NFL Recap Week Fourteen: It's Been a Long Time

I know. I know. I haven’t written in a while. I am sure you are all thinking that it’s because the Giants have been losing, but I was away for Thanksgiving, my brother got married and I’ve been packing up my belongings for a move… and who am I kidding, it is hard to write a blog about football when your football team is losing every week.

Let’s try and see what I have missed since week 10.

I guess I can’t avoid it, the New York Giants got spanked on several occasions, but let’s look at the bright side, this week Eli had zero interceptions (they did fumble four times), we figured out why we have Hakeem Nix on the team with 110 yards receiving and New York did go in front 31-30, when Domenik Hixon broke two tackles for a 61-yard, catch-and-run score and even after a big play, they didn’t quit. They scored again for 38 total points! (Eagles had 45) Did I mention Eli threw for 391 yards? (My little boy is growing up!) But not matter how bad a Giant’s team…they can still beat the Dallas Cowgirl and we will always have that to smile about!

Plus, who needs to win the NFC East (I DO!) when you can be on the Simpsons. (Isn’t that what the Eagles say about Super Bowls? Who needs them?)


Poor Cooper. While we are on the subject of Mannings, Eli’s bog bro, Peyton remains undefeated.

And I would imagine his conversation before the game, went something like this…



Yeah, that’s right, Peyton “laser rocket arm” Manning, threw three picks this week, but just to be safe, he also threw 4 touchdown passes breaking NFL records for most consecutive regular-season wins (22) and most wins in a decade (114), plus beating the Broncos 16-28 and wrapping up home-field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs. Yup. Just like that.

The New Orleans Saints also remain undefeated, but by the skin of their teeth. (Do we have skin on our teeth?) After almost losing to the Redskins in OT (as if it isn’t embarrassing enough to be in OT with Washington), the Saints skimmed passed the Falcons this week in a 26-26 win. Did I mention, Atlanta was playing without Matty Ice (how can that not be your favorite NFL nickname?) and some other star guy? A W is a W, but New Orleans is scarping together wins…let’s face it Brees, you are just not a Manning.

After losing Big Ben to a concussion and their back up guy, whose name I never knew, to a broken wrist in the same game, the Steelers were pretty much opening up for fan participation day. Big Ben sat out due to a fear for his due to previous concussions, but he’s back and apparently no one told the O-line about the need to protect Ben’s head. Steelers lost their fifth straight game to the Cleveland freakin Browns. (it’s like when the Eagles lost to the Raiders…remember that? Hahaha!) and Roethlisberger was sacked 8 times, but don’t worry, he’s been sacked 9 before. Seriously, that can’t be good for that concussion thing he has going on. Put the fliers back up guys! 6-13, Browns.


(It isn't mean. Jeff Garcia has played every where...and done nothing)

The Bills beat the Chiefs and the Vikings beat the Bengals, but Ihate Brett Favre and I don’t care. Moving on…

Remember the Sanchise? The cute little name the Jets gave their team after 2 wins with Mark Sanchez…you know, before they went on a losing streak? Well, you know what the Jets needed to break that losing streak? To lose the Sanchise! Kellen Clemens (who???), the guy who was supposed to take Pennington's, place before Favre and Favre’s place, before Sanchez, led the other NY team to a 26-3 victory over the Bucs. If you overlook the fact that they were playing Tampa Bay, it seems impressive for a first ever start. ($5 if you can name the Bucs quaterback!)

Tom who? The Pats lost to Miami last week and again this week to Caronlina. Looking a lot less like an 18 AND ONE quaterback this season…blame the super models that keep poppin’ out his kids. Giselle gave birth to Tom’s second son with a super model and they are having trouble coming up with a name…hmm…son of Tom Brady and Giselle? How about “I’m gonna be hot and rich” Brady?

Ravens over Lions 48-3. Texans over Seahawks, 34-7. Titans over Rams, 47-7. No surprises there!

But I’ve got great news, the Redskin beat the Raiders 34-14. Why is that great news? Because it means the Eagles are the only team in the NFC East to lose to the Raiders. And “Oakland Raiders?” has become my favorite line of the season. Although, Philly’s also first in the NFC East, so…I guess it isn’t as great as I thought, but you know what is?

The Cowgirls lost to the Chargers. After Dallas’s kicker blamed several missed field goals on faulty ball handling by the snap holder, the Cowgirls decided to return to Romo as the holder. Did they forget why they replaced Romo as holder in the first place? On 4th and goals before the half, Dallas sets up for a field goal….the ball is snapped…and the hold is bobbled. Seriously Romo, you are still doing that? 20-17, Chargers.

NFL Recap: Week Three

Sunday’s word of the Day was BENGAL. The Word of The Day was brought to you by Hines and Heinz.


Bengal [ben-gawl, gahl]
-noun
1. a former province in NE India, now divided between India and Bangladesh.
2. word made up in Ohio, referring to a mediocre athlete wearing orange and black and based out of Cincinnati. (possibly an attempt to relate to the Bengal Tiger)
-pronoun
1. used interrogatively as a request for specific information: e.g. Bengals? (meaning: What the hell happened to the Steelers?)

Before Sunday, the last time the Bengal’s beat the Steelers, “Ocho Cinco” was still just Chad Johnson. This Sunday’s game looked a lot like last week for the Steelers. They dominated the ball, but didn’t deliver and a missed Steelers field goal (again) allowed them to be beat by three points (again). Even though, it may have seemed like déjà vu to the Steelers, this is the first time Big Ben has lost in Ohio, ever. I am not ready to believe in the Bengals, quite yet, but I do love a last second touchdown (unless my team is playing then I will take them winning in a blow out over the panic of a close game, any day). 20-23, Cincy.


Matt Stafford had a party an no one came, except Jim Zorn and the Skins. The Lions finally won a game, but there were only 40,000 fans in attendance. (It’s okay Matt. I’d come to your party! However, I wouldn’t come to see the Detroit Lions play football). We knew it couldn’t go on forever, but I really thought it was going to be the St Louis Rams who put an end to the Lions 20-game losing streak, but the Redskins beat them to the punch and boy, boy was Washington looking ready and willing to take the embarrassing title of the first team to lose Detroit. Jason Campbell continued to “drop the ball.” Seriously, I have never seen unassisted fumbles quite like those of Campbell. I am pretty sure that every starter on the Washington defense got injured. But the likely guest of honor at Matt Stafford’s “The Lions Finally Won” party, Jim Zorn. When Zorn made the call to “go for it” on 4th and 2, this is what fear looks like…


Fear, not only that they wouldn’t get the two yards (they didn’t), but for his job and most likely that of his terrible quarterback. 14-19, Detroit. (But the real loser here is anyone who bought season ticket to the Redskins!)

Like every other team, the Packers breezed through their game against the St. Louis Rams, who are now on a 13 game losing streak. Aaron Rodgers threw for 269 yards and two touchdowns and was only sacked twice (which actually is a good thing considering he was sacked 10 times in the first 2 games). I am glad Rodgers and his O-line made up this week, because if the Packers don’t win next week when they take on the Vikings and old Favre, there is no justice in this world. I wanna see the Pack win by at least this margin Monday Night. 36-17, Green Bay.

Speaking of Fav-ruh. The Vikings won the Super Bowl? Oh no wait, it was just Favre throwing a touchdown pass. I don’t get it. I know everything Brett does has to be dramatic, but quarterbacks throw touchdown passes every week. I don’t know if you know this, but it is actually what they get paid to do. So please, explain to me why there was more hugging and celebrating when the Vikings squeaked passed the SAN FRANCISCO 49ers, then at the Lions first victory in 20 games? Was this a big game? Even when he breaks records, I am not impressed. If you do something for a 100 years you’re bound to break a few records. I guess I should be impressed that a 40-year-old arm can throw a touchdown pass, but I am really tired of Brett Favre on my TV. 24-27, Favres.

As for Quarterbacks that are not quite what they used to be, I find Tom Brady to be inconsistent, at best. Sure, he threw his 200th touchdown pass on Sunday and he still better than most quarterbacks in the league, but he doesn’t look like a guy who can pull of a season of 18 wins (and most importantly, ONE LOSS). Unlike the 500 passes Brady usually averages per game, this week’s win over Atlanta was a running game. Randy Moss is getting up there and the Patriots aren’t scoring like they used to, but it was enough to give the Falcons their first loss of the season. 10-26, New England.

Better than Matt Cassel, though. Who was 14/18 for 90 yards on Sunday against the Eagles. The only Quarterback to produce less yards was Michael Vick, with a whopping 0 yards passing and 7 yards rushing. That’s right, after all the controversy stirred up by PETA’s new best friend and the Eagle’s ‘46th man’ roster problems, Vick was nothing more than a decoy, sent out to “distract the dogs” so other players could safely pass. Announcers referred to a “wildcat offense” but I am pretty sure the Eagles were just making it up as they went along. (I’d give them tame-kitten, at best). But if you are going to experiment with your offense, do it against the Chiefs. 14-34, Eagles.

Zero first downs for three quarters and 86 total offensive yards…who can pull something like that off? Who else? The Giant Defense! Tampa Bay had no passing yards until late in the 3rd and 20 yards rushing…then the G-men put in their second string. The Giants ground attack returned and Bradshaw and Jacobs each had a touchdown. No turnovers, 3 for 5 in the red…. Too bad the Bucs didn’t make it to the game. They could have learned a few things. 24-0, Giants.

When the Titans and the Jets took the field it was a clash of ugly jerseys and fumbles. The Titans in their Oilers throwbacks and the Jets in their old, yellow Titan uniforms, each had 2 fumbles. However, both of Tennessee’s fumbles were Ryan Mouton special teams fumbles, which the Jets converted into 14 points. The Titans are 0-3 for the first time since 1990 and this week the Titans beat themselves. 17-24, Jets.

Kurt Warner threw with an amazing 92% passing accuracy. There were no parades or fireworks, like there was for Favre’s one touchdown pass (and Warner is pretty old), but it could be because the Cardinals got spanked by the Colts. 31-10.

I heard a lot of questions about the reflectors running around on the field in Seattle, but I liked the Seahawks bright jerseys. It takes real guts to pull of fluorescent green. Nice job, guys! But while the Seahawks were strong in the fashion risk department, they didn’t bring that, “je ne sais quoi” to the field. Since when does Jay Cutler do things like, 21-of-27 passes for 247 yards with three touchdowns? I guess, Sunday. 25-19, Chicago.

The Saints trampled the Bills and T.O. didn’t have a single reception and I told you the time bomb was ticking. It had been too long since we heard from T.O. and I was beginning to think he was going to let Kanye West take his title as King of Stupid. After the game, sports commentator Rodney Harrison accused Owens of having a “me-first” mentality and putting his needs over his teams. Naturally, T.O. used his favorite medium to reply, Twitter. (Didn’t they ban this from the NFL?)



T.O. targeted Harrison's suspension for using “hormones” when he played in the NFL, calling him a "loser" and "cheater" and asking "Hey rodney! Send me sum steroids 2 the Bills facility next week!" 27-7, Saints.

Miami lost Chad Pennington for the entire season on Sunday against the Chargers; Henne and White, both rookies, on the bench, it is anybody’s team. With an 0-3 start, there is no place to go but up. 13-23, San Diego.

Last night, the Cowgirls played the Panthers and with both Romo and Delhomme’s future being questioned, the Dallas stadium looked like a huge, over-hyped pressure cooker. I was hoping to watch “Jerry’s World” fall apart, as two quarterbacks battled to prove themselves. Instead, I was bored out of my mind, which gave it plenty of time to wander…
Observation I made during the Cowgirls-Panther game:
1. When moms tell their kids, “don’t take candy from strangers” they especially mean, Jerry Jones. He is creepy! (and I am pretty sure that taking things from Jerry Jones is a lot like selling your soul).

2. Tony Romo didn’t get any better; the team he played is worse.

3. Jake Delhomme’s O-line, hates him!

4. Soon the Panthers Steve Smith will be known as “the other Steve Smith” and the NY Giant Steve Smith, will just be Steve Smith.

5. I am pretty sure that Tony Romo and Jason Whitten are “more than friends.”

6. The saying “everything is bigger in Texas” should be followed by the cliché “bigger isn’t always better.”

7. How does Tony Romo change so fast after the game? Was he wearing that ugly flannel under his jersey?

8. People continue to talk about Dallas like they are a great football team, yet they haven’t won a Super Bowl or a single play-off game this decade.

9. The Cowboy’s pants don’t match their shirts. (hey, it was a boring first half)

10. The Panthers know one play: deep to Steve Smith, even if he is covered.

7-21, Dallas.

PS.
Baltimore over Cleveland, 3-34.
Jacksonville over Houston, 31-24.

One man's Rush is Another Man's Trudge

It isn't everyday that a guy wearing a number as high as 92 scores a touchdown.

When they do, I often joke that as the gigantic defender runs down field, he is thinking "Please tackle me! I can't run anymore!"

There are few things more entertaining to watch, than the epic journey of a linebacker, 10 yards down field.

As they near the endzone, their run becomes less of a stride motion and more of a stagger; ending in a collpase of thankfulness, that they have by the grace of God, on their very last breath, FINALLY reached the endzone!

They are then immediately met with water and oxygen masks, as if they have just completed a 3 day trek through the Sahara, when in reality they could probably reach out and touch the very same spot they started running from.

So imagine my amusement when all 250lbs of linebacker, James Harrison returned an interception for the longest play in Super Bowl history. 100 yards. Before his record breaking play, the farthest Harrison ever had to run was from the line of scrimmage to the quarterback pocket and he doesn't do so very quickly.

Watch here as #92 completes his 100 yard pilgrimage from one end zone to the other. His stride remains steady, although he has quite a but of help before he us pushed into the end zone and collpases on the turf like he was shot in the leg by Plaxico Burress.



So what was Harrison thinking? Perhaps something along the lines of:

"What a time to be on a defensive team! Will one of you let me get tackled already?!"

or...

"100 yards didn't seem so far when it was 300 foot long sandwiches."

or...

Maybe we should just ask him...

Week After Super Sunday

A few random thoughts which occurred to me during the Super Bowl:

1. The ‘safety’ has to be the funnest signal in football. The quaterback gets backed up anywhere near the end zone and suddenly everyone in the stadium, including 300 something lbs linebackers are standing with their hands over their heads like genies. Some people signal first downs, other people see holding and grab their wrists, but everyone signals for a safety! It is so much fun!


2. I wonder if when a football player makes a huge play and points up to Jesus, he points back at them?


3. Are Omar Epps and Mike Tomlin twins? Do they know each other? Do their mom’s look alike? Have they ever run into each other and thought “Holy Sh*t! You look just like me!?”



4. Just when I thought that saying Palamalu was the coolest name in the Super Bowl, I discovered Coach Wizenhut

5. When Ben Patrick scored a touchdown for the Cards, he was the first 7th round choice to score a touchdown in a Super Bowl since 2005. Is that a significant statistic? Who comes up with those and how are they so readily available? Before the game do they hand the announcers a paper that says “In the event that Ben Patrick scores, say this…”

6. I am discriminating against certain touchdown celebrations. I don’t mind seeing a traditional chest bump or high five. Some guys do a celebration that looks like lunges and I don’t mind that either. Heck, if you just ran 50 yards and you aren’t tired, please, go ahead, do some lunges. I find it disturbing however, when a grown man who regularly smashes his body into 300lb men suddenly gets twinkle toes and ballerinas his flapping arms around the end zone. Then again, if I were to score an NFL touchdown, they wouldn’t have enough flags for the excessive celebrations I would draw. I would be dancing for hours, provided I could still breathe. They would have to carry me off the field.

7. If I had control over the telestrator, I would not be able to resist drawing mustaches on people and writing inappropriate speech bubbles.

8. Can you seriously not review the last play of the Superbowl to see if its a forward pass or fumble?

Either way, congrats Pittsburgh! I look forward to all the Steelers won the Super Bowl songs!!!

Steeler Mania P.S.

P.S. (See, And I thought No one Cared About this years Super Bowl)
I guess this didn't need to be a completely separate post, but a few of you are missing, the insanity of the 'Steeler church video.' I find it important, as the director of your attention to sports absurdities (not my official title), to illustrate this for you.

It is obvious that they are in a church, singing about the Steelers. A church is, a building for public, especially Christian, worship of religion. I understand that they are just singing and at least they didn't break out chicken wings and beer while watching a projection of the game on the altar.

Clearly, they are holding back. And I guess, I can see how some might say that to them, football is a religion. Those people, however, probably don't go to church (other than to pray for the Steelers), so they wouldn't know that the song they are singing is actually, "Jesus, We Adore You." Yes, they have actually replaced Jesus with Steelers...and they did it in a church!

"This week instead of Jesus Christ, we will be worshipping the Steelers. If you would all open your Sports Illustrated, we will now have a reading from the Book of Palamalu."


I am not offended by the Steelers, I am sure God has a sense of humor, look at the Eagles' trophy case!

(Nope, making fun of the Eagles never gets old!)

I am simply pointing out the absurdity of it all! Can you see it now?


In case you don't understand the 'reading,' watch Larry Johnson tackle Troy Palomalu by his hair and then pull him back up by it. (Make sure you watch the replay!)

And I thought No one cared about this years Super Bowl

*This was posted twice and the other copy removed because it was 'defective.'

What better way to honor your team going to the Super Bowl, than to create a song or parody or six? Steeler fans are a very special breed, but lucky for them they were born on the west side of PA or they might have been Eagle fans. (What would they sing about then?)"We've got no ring, our quarter back's old, we're never goin to the Suuuper Bowl!" (sung to the beat of the Steelers Super Bowl song....I should clarify...the FIRST Steeler song, found below)

Okay, this first one is good! Very catchy...even though I am pulling for the Cards, I find myself singing "Pittsburgh's going to the Superbowl," randomly. Actually, I may put this on my ipod. This is an awesome song and they changed it slightly from their last visit to the Superbowl so that it would be accurate. After all, what kind of fan would recycle the same song? Gees! (See end of post for their 5th Super Bowl addition).



That was good, admit it. However, here is where Steeler's fans reach genius status.



And I thought this is where Steeler's fans offended Jesus...


(Lord drop kick the Steelers through the goal posts tonight? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?)

But then, I saw this....IN A CHURCH!


In a church? Seriously?

This one is just stupid. They can't all be winners. I like how this one has credits though, so that other Steeler fans know who wrote this crappy song and shamed the Steeler song genre...



Steeler fans make my life easy. No photoshop, no jokes to come up with...amazing.
I guess you have got to come up with something, when you are following the MOST WATCHED CHAMPIONSHIP GAME IN SPORTS HISTORY! Go, G-men!....oops! I mean, CARDS!


Last Super Bowl visit, this was the Steeler's song, which they remixed this season to be the first one on this page.

What's in a Ring?

What’s in a Ring?


Well, for the New York Giants, it’s Tiffany & Co. white gold, 3 Super Bowl trophies accented with marquise diamonds signifying the team’s Super Bowl XXI, XXV and XLII victories, along with the team’s “NY” logo in bead set round diamonds. “World Champions” is emblazoned in raised letters on the top and bottom bezel, with channel set diamonds on left and right bezel. The ring’s shanks celebrate the Giants’ storybook season leading up to Super Bowl Sunday. “Eleven Straight on the Road,” an NFL record; the NFL shield; player name, along with player number in raised letters appear on one shank; and the final score (NYG 17 NE 14), “Super Bowl XLII,” date (02.03.08) and ‘AZ’ appear on the other shank.


For the Indianapolis Colts, it’s a much simpler, yet meaningful design, containing 50 diamonds and synthetic blue sapphire. There's the word "Faith" on one shank, and on the opposite shank is the phrase "Our time.” A dot of red enamel found on each of the players' rings, forming one rivet in a small horseshoe. The red symbolizes a drop of blood, emblematic of players "leaving it all on the field.”


For the Pittsburgh Steelers, was probably the “simplest” of rings, but with just as much meaning, given it was “the one for the thumb.” It contains five Vince Lombardi trophies in dazzling diamonds around the Steelers' logo on the front and featured yellow gold. It contained each player's name and number on the side, the 21-10 score of the game and the numeral XL. Not as flashy as some of the others, but just as meaningful, I am sure.


The New England Patriotss most recent ring, has a total of 124 diamonds and an approximate weight of 4.94 carats. Flanking the center structure of the ring are the words "WORLD" on the left and "CHAMPIONS" on the right in high cut-out relief with a black-antiqued background. Each word contains twenty-six 0.005 carat round brilliant-cut pave-set diamonds equaling .26 carats total weight. The center of the ring is a football-shaped motif with three Lombardi trophies and the Patriots team emblem embellished with a red and blue translucent simulated stone background. The border of the Patriot emblem contains twenty-one .01 carat round brilliant-cut pave-set diamonds representing twenty-one straight wins. There is one .005 carat round diamond set in the simulated sapphire helmet reflecting the vision and focus of the organization. And that is just the top of the ring…

But for the Philadelphia Eagles, well, they got this… an empty phone call to the SUPERBOWL CHAMPION NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANT'S booth.
(Hope it was worth it, McNabb, it’s the only ring your getting this season!)


McNabb, picked up the phone on his last drive against the REIGNING WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS (how many more times am I going to get to say that?) and made a phone call. Hmmm…wonder what was said?

“Hello? Is this the NFL? I am just calling to find out…’can the NFC Championship game end in a tie?’”

“Hey mom! Guess what? I finally beat Eli Manning! No mom, I didn’t get a Super bowl ring. Yes mom, I know he has one. Yes, I have been in the league 10 years…I know Eli won one in his 4th season… I gotta go, mom!”

“Hi! Whoever this is, I am just calling to remind everyone that even after 10 seasons, I am still an immature ******* and the Eagles are still a classless establishment without any Super bowl rings, so I have to celebrate where I can.”

“Hello, Giant’s booth? I was hoping if you could tell me how to win a super bowl!?”

Sure, McNabb apologized. Actually, he said he was just having fun. "That was the most important thing we had to get back to, just having fun."

Did you have fun this week McNabb? I didn’t see you making any phone calls from the Arizona sideline. I didn’t see any bird dances. No flapping arms… but, maybe it was all that red and white confetti in the way and I couldn’t see.

Cardinals over Eagles, 32-25! Thanks Cards!

Yes, there was another game on. Both the Ravens and the Steelers have Super Bowl rings, however, the Pittsburgh Steelers will be looking for number 6 (which has no cool name like 'one for the thumb') against the Arizona Cardinals. I have a feeling the Steelers are going to be favored, but I am going with the Cards, all the way!

MNF: Election Day, Special Edition

Last night the Dread-skins played Big Ben and the Steelers. I am not sure “playing” is what I would call what Washington did, the only thing they “played” was dead. Steeler’s D had 23 solo tackles and five sacks. What did Campbell do to p*ss off his offensive line? Maybe nothing. Maybe, there was a little incentive....





I guess, Obama heard the rumors that if the Redskins win the last game before the election, the Republicans win the presidency (yes, that is an actual statistic). Too bad, for Campbell...






Sorry, McCain... the Redskins suck! 23-6, Steelers!