NFL Recap Week Fourteen: It's Been a Long Time

I know. I know. I haven’t written in a while. I am sure you are all thinking that it’s because the Giants have been losing, but I was away for Thanksgiving, my brother got married and I’ve been packing up my belongings for a move… and who am I kidding, it is hard to write a blog about football when your football team is losing every week.

Let’s try and see what I have missed since week 10.

I guess I can’t avoid it, the New York Giants got spanked on several occasions, but let’s look at the bright side, this week Eli had zero interceptions (they did fumble four times), we figured out why we have Hakeem Nix on the team with 110 yards receiving and New York did go in front 31-30, when Domenik Hixon broke two tackles for a 61-yard, catch-and-run score and even after a big play, they didn’t quit. They scored again for 38 total points! (Eagles had 45) Did I mention Eli threw for 391 yards? (My little boy is growing up!) But not matter how bad a Giant’s team…they can still beat the Dallas Cowgirl and we will always have that to smile about!

Plus, who needs to win the NFC East (I DO!) when you can be on the Simpsons. (Isn’t that what the Eagles say about Super Bowls? Who needs them?)


Poor Cooper. While we are on the subject of Mannings, Eli’s bog bro, Peyton remains undefeated.

And I would imagine his conversation before the game, went something like this…



Yeah, that’s right, Peyton “laser rocket arm” Manning, threw three picks this week, but just to be safe, he also threw 4 touchdown passes breaking NFL records for most consecutive regular-season wins (22) and most wins in a decade (114), plus beating the Broncos 16-28 and wrapping up home-field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs. Yup. Just like that.

The New Orleans Saints also remain undefeated, but by the skin of their teeth. (Do we have skin on our teeth?) After almost losing to the Redskins in OT (as if it isn’t embarrassing enough to be in OT with Washington), the Saints skimmed passed the Falcons this week in a 26-26 win. Did I mention, Atlanta was playing without Matty Ice (how can that not be your favorite NFL nickname?) and some other star guy? A W is a W, but New Orleans is scarping together wins…let’s face it Brees, you are just not a Manning.

After losing Big Ben to a concussion and their back up guy, whose name I never knew, to a broken wrist in the same game, the Steelers were pretty much opening up for fan participation day. Big Ben sat out due to a fear for his due to previous concussions, but he’s back and apparently no one told the O-line about the need to protect Ben’s head. Steelers lost their fifth straight game to the Cleveland freakin Browns. (it’s like when the Eagles lost to the Raiders…remember that? Hahaha!) and Roethlisberger was sacked 8 times, but don’t worry, he’s been sacked 9 before. Seriously, that can’t be good for that concussion thing he has going on. Put the fliers back up guys! 6-13, Browns.


(It isn't mean. Jeff Garcia has played every where...and done nothing)

The Bills beat the Chiefs and the Vikings beat the Bengals, but Ihate Brett Favre and I don’t care. Moving on…

Remember the Sanchise? The cute little name the Jets gave their team after 2 wins with Mark Sanchez…you know, before they went on a losing streak? Well, you know what the Jets needed to break that losing streak? To lose the Sanchise! Kellen Clemens (who???), the guy who was supposed to take Pennington's, place before Favre and Favre’s place, before Sanchez, led the other NY team to a 26-3 victory over the Bucs. If you overlook the fact that they were playing Tampa Bay, it seems impressive for a first ever start. ($5 if you can name the Bucs quaterback!)

Tom who? The Pats lost to Miami last week and again this week to Caronlina. Looking a lot less like an 18 AND ONE quaterback this season…blame the super models that keep poppin’ out his kids. Giselle gave birth to Tom’s second son with a super model and they are having trouble coming up with a name…hmm…son of Tom Brady and Giselle? How about “I’m gonna be hot and rich” Brady?

Ravens over Lions 48-3. Texans over Seahawks, 34-7. Titans over Rams, 47-7. No surprises there!

But I’ve got great news, the Redskin beat the Raiders 34-14. Why is that great news? Because it means the Eagles are the only team in the NFC East to lose to the Raiders. And “Oakland Raiders?” has become my favorite line of the season. Although, Philly’s also first in the NFC East, so…I guess it isn’t as great as I thought, but you know what is?

The Cowgirls lost to the Chargers. After Dallas’s kicker blamed several missed field goals on faulty ball handling by the snap holder, the Cowgirls decided to return to Romo as the holder. Did they forget why they replaced Romo as holder in the first place? On 4th and goals before the half, Dallas sets up for a field goal….the ball is snapped…and the hold is bobbled. Seriously Romo, you are still doing that? 20-17, Chargers.

Week Fourteen in the NFL Recap

It is only fair: Yes, I watched the Giants' game this week. They played like...like the Oakland Raiders, out there. Dropped passes, missed tackles. They didn't cover Brian Westbrook!! How could they not cover Brian Westbrook? The Eagles only have one play! Nothing went right for the G-men. Hixon played in the place of Burress and perhaps, in an exhausted attempt to prove they didn't need Plax, the offense forced the ball to Hixon, who dropped a pass that hit him in the chest and would have otherwise, been a touchdown. The Eagles ran the same play over and over. Donovan McNabb played his usual B.S. football and still the Giants didn't catch on. What happened out there guys? 20-14, Philly.

Despite losing to the Eagles, joke of a football team, the Giants clinched the NFC playoff spot this week at 11-2. And in response to McNabb's taunting and waving at the Giants' fans, Eli has this to say (If you can't read it, click on the letter):


The Chargers played the Raiders. Normally, I would say nothing more about these teams, but this game contained a few significant events for Los Angeles Oakland and San Diego; It marked the second win, in seven games for the Chargers, of course, it was against the Oakland Raiders, but a W is a W! Right? L.T. is back, with 91 yards rushing, compared to last weeks 24 and Rivers threw 3 touchdown passes. Jamarcus Russell was carted of the field in the second quarter, but I am not sure if he was hurt or embarrassed, because he did have 2 interceptions and a fumble right before this alleged injury and he is an abnormally large QB, you'd think he wouldn't be easily injured...unless of course that injury was to his ego. (How much "ego" do you really have left at 3-10?) 34-7, Chargers.

The Jags continue to be the biggest flop in the NFL this year (we never thought the Lions were going anywhere) with their fourth straight loss being to the Chicago Bears. At the beginning of the seasons, everyone thought that Jacksonville was going somewhere, and they still are; They're going home in three weeks. The Bears didn't look so bad out there, too bad their playoff hopes were contingent upon the Detroit Lions beating Minnesota. Seriously, the Lions! You can't imagine they were too hopeful, right? 23-10 Chicago.

I would like to thank Pittsburgh for contributing to the New York Football Giants NFC East Champion-dom, by exposing Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowgirls for the fumbling fools that they are. Tony Romo threw 3 interceptions and one of them, in true Romo, 44% passer rating fashion, was to lose the game. PICTURE THIS: Game is tied up at 13, 2 minutes left on the clock. Dallas has the ball. 2nd and 8. Romo is back to pass...short one, up the middle, PICK SIX! If you missed it, it looked something like this:


The Tennessee Titans remain with just one loss. Despite 3 turnovers, they beat the Brown's this week, who if you remember are playing with "Whatever Happened to" Ken Dorsey. (Yes, that explains the win, despite the 2 turnovers). Highlights? Cleveland finished the game with 178 offensive yards...total! Chris Johnson alone, finished with 136 yards rushing for the Titans. Ken Dorsey had 5 less yards passing than Kerri Collins, but made twice as many attempts. In case you were wondering, that is what happened to Ken Dorsey. 28-9, Titans.

Perhaps the best game to watch this Sunday was Atlanta @ New Orleans. Each team finished with exactly 414 offensive yards. Matt Ryan continued to play like, Rookie of the year with 313 yards passing. The game was close for each of the 4 quarters. But a court ruling put some of the Saints back on the field and the second year, undrafted RB, Pierre Thomas (I guess the "Sissy name rule" doesn't apply to him) had 102 yards rushing and 2 touchdowns, to lead the Saints over the Falcons, 29-25.

Matt Schaub marked his return to the field with 414 yards passing, in Green Bay. It was cold for the Texans and Matt wore a brace on his leg, but the only Houston mistake was a fumbled punt return by Jacoby Jones. (Ah, there is the "sissy name rule" in effect!) Steve Slaton is giving Matt Ryan a run for his money at Rookie of the year, literally. Slaton had 120 yards rushing (10 less than last week). The best play by Houston however, came from Punter, Matt Turk, who improvised, what looked like his own punt-fake call. After receiving the snap, it appeared that Turk was thinking "Hey, you know, I always wanted to run a fake punt and they never let me, I think I will run one now!" However, there was no audible by the Punter. It turns out that Turk had no choice but to run with the ball to avoid a blocked punt and in fear for his life, he ran for an 18 yard gain. "I was running for my life, I tell you! That's when I run fastest: when someone is chasing me." Punters are so cute and fragile.

The Dolphins are not going down without a fight. This week, Miami played Buffalo in Toronto, Canada. I would love to seize the opportunity to insert a Canada joke here, but to be honest, I don't know a single thing about Canada, other than I have no need or desire to go there. There were no stand out offensive players, in the game but, the Miami defense held Buffalo to a single field goal, to sweep the Bills and keep their dim playoff hopes alive. 16-3, Miami.


Are those tears I see there, Fav-ruh? Well, this week you cry with good reason. Brett Favre was 20/31 for 137 yards, ZERO touchdowns and 1 interception...AGAINST THE NINERS! The Jets had 182 offensive yards, AGAINST THE NINERS! The Jets were dominated in every statistical category, AGAINST THE NINERS! Are you getting the picture? 24-14, NINERS!

I feel sorry for Seattle, every time I see them play. Seneca Wallace threw for 3 touchdowns and had no interceptions, but they still couldn't catch a break. Wes Walker broke out 134 yards receiving for the Pats and helped Matt Cassel convert a two point conversion to give New England a 3 point lead over the 'Hawks. Ddespite stepping up at QB this week, a Wallace fumble allowed New England to run out the clock, hanging on to that 3 point lead and beating Seattle, 24-21.

I know I usually refer to the Denver Broncos game only by Jay Cutler's performance, and this week is no different. In the Broncos domination over the. remnants of a football team. we refer to as the Kansas City Chiefs, Jay Cutler completed passes to 8 different receivers and 2 for touchdowns. I hope you didn't want more highlights cause they played the Chiefs. I think you know what happened. 24-17, Denver.

Arizona clinched their division this week with an easy win over the St. Louis Rams. Again, not sure you are expecting any highlights...it was the St. Louis Rams. 34-10, Cards.

Washington doesn't want to give that last place spot in the NFC East to the Eagles without a fight. Campbell did his part in the quest for last place with two interceptions and Portis added a fumble. But let's not discredit the Raven's defense which finally showed why they are ranked so highly...or maybe only one player should be ranked that highly. The Ravens defense consists of one man, Ed Reed. Reed had both interceptions, forced a fumble and had six tackles and a sack, holding Clinton Portis to 32 yards rushing and single handedly beating the Redskins. 24-10, Ed Reed over Washington.

I forgot about the Colts. It was probably because they were just the latest team to give an old-fashion beat down to the Bengals. Three touchdown passes for this Manning brother, this week, and four turnovers by Cincy put Indy on top, 35-3.

Something else I forgot:
INTERESTING YET USELESS NFL FACT:
Almost every game you hear the announcer say something like, "the Giants are undefeated against the Eagles when wearing their throwback jersey." (which they never wear) Who cares? No one. But they still put it on the screen. So this week, I have one. I watched ALL of the 1:00 games this Sunday, at the same time and at 1:47 pm (EST), exactly three things happened, AT THE SAME TIME:


1. Derrick Ward, FUMBLE! (GIANTS v.Eagles)
2. Own Daniels, FUMBLE! (TEXANS v. Packers)
3. Dallas Clark, FUMBLE! (COLTS v. Bengals)
Obviously, those pictures are not the actual fumbles, especially since Ward's elbow is down and he is still in possession. But if you doubt me, go ahead and check the game recaps and play by plays. They all fumbled, at the EXACT SAME TIME!

MNF:
Jonathon Stewart had 115 yards rushing for the Carolina Panthers and he was SECOND to DeAngelo Williams, who had ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT SIX YARDS RUSHING! 2 touchdowns for each of them. (DO YOU HEAR THAT GIANTS??? WORK ON THAT RUSH DEFENSE!!!)Antonio Bryant had 200 yards receiving for the Bucs, but it just wasn't enough. Carolina over Tampa Bay, 38-23.