San Francisco Cowboys? 49ers have offensive, offensive plans

Vick isn't to be released from prison until July, but the 49ers are rumored to be “licking their chops” at the thought of adding a felon to their roster. Come on, guys! Even Detroit isn’t that desperate.

After his involvement with, 'Bad Newz Kennels,' a dog fighting ring, including accusations of electrocuting dogs and throwing runt puppies against concrete, Vick became a criminal, even the Dallas Cowgirls wouldn’t touch!



And apparently, the 49ers have learned nothing from the Cowgirls and the PacMan Jones fiasco. Pac Man was released by Dallas, after they discovered his further involvement in an Atlanta strip club shooting. Pac Man served a one year suspension for his involvement, prior to signing as with Dallas and served yet another suspension, almost immediately upon his return to the NFL. Once a criminal, always a criminal and even the Dallas Cowgirls have standards. (Pretty low ones, but standards, none the less).

However, the 49er's quarterback situation has become so desperate they are considering signing Michael Vick as QB-1 upon his release from Federal custody...
HE IS STILL IN JAIL!!! And you wonder why these guys don’t learn.

You would think that, the 49ers would have some sympathy for the poor dogs, who were victims of Michael Vick. After all, who would know better the San Fran, what it is like to be surrounded by chanting crowds, while consistently being forced to compete against bigger and better opponents every week, where their only hope is that their opponent will tire themselves out before they got beat up too badly.



Well, maybe it is only fair that Vick get beat up on every week and learn what it feels like to be “defenseless.”

What do football fans have to say about the possible return of the puppy killing predator to the NFL?

49ers fans are unhappy, to say the least: “I am a die-hard 49er fan and if they sign this piece of garbage, scumbag I will never root for them, again. I always thought my worse nightmare would be the Cleveland Indians signing Barry Bonds. I was wrong this is way worse. Die hard 49er fan since 1982 and it all ends in 2009 if they sign this thug.”

Raider fans, however: “If we didn’t have Jamarcus Russell, I wouldn’t mind Michael Vick being a Raider. People are tripping over Michael Vick fighting dogs. DOGS PEOPLE! Yes it is wrong but it’s not like he was selling drugs are anything. He just made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes.”

*There are several things wrong with that. First, the Raiders have fans? Are these fans in Oakland or Los Angeles? Second, I am sorry, but did you imply the Jamarcus Russell is a quality quarterback? (I am actually starting to feel sorry for this idiot, if he has pinned his hopes on Jamarcus Russell). Third, yes, people do make mistakes, perhaps like when you said, “it’s not like he was selling drugs are anything” you really meant to say, “OR anything.” That is a mistake. Killing dogs for sport and entertainment is not a mistake. It’s a freakin’ crime and in case you were wondering, it is a greater offense than selling drugs (of course, that also depends on the quantity and quality of said drugs). Wow! Raiders fans everywhere (or in the limited areas in which they may exist) are shaking their heads with shame at you…and this is after the Raiders finished the season 5-11 (you can thank Jay Cutler for one of those!). The only things worse than going with the '9ers would be ending up a Raider. No one wants that!


And perhaps the most appalling of Mr. Raider-fan's comments was, the he implied that fighting dogs was not a big deal because they were 'DOGS PEOPLE!' Exactly, they were dogs. Animals that would be family pets if not for Michael Vick throwing their runt puppies against a concrete floor until they stopped seizing or electrocuting dogs who had lost fights, after he had already forced them to fight for their lives by clawing and biting to death one of their own kind. He wasn't killing animals for food or survival but for fun and in a sick inhumane manner. Where do people like this guy come from? (He thinks that selling drugs is worse!) Have you ever seen a dog after as Michael Vick's "pet?"



Poor pup! And don't give me the "Pit bull's are vicious" shenanigans. They don't maul each other to death, unless you force them to, for their own survival. They are vicious because a****** like Vick force them to be. Look at this guy. He looks real scary, doesn't he?



Yeah, looks like he is going to eat that baby any second, right? Regardless, I would trust a Pit bull with my baby before I trusted Michael Vick....with my football team!

Seriously, who are you gonna trust?

These cute little guys....


Or this guy?


*One of those pictures may have been altered to skew your opinion.

But one thing you do know is, never trust a Raider fan!

Week Fifteen in the NFL Recap

*I know as so many of you reminded me, week 16 starts tomorrow, but it is hard to write a football blog when your team fails to score a single TD. Gimme a break and enjoy.

As I am sure you know by now, I am a Giants fan. That is the World Champion New York Football Giants, I am referring to, by the way.
As you also know the Giants (up until recently) have had a stellar 2008 season as the reigning Super Bowl Champions and I have loved every minute of every opportunity I have had to rub their eleven wins in the face of World Champion doubters.
However, it appears, they have now reverted to mediocre football and a questionable effort, at best. So it is only fair, that I address their shortcomings, as I would for others.
In the last two games, I have watched the G-men flop around on the football field like last years Dolphins(maybe not that bad…). It is true that the World Champions have been faced with many obstacles in the past weeks, from the Plaxico Burress foolishness to the injury of Brandon Jacobs, but even though I love my Giants, does that really excuse the lack of offensive touchdowns and Eli Manning being sacked 8 times? How many touchdown passes do you expect from a QB lying flat on his back? Where was the O-line that only allowed 15 sacks all season?
Well, I hate to provide another excuse for the G-men under performing, but it appears that Tony Romo and the Cowgirls may have taken advantage of the Giants off-field distractions and provided a little distraction of their own.
Sun-sentinal reported that security at the Stadium had to remove a female fan who was wearing a rather 'racy' Santa outfit and carrying inappropriate signs. Security said that there were children present at the game and her fishnet stockings, bathing suit bottom and high-heeled boots were not suitable for their viewing. The girls response, "you couldn't even see my underwear!" (Yes, that is what she actually said.) Who was this distraction?

(http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/sfl-ginstfan08,0,5429105.story)
*Note, this actually took place at the Eagles-Giants game in New York, where it was, probably about 20 degrees.
Giants disgraced themselves against the Cowgirls this week, 20-8.

Well, at least we are not the Washington Redskins, right? This Thursday, the 'Skins fumbled their way to a loss against the Cincinnati Bengals. Eleven other teams managed to beat the Bengals, by doing the only thing you have to do, in order to beat them...showing up! Washington just couldn't hang on to the ball, fumbling like a team of 'Tony Romo's in the post season.' The Bengals racked up Big win number 2 and the Skin's fall to 7 and irrelevant. (See ya next season, guys!)

Speaking of irrelevant.
Seattle 23- St. Louis 20.
San Diego 22- Kansas City 21
Philadelphia 30, Cleveland 10.


Actually, I had a request for San Diego, Kansas City. So lets talk about how the Chiefs managed to blow a 21-3 lead, which they were still holding in the 3rd.
After a field goal, the struggling Chargers placed their post season prayers on an onside kick and the football gods were listening. After the ball bounced of the chest of a KC Chief, the Chargers recovered and marched right into the end zone, scoring a touchdown, they couldn’t manage to score the entire game. However, it appeared there was a football god who had the Chiefs in this weeks football pool, because KC got the ball back with plenty of time and a delay of game penalty put them within field goal range. However, only one teams prayers could be answered and it looks like the Bolts prayed harder because the ball was shanked to the left, and after a 21-3 lead, Chiefs lost to Chargers, 22-21.

But that wasn’t the biggest “oops” of the week...
Buffalo Bills lead the New York Bretts with 1:54 on the clock. Buffalo with the ball had to complete one simple task to win the game and knock Blubbering Brett Favre out of the AFC South play-off spot...run out the clock. Hold on tight to the ball and run it. But instead Buffalo decided to opt for the pass, and a ticket home. Instead of running out the clock, Losman fumbled the ball (See Tony Romo in NFC Championship game), which was recovered by a Jet, who fumbled the ball toward the end zone, picked up by another Jet, who was pushed into the end zone by a tackle from a Bill. It was what I am sure Brett Favre would describe as a tear-jerking play for both teams. Bretts over Bills, 31-27.


Indy v. Detroit was half relevant. Peyton Manning showed his obvious favorites and through for 142 yards to Clark and 104 yards to Wayne. Leading the Colts to their seventh straight win and making them a serious post season, Super Bowl contender. As for their opponents...well, we will all be hearing about Detroit in the post-season...everyone will be calling them with trades to secure their uncontested number one draft pick. 21-31, Indy.


Bear beat the Saints in the Dome. It was a rough day for the Saints, who despite allowing 2 kick returns for touchdowns, hung on for over time where, PENN STATER, Robbie Gould kicked one through the uprights to win by three. Bears over Saints, 27-24.
Same deal in the other Dome, where this time the home team took the 3 point over time lead to win. Atlanta and Tampa Bay battled out the lead for both the game and the NFC wild card spot, both teams now 9-5, but the Falcons took home the W. (Well, they were already home, but you know what I mean. ) 10-13, Falcons.

Oops. Did I miss Green Bay and Jacksonville on my list of irrelevants? Add Jacksonville 20, Green Bay 13, to the “who cares?” column.

Wow. There are still a lot of games left to talk about. Long week.

Minnesota Vikings beat the Arizona Cardinals, 35-14. Perhaps I should say Adriene Peterson beat the Arizona Cards. Sure Minnesota’s QB, whatever his name is, threw for 4 TD’s but it was Peterson’s 165 yards rushing that got them there. I wonder, (Giants included), do teams really watch game tape? If you opponent has one player and one play...shouldn’t your game plan be, “shut him down?” Another reason, I should be the NFL’s first female coach...well, I guess, I would be the second, after this one:


Baltimore played Pittsburgh and you would think that with the amount of drama involved...that the Cowgirls were playing. What exactly are the rules of football? The winning TD was scared when Holmes caught the ball with 2 feet in the end zone but the ball outside the end zone. Being ruled a TD, the Ravens challenge was unsuccessful, because there was no conclusive evidence to overturn the call, but had it been called “No TD” that also would have stood. Huh? What the really mean is the referees stood in a circle saying “Did the ball break the plane? Did it not break the plane? Wait! Does it even have to break the plan? I don’t know. Do you? Anyone have a rule book.?” And when the 90 seconds allowed for review was up, they had no answer and the play stood as called. Drama didn’t end there, after the game the Steelers celebrated like they won the Super Bowl, telling the Ravens they were the #1 defense. (Who cares, by the way?) Ray Lewis said “they only had one drive, they didn’t make plays all game.” to which Holmes said “we made plays when it counted!” Again, WHO CARES? Regardless of who made what play when and if it was even in compliance with the NFL rules, Pittsburgh won 13-9.

New England beat Oakland 49-26, but me and nine friends can beat Oakland (yeah, I know that only equals ten, I am trying to help the Raiders out.) So the real point of this game is, who the heck in the AFC East is going to the playoffs? There is a 3-way tie and the only thing that is for sure is that Brett Favre will cry. (You thought I was going to say Buffalo isn’t going, huh? Well, that is also true.)

The other AFC East playoff spot contender is the surprising Miami Dolphins. They continue to play ugly but extremely efficient football. Never scoring a single point more than they have to the Dolphins defense beat the Niners 14-9. The only stand out performance was the one Joey Porter gave in support of Plaxico Burress’s gun toting philosophy.

Porter carries a gun himself and thinks that all NFL players need to protect themselves by carrying a weapon. Maybe you are right, Mr. Porter. Maybe we are being too hard on Plax, but before you lead your crusade to change the NFL to National Firearms League, allow me to remind you, Plaxico is allowed to carry a weapon, he just has to also carry a permit and registration...and if he would like to use it to shoot himself in the leg, far be it of us to stop him, but me must do so in a location where he does not place those who want to keep their limbs, in danger. To put it simply...

Football Fundamentals: What is “turf toe?”

I don’t know about you, but whenever I hear that a football player is out with “turf toe,” I think “What the heck is ‘turf toe’ and how bad can it really hurt? Get out there and start playing on that million dollar contract, baby!” Then again, I have never had turf toe.

I think part of the reason I think that way is because of the name, itself, “turf toe.” Doesn’t have the same effect as “torn ACL” or “fractured tibia.” It is missing that, action word that makes you cringe. When I think turf toe, I think of things like “paper cuts” or “rug burn.” Nothing, season ending.

However, this week, I found out that Jerry Jones, also thinks that a simple toe injury shouldn’t keep a player from the field. As a matter of fact, he tore apart Marion Barber for not playing in the Dallas-Pittsburgh game with a toe injury, (as if that would have helped the Cowgirls, anyway). Jones questioned Barber’s manliness (Remember, Marion Marber, not Tiki…we all know Tiki is not a man), saying "He can play with that injured toe. He can play with the soreness and a combination of those things. I see nothing that led us to believe he couldn’t." He essentially said that Marion’s wittle boo-boo was all in his head.

Now, since I know that no one wants to be thinking the same things as Jerry Jones, I am going to dispel the rumors behind the sissiness of ‘turf toe.’

Turf toe: Turf toe is a condition of pain at the base of the big toe, located at the ball of the foot. (still sounds sissy.)

Why is it called ‘turf toe’: The name turf toe comes from the fact that this injury is especially common among athletes who play on artificial turf. It is caused by the running and jumping on a hard surface. (I guess ‘hard surface toe’ isn’t any better)
What happens to the toe in turf toe: A turf toe injury, is actually the tearing of the capsule that surrounds the joint at the base of the toe. (Ouch! Turf toe sucks!)Tearing this joint capsule can be extremely painful. Turf toe can lead to accelerated cartillege wear and hallux rigidus. (Relax, 'hallux rigidus' is not what you think, its actually, toe arthritis.)

'Tearing of the capsule that surrounds the joint of the toe'…now that sounds painful. If there is tearing, you have to mention that in the name. They could have simply called it “a torn joint capsule” and we would all be saying “Gee! I hope he is okay…” instead of, “Turf toe? Get up, pretty boy!”

I don’t know what it feels like to, tear a capsule in your toe. However, I have worn some really uncomfortable high heels which hurt my toe and the next day, walking on it made my eyes water. There is no way I could have played football on it.

So, I it appears ‘turf toe’ may be a legit pain in the foot. (Then again, if you were paying me millions of dollars, I don’t think my high heels injury would be a problem anymore.)

Marion Barber actually had a pinkie toe injury, as well as, one to his calf, which prevented him from playing against the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday.
But hey, we can’t all be as tough as Jerry Jones right? Or maybe Jones doesn’t know what a toe injury feels like:


If a toe injury isn’t a legit reason to miss a game, then what is?
Well, this is the GM of the Dallas Cowgirls we are talking about, here. When it comes to the Cowgirls:

Excused Absence:

(Not my best work, but Pacman actually started as a white woman.)

Unexcused Absence:



More tips from the Genius Playbook of Jerry Jones:
If you lose an important game, make sure you alienate your star running back, by calling him a wuss, so that he is ready and willing to perform for the next, more important game!
Good plan! Go Giants!

Week Fourteen in the NFL Recap

It is only fair: Yes, I watched the Giants' game this week. They played like...like the Oakland Raiders, out there. Dropped passes, missed tackles. They didn't cover Brian Westbrook!! How could they not cover Brian Westbrook? The Eagles only have one play! Nothing went right for the G-men. Hixon played in the place of Burress and perhaps, in an exhausted attempt to prove they didn't need Plax, the offense forced the ball to Hixon, who dropped a pass that hit him in the chest and would have otherwise, been a touchdown. The Eagles ran the same play over and over. Donovan McNabb played his usual B.S. football and still the Giants didn't catch on. What happened out there guys? 20-14, Philly.

Despite losing to the Eagles, joke of a football team, the Giants clinched the NFC playoff spot this week at 11-2. And in response to McNabb's taunting and waving at the Giants' fans, Eli has this to say (If you can't read it, click on the letter):


The Chargers played the Raiders. Normally, I would say nothing more about these teams, but this game contained a few significant events for Los Angeles Oakland and San Diego; It marked the second win, in seven games for the Chargers, of course, it was against the Oakland Raiders, but a W is a W! Right? L.T. is back, with 91 yards rushing, compared to last weeks 24 and Rivers threw 3 touchdown passes. Jamarcus Russell was carted of the field in the second quarter, but I am not sure if he was hurt or embarrassed, because he did have 2 interceptions and a fumble right before this alleged injury and he is an abnormally large QB, you'd think he wouldn't be easily injured...unless of course that injury was to his ego. (How much "ego" do you really have left at 3-10?) 34-7, Chargers.

The Jags continue to be the biggest flop in the NFL this year (we never thought the Lions were going anywhere) with their fourth straight loss being to the Chicago Bears. At the beginning of the seasons, everyone thought that Jacksonville was going somewhere, and they still are; They're going home in three weeks. The Bears didn't look so bad out there, too bad their playoff hopes were contingent upon the Detroit Lions beating Minnesota. Seriously, the Lions! You can't imagine they were too hopeful, right? 23-10 Chicago.

I would like to thank Pittsburgh for contributing to the New York Football Giants NFC East Champion-dom, by exposing Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowgirls for the fumbling fools that they are. Tony Romo threw 3 interceptions and one of them, in true Romo, 44% passer rating fashion, was to lose the game. PICTURE THIS: Game is tied up at 13, 2 minutes left on the clock. Dallas has the ball. 2nd and 8. Romo is back to pass...short one, up the middle, PICK SIX! If you missed it, it looked something like this:


The Tennessee Titans remain with just one loss. Despite 3 turnovers, they beat the Brown's this week, who if you remember are playing with "Whatever Happened to" Ken Dorsey. (Yes, that explains the win, despite the 2 turnovers). Highlights? Cleveland finished the game with 178 offensive yards...total! Chris Johnson alone, finished with 136 yards rushing for the Titans. Ken Dorsey had 5 less yards passing than Kerri Collins, but made twice as many attempts. In case you were wondering, that is what happened to Ken Dorsey. 28-9, Titans.

Perhaps the best game to watch this Sunday was Atlanta @ New Orleans. Each team finished with exactly 414 offensive yards. Matt Ryan continued to play like, Rookie of the year with 313 yards passing. The game was close for each of the 4 quarters. But a court ruling put some of the Saints back on the field and the second year, undrafted RB, Pierre Thomas (I guess the "Sissy name rule" doesn't apply to him) had 102 yards rushing and 2 touchdowns, to lead the Saints over the Falcons, 29-25.

Matt Schaub marked his return to the field with 414 yards passing, in Green Bay. It was cold for the Texans and Matt wore a brace on his leg, but the only Houston mistake was a fumbled punt return by Jacoby Jones. (Ah, there is the "sissy name rule" in effect!) Steve Slaton is giving Matt Ryan a run for his money at Rookie of the year, literally. Slaton had 120 yards rushing (10 less than last week). The best play by Houston however, came from Punter, Matt Turk, who improvised, what looked like his own punt-fake call. After receiving the snap, it appeared that Turk was thinking "Hey, you know, I always wanted to run a fake punt and they never let me, I think I will run one now!" However, there was no audible by the Punter. It turns out that Turk had no choice but to run with the ball to avoid a blocked punt and in fear for his life, he ran for an 18 yard gain. "I was running for my life, I tell you! That's when I run fastest: when someone is chasing me." Punters are so cute and fragile.

The Dolphins are not going down without a fight. This week, Miami played Buffalo in Toronto, Canada. I would love to seize the opportunity to insert a Canada joke here, but to be honest, I don't know a single thing about Canada, other than I have no need or desire to go there. There were no stand out offensive players, in the game but, the Miami defense held Buffalo to a single field goal, to sweep the Bills and keep their dim playoff hopes alive. 16-3, Miami.


Are those tears I see there, Fav-ruh? Well, this week you cry with good reason. Brett Favre was 20/31 for 137 yards, ZERO touchdowns and 1 interception...AGAINST THE NINERS! The Jets had 182 offensive yards, AGAINST THE NINERS! The Jets were dominated in every statistical category, AGAINST THE NINERS! Are you getting the picture? 24-14, NINERS!

I feel sorry for Seattle, every time I see them play. Seneca Wallace threw for 3 touchdowns and had no interceptions, but they still couldn't catch a break. Wes Walker broke out 134 yards receiving for the Pats and helped Matt Cassel convert a two point conversion to give New England a 3 point lead over the 'Hawks. Ddespite stepping up at QB this week, a Wallace fumble allowed New England to run out the clock, hanging on to that 3 point lead and beating Seattle, 24-21.

I know I usually refer to the Denver Broncos game only by Jay Cutler's performance, and this week is no different. In the Broncos domination over the. remnants of a football team. we refer to as the Kansas City Chiefs, Jay Cutler completed passes to 8 different receivers and 2 for touchdowns. I hope you didn't want more highlights cause they played the Chiefs. I think you know what happened. 24-17, Denver.

Arizona clinched their division this week with an easy win over the St. Louis Rams. Again, not sure you are expecting any highlights...it was the St. Louis Rams. 34-10, Cards.

Washington doesn't want to give that last place spot in the NFC East to the Eagles without a fight. Campbell did his part in the quest for last place with two interceptions and Portis added a fumble. But let's not discredit the Raven's defense which finally showed why they are ranked so highly...or maybe only one player should be ranked that highly. The Ravens defense consists of one man, Ed Reed. Reed had both interceptions, forced a fumble and had six tackles and a sack, holding Clinton Portis to 32 yards rushing and single handedly beating the Redskins. 24-10, Ed Reed over Washington.

I forgot about the Colts. It was probably because they were just the latest team to give an old-fashion beat down to the Bengals. Three touchdown passes for this Manning brother, this week, and four turnovers by Cincy put Indy on top, 35-3.

Something else I forgot:
INTERESTING YET USELESS NFL FACT:
Almost every game you hear the announcer say something like, "the Giants are undefeated against the Eagles when wearing their throwback jersey." (which they never wear) Who cares? No one. But they still put it on the screen. So this week, I have one. I watched ALL of the 1:00 games this Sunday, at the same time and at 1:47 pm (EST), exactly three things happened, AT THE SAME TIME:


1. Derrick Ward, FUMBLE! (GIANTS v.Eagles)
2. Own Daniels, FUMBLE! (TEXANS v. Packers)
3. Dallas Clark, FUMBLE! (COLTS v. Bengals)
Obviously, those pictures are not the actual fumbles, especially since Ward's elbow is down and he is still in possession. But if you doubt me, go ahead and check the game recaps and play by plays. They all fumbled, at the EXACT SAME TIME!

MNF:
Jonathon Stewart had 115 yards rushing for the Carolina Panthers and he was SECOND to DeAngelo Williams, who had ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT SIX YARDS RUSHING! 2 touchdowns for each of them. (DO YOU HEAR THAT GIANTS??? WORK ON THAT RUSH DEFENSE!!!)Antonio Bryant had 200 yards receiving for the Bucs, but it just wasn't enough. Carolina over Tampa Bay, 38-23.

Turkey Day: NFL Recap

I guess the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade looked like a better option than ever this year, considering all 3 NFL games were blow outs. Here is what you missed while you were flipping channels and eating Turkey:

The traditional Thanksgiving day game belongs to the Lions. This year you would have thought they would play a little harder considering it may be their only nationally televised game of the season. But the Detroit Lions, have developed their own, new tradition, LOSING… And losing badly!
Kerri Collins lost his first fumble of the season, but mistakes like those mean nothing when you are playing the Lions of Detroit. As a matter of fact, Kerri Collins probably could have stayed home and ate turkey. Better yet, put in the turkey! 47-10, Titans.


But don't worry, Detroit. Some of us thought of you on Thanksgiving...


While you were feasting on Turkey, the Cowgirls were feasting on the Seahawks. What is there to say about a 34-9 win over Seattle? Romo has 3 TDs in his first 3 drives and of course, an interception. Owens had 98 yards receiving and a TD. Seahawks, just laid back and took it.


The closest game of Turkey Day was the other birds, the Eagles’ 48-20 win over the Cardinals. Kurt Warner had three touchdowns passes, however he also had 3 intercepted passes to balance it out. It appeared McNabb, has learned a lot in his last 3 games. First that an NFL game can end in a tie, then that he can and will be benched and most recently throwing the ball to your own team makes it easier to win the game. But where does McNabb get all of his information???
When asked at a press conference Tuesday how he had learned he was still the starting quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles.
"I was told by the janitor," said a smiling McNabb, who will open against the Arizona Cardinals here Thursday night.
"You know, me and him have a pretty good relationship around here. It's a pretty good conversation we had."

NFL Recap Week 12: Special 800 Point Week Edition

After the Monday night game the NFL recorded the first 800-point week in its history. A total of 837 points were scored in the league's 16 Week 12 games, an average of 52.3 points per game. So, lets do something a little different this week! Let's look at the under achievers who didn't contribute to that total, shall we?

The St. Louis Rams contributed a whopping 3 points against the Chicago Bears, who only put up 3 points last week. Whats that say about you, St. Louis? Then again, I had St. Louis as my worst team in the NFL at the begining of the season. Marc Bulger lasted 5 plays before getting a concussion and it was all down hill for the Rams. Trent Green threw 4 interceptions (yeah, in the same game) before getting replaced by some other kid...Brock Berlin. 27-3, Bears.

Philadelpia Eagles, gave a generous 7 points toward the total. Last week, McNabb learned that an NFL game can end in a tie and it was evident that he never read the rule book (or watched a game). This week, it was evident that he has never read a playbook (or watched a game).McNabb was benched at halftime after three turnovers in the second quarter. His replacement Kold, was not any better, completing 10 of 23 passes for 73 yards and two interceptions...essentially the Ravens had no need for the alleged "number one rush defense" or any other defense for that matter. 36-7, Ravens.

Cleveland contributed 6 points and is listed here after the Eagles because, at least the Browns scored twice! Sage and Brady (don't they sound like snobby little girls?) each had to interceptions, but Brady Quinn was sent back where he belongs...the bench. I wonder if this week broke the benched QB record too? hmmm... 16-6, Houston.

Cincy pulled in a big 10 points against Pittsburgh. Speaking of the Steelers, I feel like I haven't written about them in forever, must not be doing anything big. This week the beat the Bengals, 27-10....nope, still nothing big.

Oh, Jay Cutler, you little over-achiever you! 10 point against the Oakland Raiders. The Broncos played so poorly that a guy names "Ashley" scored a touchdown on them and the Raiders were successful on a half-back pass. Seriously Jay? A man named Ashley and a trick play by Oakland? You disappoint me today, almost as much as the day you lost me $120K! 31-10, Raiders. (oh yeah! they lets them score 31 points! Good D, guys!)

But perhaps the most surprising under achievers of the week, were the Titans. The formerly undefeated Titans, contributed only 13 points to the NFLs record breaking total. Who were they playing? The Bretts. Yes, Brett Fav-ruh and the Jets put an end to the Titans 11 game winning streak (if you count last season its a 13 game winning streak). Collins threw for more yards then the old man, but Favre delivered 2 touch downs that Collins, didn't, but the question on everyone's mind, but surely be, Did Brett cry??? THIS IS JUST TOO GOOD!!!!

So who scored all those points this record breaking week? (well, those loser teams listed above had opponents who ran all over them). But of course...

THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS did! After hearing how they have played no one this seasons, despite being in the toughest conference in the NFL the Giants spanked the Cards with 37 points to Arizona's 29. This was one of those games where there was bad call after bad call, inclusing the Cardinals calling a free kick to end the half. (if you don't know what a free kick is, you haven't been reading my blog, so get scrolling!) Despite the referees inability to call anything in favor of the G-men, they didn't need any help and continue to lead the NFC.

Sticking with the NFC East, the Dallas Cowgirls put up 35 points over the 'Niners 22. Congratulations to Tony Romo on ending his "consecutive games with an interception streak." Don't worry, I am sure he is still creeping up on Fav-ruh's record of carrer interceptions. Huge game for T.O. with 213 yards receiving. I can't rain on his parade...ah, what the heck! Sure, I can. YOU WERE PLAYING THE 49ers! I COULD PUT UP 213 YARDS! But heym they still are the SECOND BEST team in the NFC East, so good game, Dallas. (yes, that hurt me to say!)

The Lions never cease to disappoint me. Just think if I had picked against them every week, I'd still be on the running for that $120K, Jay Cutler lost me! The Tampa Bay Bucs put up, 38 points over the Loser Lions and kept Detroit at just plain defeated. There were no surprises here. 38-20, Bucs.

Movin on the the Real Big numbers,
Buffalo had 54 points over Kansas City. Of course, KC also had 5 turnovers(more than points scored by St. Louis this week). Not only did the Bills contribute 54 points to the NFL record-breaking total, but they broke their 4 games losing streak and the record for most points scored on the Chiefs, EVER! Game balls for everyone! 54-31, Bills.

With Cassel throwing 30/43 for 415 yards and 3 touchdowns, the "We Don't Need Brady" Pats put up 48 points over Miami. Randy Moss caught all 3 TD passes and it looks like Cassel has replaced Brady in his heart. Hey, he's younger, cuter and had his second consecutive 400-yard day, doubling Tom Brady's career total. What more can a reciever ask for? (Pennington threw for 341 yards and also had 3 TDs, but he didn't win the game, so who really cares?)
"Matt is getting in the comfort zone," Moss said. "He's playing some 'hellified' ball."(hellified- adj. a large amount of something "tight." Can also mean, "I love you" is saif by Randy Moss.)




Atlanta Falcons 45 over Carlina Panthers 28. (If there seemed to be some magic in the air for the Falcons, it was me.) Something was going on because thwe Panthers had fewer interception, more possession time, more total yardage, 2 players with over 100 yards, but far less points. Michael Turner for the Falcons had 4 ruching TDs and thats where it all happened for the Atlanta. No one else performed Sunday at the Georgia Dome, so everyone run out and buy your Michael Turner jerseys. (He's number 33.)

Speaking of Domes, you can credit another player with 4 touchdowns at the Super Dome. Drew Brees threw 20/26 for 323 yards and 4 touchdowns. Maybe something about that overhead enclosure made Aaron Rodgers caustraphobic because he had 3 interceptions and Green Bay just couldn't take off. (you like that? couldn't take off, cause there was a roof? I guess jokes that need explaining aren't very funny, but I laughed!) Putting the NFL over the record breaking edge Saints 51, Green Bay 29.

There were some rather boring games that didn't fit in either category.
Indy 23, San Deigo 20.(And, after I said you got your groove back, Brother Manning. Step it up!)

*Interesting Note: there is actually, a "Step Up 2!" Has anyone seen the first one?
Payton doesn't discriminate for his commercials, why start now?

Washinton 20, Seattle 17.
Minnesota 30, Jacksonville 12. (I could have put this game in the first category since the Jags scored less than the Titans, but to be honest, I just forgot about this game.)

Brett Farve Favre, Through out the Tears

Brett Favre has cried on several momentous occasions through out his life. It never mattered to him whether he was on national tv, or when Laura Ingraham said "I didn't know there was a woman quarterback in the NFL." Favre has been true to his emotions, since birth. But before we judge him, many of us cried or would have cried on these occasions as well.

He cried at birth, like most of us. (this is an obvious re-enactment of the birth of Brett Favre, as there was no digital photography back then)



He cried on his first day of school...…you can see how that might be a problem (spelling had to give the poor kid some trouble, Farve, Favre...whatever!).




He cried when they shot Bambi's mom (but didn't we all?)



When he met his true love John Madden for the first time. They do have an unnatural connection.



He cried when he...he bit his tongue? (Oh come on! You know that hurts!)


He cried when the NFL told him he had to go to rehab for his pain killer addiction or pay $900,000. (Thats a pretty tough decision for anyone, isn't it?)


He cried when he broke the most career interceptions record (300)...I wonder if he will cry when Tony Romo takes this over?



I don't know why he is crying here, but my guess would be he either realized that an NFL Quarterback, worth millions, who only works once a week for about 6 months out of the year, has nothing to cry about.


He cried when he saw this image on the Jumbo Tron. (not a good look for old man Fav-ruh)


He cried when he lost to the Giants in the final game of his career (which would only turn out to be his final game as a Green Bay Packer and not as big of a deal as he originally thought).


He cried when he retired from the NFL


And he cried when he unretired from the NFL




All of these events can be devastating or at the very least troublesome. Maybe if we stretch our imaginations and try to conceptualize what it might be like to get paid millions to play a game, hear our name chanted by our fans, have people recognize us wherever we go, win a Superbowl, and have our face on the cover of a video game, we could sympathize with Brett. Its a tough life, but some one's gotta live it. Just because he gets hit by 300 pound linemen doesn't mean it doesn't hurt him when he stubs his toe or someone calls him a blubbering girl. So up until this Thursday, I felt that Brett Favre's tears were genuine and everyone was too harsh on the man for showing his true feelings...

HOWEVER! This Thursday, Brett Favre cried, after beating the New England Patriots.


He cried because he beat a team playing with a Rookie quarterback in his first starting season, who is under the pressure of playing after Tom Brady's almost undefeated season. I don't get it Favre. Was it because you just squeaked by and one with a field goal in OT? Was it because Matt Cassel out played you, throwing for 400 yards and 2 TDs and you finally realize you are too old for the NFL?? I can' figure this on out!

Did Matt Cassel hurt your feelings?


Through tears and sobs, Brett Favre was the second best quarterback to play on Thursday night, throwing for 258 and 2 TDS, but the Bretts beats the Pats in OT, 34-31.

< Brady Quinn's "Coming Out" It's Jay Cutler Day!

Oh, Jay Cutler! Jay Cutler! I am happy to see that you have gotten my message! I am completely out of Survivor picks now, so you still owe me $120K but your Thursday night performance showed a quarterback who could easily make me forget his flawed past and join my "fantasy team."
Jay Cutler threw for 447 yards and 3 touchdowns! And somewhere in the shadows of the Bronco's comeback from a 13 point deficit and Cutler's 93 yard touchdown pass to Eddie Royal, Brady Quinn was having his coming out party. Much like his appearance at the NFL Draft is was overshadowed by players who didn't come from an overrated, underperforming, Notre Dame and spend less time grooming their high-maintenance hair. Both the Denver Broncos' and Cleveland Browns' homepages present Thursday Nights game as the "Jay Cutler Story." Poor Brady Quinn…
Looks like even his fans have turned on the pretty boy…

Careful Brady, those tears will smear your make-up...Is that a “Jay Cutler” autograph I see on your arm?

Who is that leaving the stadium with Jay Cutler? Is that Brady Quinn’s sister???


I have a lot of questions for Brady Quinn:
1. How did it feel to sit in the green room with the Top Five picks and not get drafted until 22nd?
2. Did it feel worse than having Jay Cutler outshine you on your first day as starting QB?
3. Why did you spend the off season holding out on your Cleveland Brown’s contract when no one else wanted you? Did you think that no one watched the draft? That you could convince them that you were in high demand?
4. Do you really think after losing 10 straight bowl games, Notre Dame still deserves an automatic bowl bid if they make the top 12?
BUT, the one thing, I really must know Brady Quinn, is WHAT IS UP WITH THE BELLY SHIRT???




At least this cute little squirrel came to your party! (I just thought this was cute...)