Week 10: The Night the Lights Went Out in Jersey (@#$%!)

Sooooo, I guess the Cowgirls were still a little upset about that whole, knocking Tony Romo out for the season thing…

The word was out that Dallas had a bounty on Eli Manning’s head (not cool, by the way!). The classy establishment, once known for having a roster filled with criminals, wanted to take Eli out of the game. Surprised? Not really. What did surprise me, was that they didn’t have to because Eli never got in the game.

I wouldn’t attribute the loss to a superior Dallas offense or a stacked Dallas defense because let’s face it…those things aren’t in existence. The Giants were just terrible. Mistakes. Mistakes. Mistakes. Nix broke his pattern, Boss dropped easy catches, and I am pretty sure the defense took a nap the first half. And here is a hint, 3rd and long… don’t run Bradshaw or anyone else for that matter (Fire Coughlin, hire me!).

Luckily, I couldn’t watch this tragedy because I was on a long car ride back from a wedding in North Carolina (yes, some people do get married during football season). But apparently some others couldn’t take it because amidst all the ridiculous play calling someone turned out the lights. That is exactly what we want to see in a new $1.6 billion stadium. There was some concern that fights might break out in the darkened section of the Meadowlands, but stadium security reports “the number of fights which broke out were no greater than that which occurs during a regular Giants-Dallas game.” Good to know.

Needless to say, it was a terrible weekend to be a Giant fan (especially one who refers to Dallas as the Cowgirls on a regular basis and recently suggested their fans go into hiding).

At least the Giants showed up in the second half to make the score a more respectable 33-20, which is more than I can say for the Redskins, who lost 59-28 to the Eagles.

The Redskins were 0-10 on 3rd down conversions and McNabb threw 3 interceptions. Down by a billion, the Redskins just wanted it to be over and punted instead of going for it on 4th down. Sounds like it is time to sign McNabb to an extended contract!

That is exactly what the Redskins did. 5-year contract worth 78 million dollars for the washed up, ‘I put the chunky’ in chunky Soup quarterback. But that was the least of the “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME MOMENTS.”

What could beat that?

Well, Eagle’s fans chanting Vick for MVP. Seriously? He has a great game, but let’s wait to see if you make the playoffs before we start passing out ballots, huh?
But the number one, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME MOMENT belongs to DeShaun Jackson who said “we were like a bunch of pitbulls ready to get out of the cage.” He is aware of Vick’s convictions for dog fighting and animal cruelty and that those animals were pitbulls, right?

I understand that Eagle’s fans have no problem selling their souls to an incredibly sick man for a win, but it may be a little too soon for the rest of us Jackson.
Yeah, yeah, I get it. He is fast, so Eagle’s fans think he has paid his debt to society and deserves a chance to play football, but they’d be “barking” other things if he were playing for Dallas. And until someone slams his head on concrete, electrocutes him and drowns him in a pool, like he did to those poor animals, I don’t think he has paid for anything.

But that has nothing to do with football, so moving on, has anyone seen Rex Grossman??
The Vikings lost to the Chicago Bears, 27-13 and Favre with his leg, shoulder, ankle, heel and ego injuries) is actually losing his mind. Apparently he is freaking out other players and has even made Brian Urlacher pity him…and he did it without sending him a picture of his “wee-wee.”



After the game, Favre pulled Urlacher aside to chat. When asked about it Urlacher said, "It wasn't sweet nothings; I don't know, it was weird. He was upset; it was probably his last game at Soldier Field for sure. He wasn't himself. He seemed down in the dumps. I felt bad for him. Usually, even after you lose, you've still got the rest of the season. But he seemed like he was out of it. Like I said, I feel bad for the guy."

It’s okay Brian, just be glad he didn’t text you!

Happy New Year!

Once again spotted out on the town...Donovan Mcnabb in his pretty red party dress, this time, celebrating the new year!




I don't know why he is making that face...maybe he is enjoying the music or maybe that guy behind his is standing closer than we think.

But if you are wondering what McNabb's New Year's resolution is....

"I won't score any more NFL touchdowns!"- McNabb

So far so good, buddy! Way to get shut out! As usual...keep dancing!

NFL Recap: Week Seven

Before I start, I would like to take a moment of silence for the tragedy that occurred this weekend…

Yes, I am talking about the Giants-Eagles game. It was terrible. It was sad. It was tragic. And at a time like this, I would usually do what any other Giants fan would do (no, not make excuses, that’s what Eagles do)…I would turn to the Dallas Cowgirls. But I can’t, because they played the Seahawks this week, which undoubtedly means, they won (17-38, Dallas). Which leaves me with….

“Eli!!! Your team is wearing white jerseys! Throw to the white jerseys! What is wrong with you?” “Tuck? Where were you? Have too many Eagles on your fantasy team? I hope you didn’t draft yourself, because you didn’t do a damn thing!!!”



That explains why you dropped that interception!

But what about the rest of the defense? Do they know the season isn ‘t over yet? I haven’t seen them in 3 games! You can’t possibly have everyone on your fantasy team. Did you forget how to play?

I know one play you didn’t forget…running Jacobs up the middle. If it didn’t work the first 500 times, it isn’t going to work the 501st. Call another play! Any other play! Call a freakin’ flea flicker, I don’t care...but that one isn’t working!!!! Fake field goal? Just not Jacobs! 17-40, Eagles. So, how bout them Yankees?

After the G-men, I wasn’t much in the mood for football, but there were several games, I am sure that no one watched.

Good news for St. Louis. The Rams won, in the only way they possibly could…they played the Lions. With one win each, both teams are probably done for the season. Good talk guys, see ya next year!

Cleveland and Denver weren’t in the mood for football either.

After 2 straight losses the Bears needed some practice, and who better to do it against than the Browns. But any offensive effort was a waste of energy…with 5 turnovers for Cleveland, all the Bears really had to do was stand around and watch the Browns lose. In fact, the Browns were so desperate, they put Quinn back in. Yeah, that’s gonna be an improvement! Put ME in coach!!!! (6-30, Chicago).

The unbeated Broncos took a day off against the Baltimore Ravens. When asked what happened, Kyle Orton said “we really didn’t do all that much.” Really? Ya think? (7-30, Baltimore).

Brett Favre and what ever team he plays for this week, returned to Green Bay and of course, the media (who didn’t mention Favre’s loss last week) made the old man look like a hero. I can’t be the only one who hates this guy. If I lived in Green Bay, I’d be waiting by Favre’s hotel, with my foot out! But instead the lovely Packers fans voted on “tasteful” ways to Welcome Fav-ruh home!

The Cheese-heads had several good ideas.

*Play a video of all of Favre’s interceptions over the years. (My favorite)
*Make a huge waffle, in the shape of a 4. (Get it. Waffle- in ability to make a decision).
* Hang him in effigy outside Lambeau Field. ( That might not fit the mayor’s definition of “tasteful.”)

What would I have done? (Besides handed out my “Favre, throughout the Tears” post, where I highlight all the time he has cried. ) I would have let Aaron Rodgers wear the number 4.

I can see the NFL's oldest cry baby now!

They did make nice shirts though.


Tennessee over Jacksonville, 13-30. But the best part of that game was a toss up between Gus Johnson saying Chris Johnson ran “like he was being chased by the cops” on his TD run and the awkward silence that followed it. Good call, buddy!

What's in a Ring?

What’s in a Ring?


Well, for the New York Giants, it’s Tiffany & Co. white gold, 3 Super Bowl trophies accented with marquise diamonds signifying the team’s Super Bowl XXI, XXV and XLII victories, along with the team’s “NY” logo in bead set round diamonds. “World Champions” is emblazoned in raised letters on the top and bottom bezel, with channel set diamonds on left and right bezel. The ring’s shanks celebrate the Giants’ storybook season leading up to Super Bowl Sunday. “Eleven Straight on the Road,” an NFL record; the NFL shield; player name, along with player number in raised letters appear on one shank; and the final score (NYG 17 NE 14), “Super Bowl XLII,” date (02.03.08) and ‘AZ’ appear on the other shank.


For the Indianapolis Colts, it’s a much simpler, yet meaningful design, containing 50 diamonds and synthetic blue sapphire. There's the word "Faith" on one shank, and on the opposite shank is the phrase "Our time.” A dot of red enamel found on each of the players' rings, forming one rivet in a small horseshoe. The red symbolizes a drop of blood, emblematic of players "leaving it all on the field.”


For the Pittsburgh Steelers, was probably the “simplest” of rings, but with just as much meaning, given it was “the one for the thumb.” It contains five Vince Lombardi trophies in dazzling diamonds around the Steelers' logo on the front and featured yellow gold. It contained each player's name and number on the side, the 21-10 score of the game and the numeral XL. Not as flashy as some of the others, but just as meaningful, I am sure.


The New England Patriotss most recent ring, has a total of 124 diamonds and an approximate weight of 4.94 carats. Flanking the center structure of the ring are the words "WORLD" on the left and "CHAMPIONS" on the right in high cut-out relief with a black-antiqued background. Each word contains twenty-six 0.005 carat round brilliant-cut pave-set diamonds equaling .26 carats total weight. The center of the ring is a football-shaped motif with three Lombardi trophies and the Patriots team emblem embellished with a red and blue translucent simulated stone background. The border of the Patriot emblem contains twenty-one .01 carat round brilliant-cut pave-set diamonds representing twenty-one straight wins. There is one .005 carat round diamond set in the simulated sapphire helmet reflecting the vision and focus of the organization. And that is just the top of the ring…

But for the Philadelphia Eagles, well, they got this… an empty phone call to the SUPERBOWL CHAMPION NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANT'S booth.
(Hope it was worth it, McNabb, it’s the only ring your getting this season!)


McNabb, picked up the phone on his last drive against the REIGNING WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS (how many more times am I going to get to say that?) and made a phone call. Hmmm…wonder what was said?

“Hello? Is this the NFL? I am just calling to find out…’can the NFC Championship game end in a tie?’”

“Hey mom! Guess what? I finally beat Eli Manning! No mom, I didn’t get a Super bowl ring. Yes mom, I know he has one. Yes, I have been in the league 10 years…I know Eli won one in his 4th season… I gotta go, mom!”

“Hi! Whoever this is, I am just calling to remind everyone that even after 10 seasons, I am still an immature ******* and the Eagles are still a classless establishment without any Super bowl rings, so I have to celebrate where I can.”

“Hello, Giant’s booth? I was hoping if you could tell me how to win a super bowl!?”

Sure, McNabb apologized. Actually, he said he was just having fun. "That was the most important thing we had to get back to, just having fun."

Did you have fun this week McNabb? I didn’t see you making any phone calls from the Arizona sideline. I didn’t see any bird dances. No flapping arms… but, maybe it was all that red and white confetti in the way and I couldn’t see.

Cardinals over Eagles, 32-25! Thanks Cards!

Yes, there was another game on. Both the Ravens and the Steelers have Super Bowl rings, however, the Pittsburgh Steelers will be looking for number 6 (which has no cool name like 'one for the thumb') against the Arizona Cardinals. I have a feeling the Steelers are going to be favored, but I am going with the Cards, all the way!

My Heart Hurts....

...and I don't wanna talk about it!



I love you G-men, I always do
My blood runs red, but it also runs blue.
Even though our season is now said and done
And you blew it twice on short 4th and one.
Through cold games and bad calls, and even the good
I know that Eli is just misunderstood.
I was there when we lost Plax and when we lost to the Browns
I was there for converted and non-converted 3rd downs.
I was there for the touchdowns, the field goals, blocked kicks
I was there when we beat the Sea hawks, 44 to 6!
I was there to be crowned number one in the east.
I was there when they called us the NFC Beast!
We smiled we cried, we smiled some more
And now I feel your pain of a season 12 and 4
But we all make mistakes, your only just men
And next year I’ll suit up, all over again.
We’ll conquer the bad times, the good times the hard
But until then consider me a temporary Card!


Go Cardinals!

PLAYOFFS?!?! Recap

Well, I am one for four so I hope you didn't place any bets based on my picks...I told you they were purely emotional. So, what happened? Well, Round one, the pictures speak for themselves.

"Matty Ice" was "Matty Ice Cold." Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes (by the Falcons) lead the Cardinals to victory in their first home-field playoff game...in 60 YEARS!!! I just hope my comments about my diminishing football crush didn't effect his playing ability. Cards advance.

Poor Pennington. Four interceptions means it is mice and pumpkins for Chad Pennington because Cinderella isn't going to the ball, this time and Ray Lewis is one step closer to his "happily ever-after." Browns Ravens advance.

I think we are all asking the same question as Peyton. Where's the D? Manning tells jokes, he wears disguises, he's got a laser rocket arm...you want him to tackle, too? The Colts defense failed to show up and the Chargers took the O.T. victory. Phillip Rivers' huge mouth advances.

Do you know who he is? No? Don't worry about it, I'll tell you who he is, he is...TERRIBLE! I wouldn't let this guy play second string quarterback for my summer league team. And no, I don't have a summer league team, but if I did, he wouldn't be allowed to play!! Several times, I wondered, "is this guy just throwing the ball up and hoping for the best?" The answer is , "yes! that is exactly what he did!"
HIS EYES ARE CLOSED! I realize there is a guy tackling him, but he is also releasing the ball...he has no idea who he is throwing to or where the ball is going. So the stupid Eagles advance.

*Deep Breath* Okay, I am better now...

My Round 2 picks.

Titans over Ravens.
I just don't like what I saw from the Ravens this week.

Steelers over Chargers.
Phillip Rivers is just really annoying. No other reason.

Giants over Eagles.
Do you need to ask? Fine. Because we are the WORLD CHAMPION NY FOOTBALL GIANTS!

Arizona over Carolina.
I just feel bad for betraying Matty Ice, but this was pretty much a flip of the coin.


*GO G-MEN!*

Final Week in Regular Season Recap: "Jenny Says"

The final week in the NFL always has a bunch of games that mean nothing and no one cares about, so to talk about all of them would be a waste of time. So I have decided that for this weeks recap, we are going to play a little game you may be familiar with called "Jenny says..." (yeah, just like the song) This is how it works, it is kinda like Simon Says only totally different. I think you will get it. There were 2 major "stars" this week in the NFL, see if you can figure who they were.

Jenny says, "Raise your hand if you completed less than 50% of your passes this week!"



Jenny says, "Raise your hand if you turned the ball over more than three times this week!"



Jenny says, "Raise your hand if your team if not going to the play-offs and it is all your fault!"



Jenny says, "Just stand in front of the mic and look like the Perdue Chicken Guy if you won as many NFL games this season as she did and that your future role as a coach in the NFL is the same as hers!"


Jenny says, "Shed a tear if you are an overage cry baby whose team wishes they had never traded away their quarterback for because now that guy is going to the playoffs and they aren’t."


Jenny says, "Keep crying if you were to retire now the last thing you did as an NFL player was throw an interception to keep your team from going to the playoffs!"


Jenny says, "Cry if a coach got fired just for hiring you as the teams quarterback!"

Jenny says, "Look like a sore loser if you ran off the field and refused to shake Chad Penningtons hand after he beat you for a spot in the playoffs and made a fool of you on National TV!"


The Eagles needed a miracle to go to the play offs and they got it.
Buc lost to the Raiders, 24-31.
Giants lost to the Vikings, 19-20.
Bear lost to the Texans 34-21.
Everyone of those games were upsets and everyone of them were needed for the Eagles to go to the playoffs. McNabb only had to complete 12 passes to get there because the Cowgirls had 5 turnovers, to lose 44-6.

Chad Pennington and the Miami Dolphins had the biggest come back season, winning ten games more than the Dolphins did last year to take a spot in the playoffs, over Brett Favre.

Turkey Day: NFL Recap

I guess the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade looked like a better option than ever this year, considering all 3 NFL games were blow outs. Here is what you missed while you were flipping channels and eating Turkey:

The traditional Thanksgiving day game belongs to the Lions. This year you would have thought they would play a little harder considering it may be their only nationally televised game of the season. But the Detroit Lions, have developed their own, new tradition, LOSING… And losing badly!
Kerri Collins lost his first fumble of the season, but mistakes like those mean nothing when you are playing the Lions of Detroit. As a matter of fact, Kerri Collins probably could have stayed home and ate turkey. Better yet, put in the turkey! 47-10, Titans.


But don't worry, Detroit. Some of us thought of you on Thanksgiving...


While you were feasting on Turkey, the Cowgirls were feasting on the Seahawks. What is there to say about a 34-9 win over Seattle? Romo has 3 TDs in his first 3 drives and of course, an interception. Owens had 98 yards receiving and a TD. Seahawks, just laid back and took it.


The closest game of Turkey Day was the other birds, the Eagles’ 48-20 win over the Cardinals. Kurt Warner had three touchdowns passes, however he also had 3 intercepted passes to balance it out. It appeared McNabb, has learned a lot in his last 3 games. First that an NFL game can end in a tie, then that he can and will be benched and most recently throwing the ball to your own team makes it easier to win the game. But where does McNabb get all of his information???
When asked at a press conference Tuesday how he had learned he was still the starting quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles.
"I was told by the janitor," said a smiling McNabb, who will open against the Arizona Cardinals here Thursday night.
"You know, me and him have a pretty good relationship around here. It's a pretty good conversation we had."

Giant Leap over the Eagles

That is the beauty of being the NY Giants. Well, aside from the obvious of playing the best game of football that can be found in the NFL and the reigning World Champions, the name "Giants" lends itself to so many headline possibilities (like the one above). Watch, this week alone:

GIANT Embarrassment For Philadelphia.

GIANT lead in the NFC

GIANT Takeover at Lincoln Financial Field

or

Donovan McNabb Takes GIANT ****** (the number of asterisks is irrelevant; figured you could insert your own wording there!)