Last night, I had a dream that an incredibly old man was run over by a car. It was a strange dream but what was really odd was that I wasn’t the least bit sad. I just woke up, washed my face, looked in the mirror and said, “WHO DAT?”
Then it hit me. IT’S FOOTBALL SEASON!
I clearly had that dream because the Saints are going to run over the Vikings tonight, to open the best season of the year…IT’S FOOTBALL SEASON!
The reason I wasn’t sad, when the old man was run over by the car, was because that old man was obviously, Brett Favre! No, I don’t want to see Favre die, but I knew that man in my dream wasn’t dead, because as we all know, it just isn’t that easy to get rid of Brett Favre!
We should be so lucky...his "career" would finally be over- everyone knows the Oakland is where football players go to die. (Sorry, Jason Campbell but you had to know it was coming after your stellar 4-12 season!)
Tonight the Vikings take on the Saints in the Super Dome and finally...IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON!!!
As much as I love being able post pictures of Brett Favre crying on any given week, when I am too lazy to Photo shop a Dallas Cowboy behind bars (they don’t release the real pictures) or an incredibly confused by the NFL, Donovan McNabb (doesn’t require much photoshopping), I want Brett, off my TV!
Brett Favre is a 40-year-old, brittle-boned man. His beard is grey. Ice cream bothers his sensitive teeth. (He is scared of an ice cream cone, See Sensodyne commercial). He cries like a hormonal pregnant woman… (See, Brett Favre, Throughout the Tears)
The Viking Fans have been quoted as saying “Sage Rosenfels can play better than a 40-year-old- Brett Favre out there.” Sage Rosenfels! He is a man, named Sage! (Do I need to remind you of the various, Sage is a stripper’s name posts of last season? See, What's in a Name: The Sissy Name Theory, Week Nine in the NFL, and Week Six in the NFL)
So why are Brett Favre and Brad Childress (Minnesota Viking’s Head Coach) sharing some quality time at Favre's Mississippi home? Maybe they are “fishin' them some catfish?” Or maybe Mr. Childress likes him some fried pickles and sweet potato pie? (I happened to like fried pickles, incase you were wondering). Doubt it, though.
Whether or not Childress was sharing wholesome southern cooking with Favre has yet to be determined, but his reason for being there is obvious…
Brett Favre doesn't want to be a Viking...he wants to stick it to the Green Bay Packers!
"JUDAS!!!!!!"
Have you forgotten that it was the Green Bay Packers that picked your skinny white butt off the Atlanta Falcon’s bench and gave you the opportunity of a lifetime? The Green Bay Packer’s taught us how to say Favre (Far-v ) and made it a household name that appeared in sentences with names like, Montana, Elway, Marino, Bradshaw, Tarkenton, Unitas, Graham, Baugh and Starr. (By the way, you know what those guys did, that you didn’t? RETIRE!) The Green Bay Packers made you the scandal-free, loveable, American quarterback, hated by no one, adored by the state of Wisconsin (not that much else is going on there) and idolized by children proud to wear the #4 jersey in green and gold. (A reputation, you single handedly destroyed with your first “unretirement”).
So why are you so ungrateful, Judas? Is it the bitter taste that, being defeated by the QB you replaced, left in you mouth? (Go Pennington!) Do you blame Green Bay for that? Do you blame the Packers for honoring the commitment they made to Aaron Rodgers, the player who patiently sat in your shadow, after you had said you were leaving the team? The Packers wouldn’t go back on their word and you got stuck playing for the Jets, where the only thing you succeeding in doing was making “unretire” a commonly used word and annoying football fans every where with your incessant crying. You went from the classic American QB to the player who just won’t go away!
GET OFF MY TV!
The Packers have moved on...and so should you, Fav-ruh!
Interesting Fact: My mother called while I was photoshopping and asked what I was doing. When I casually said, "Just turning Brett Favre into Judas..." she thought nothing of it.
So, for good measure and hoping to keep Favre OUT OF THE NFL, FOR GOOD, here is that song we all love, once again:
My purely emotional, please do not be offended, Round One, play-off picks.
Cardinals over Falcons I am still not sure about the Cardinals over the Falcons. I am not ready to give up my football crush on Matty Ice but Kurt Warner is a former Giant and how many more chances is he gonna get? I still love you, Matt. Promise!
Vikings over Eagles If I ever root for the Eagles, it'll be from a padded cell. Go Vikings!
Dolphins over Ravens Miami is my Cinderella team. I am also not ready to stop believing in "happily ever-after!" Plus, I can't root against the home team!
Colts over Chargers This was the easiest game for me to pick. Colts are a clrealy superior team. I wanna see a Manning Bowl and if that isn't reason enough, this is....
I've gotta save some for ROUND 2! When the Colts play the Titans. :P
