Slightly Off Topic: Tony Romo's Got Bigger Problems

*There was just no nice way to write this post. I wrote it and I edited it, but it just isn't possible. Sorry.

We have seen Romo choke on several occasion, but perhaps his biggest choke-fest was when girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, attended his football game in Dallas. Romo ended the game with an awesomely low 22% passer rating. He had been averaging over 100%. (Passer ratings are not on a 0-100 scale. It is possible to get over 100 and less than 0, but don't ask me how.)

When Romo went on vacation to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on the Dallas Cowboy bye-week, before the playoffs (they went on to get their butts handed to them), some of the Cowboys referred to Jessica as a "small distraction." Well, they won't be calling her that anymore.

No, Tony and Jessica didn't break up. She just is still a distraction...it is the "small" part that no longer applies.

This weekend Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson were 5 blocks from my house, where Jessica performed at the Kiss Country Chili Cook off. Headlines say she, "showed off her new curves." By curves, they mean fat.




What does Jess have to say about her new LBS?
"Do you think the guys in here are all really looking at all those skinny girls and thinking, Wow, I want to get with her? Or are they looking at the girls with the curves and thinking, Yeah, I want to get with her!"

Gee Jess, I don't know. Let's see what you looked like when Tony said "I want to get with her!"


Yeah, you know what, Jess. You are right. People love you for your witty banter and unparallelled talent. You've got nothing to worry about. I am sure everyone remember what music video this was for...



And just think, now Tony can practice plays in the yard and it will be just like getting hit in a real game.


Plus, it is good news for the rest of us. There is no chance we have to suffer through Jessica's acting in a Dukes of Hazzard II, because she's not putting this in Daisy Dukes.


But perhaps the best news, my chances with Tony Romo have increased by at least a 15lb edge! (He doesn't need to know that I hate the Cowboys!)

Tony, next time you are in town....



*Okay, before you start sending the emails about how I am objectifying women and how I should be ashamed of myself. (yes, I got a few of those regarding the category post- I ignored them). I didn't objectify her, she did! Her fame and identity is based completely on the way she looks, so now it is completely hilarious that she would say she, "doesn't understand the needing to be skinny thing" because she's fat! So lighten up and laugh. Thanks!


And I know that she is not THAT fat. But again, her identity is based on being skinny!!!

Week Fifteen in the NFL Recap

*I know as so many of you reminded me, week 16 starts tomorrow, but it is hard to write a football blog when your team fails to score a single TD. Gimme a break and enjoy.

As I am sure you know by now, I am a Giants fan. That is the World Champion New York Football Giants, I am referring to, by the way.
As you also know the Giants (up until recently) have had a stellar 2008 season as the reigning Super Bowl Champions and I have loved every minute of every opportunity I have had to rub their eleven wins in the face of World Champion doubters.
However, it appears, they have now reverted to mediocre football and a questionable effort, at best. So it is only fair, that I address their shortcomings, as I would for others.
In the last two games, I have watched the G-men flop around on the football field like last years Dolphins(maybe not that bad…). It is true that the World Champions have been faced with many obstacles in the past weeks, from the Plaxico Burress foolishness to the injury of Brandon Jacobs, but even though I love my Giants, does that really excuse the lack of offensive touchdowns and Eli Manning being sacked 8 times? How many touchdown passes do you expect from a QB lying flat on his back? Where was the O-line that only allowed 15 sacks all season?
Well, I hate to provide another excuse for the G-men under performing, but it appears that Tony Romo and the Cowgirls may have taken advantage of the Giants off-field distractions and provided a little distraction of their own.
Sun-sentinal reported that security at the Stadium had to remove a female fan who was wearing a rather 'racy' Santa outfit and carrying inappropriate signs. Security said that there were children present at the game and her fishnet stockings, bathing suit bottom and high-heeled boots were not suitable for their viewing. The girls response, "you couldn't even see my underwear!" (Yes, that is what she actually said.) Who was this distraction?

(http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/sfl-ginstfan08,0,5429105.story)
*Note, this actually took place at the Eagles-Giants game in New York, where it was, probably about 20 degrees.
Giants disgraced themselves against the Cowgirls this week, 20-8.

Well, at least we are not the Washington Redskins, right? This Thursday, the 'Skins fumbled their way to a loss against the Cincinnati Bengals. Eleven other teams managed to beat the Bengals, by doing the only thing you have to do, in order to beat them...showing up! Washington just couldn't hang on to the ball, fumbling like a team of 'Tony Romo's in the post season.' The Bengals racked up Big win number 2 and the Skin's fall to 7 and irrelevant. (See ya next season, guys!)

Speaking of irrelevant.
Seattle 23- St. Louis 20.
San Diego 22- Kansas City 21
Philadelphia 30, Cleveland 10.


Actually, I had a request for San Diego, Kansas City. So lets talk about how the Chiefs managed to blow a 21-3 lead, which they were still holding in the 3rd.
After a field goal, the struggling Chargers placed their post season prayers on an onside kick and the football gods were listening. After the ball bounced of the chest of a KC Chief, the Chargers recovered and marched right into the end zone, scoring a touchdown, they couldn’t manage to score the entire game. However, it appeared there was a football god who had the Chiefs in this weeks football pool, because KC got the ball back with plenty of time and a delay of game penalty put them within field goal range. However, only one teams prayers could be answered and it looks like the Bolts prayed harder because the ball was shanked to the left, and after a 21-3 lead, Chiefs lost to Chargers, 22-21.

But that wasn’t the biggest “oops” of the week...
Buffalo Bills lead the New York Bretts with 1:54 on the clock. Buffalo with the ball had to complete one simple task to win the game and knock Blubbering Brett Favre out of the AFC South play-off spot...run out the clock. Hold on tight to the ball and run it. But instead Buffalo decided to opt for the pass, and a ticket home. Instead of running out the clock, Losman fumbled the ball (See Tony Romo in NFC Championship game), which was recovered by a Jet, who fumbled the ball toward the end zone, picked up by another Jet, who was pushed into the end zone by a tackle from a Bill. It was what I am sure Brett Favre would describe as a tear-jerking play for both teams. Bretts over Bills, 31-27.


Indy v. Detroit was half relevant. Peyton Manning showed his obvious favorites and through for 142 yards to Clark and 104 yards to Wayne. Leading the Colts to their seventh straight win and making them a serious post season, Super Bowl contender. As for their opponents...well, we will all be hearing about Detroit in the post-season...everyone will be calling them with trades to secure their uncontested number one draft pick. 21-31, Indy.


Bear beat the Saints in the Dome. It was a rough day for the Saints, who despite allowing 2 kick returns for touchdowns, hung on for over time where, PENN STATER, Robbie Gould kicked one through the uprights to win by three. Bears over Saints, 27-24.
Same deal in the other Dome, where this time the home team took the 3 point over time lead to win. Atlanta and Tampa Bay battled out the lead for both the game and the NFC wild card spot, both teams now 9-5, but the Falcons took home the W. (Well, they were already home, but you know what I mean. ) 10-13, Falcons.

Oops. Did I miss Green Bay and Jacksonville on my list of irrelevants? Add Jacksonville 20, Green Bay 13, to the “who cares?” column.

Wow. There are still a lot of games left to talk about. Long week.

Minnesota Vikings beat the Arizona Cardinals, 35-14. Perhaps I should say Adriene Peterson beat the Arizona Cards. Sure Minnesota’s QB, whatever his name is, threw for 4 TD’s but it was Peterson’s 165 yards rushing that got them there. I wonder, (Giants included), do teams really watch game tape? If you opponent has one player and one play...shouldn’t your game plan be, “shut him down?” Another reason, I should be the NFL’s first female coach...well, I guess, I would be the second, after this one:


Baltimore played Pittsburgh and you would think that with the amount of drama involved...that the Cowgirls were playing. What exactly are the rules of football? The winning TD was scared when Holmes caught the ball with 2 feet in the end zone but the ball outside the end zone. Being ruled a TD, the Ravens challenge was unsuccessful, because there was no conclusive evidence to overturn the call, but had it been called “No TD” that also would have stood. Huh? What the really mean is the referees stood in a circle saying “Did the ball break the plane? Did it not break the plane? Wait! Does it even have to break the plan? I don’t know. Do you? Anyone have a rule book.?” And when the 90 seconds allowed for review was up, they had no answer and the play stood as called. Drama didn’t end there, after the game the Steelers celebrated like they won the Super Bowl, telling the Ravens they were the #1 defense. (Who cares, by the way?) Ray Lewis said “they only had one drive, they didn’t make plays all game.” to which Holmes said “we made plays when it counted!” Again, WHO CARES? Regardless of who made what play when and if it was even in compliance with the NFL rules, Pittsburgh won 13-9.

New England beat Oakland 49-26, but me and nine friends can beat Oakland (yeah, I know that only equals ten, I am trying to help the Raiders out.) So the real point of this game is, who the heck in the AFC East is going to the playoffs? There is a 3-way tie and the only thing that is for sure is that Brett Favre will cry. (You thought I was going to say Buffalo isn’t going, huh? Well, that is also true.)

The other AFC East playoff spot contender is the surprising Miami Dolphins. They continue to play ugly but extremely efficient football. Never scoring a single point more than they have to the Dolphins defense beat the Niners 14-9. The only stand out performance was the one Joey Porter gave in support of Plaxico Burress’s gun toting philosophy.

Porter carries a gun himself and thinks that all NFL players need to protect themselves by carrying a weapon. Maybe you are right, Mr. Porter. Maybe we are being too hard on Plax, but before you lead your crusade to change the NFL to National Firearms League, allow me to remind you, Plaxico is allowed to carry a weapon, he just has to also carry a permit and registration...and if he would like to use it to shoot himself in the leg, far be it of us to stop him, but me must do so in a location where he does not place those who want to keep their limbs, in danger. To put it simply...

"Fantasy Football" Potential Draftee No. 2

Tony Romo
NFL TEAM: Dallas Cowgirls
POSITION: Quaterback, currently caries clipboard due to broken pinky
AGE: 28
HEIGHT: 6'2"
WEIGHT: 224 lbs

Tony was a hidden gem undrafted from the University of Eastern Illinois (where?). He won the Walter Payton Award and joined Matt Leinert as Cosmopolitan Magazines Fun Fearless Males 2006. Romo is a cute, dimpled Wisconsin farm boy turned NFL quarterback and it is damn hard to find a bad picture he has taken. Look at that innocent little face.


Even when he is angry....


So what’s the “catch?”


THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE DRAFTING TONY ROMO:
Ever wonder why Romo doesn’t have any endorsement deal? He has poor judgment. He dates Jessica Simpson and has been cursed by a 22% passer rating in her presence and terrible publicity, like this:
.
And MANLY pictures like this:


I take back the comment about not having any terrible photos. If Tony were smarter he would realize Jessica Simpson was single and waiting for a reason. Scandel and stupidity do not bode well for sports drinks and sneakers. So, for now the only endorsements you will see Tony in are ones like these:

Which brings me to the next thing you need to know about Tony: He can’t perform under pressure!
In the 2006 playoffs, Romo botched the hold for the kicker by dropping the snap as he attempted to set it down and the Cowboys lost the game on what should have been a chip shot, 19-yard field goal.
In the 2007 NFC Championship game, 4th down with less than half a minute and no timeouts left, Romo threw an interception in the endzone sending the now WORLD CHAMIPION NY GIANTS to the Superbowl! (Thanks Tony!) So, despite leading the Cowgirls in games with 300 yards passing, Romo will always be associated with this picture:


And if my calculations are correct, Romo has slept with Sophia Bush, Carrie Underwood, Jessica Simpson and Derek Jeter??

Girls, on Girls Watching Football...

Girls, on Girls Watching Football (and Guys, on Girls Watching Football)

With the right heading, you can get anyone to read a post. (I bet you didn't even notice the placement of the comma, which turns what might be a girl on a girl who is watching football into a blog about how girl feel about girls watching football)I am sure I have more guys attention than girls; so guys tap the nearest girl on the shoulder and tell her to read this and I promise I will show you “Girls on Girls, watching football.”

I have done some in depth, complicated and completely accurate research about how guys and girls feel about girls watching football. Please note that by “in depth, complicated and completely accurate research” I mean, I have listened to guys complain over the years, asked some friends and totally random people who walked in my office about it, and most importantly I “googled it!”

Girls on Girls, Watching Football

Some girls I asked about watching football, watched it because they understand the game and enjoy it. Most went a college where football was life. If there was a game on Saturday, the world was to stop anything which may interfere with that game. (I am a proud Penn State grad!). Others watched it because a friend or a boyfriend made them watch it and slowly but surely they learned to appreciate the game like 95% of the United States. (I make my own statistics, but I read somewhere that football has replaced baseball as “America’s Past Time.) What I found interesting is, regardless of how they got into the game, when asked “Who is the hottest player in the NFL?” every girl had an immediate answer. Which proves to my next group of girls, that girls who watch football are still very much, girls!

Other girls, don’t watch football. When asked about it some of them said, they never got into and don’t understand it. Others thought football was a guys sport and they wouldn’t like it. The last group of girls, told me that guys didn’t like girls who watched football. First, do you really not do things because a guy might not like it? If so, you need more help than a blog. Second, have you ever spoken to a guy about girls who watch football? Keep Reading.

Guys on Girls, watching Football

So my question was, basically, how do guys feel about girls watching football. My answer, turned out to sound a whole lot like the pros and cons of Jessica Simpson.
On one hand they think its “hot.” I realize this could have been the answer to quite possible any question I asked, so I did get clarification and most answers were more in depth and actually less shallow than “its hot.” (but then that wouldn’t fit into my Jessica Simpson explanation would it?)
Most guys like football, at least. Some love it, some live for it...some actually think they play football, in their minds. (Stay way from them!). Anyway, they want to be able to talk about it and watch it with you. Plus I am convinced that there are some things that they just think are “hot.” They can’t explain it to me, so I can’t explain it to you. Figuring out how the male mind works , requires far more research and a totally separate blog. But I am not trying to make miracles here, just reach a “happy medium” for everyone. So back on topic, yes, Jessica Simpson is hot, just like girls watching football. That is the pro. What is the con?
Let’s face it, she is not an intelligent girl. So what are guys problems with this? She “doesn’t get it!” They want girls to watch football, but they don’t want them to ask 500 questions during football. Like “don’t they see that yellow line?” or “do they have to tuck in their shirts?”

So, realizing that football has something for everyone, but that everyone has different football needs, I have divided football watchers into different categories (and named them below) so that everyone’s needs can be addressed


Group #1: Jessica Simpsons

You don’t get it. You don’t really like or get football. You like football players, but you are never really going to grasp the concept of first downs or face masks. That is okay, there is something in football for you too.
What you should read: Female Fantasy Football, it points out something we can all appreciate in football, even if we don’t get it. If you want to date Tony Romo (or football watching guy of choice), you may need something to do while staring blankly at the screen and something to wear doing it. This section is where you will find it.

Group #2: Football Groupies (or Jessica Simpson Lights)


You don’t get it, yet. But you can and you will. You have questions, but you actually want to know the answers and are capable of getting out of this group. Perhaps you are a “football groupie” You watch football because other people do. Maybe your boyfriend does, or your friends do. Maybe you work, who knows. You probably either, know how to pronounce Farve but don’t know who Ocho Cinco is yet.
What you should read: Football Fundamentals, this section answers all of the questions you want to ask, but won’t because you read “Guys on Girls, Watching Football.” For one reason or another, you want to “get” the game and this section will get you there.
Female Fantasy Football: Just cause you get the game doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the finer things on the field and look cute watching it.

Group #3: Suzy Homemakers


These are the girls who think “football is for boys!” If you are not baking a pie in the 1950s, barefoot and pregnant, or even if you are...I bet I can show, even you, that there is plenty in football for girls, and you may even find yourself evolving into a different group, or at least 2008.
Watch you should read: Female Fantasy Football: Maybe you don’t think you will ever be into men running each other over, but football isn’t just for boys. Start with this Section and you may find yourself in another group.


Group #4: Monday Morning Cheerleaders


If you get the "Monday Morning QB reference, then you are in this group. You already understand the fundamentals of football and can cheer on your team with the best of them. You already know you can watch football and not lose status as a female. You don’t need anything from me, but want to read my awesome blog anyway because it may point out good looking players and football fashion, but it still discusses what’s going on in the NFL.
What you should read: All of it!
Female Fantasy Football: you can understand first downs and still appreciate who looks good doing it.
Girls Guide to Gridiron: Just football stuff, with a different perspective.
There are also recaps of Sundays games from my point of view and whatever else I come up with along the way.


Find your group? I realize the Group names are broad generalizations and possibly inappropriate. Please don’t be offended by your group name, it is all in good fun. Plus you are not confined to one group for the rest of your life, or the life of my blog. Enjoy!

As for my promise of "Girls on Girls, Watching Football" to those who I tricked into reading this with the title. Guys, this is the best I can do...and since I don't know the rules about borrowing pictures from other sites, Follow the link...

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/Rizzo_MF/HotGirlsAndFootball.png