Oh well then by all mean, he must be sorry! Let him play!)

Anyway, if the Jets have any class (which is doubtful) Alosi will be leaving his parking pass and badge with security on his way out.

But not to be outdone, the Pats didn’t want to lose their solid reputation as the NFL’s biggest fraud, New England linebacker Brandon Spikes was suspended 4 games for violating the leagues performance-enhancing drug policy. Ready with an excuse the Pats claim the drug was not illegal, but medication for treatment of his attention deficit disorder. (“Vick is a killer, but Spikes took prescription drugs.”)

When asked about why he didn’t clear his attention deficit disorder meds with the NFL, Spikes replied, “ohhhh, look at the bird!”



Even without Spikes, the Patriots had no trouble with the Bears, trampling Chicago 36-7, despite the 26-degree weather and the ceaseless blizzard that took place for 4 quarters. When I saw the field, I couldn’t believe what I saw…

My shock wasn’t so much the weather, as the fact that there was that much white powder in the NFL without a Dallas Cowboy being involved.

The snow didn’t only stand in the way of the Bears; it caused the NFL to post pone the Giants-Vikings game to Monday night. Apparently, the Mall of America Stadium’s dome collapsed under the weight of the snow above. However, the Fox footage of the snow pouring onto the field through a hole in the roof looked a lot to me like the Dome is just joining the rest of us in throwing up at the news of Favre’s 297th injury of the season. Waaaaa! Waaa! Favre, even the Dome wants you out!

(Again, all that white and not a Cowboy in sight!)

Favre was wavering, as he does every week, about whether he would start against the Giants. But at this point, does anyone want him to play? The old man who cried wolf’s latest injury came after he threw one pass last week to the Buffalo Bills. The interception was Favre’s only pass before the big baby claimed to sprain his shoulder so badly he couldn’t return to the game. Good thing for the Vikings, who were losing 7-0 with Favre, went on to beat the Bills 14-38 in his absence. Sooo, did Favre really get hurt this time or did he just want to throw one pass to keep his streak going and get out of the game? (After all, everyone knows he is a team player!)

You should have saved that one pass excuse for this week Favre, considering reports claim you won’t want to be in for more than one play against the Giants defense. Line of the week: “If he plays against the Giants, it would be like feeding a wounded 41-year-old animal to a predator.” No one wants that, old man! Except maybe Eagle’s fans. (Vick might share the same mental characteristics as a serial killer, but the Giants defense beat up on elderly Brett Favre!)

Giants will take on the Vikings in Detroit, tonight and the tickets are free for those who show up. So the stadium will be filled with hoodlums and hooligans, but unlike in Cincy, they will be off the field, not on it.

On a brighter note, this weeks MVP….Jay Feely. Yes, the kicker. (Former NY Giants kicker, but don’t worry, we’ve got Tynes now! Ugh!) Normally beating the Broncos is nothing to be super excited about, however when a kicker does it on his own, it becomes worth mentioning. The Arizona kicker has 5 field goals, a rushing touch down and an extra point, to outscore Denver, 24-13 by himself. If you factor in the rest of the team the final score was 43-13, but Feely scored enough points on his own. He did miss a 45 yarder, but come on, not everyone can be as perfect as Vick. Congrats Feely, you racked up 29 fantasy points yesterday! (Does anything else really matter?)