Week Nine: Ilegal Use of a Stretcher

Let’s start with the illegal use of a stretcher. I never want to see anyone get seriously hurt. Ok…occasionally, I may have wished McNabb would trip and break an ankle during a bird dance but, nothing serious or fatal. But come on, no one can seriously tell me they still want to turn on their television and see Brett Favre.

I don’t want the guy to die or get seriously injured. That isn’t necessary, the guy like 200 years old in football years. I was thinking something simple, quick and with only a moderate amount of pain (come on, the guy has retired and unretired so many times he deserves a little twinge of something). Soooo, I may of gotten tired of seeing Favre fake an injury every week just to get out of practice. (Notice how his ankle wasn’t in good enough shape for practice all week, but was miraculously cured for the game???)…and I may have wished a real injury upon him. However, I should have been more specific when I said I wanted to see Favre carted off in a stretcher, but who would have thought…

They pull out the stretcher….I see blood…he’s gonna cry…I know it! Here it comes… He was carted off, in what looked like some serious agony. While he was gone, we sat contemplating, “Is it a broken jaw? He can’t play with a broken jaw. With his jaw wired shut, he won’t be able to change the coach’s call at the line. They won’t know when to hike the ball…I bet he broke his jaw…he won’t even be able to give a press conference! We won’t have to hear him all season!”


A CHIN LACERATION? Seriously? Since when does a chin laceration require a stretcher? A band-aid, of course! Some stitches, probably. But a stretcher? The guy cut his chin! HE CAN WALK! Meanwhile, after the game he was already running his mouth about how he expects to play next week. All of the excitement and we were only Favre free for an hour?

I guess it is better to be safe than sorry when it comes to the elderly, but seriously? A stretcher? If I had a yellow flag, I’d be all over those over reacting, Favre toters for creating a false sense of Favre silence.

Needless to say, the Vikings lost to the Patriots, 18-28 and Randy Moss knows why. Apparently, Moss told his coach what kind of game the Patriots were going to play and Childress opted not to listen. Childress’s answer was “I listened to him, but that was just his opinion about what was going to happen.”

Hmm…. I don’t even know what to think of that. Did Childress think that he knew more about the Pats than Moss? Whatever his alternate plan was…it didn’t work. Then again, I am sure the Patriots plan has changed since trading Moss. What did Moss tell the Vikings?

“I know what they are going to do coach! New England likes to throw deep in the corner…to me!”

Moss’s displeasure didn’t stop at Childress, in his post game interview he shared his feelings with the media. After being fined $25K for refusing to talk to the press after a game, he said he wouldn’t be talking to the media for the rest of the season. Which won’t really be a problem now, since he was placed on the waiver list immediately after his commentary and now has no game to play in. However, the most comical part of his announcement was this.

“From now on if I’m gonna to give an interview its gonna be done by me. I’m gonna acks me da questions and Imma give ya’ll the answers.”
I can see it now.



I’m sure the press will be fighting to get a hold of those interviews.
I don’t think Randy will be homeless for long though. There has been talk of the Dolphins, Rams and even the Jets.

The Jets. Haha. The Jets who got shut out in a 9-0 loss to the Packers this week. I guess they are still waiting on the “Sanchise” to kick in. I wouldn’t hold me breath guys! Actually, on second thought…go ahead. Hold you breath! It isn’t like they have their own stadium to worry about if their team should disappear.

Giants and Eagles were on a BYE this week, but it was still a great week for Giants (and Eagles) football.

The Dallas Cowgirls suffered a 35-17 loss to the Jags. Kitna threw four interceptions. Bad news for Dallas, Romo will be out for at least 6 more losses…I mean weeks. Although, the Cowgirls franchise doesn’t feel that will be too late claiming, “He will be back in time for the Super Bowl.” When?? What Super Bowl is that? 2025?????

I guess, however delusional that statement may have been, at least they stand behind their team...haha..okay, no. That statement was just crazy!!! But Jerry Jones may be a little less crazy (you won’t hear that often). He struggled through a stuttered speech about his disappointment in the team's 1-6 record. He said he never would have predicted this record at the beginning of the season. Of course, you didn’t Jerry. You used to be one of those crazies who thought they were going to the Super Bowl.

Speaking of teams not going to the Super Bowl. It looks like McNabb, despite his new team, will continue to say “there is always next season.” The Redskins lost on Sunday, 25-37. Give them a break, though…they were playing the DETROIT LIONS!

The Redskins benched McNabb for the final two possessions. Mike Shanahan said McNabb didn’t have the "cardiovascular endurance" for a 2-minute offense. Yup, that’s right, McNabb…he just called you FAT! (Too much Chunky Soup?)

Considering McNabb is old, balding and looking a little flabby, this may not have been such an outrageous decision, IF he weren’t replaced with REX GROSSMAN! How out of shape do you have to be to get benched for Sexy Rexy? I would think he’d have to be, at least, 100lbs overweight, winded, limping and maybe even suffering from a life threatening chin laceration to make Grossman seem like a good option. When was the last time Rex threw a ball? Did anyone know he was still in the league?

Than again, remember the last time McNabb played under pressure??


Well, the decision paid off…FOR THE LIONS! Rex stepped in an did what we all (except Shanahan) knew he would do. He dropped the ball…literally. Good call.

NFL UPDATE: Quaterly-ish Report

I know it has been a while and I've got a million excuses (mostly laziness), but the Giants defense has inspired me. So here is an NFL update.

The Giants were off to a slow and sad start. Eli flew all the way to Indianapolis to get embarrassed by his big brother, 38-14. Eli also holds the record for most interceptions that are not the quarterback’s fault. Trust me, Eli made some poor decisions, but he has to hold the record for tipped passes falling into the wrong hands. Either way, it looks like the Giants have stepped it up and their feared defense is leading the way. They spanked, early Super Bowl favorites, Houston Texans, 34-10. Then went on to have 11 sacks against the Bears and despite NFL cracking down on dangerous hits, have taken out FIVE quarterbacks in SIX games without a single dirty hit.

Jay Cutler, Matt Moore, Todd Collins, Shaun Hill and most recently, Tony Romo, in a 41-35 victory over the Cowgirls. Making six straight wins over the Cowboys for the G-men.

The Giants D is going through QBs like Brett Favre goes through retirement speeches. Respect our defense or we will eat your QB, too!


So, how about them Cowgirls? I think I heard something about the Cowboys being NFC favorites earlier this season. Ha. With their current record at 1-5, anyone who picked the Cowboys should immediately go into hiding. But don’t worry, Wade Phillips says “the Cowboys are better than they appeared in the loss to the Giants” (and we all know he is a genius). Really Wade? What are you saving them for then? Let’s see them! Oh wait. That is really convenient to say now, right? Because you won’t be able to show us, without Tony Romo. The Giants were happy to line that excuse up for you! (Insert Cowboy’s fan whining about how they can’t win without Romo, even though they haven’t been winning WITH Romo, either)—what’s that Cowgirls fans? Huh? I can’t hear you back there in LAST PLACE! There is too much cheering going on up here in first!

The Eagles and Redskins are tied for second in the NFC East, and I don’t know how I feel about that. Watching McNabb play the Eagles was the ultimate conundrum for me. It was like choosing between heat rash and poison ivy. Either way, the end result is uncomfortable and unhappy. Life was so much easier when McNabb was an Eagle; all my distaste was neatly packed in one little team. Now, I don’t even know who the Eagles QB is...sometimes it’s Vick, sometimes it’s Kolb, then Vick, then Kolb. As soon as I get used to hating one quarterback, they put in another. MAKE A DECISION!

Speaking of decisions…the Bears are making decisions…poor ones! Just when I could use a McNabb loss, the Bears hand a win to the Redskins, wrapped all up in Jay Cutler with a Lovie Smith bow (Seriously, who names their kid, Lovie?). Sunday, Jay Cutler completed 4 beautiful passes to DeAngelo Hall…no, he wasn’t traded, THEY ARE NOT ON THE SAME TEAM! However, the Bears would have still won the game if good ol’ Lovie were paying attention, when Cutler fumbled AFTER he reached out and broke the plane of the end zone. The touchdown was ruled a fumble and the Redskins recovered. This is where you want to throw that little red flag…but nothing from the Bears so the Redskins went on to beat the Bears 17-14.

It appears the Cutler will continue to make the same poor decisions. In his post-game interview, Cutler said, "I've played against Hall before, there's no reason to shy away from him. That's hard for me to say throwing four picks to the guy but I still think if we had to play him tomorrow I'd go after him every time.'' YOU THREW 4 PICKS TO THE SAME GUY and given the chance, you’d do it again? Huh? Perhaps the Giants hit you in the head harder than you thought, Jay. Sit out a few more weeks.

And the poor decisions, didn’t stop there…what is with that multi-directional plaid shirt?


That picture doesn’t do it justice. I had to crop a video because no one wanted to photograph that mess. Perhaps he is getting tips from Tom Brady.


There is just no excuse for that suit and his hair looks like a cross between Jason Giambi’s greasy mullet and Justin Beibers helmet cut. I guess he’s going for a trailer park version of a teen pop star.

Despite the poor style choices, Brady and the Pats stand at 5-1. The question is, for how long. After trading away Randy Moss the Patriots squeaked by the Chargers this week, 20-23 and I am not sure they would have won, if the Chargers knew the rules of football. Any of them! San Diego receiver, Richard Goodman, put the ball on the ground to celebrate a big catch…which would have been okay, if he had been touched by any one of the Patriots. Knowing he needed to be touched in order to be down, the ball was scooped up by the Pats, as a fumble. Perhaps Goodman should sit down with Jacob Hester, who let an incomplete pass roll on the ground…again might have been okay, if that pass weren’t a lateral making the ball rolling around, free to be picked up by the Patriots. With all those mistakes, New England still only won by a missed 50-yard field goal. It looks like they miss Randy Moss…but they won’t have to for long. Next week, they pay him a visit at the Vikings.

I guess I can’t say Vikings without talking about Favre, since I’ve gotten emails asking how I feel about Favre’s latest scandal. As you all know, former Jets employee Jen Sterger says Brett Favre sent her inappropriate text messages, including a picture of little Favre. Favre admits to calling her, but refuses to comment on the picture messages. Hmmm…guilty much? Lucky for Favre, Sterger refuses to cooperate with the NFL investigation. So my question is, how will they identify these pictures messages as being Favre?

Can you hear Roger Goodell saying, “DROP’EM, FAVRE!...Yup, that’s him.”


Whether it is his ego, his reputation or his shoulder, something about Favre is injured every week. We are used to seeing Favre grab his arm and wince in pain, after an interception. He has done it after each one, as if to say “it wasn’t my fault- my arm hurts.” But at his age, we’ve gotta wonder if he’s still making excuses or if those old bones just can’t handle it anymore. Probably both. The Vikings (2-4) latest loss was a sweet victory for Green Bay. After walking on to Lambeau Field to chants of “Go Back Home!” Favre threw 3 interceptions and walked off the field with a 24-28 loss to the Packers (4-3) and apparently some fractures in his foot. He won’t practice this week (of course he wont!) but he may play on Sunday (of course he will). This convenient recovery makes me think Favre is still a big old faker (emphasis on the word old). But you can’t cover up this loss Favre because when asked about the loss, Childress had no problem saying, “It was Favre’s fault.” See what happens when you step on coach’s toes????

In other news, Super Bowl Champion, Drew Brees, threw four interceptions to the Browns. Yes, the CLEVELAND BROWNS! Two of those were for touchdowns by David Bowens, who in 12 years in the league has scored…2 touchdowns. Yup, those 2. He did have a blocked punt once, though. I can’t really explain what happened in the 30-17 win over the Saints (4-3) because the Browns (2-4) only have one other win against buddies Ocho-Cinco and Ocho-Uno in Cinicinatti who are also 2-4.

But the Browns victory over the Saints wasn’t the most shocking victory on Sunday. The Raiders beat the Broncos 59-14. Beating the Bronco’s (5-2) isn’t surprising, but the RAIDERS scored 59 points. Did they even score 59 points all last season? What about the last 2 seasons?

Despite getting destroyed by the Raiders, we didn’t see any Tim Tebow this week. Maybe next week, against the 49ers, who are a whopping 1-6. Although, Sunday after losing to the Panther (1-5), Singletary announced that he plans to take the 49ers to the playoffs this season. Usually, when a team is 1-6 and coming off a loss to a 1-5, I’d say he was crazy, but considering they play in the NFC West, it is quite possible!

Oops! McNabb Still Sucks! (Retraction, kinda)

Oops! My earlier post said that the Cowgirls lost to McNabb. I got caught up in the whole McNabb failure thing! I got the score right, but the teams wrong.

What really happened is that in the finals seconds, Tony Romo threw a game winning touchdown (that doesn't happen everyday!)... and it didn't happen Sunday either. The Cowboys dancing and cheering in the end zone failed to notice the little yellow flag laying in the grass. HOLDING! No touchdown, no time...and McNabb wins by accident.

It's not everyday you get to see the Cowgirls lose and McNabb fail, in the same game. You can imagine my confusion.

The important part of this game though, is still McNabb sucks! Number of touchdowns as a Redskin...ZERO! (Hey, that's the same number of TD's I have as a Redskin!)

Week One: Mcnabb Fails in Red, too!

Week one is a little delayed because San Diego lost my elimination bowl pick (plus I went to buy my wedding gown)! But seriously, who loses their elimination bowl pick in week one?? Better yet, who loses to the Kansas City Chiefs? The Chargers, that’s who! The best performance by Phillips Rivers was the tantrum he threw on the field when the center failed to snap the ball in time delay of game was called. There was stomping and pouting…he even kicked the ball. (It only went a few yards but hey, that’s a step up from his passing game!) 14-21, Chiefs over Chargers.

I do have another pick left, which was safely placed on the Titans. I was a little hesitant because I find Vince Young to be unpredictable, but I can pick up 10 random people on my way to Oakland and beat the Raiders, so I figured it was a safe bet (then again, I also thought I could beat Kansas City…apparently my football skills are superior to those found in San Deigo)! The Raiders were murdered by the Titans, 13-38.

The season opener was played at the new (and waay cooler than Dallas) Giant Stadium (shut-up Jets fans, you know that’s what its called)! I was a little worried when I saw the Eli Manning sad face in the first quarter, but then something changed... until now, few have you believed in my red glove theory, but now it is time you see the light (or the red gloves).

Interceptions were thrown, Eli’s passes were bouncing off players numbers, slipping out of their hands… then Eli looked over and saw something, something familiar, something comforting…


And next thing you know...

Not one!


Not two!


But THREE touchdown passes to Hakeem Nix.


“But that’s Hakeem Nix, not Plaxico Burress!” This is true, but have you seen those gloves somewhere before?


That’s a nice picture of history being made! Wanna see it from a different angle?

Looks like Deon Sanders in the background there may have lost a few bucks on that game. It is all about the red gloves. 18-31, NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS over Panthers (and “the other” Steve Smith).

The Lions (and Tigers) and Bears. OH MY! Okay, now that I got that out of the way, just when you think the Lions can’t lose anymore, they lose Matt Stafford against the Bears to a shoulder injury and just when we thought they’d been beat by everyone…they get beat by the refs. After the officials called this pass incomplete with 25 seconds left, they handed the Lions their 21st consecutive road loss.

Clearly they are not familiar with the “helmet catch.” 14-19 Bears.

The Cowgirls played the Redskins, which is normally an easy call for me. I hate Dallas and Washington is harmless, but not as easy of a decision this season. I hate the Cowgirls, but I also hate Donovan McNabb. I was torn… but as I watched the game, I realized I love watching Donovan McNabb fail in any color!


Déjà vu? 7-13 Cowgirls over McNabb McNabb over Cowgirls in the most boring game ever. (SEE ABOVE SEMI-RETRACTION FOR CLARIFICATION ON MCNABB'S FAILURE).

I take that back the Ravens beat the Jets in a sleep inducing game, 10-9. I like seeing the Jets fail, too...

Oh, but not as much as the Eagles! McNabb, Kolb, Vick…does it really matter? I can tell you that Michael Vick doesn’t care about the first 2 and he doesn’t care much about the Eagles either for that matter. You know who he does care about? Michael Vick!

Eagle’s starting QB Kevin Kolb suffered a concussion and left at halftime leaving Vick to step in, but of course, no one wants to profit from someone else’s injury, right? WRONG! Despite Kolb’s injury and LOSING 27-20 to the Packers, when Michael Vick was questioned about the game Vick's answer was that he was happy about it. I guess that is all that matters right, Vick? After all, those guys out there in the same color shirt as you, they aren’t there to win games…they are just there to make you happy! Now there is a guy who belongs with the Eagles!

Better watch out Kolb, it appears that if Vick had known sooner that all it took was your injury to get some play time, you wouldn’t have survived the pre-season.

The Colts lost to the Texans. I can only hope big brother Manning does as poorly this week against Eli! 24-34, Houston.

IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON!

Last night, I had a dream that an incredibly old man was run over by a car. It was a strange dream but what was really odd was that I wasn’t the least bit sad. I just woke up, washed my face, looked in the mirror and said, “WHO DAT?”

Then it hit me. IT’S FOOTBALL SEASON!

I clearly had that dream because the Saints are going to run over the Vikings tonight, to open the best season of the year…IT’S FOOTBALL SEASON!

The reason I wasn’t sad, when the old man was run over by the car, was because that old man was obviously, Brett Favre! No, I don’t want to see Favre die, but I knew that man in my dream wasn’t dead, because as we all know, it just isn’t that easy to get rid of Brett Favre!





We should be so lucky...his "career" would finally be over- everyone knows the Oakland is where football players go to die. (Sorry, Jason Campbell but you had to know it was coming after your stellar 4-12 season!)

Tonight the Vikings take on the Saints in the Super Dome and finally...IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON!!!

Because Making Fun of Favre NEVER Gets Old

A little Super Bowl Commercial Preview...

Look Who Got Caught With Their Favre Down…

Many football fans (including myself), thought Brett Favre should have retired as a Packer…let’s face it, he is old, he’s a cry baby and did I mention he was old (40 is like 200 in football years). I couldn’t figure out why he kept coming back, but on Monday when Favre announced (for the third freakin’ time) that he was not likely to return next season, it suddenly became clear…

The man just wants to leave a legacy…and now he has…

If you watched the game on Sunday Night, the score teetered back and forth between the Saints and the Vikings, the majority spent locked in a tie. For each touchdown scored, the other team would answer. But of course, the only thing the announcer talked about was Brett Favre (by the way, does anyone else hate when Troy Aikman announces a game as much as I do? When Reggie Bush fumbled a punt return, he spent 10 minutes discussing whether Reggie ever had possession. NEWS FLASH TROY: he didn’t need to have possession, it was a PUNT!).

Anyway, all they talked about was Favre. So, you want to talk about Favre? How about the 5 turnovers the Vikings had? How about the way Brett spent 20 minutes crying about his leg after throwing his first pick of the game? (Man up, old man! You are 40 years old and have thrown a record number of interceptions…we know it is you and not the ankle. You aren’t fooling anyone!)

How about we talk about Favre's crowning moment? The moment when he decided the fate of his team, the moment when he laid it all on the line…and threw an interception…

Or how about we let this guy do it… (if you reading this in your email, you need to go to the actual site and listen to the announcing in Minnesota of the final pass by Favre)



As they would say in New Orleans “déjà vu.” With the score tired at 28 all, the Vikings were marching down field with just seconds on the clock and were within field goal range, when Favre scrambled out, saw a hole and instead of running, he went for the legacy and threw the ball straight into the hands of New Orleans Saint, Tracy Porter, who ran up field with it and sending the game into OT. That would be Favre’s last play of the season and the Saints would win the toss in over time and end the game with a field goal, to send the Saints to their, first ever, Super Bowl.

So, do you see the legacy yet? Brett Favre is not only the only football player to retire from the NFL a record THREE times, but he ended each one of those “careers” with an interception. (That takes REAL skill)

That’s right, in the 2007 NFC Championship game, (once again in overtime) Packers won the overtime coin toss, but on the second play from scrimmage, Favre was picked off by the Giants' Cory Webster, and the Giants ended the game and Favre’s career as a Packer with a 20-23 win. (They would go on to be the WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK GIANTS)

Again, in 2008, down 24-17 to the Dolphins in a “must win” game, deciding who would go to the playoffs,then Jets quarterback, Brett Favre threw an interception on Miami's 25-yard line with five minutes remaining and seal the fate of the New York Jets, who would be heading home to watch the playoffs on tv. Remember, how sweet it was to see Chad Pennington, who the Jets released for Favre, take the Dolphins to the playoffs with a final win over the team that released him for the old guy? I loved it and later, Favre would eventually retire…again.

Then we saw Sunday night, as the pressure was on and the game was on the line…Super Bowl or home…Brett Favre’s final play would be, once again, an interception. On Monday he announced it would likely be his last game, but he would let his team know sooner than last time. (Gee, thanks Favre!)

We can only hope that he means last game ever and not last game as a Viking!

How much more embarrassment can these ladies take?

(yup, that is Brett's mom, wife and daughter)

But that is not all…

Brett Favre’s two interceptions took over the record for the most interceptions by a QB in postseason history with 30. (YAY, FAVRE!)

So in honor of Fav-ruh’s making of history, I thought that I would recap some of his other career highlights. Those that make Favre a QB we will remember, forever.

January 20th, 2002 (back before the retiring, crying, unretiring,crying, retiring, crying, unretiring…) in the NCF Divisional playoff game, Brett Favre threw six interceptions, 3 of them returned for 6 points by the Rams (Remember when you could say Rams and playoffs in the same sentence and it wasn’t followed by laughter?). 28 of the Rams 45 points were due to Brett Favre himself. (I know 3 TD’s is 21 points, but another was returned to the 4 and the Rams scored on the next play…still Favre’s fault!) Great game, Favre!

In 2003, the Atlanta Falcons lead by Michael Vick (hey, another name that is no longer associated with quality football), visited the icy Lambeau Field where the Pack were undefeated in the freezing weather, for the NFC Wildcard. Apparently, Favre wanted to break that record also…the second half started with a 24-0 lead by the Falcons. Most teams would say, with an entire half to play, the game could still be turned around. And it might be true…if your QB isn’t Brett Favre. The only "come back" in Favre’s mind was “come back home and watch the playoffs from the couch!” He managed one TD, but on their next six possessions, an interception and a lost fumble by Favre would add to the 4 turnovers (in just those 6 possessions) that would send the Pack packing! But that wasn’t the end of Favre…

Again, in 2004, once again an NFC Divisional Playoff game, this time in Filthadelphia and with the game in Brett Favre’s favorite choke position…OT. (Maybe he gets tired by then.) The Eagle’s failed on their first OT possession (I can hear the gasps of surprise everywhere!), but what happened next is what sealed the Eagle’s fate. Brett Favre, pulled back the arm he so much loves to show off and aired out a beautifl, high flying, bomb of a pass, to a wide open…Brian Dawkins (yeah, he was an Eagle). One field goal later, “bye bye Packers.” Another Brett Favre classic!

In 2006, the Packers met Rex Grossman (who??) and the Chicago Bears in Green Bay’s home opener and Brett’s final season as a Packer (we can only hope!) Apparently, Brett wanted to go out in style, and that style was scoreless. A shut out, at home. The cause of this shut out? Well, let’s just say Brett Favre’s continuous hurling of the ball toward no one (maybe that’s where Grossman learned it), except the 2 fourth quarter completions to THE OTHER TEAM, didn’t help matters. But I am sure that ESPN found a way to blame some one else.

We all know how the 2007, 2008 and 2009 seasons ended…interceptions (followed by retirement and then unretirement).

So, I hope that Favre has set his records and made his legacy as interception king and can finally do us all a FARVO (or favor, in English) and GO AWAY! (I should probably specify “and not come back” because it isn’t the going away he has trouble with, it is the staying away).

God help us all, if it true goal is to blew a season for EVERY NFL team by throwing a game losing interception. Think of all the retiring, tears, unretiring, tears, we’d have ahead. (UGH!)

I know a lot of people are looking to see what I say about the Jets-Colts game, too, but did anyone, besides Rex Ryan, seriously think that the Jets were going to the Super Bowl? Seriously? Did you think that Braylon Edward was suddenly going to turn the team into Super Bowl Champions? Haha. That is sad enough, I don’t need to poke fun at those poor people.